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Lucy Tokkan, pitcher and silver screen darling. Clove Mahle, batter and… cabinet. What a matchup indeed. The siesta brain was seeping in, (as diagnosed by Doc Anice) so the team decided to play a practice game of Filling vs Crust. Lucy pitching for the smooth and sweet filling, and Clove batting for the solid and flaky crust.
Jaxon walked off from the field after his third strike, scoring an impressive -2 runs. The team wished that he would do worse, but that wasn’t in Jaxon’s cowboy heart. He often forgot that he was a subtractor at all, to the ire of the Captain Woodman.
Lucy locked eyes with a one of the community college stagehands that carried Clove up to the plate. Her eyes were a deep brown, shining in the Philly sunlight. Lucy wondered if she was hot in her all-black clothes.
“None of that matters,” thought Lucy. “Focus. Clove. Stagehands. Batting box. Do it, darling, and do it with style.”
Lucy tossed the ball in her hand. This was it. Last inning. She tried to intimidate Clove, but it didn’t work very well, as Clove was a cabinet with no eyes. One time Ruslan had stuck googly eyes on to Clove, but it didn’t help.
Lucy wound up her pitching arm, ready to throw. It was simple with Clove, the batting box being about one and a half balls larger than Clove’s swinging door. Lucy aimed and threw, rocketing the ball at record speeds. It hit Clove’s door and… nothing. Clove didn’t swing. The Oven was silent, except for a loud thwack that echoed around the stands. When it faded, the silence began pressing down on Lucy once again.
The stagehands were miming to each other frantically. Lucy thought that they should probably learn ASL at this point, if they were to keep up their strange pact of silence.
Lucy readied another ball, trying to aim into the gap around Clove’s door. She threw, the stagehands tracking her eyes to figure out where she was aiming. The ball impacted Clove’s door, sending another thwack bouncing around the stadium. Lucy was beginning to sweat, both from heat and worry for Clove. What if Clove never swung again? What if it was dead, or worse?
One more strike to go. Lucy readied the final ball, trying to squeeze through the edge of the strike zone. She hurled the ball towards the edge of the strike zone, the stagehands not moving at all. The ball passed outside of the strike zone. One ball for Clove. Maybe it was going to walk? Lucy certainly hoped not.
Still, one more strike to go. Lucy passed her weight back and forth, hoping for Clove to finally swing this time. It would be best for it, really. She wound her arm, stepping backwards to build up tension. Lucy flung the ball into the center of the batting box, hoping that Clove would take the hint and swing. The ball hit Clove’s door with a crack, but no swing.
Team Filling had won. Lucy’s teammates came to congratulate her on pitching an amazing game, but it was all for naught. It wasn’t fair at all. Clove couldn’t swing, or at least it didn’t want to.
“I’m sorry everyone, but there’s something wrong with our darling Clove,” said Lucy. “It hasn’t swung all game and I’m terribly worried.”
“Please be forgiving Clove,” said Ruslan. “Maybe Clove had bad day. Maybe Clove want to throw instead?”
“Ruslan, dearest,” said Lucy, “do you think it is physically possible for Clove to throw?”
“Please be forgiving Ruslan,” said Ruslan. “Had no idea Clove’s physiology. Is blaseball. Anything happen.”
“Still,” said Lucy. “We need to take it to the Piebrary and see what’s wrong. We can’t be hasty or rash in the treatment of a valued teammate. What do you think, Clove, darling?”
Lucy was an excellent actress, talented in reading faces. She could typically communicate at least a little bit with Clove by reading the micro-expressions in its wood, but this time there was nothing. Its door was completely blank.
“Miss Lucy, I think we should check its door,” said one of the stagehands.
Lucy nodded. The stagehand took out a small can of oil before oiling Clove’s hinges carefully. They then opened and closed Clove’s door, the hinges producing very little resistance or noise.
“Huh,” said the stagehand. “Seems to work.”
“Of course it does,” said Lucy. “The problem is more complex. Clove isn’t saying anything, its door is completely blank.”
Lucy stroked Clove’s smooth wood, ending with a soft pat. She took Clove from the stagehands, motioning them to Twofurious for a snack and some shade. They deserved it, especially in this heat. Lucy’s knees bent as she took Clove, lifting it with her legs instead of her back. The rest of team Filling followed as she carried Clove into the air-conditioned Piebrary, very much appreciating the blast of cold air.
