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Cassie was welcomed back to their lunch table with ease. I mean, excluding Jules—who was apparently with Elliot now—who still sat at the opposite end of the cafeteria from them.
And not to sound like sap or anything but the first time she sits with all of them together again, a wave of nostalgia hits her.
Maybe it’s the way Kat gives her an enthusiastic wave, or how Lexi subtly slides her apple juice in trade of her chocolate milk. Maybe it’s the way Rue pretends she’s sick of her, groaning into her hands with a playful glint in her eye. Or maybe it’s the way Maddy would give her a warm smile, opening her arms and letting her sit beside her, leaning her head against the blonde’s shoulder instinctively.
I mean, the only difference now is the fact that Maddy would casually drop a kiss on her jaw before getting back into a deep conversation with Lexi about female characters in old films.
“You know, when Maddy told me you asked her out, I almost flipped the fuck out.” Kat says out of the blue, stabbing the soggy pasta on her plate. Cassie hums, looking up from her own meal, “Really?”
“Mhm. I noticed you two flirting like years before but I just didn’t say anything.” She chuckles and the blonde could only nod. I mean, was she really that oblivious? All these years and she could’ve dated Maddy way before all those guys…
From across the table, Rue gently places her cup down, leaning over and giving the two a look, “We have a group chat for it.”
“Rue!” Lexi exclaims, hitting her friend—they’re not friends—on the shoulder with a book. The addict could only blink, stopping the younger Howard from hitting her, “What? They deserve to know!”
While the two began to bicker, Kat diverted her attention back to the new couple, watching as Maddy stole longing glances at Cassie. It was cute, and, okay, she’s an ass for ruining their moment but she has to be someone’s third wheel. And she will definitely not be third wheeling Rue and Lexi.
“Anyways… I have history next. I assume you two have Literature with the way you’re hogging those books. And you two have Phys Ed?” She points out, making the two stop arguing and the other two to look up. Maddy grumbles, “If this stupid jersey isn’t indication enough and you want a verbal answer then yes.”
It’s not that it was ugly or anything. It wasn’t brown or orange or any other horrendous color. It was actually decent compared to the other schools but Maddy hated it.
Lexi laughs at her reaction while Rue’s eyes are glued to the number on the sleeve of Cassie’s shirt, “Speaking of jerseys, why is yours 5 again, Cass?”
The question catches her off guard. Nobody’s ever asked her this—excluding the time Maddy did in the bathroom—so she didn’t really have an answer ready. She simply shrugs, setting her drink down, “It’s important to me.”
She leaves it at that. She doesn’t mention why it was, she doesn’t mention how it was, but as she stared at the four girls in front of them with a smile, she slowly realizes and remembers how much that number had meant to her.
Cassie was nine when she had met Kat. She knew her, saw her around school and sometimes they’re in the same group together for projects. At first it was just that, but Maddy began to bring her around while Cassie brought Lexi who brought Rue.
Suddenly, what used to be three became five.
She didn’t really see her as much of a friend at first, just a common acquaintance, and she was sure Kat felt the same towards her. There was no animosity between them, but there was no friendship either.
There was only respect. And for years, that’s all it was.
It only changed in seventh grade, when she was thirteen, and Kat was twelve. Maddy was out of school that day, visiting her mom’s side that lived in Florida for the rest of the week. Lexi was hanging out with Rue, so Cassie was alone.
Kat was sitting on the bleachers alone, eating her lunch—which was only a grapefruit and Cassie could’ve chosen to walk away and pretend she never saw her but she found herself sitting beside her silently, offering her a smile and half of her turkey sandwich that she had prepared for her and Lexi earlier.
“Why are you sitting here alone?” She asks as she discards the foil wrapper in the nearby trash can. It’s not like she was nosy or anything, Cassie’s always been the more curious one between her and Lexi. And Kat doesn’t seem offended when she asks, only a bit sad as she shrugged, “I don’t really have friends.”
