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In the eyes of Rui Kamishiro, there were few acts that would be more selfish than the act of liking someone- no, being truly and utterly infatuated, in love with someone.
There were reasons to back up this claim, of course. Loving someone was too much of a risk, even for someone as bold as he. One couldn’t exactly just confess their admiration for another and expect success- there would always be the fear of losing a friend due to your feelings. Not just that, but love made people do things that would be considered improper or embarrassing to do in public, things that Rui hadn’t even thought of doing before his feelings had developed into something more than just friendliness. Things that he held close to his heart in solitary moments while he thought about him, the boy he had the honor of knowing and the boy that (coincidentally) made him so selfish to begin with.
Putting it simply. Since when was being Tsukasa Tenma’s dear director- if he had even the privilege of saying such- suddenly not enough?
It’s something he thinks about frequently, an embarrassing amount of times that he can’t even count. In fact, it’s something he thinks about during school, seated at his desk, twirling his pencil between his fingers. Normally, he’d be paying attention to some extent (while also staring out the window of his classroom, mind you), but clearly that wasn’t happening anytime soon. Especially not when there was too much on his mind for him to focus on the lull of his teacher’s voice, talking about something that wasn’t even relatively interesting nor was it anything worth thinking about so what was the point?
A tap of fingertips against his cheek as Rui leans against his arm, eyes focused on something yet nothing at all. The only thing on his mind was the lunch bell that would presumably ring in- he glances at the clock briefly- eight minutes, and then he’d be able to see Tsukasa for lunch. His feelings had heightened to the point where he wanted to waste days away with that proud star of his, despite the pains in his heart after remembering he couldn’t. No matter if they were talking or joking around or simply being in each other’s presence, Rui wanted it, so long as he was with him .
It truly was a shame he would never be able to tell Tsukasa about his feelings for him- that, in all of its entirety, would be the most selfish thing of all, and heavens knew that Tsukasa Tenma was one of the most selfless people in the world, whether aware or seemingly unaware.
When the lunch bell rings, Rui practically falls out of his seat from the excitement and makes a point of clearing his throat and fixing his posture before getting up, taking his bag and throwing it over his shoulder hastily. He ignores the sound of his teacher as he makes it out the door and books it to Tsukasa’s classroom, where the boy in question would probably be, if he weren’t cutting class (an unlikely prospect, but not an unwelcome one, as Rui had admittedly done the same a few times). Subconsciously, he runs fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it and straightens up his tie, then peeks into the doorway of the classroom. “Tsukasa-kun?”
It seems as if the entirety of Class 2-A was surrounding a particular chair in the middle of the classroom, and their heads turned to look over at Rui. A few of them seem to say “oh” quietly and diverge away from the crowd, allowing the director to approach the desk. It’s only then that Rui sees the recognizable head of blonde hair with a peach fade, and only then does he realize that Tsukasa’s head was resting in his arms on the table.
“Tenma-san fell asleep,” quietly whispers one of his classmates with a small laugh when the crowd starts to break away, presumably in order to go eat lunch. “We were hoping you would be here in time to help.”
Touching, really, that they’d thought of Rui first when considering Tsukasa’s closest accomplices. “Then in any case, thank you. I’ll be sure to support him,” he replies, and the student nods before rushing away to catch up to their friends, leaving the two boys alone. Or, rather, a sleeping boy and one who was all entirely too awake.
Sighing, Rui takes the desk in front of Tsukasa’s and sits backwards on the seat, putting his bag on the floor next to him and leaning forward to rest his elbow on Tsukasa’s desk. His chin sits in his hand as he watches the other’s chest rise and fall with every soft breath, the sunlight filtering through the window to lighten up the sight of it all. With the lack of everything going on, it’s a little embarrassing for Rui to realize that he’s staring. He’s breathtaking, Rui thinks, strongly repressing the urge to reach out and run his fingers through the actor’s hair, and his existence is overwhelming.
It happened way more often than not- Tsukasa would be running through his lines, or flustering himself over something incredibly too minor, or anything really, and Rui would stare. In his defense (what he thought was a good reason, at least), it was hard not to. As much as he was flamboyant and selfless, Tsukasa was equally just as attractive. Admittedly, more than that. Rui believed that he was the most charming thing that could dare to exist.
(He was incredibly biased, but that wasn’t the point.)