The Pies dispersed, some going to the café, most to the showers. Lucy took Clove into the main area of the Piebrary, seeing Doc Anice on the computers as usual.
“Top of the afternoon, Doc,” said Lucy. “There’s an issue with my darling Clove. It seems to have gone unresponsive. It won’t express at all, and despite the smooth hinges of its door, won’t swing at the ball. Please, Doc, you’ve got to help. I don’t want to lose it, it being Clove or my sanity.”
“Of course, Miss Tokkan” said Doc. “Just set it right here on the table and I’ll have a look.”
Lucy set Clove on the coffee table, gently sliding it into the middle. She opened and closed its door, her heart lighting up as she saw the sticker it requested her to put there. “Beloved of ____” it read, the blank being filled by Lucy’s swirling signature. The team had played around with those friend stickers for a while, but only Clove’s had stayed. It was a cabinet, after all.
Doc began having a look at Clove, circling around it to get a better look. Doc continued in this way for quite a while, gently rubbing Doc’s hands around Clove’s edges to get a better feel of things. Doc’s sight was slowly going out, glasses notwithstanding. Doc used Doc’s touch for a lot of things, which seemed to work for Doc. Doc rolled back over to Lucy, the wheelchair wheels annoying to handle over the Piebrary main area carpet.
“Sorry Miss Tokkan, but I can’t find anything out of the ordinary, except for a screw missing. Maybe it has… a screw loose?”
“Oh darling, no,” said Lucy. “If everything lines up, then Clove is missing its consciousness screw. It really does have a screw loose, the most important one.”
Lucy sat on the table, crossing her legs in her striped uniform skirt. She patted Clove, even though Clove’s consciousness was elsewhere. She wanted Clove back and swinging again, but most importantly expressing itself. Without that, Clove was just a hollow block of particleboard.
“Well, Miss Tokkan,” said Doc, “All we need to do is find the screw. I do say this lightly, but it is difficult to find a single golden screw in this whole stadium. I’d check other places that screws are kept if I were you. Doors and such, maybe the Workshop.”
Lucy nodded before leaving, making sure to watch Doc wheel back into Doc’s computer nook and not spend Doc’s time endlessly worrying over Clove. She walked down the long hallway towards the Workshop, checking the screws in ever door for that glint of gold. To no-one’s surprise, she found nothing.
Opening the door to the warehouse wasn’t exactly easy. Lucy was strong, yes, but for pitching, not for opening heavy doors. Her shoes slipped against the linoleum floor, their futility shined on further by the soft fluorescent lights above. Eventually, though, the door began to budge, and Lucy entered the Workshop.
“Hullo?” called Lucy into the heavily air-conditioned darkness. “Is there a single soul that resides here?”
“Yeah, uh, ah, me,” called a voice from the darkness.
“Yusef,” said Lucy, “are you working in the dark again? You know you’ll see better if you turn the lights on. I know they can be overwhelming. We should really switch them in for dimmer bulbs, what with your sensory sensitivities.”
“Y–you’re not here for the, uh, screw, are you?” asked Yusef.
“Oh, how did you know, Yusef?” asked Lucy.
“Well,” said Yusef, “it’s complicated. I was doing a little… fixupment.”
“Well darling,” said Lucy, pausing, “I’ve got all day.”
Yusef sighed. “I was cleaning Clove, and I took the screw out. Just to clean it, you know. Then I thought hey, what if I put it in something else? I asked Clove and it said yes, but it wanted to be back in the cabinet before the game. Our next game is in ages, so of course I took the screw out and put it in Twofurious. Now I’m not sure what exactly it did, but if you want it Twofurious should be out on the field.”
“I’m not sure how to say this,” said Lucy, “But the next game was actually today. Practice game, crust versus filling? You weren’t there, darling. I thought you were just sitting it out because of the heat. I know how it bothers you, especially with how hot it gets in your dolphin hat.”
“Oh, uh, yikes,” said Yusef. “Not cool of me, huh. I didn’t know about it, so I just stayed down here working on my projects.”
Yusef rubbed their Temple University hoodie between their fingers, messing with the many patches as they did so. The air conditioning was set to max to keep the various machines from overheating, so a hoodie was practically mandatory. Lucy didn’t bring one, but she wouldn’t be here for long.
“I’m sorry darling, but would you please help a lady out?” asked Lucy. “I gotta find Twofurious and get that screw back in Clove so it can bat again. I miss it dearly.”