Her reply makes Cassie pause, pursing her lips into a thin line as she crosses her arms. She’s never explicitly said it, she’s never even thought of it, but suddenly she was sitting beside the other girl, closer than earlier as she offered a smile, “You’re acting like I don’t exist.”
“I’m sorry.” Kat replies quickly, reddening in embarrassment and the blonde feels bad, tapping her shoulder, “Hey! It was a joke.”
“Oh.” The raven haired girl replies. And the older girl thought she had messed up until she noticed the small smile on her face. She considered that a good sign.
From the distance, the bell rings, alerting them that whatever conversation they were having was over. Kat stands up abruptly, picking her stuff up, “That’s the bell,” she says, pointing out the obvious, “I should go.”
She walked away quickly, but Cassie’s legs were longer and she was just a bit faster, “Do you want to walk with me?” She offers. Not out of pity, no. She offered because that’s what friends do.
Kat was confused, though, looking at her with her head tilted to the side, “Isn’t your class on the other side of the building?”
Cassie could only shrug and give her a bright smile, the one that has the boys stumbling to their feet and some girls questioning themselves. The smile that gives a certain brunette in their friend group butterflies.
“I have time.”
One.
The first time Cassie met Rue, she was playing with blocks, alone in the Howard’s living room while Lexi was upstairs, trying to find her Barbie dolls.
She knew she was a year younger than her, and she knew that she went to the same preschool as Lexi. She never knew her name, though, and she’s never actually seen her. Only heard about her through babbles and drawings and animated stories from her younger sister.
They were never friends to begin with. But that only lasted until they were the age of eight.
Lexi was at camp and it seemed like she had failed to inform Rue about it because the girl showed up at their door with her bike and a poorly made kite by her side.
“Is Lexi not here?” She asks, standing on her tiptoes as she tries peering over Cassie’s shoulder and the older of the two shakes her head, “She’s at camp!” She grins, watching Rue’s face fall as she scratched the back of her head, “Oh. She didn’t tell me.”
Cassie frowns at that. Lexi didn’t tell her best friend?
“She didn’t?” She asks, feeling a bit bad when Rue gives her a sheepish smile, “No. Well, she did. But I forgot it was today.”
That elicits a laugh from her, “That’s okay. I forgot she was going to camp today too.”
They both stood awkwardly after that, with Rue clutching the kite by her side. That’s when an idea pops up in Cassie’s head, “Hey—do you want to fly that kite?”
“I would but Lexi’s not here…” She replies, a bit confused, and Cassie smiles, “But I am! Come on, silly!”
“You’re going to play with me?” Disbelief was evident in her voice and the blonde finds herself chuckling, reaching for her hand, “Yeah!”
Since then, the two hung out while Lexi was at camp. And they still hung out with Lexi even after she returned. They built a small group, and it felt great.
But she never really considered Rue a friend, no, she was Lexi’s, and she didn’t really want to steal that from her.
It all changed in fifth grade, when she accidentally called Rue, ‘Rue-Rue’ and the girl grinned at her. That’s when she realized they were friends.
Years passed, and they didn’t hang out as much as they used to. Rue-Rue darkened, the bright and bubbly girl suddenly just a shell of her former self as her dad died. She thought she could help, but she couldn’t, and suddenly she finds out that she had overdosed.
She visited her one day at the hospital. She was asleep so she decided to go on a rant, telling her she’s a dumbass and that she scared her and that she should never do it again.
Rue opens one eye and playfully flips her off. A small smile appeared on her face.
“I’m sorry, Cass.”
Cassie glares at her, but it all melts as she kisses the top of the girl’s head.
“Don’t scare me like that again, Rue-Rue.”
Two.
She was three when it fully clicked inside her developing mind that Lexi was her baby sister. And from then on, it was automatic for her to love the younger girl. They’re family, and you love family, even from a young age.
Lexi was her best friend by default. Of course she is, she’s her sister.