Either Tsukasa happens to be unknowingly psychic or it’s by coincidence, because the blonde starts mumbling a bit in his sleep and shifting around once Rui’s hand tentatively reaches out in hopes of touching his hair. Tilting his head, the director leans back in his chair, eyes curiously staring at Tsukasa’s (half) sleeping form, wondering what he’ll do next: if the way he occasionally passed out after shows for ten minutes had anything to say about it, then Rui would be sure that he was a light sleeper.
Slowly, heavy eyelids open, blinking to adjust to the light in the otherwise-empty classroom, and eyes of sunrise ocher meet those of gold when Tsukasa eventually looks up to find his friend looking at him. His mouth forms into a sleepy smile to Rui’s surprise, head resting on his arms and using it as a makeshift pillow. “Rui… Good morning. Or, good afternoon, I suppose,” Tsukasa mumbles quietly, still not looking away, and Rui has to look away, or he’s sure that he’ll melt into a small Rui puddle right in front of the person he loved and that’s not something he wants right now.
“Mm. Hello, Tsukasa-kun. You look awfully content with waking up during the school day, you know?“ Rui teases lightly.
Tsukasa laughs softly into the cloth of his cardigan. “I was just a little startled to wake up and see you, but I’m certainly not complaining.”
Rui’s face suddenly feels incredibly warm. Or maybe it was just the sunlight filling the room. He’s either sleep-deprived or sick, is what he tells himself several times mentally, or I’ve fallen too hard, too fast for this boy.
He needs a topic change, that’s what- leaving the control of topics in Tsukasa’s hands would be a dangerous move (for him), with proof being their conversation up to now. “Is it alright for me to wonder how you’ve fallen asleep during your class? You, out of anyone, really.” Choosing to find a distraction for himself, Rui opens his bag and pulls out his brainstorming notebook and a pencil, tapping the rubber eraser against the cover. “I’ve taken you to be more of an alert person, or at least someone who’d pay attention during lectures.”
Rui hears a deep sigh in assumed guilt and pauses his tapping to see Tsukasa put his head face-down on the desk. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit. I went to sleep late because I was attempting to perfect this cupcake recipe that Saki really enjoyed,” Tsukasa grumbles. “Although she loved it, I do get caught up in baking sometimes, and by the time I finished everything, it was already… Er, four in the morning.” His voice is so solemn and honest that it’s a little amusing, to the point where Rui hides his cheeky smile with the back of his hand. “I don’t know if I regret it or not.”
“So long as she was happy with it, I’m positive you’ll end up forgetting about the situation, Tsukasa-kun.”
“Ah… Perhaps you’re right,” the blonde laughs, shutting his eyes once again.
This is a little peculiar, Rui finds himself thinking when the atmosphere fades into silence, proceeding to spin the pencil between his fingers absentmindedly. Tsukasa-kun’s behavior, specifically. Seeing him so peaceful and quiet is a little weird, even for me. Is this what he always acts like after he wakes up from a nap? I’ll have to see.
In fact, the star hasn’t moved from his position at all, so Rui opens the front cover of his brainstorming notebook and flips through the pages, smiling when he sees small doodles of cats in multicolored pens and speeding up his page-flipping at the sight of a few Tsukasa sketches. He returns to a spread with a bookmark, the top line accordingly listing the date and the main focus of the page.
A few moments later does Rui realize that Tsukasa has been sneaking a few looks at his notebook. “What are you writing about?”
Oh, so his interest’s been piqued. “Concepts for our next new shows. No luck as of right now, but we have time, and if anything, we can rerun previous stories we haven’t returned to lately.”
“May I suggest one with aspects of love in it?” Tsukasa asks without looking up from the notebook, and if Rui were a little more vulnerable, he’d probably have fallen out of his chair.
Rui’s both positively curious and a little scared when he asks, “What a wonderful proposal. Why is that?”
He looks up again, watching as Tsukasa hums to himself a little, tilting his head to the side in presumed deep thought. The sight is a little cute- Tsukasa looked as if he were asked a philosophical question, or something way more than just an explanation. “I’ve just been thinking about it more than often, which is a little weird…” Laughing slightly, Tsukasa puts his chin in his hand and meets Rui’s eyes. “But- I guess it’s simply because it’s been a while since we’ve written a play of some sort together, Rui.”