“Sure, sure,” said Yusef. “I’m sorry about this whole thing, really. That’s not even getting into the philosophical debate over consciousness, which I am determined not to have.”
“What debate?” asked Lucy. “And can we have it out in the Piebrary? This air conditioning is going to make me catch a cold.”
“Gotcha,” said Yusef.
Yusef followed Lucy out of the Workshop, taking off his hoodie as they did so. They tossed it onto their swivel chair, landing it directly on the back. Yusef gave themselves a little fist pump to celebrate finally landing the hoodie directly on the chair.
Lucy and Yusef pushed open the door together, entering back into the linoleum hallway. Yusef squinted in the fluorescent lights, flapping his hands a bit to counteract their brightness. They talked of nothing in particular, just the same “How’s siesta treating you?” that the whole team had been asking each other almost constantly.
Lucy sat down in one of the plush Piebrary main area chairs. She sat like a lady, legs crossed and arms in lap. When in private, though, some of her teammates had caught her sitting like a gremlin, which she fervently denied. Yusef sat like a gamer, which he was. His legs were spread, bent, and ready for action.
“Oh my darling Clove,” said Lucy. “I’ll get you back in the cabinet soon.”
“What, are you waxing queerplatonic for the cabinet?” asked Yusef.
“Oh,” said Lucy, “I just care for him very much, no labels required. Although I suppose if you were to describe it, that label would be apt.”
“Congrats, buddy,” said Yusef. “Glad to see you bonding with the team.”
“So,” said Lucy, “this philosophical debate.”
“That I’m determined not to have,” said Yusef.
“Right, sorry,” said Lucy. “In that case, we should go and find Twofurious.”
“I’m willing to have it,” said Doc from Doc’s computer.
“Apologies, Doc, but we’ve gotta fix this jiffy we’re in,” said Lucy.
Yusef followed Lucy out the Piebrary doors and back into the stadium. Finding Twofurious wasn’t exactly hard, as it was firing blaseballs in buns at the accessibility button for the door. They weren’t sufficiently pressing it, given that it took a bit of a long press to open the door.
“Ah!” said Yusef. “That’s my boy! Hi Twofy, how’s it hanging?”
Twofurious’s voice box was not yet well equipped, so it was only able to utter “Batter up!” and “Hot dog!” as it continued attempting to open the door.
“Clove, darling,” asked Lucy, “is that you? Say ‘hot dog’ if it is, alright?”
Twofurious stopped firing blaseballs and turned on its swivel wheels to face Lucy.
“Hot dog!” said Twofurious.
“Oh Clove, we’ve got to get you out of there,” said Lucy.
Yusef pulled a screwdriver out of their pocket and began unscrewing one of Twofurious’s screws, leaving its metal side plate to hang a little loose. Yusef replaced it with another screw from the same pocket, securing the metal side plate. He handed the screw to Lucy, then began to gently pat Twofurious, making sure it was okay.
Lucy took the screw and ran into the Piebrary common room, waving to Doc with her other hand. Doc gave her a gentle nod, swiveling Doc’s wheelchair to face Clove. Doc threw her a screwdriver, which she caught elegantly. Lucy screwed in Clove’s golden screw, then hugged it. Clove would have hugged back, but it was a cabinet.
“Oh Clove,” said Lucy. “I’m so glad to have you back, darling. I missed you.”
Clove communicated through shifts in its wood that it had Twofurious’s body for a while, and that it wondered if Twofurious was okay.
“Yusef,” called Lucy. “How’s Twofurious?”
Yusef opened the Piebrary door to let Twofurious through, then followed through themselves.
“Oh they’re fine,” said Yusef. “Just had a little mind-sharing experience with Clove here, didn’t’cha buddy.”
Twofurious jumped up and down on its wheels like a dog.
“Now,” said Yusef, “I am going to need to update its voice box. Its consciousness isn’t exactly set in stone, but it probably has one so who am I to judge. No golden screw, but hey, anything can happen. It’s blaseball.”
“Now that everything’s sorted,” said Doc, “How about we play a little bit of practice? It’ll be dusk, so no more bright sun and searin’ heat. Lucy, you can pitch.”
Lucy shot Doc a smile. It was nice that everything was back in order in the Piebrary. The five of them stepped, rolled, or were carried out the door into the cool summer dusk.
Lucy Tokkan, pitcher and silver screen darling. Clove Mahle, batter and cabinet. Play ball!