But it only made sense to her why when she was fourteen, Lexi was thirteen, and she had her first kiss with a boy.
“Did you like it?” Lexi asks excitedly, lying down on her stomach in her own bed, her face propped up by her hands and Cassie finds herself furrowing her eyebrows, lifting her head up from the book she was reading, “What?”
“Your kiss! It’s your first kiss.” The younger girl exclaims and the blonde scrunches her nose, shaking her head, “Not really…”
Confused, Lexi straightens, “Why not?”
She debated to herself if she should tell her, then she remembered that this was Lexi, and she was her sister, “Because it isn’t my first kiss.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. The other girl nearly falls off her bed, “What? But you—but you told mom and dad!”
“Can you keep a secret?” She asks, and Lexi nods, “Of course, Cass.”
A deep breath, another debate in her head, then she sighs, “My first kiss was with a girl.”
At that point, Lexi was sitting up, “What?!” She all but yells and Cassie finds the nearest thing to her—a brush—and chucks it at Lexi, “Be quiet!” She yells and the other girl dodges it, shuffling to her feet as she sat on the side of Cassie’s bed, “With who?!”
“I’m not telling you that!” She grumbles, glaring at her sister who gave her a knowing look, “Was it Maddy?”
If she wasn’t already red, she was now.
“What?” She murmurs, acting as nonchalant as possible, “Did you kiss Maddy?” Lexi repeats and she chuckles nervously, “Lex, why would you even—”
“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, Cass.”
Okay, fuck, she caught me there. Damn it.
“Yes.”
The brunette gasps, “Oh my god! When?”
Okay, she was getting too invested in this. But Cassie didn’t mind answering her questions, “During a sleepover…” She answers. Lexi grins, jumping up and down, “That’s cool!”
Cassie was confused. She kissed a girl. Why is Lexi acting like this was the most normal thing in the world? “You’re not disgusted?” She asks, a bit scared of her answer when her sister smiles, shaking her head, “Why would I be?”
“Because she’s a girl.” She shrugs, Lexi sits beside her, leaning her head against her shoulder, “What’s wrong with that?”
The older of the two smiles, thankful that Lexi wasn’t too judgy or anything.
“Do you like girls, Cass?” She asks, her voice small.
“Hm? I think so.”
“Cool. I like them too.”
Her sister was her best friend. And she told her everything since that night.
She even told her she was falling in love. She didn’t even have to tell her who.
She just knew.
Three.
Maddy Perez was Cassie Howard’s best friend. That was common knowledge to everyone. They were a dynamic duo. A package deal even. And they were inseparable.
But Cassie was also in love with her. That’s why she was loyal to her, at her side when she called, holding her hand when she needed to. Maddy knew this, and she could’ve abused it, but she didn’t.
Cassie would fight dragons for her, go through hell and back, live through inferno, just for her. And it comforts her knowing that the brunette would do the exact same thing for her.
She was her best friend, and she was important to her. That’s why she offered for Maddy to stay with her in ninth grade.
“Are you sure I can stay?” She asks through tears, letting Cassie pull her in a big hug as Suze Howard talks to Sonia Perez on the phone, Lexi and Rue helping Maddy get settled in by putting her bags in the closet.
The blonde smiles, kissing the top of her head, “For as long as you like.”
And okay, it wasn’t really up to her, I mean, this isn’t her house and she’s just a kid but still—she meant it. She could stay here forever and she wouldn’t mind.
Maddy gets settled in quickly, treating it as a big sleepover of sorts. And Cassie was enjoying herself. I mean, who wouldn’t? The prettiest girl in school was staying over at your house and every day was like a sleepover. It was fun!
“Cass, am I your best friend?” She asks one day, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom connected to the Howard sisters’ room, donning Cassie’s oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts. The blonde took pride in that, but she didn't say anything.
She sits upright, putting her phone away as she stared at the brunette, “Why are you asking me that? Of course.”