“Then why make it a romance if we’re writing it together?”
“Um,” is the only thing that comes out of Tsukasa’s mouth before he covers his mouth with his hand, turning his head to the side a little. Rui leans forward a little to rest his forearms on the desk, waiting for a reply, but his intentions are interrupted when he takes note of the blush dusting Tsukasa’s features, the slightest shade of pink lining his cheeks. It’s adorable, frankly- it’s enough to distract Rui away from the obvious answer to the question he’d asked prior. Surely it’d save both him and the blushing actor in front of him a millennia of embarrassment.
Rui clicks his tongue and decides not to dwell on the topic, instead flicking his eyes back down to the page in his notebook. He takes his favorite lavender pen and doodles a picture of a rocketship on the bottom corner of the spread, dotting the area surrounding it with stars and planets, and completes the scribble with small figures representing each of Wonderlands x Showtime’s members themselves. Instinctively, he finds himself drawing a crown on Tsukasa’s head, bunny ears and a tail on that of Emu, angel wings, complete with a halo for Nene, and- well. What would he draw for himself, exactly?
“May I?” asks the boy across from him, and Rui glances at him to see Tsukasa holding a gold pen in his hand, raising eyebrows at the doodle, and there’s nothing more that Rui could do than to smile and turn the notebook towards him.
“The floor is yours, Tsukasa-kun.”
“As it always is!” Tsukasa flashes a cheeky grin back and uncaps the pen before making some swift strokes, and voila- Rui Kamishiro, stick figure version, now has a pair of cat ears and a fluffy cat tail.
He’s both astonished and a little confused at how easily Tsukasa was able to contribute to the drawing when it’d taken him so long to consider it himself. “A cat? Why would I be a cat, Tsukasa-kun?” Rui asks, turning the notebook back towards him and squinting at the new doodle accompanying his others. It’s cute, and certainly fitting for Wonderlands x Showtime in general.
“You have got to be kidding,” Tsukasa deadpans. He suddenly looks a lot more tired than he was a few seconds ago.
“Mm..? It sounded rather genuine to me,” Rui responds, a little hurt by how direct the statement was.
The other pauses, biting the inside of his cheek. “I…” Tsukasa mumbles a little, “... believe it’s due to the fact that you’re mischievous, like a cat. They tend to be quick on their feet, and confident in their movements. It’s also because you’re quite cute, Rui. Ah, but cats are also social when it comes down to their interactions with humans, too…” He continues counting on his fingers, listing all of the similarities that the director himself shared with the animal, and doesn’t stop.
“Hm, I suppose they are my favorite kind of animal for a reason, but-” Rui stops short, the realization suddenly becoming all-too clear to him. “Tsukasa-kun, did you call me cute?”
The question proves to be unuseful, as the boy in question’s cheeks suddenly go deep pink, and Rui very strongly fights the urge to smile cheekily.
“ Maybe I did, but it shouldn’t mean much to you! Forget it happened, alright..?”
“If it counts, I think you’re just as cute, Tsukasa-kun.”
“Hey, I thought I told you to forget it happened!”
“You’re really cute, Tsukasa-kun.”
Groaning, the star immediately gets up and pushes in his chair, shouldering his bag and shaking his head. Rui blinks and follows suit, packing away his things while Tsukasa continues to speak. “And you’re too much, dear director. Which is why I suddenly have somewhere to be!”
Twirling a piece of lavender hair around his finger idly, Rui stands up. “And that would be?”
“Um. Lunch,” is what Tsukasa hurries to say before grabbing his friend’s hand, and dragging him out of the class while seemingly ignoring Rui’s laughter as they ran out of the door.
Being in love was to be selfish, and such would never change to Rui. The desire to love someone (or, in his case, to have his love reciprocated) was something outlandish and frankly improbable. It wasn’t as easy as building robots or directing shows, and it wasn’t a fun experience like shaping balloons or escaping explosions. Infatuation was a confusing feeling that couldn’t be determined with math equations. It was something that Rui himself had shouldered the burden of for a few months unwillingly, as he was never one to be acquisitive.
Though, with the way Tsukasa held his hand so tightly, their fingers intertwined as he was guided through the hallway…
Rui exhaled deeply, his smile broad as he followed the blonde without much care at all. I’ll be more selfish, then.
Being in love with him is a wonderful thing.