“No, but like, am I really your best friend?” The smaller girl asks and the older sister was just confused, scooting over and letting the other girl sit beside her, “What do you mean?” She asks and Maddy shrugs, “I’m just scared that when we get to high school you’ll forget about me.”
That sets off a feeling in her chest. Did she feel bad? Sad? Confused? She didn’t know. But her heart ached for the other girl.
“I won’t. You’re my best friend, Mads. I want you in my life forever.” It felt like an empty promise, but she said it like a fact, because it was. She meant it. Every single word.
Maddy looks up at her, leaning further into her touch, her confident voice suddenly small and helpless as Cassie wraps an arm around her, “You do?”
She was answered by an enthusiastic nod and a grin, the one that nearly splits her face in half, “Mhm. Who wouldn’t want you in their life?”
Nobody. Everybody wants you.
But Maddy, oh, sweet Maddy, had a different answer. She shrugs, giving the taller girl a sad smile, “My parents.”
Frowning, Cassie kisses her head, as if silently telling her “Don’t say that.” and the brunette gets it, muttering an apology under her breath.
They stayed in that position for a while, maybe even hours, just basking in each other’s presence as the shrill voices of Lexi and Rue echoed downstairs.
“I love you, Cass. You’re my favorite person, ever. Like, seriously.” The smaller girl whispers, and the other girl’s heart flutters in her chest, croaking out a reply, “You’re my favorite too.”
“No, you don’t get it! Like, you make me so happy. And you’re so sweet.”
Cassie smiles, flustered, “I try.”
Maddy could only smile back. Then she peels herself away moments after, stifling a yawn behind her arm, “Goodnight, Cass.”
Confused, her arm goes tighter on her waist, “Hey, where are you going?”
“To bed?”
“You can stay with me.” She offers, like many nights before. To be honest, the air mattress suddenly became Rue’s bed instead of Maddy’s. She doesn’t say a verbal answer, she only nods, lying down beside Cassie and tucking herself under the taller girl’s chin.
And it sounds weird—maybe it is, but she watches her sleep.
She watches how peaceful she was, how ethereal she looked. And that’s when Cassie realized that she loved Maddy. She loved her as a best friend. But also loved her as something more.
“You’re my soulmate.” She whispers, pressing a kiss on her cheek.
Four.
“Hey? Earth to Cassie?” Rue chuckles, waving a hand in front of the girl who had zoned out for like, a solid four minutes. The blonde blinks, shaking her head, “Hm?”
“Rue asked you why number five was important.” Maddy’s voice ground her back to reality and she suddenly finds herself blushing in embarrassment, stumbling over her words as she sat upright, “Oh! Uh, I don’t know, I guess it just holds a significant meaning to me.”
“Okay.” Kat hums, and Lexi, knowing that she was in an awkward position, smiles, “Yeah, you were five when you started skating, right?”
“Mhm.”
“Speaking of—we should all go skating.” Maddy offers and Cassie silently thanks her for getting her off her awkward position by kissing her head. Rue frowns, though, “And look like idiots beside Cassie? No thanks.”
“We should totally go.” Lexi smirks, and Kat chuckles, “You’re outvoted, Rue.”
“Damn it.”
“I’ll get you a corndog after.”
“Okay.”
She watches as her friends talk, bantering about the little things. Time slowed down for her, and she savored every single minute she had with them.
And she might sound like a self centered bitch but she kinda believed that she was the glue that held everyone together. Because she knew they weren’t this lively without her.
Everyone at this table meant a lot to her. All for different reasons.
One was her friend, the one able to ground her down and pull her back to reality. Make her feel human.
One was her heart, the person that she treats like a little sister. The person she threatens not to hurt her actual little sister.
One was her sister. By blood, and her best friend by her own choice.
One was her soulmate. The love of her life. And maybe the best thing to happen to her.
And then, there was her, the little glue that keeps this group together.
Yeah, five.
Five was the number.