Chapter Text
“Now, you may be wondering why you’ve all been gathered here today.” Magolor began, standing on a stage in front of various assorted Kirby villains.
“Because we’re all less than decent people?” Daroach guessed.
“No, because you’re all villains who’ve fought Kirby before.” Magolor said. “Now normally, I wouldn’t even consider giving you a second chance. However, after I managed to be redeemed despite the fact that I went insane and tried to take over the world, I thoroughly believe that if I can be redeemed, anyone can. So I’ve gathered all of you here today to try to redeem you all via group therapy.”
Taranza raised his hand. “Yes, Taranza?” Magolor asked.
“If this is a group for villains, then why am I here?”
Magalor shrugged. “Good question. Marx?”
“Will there be food?”
“No Marx, I’m sorry but there is no food. This is therapy time, not eating time.”
“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll head out then.” Marx walked out the door.
“Wait, you can’t just leave like that!” Magolor yelled after him.
“Well, if there’s no food, I see no reason to stay here.”
“Alright, fine, you can order a pizza or something.” Magolor grumbled. “I have my phone in the next room, just don’t overdo it.” Marx grinned happily before walking off into the next room.
“Okay, so any other questions?”
Shadow Kirby raised his hand. “Um, how exactly do you redeem yourself anyway?”
“Well, it depends.” Magolor answered. “In my case, I built a theme park and was thus forgiven for all my crimes up until that point.”
“You do realize you worded that in a way that implies you still commit crimes, don’t you?” Daroach said.
“What!? I mean um, I don’t commit crimes anymore, I would totally never do that!”
“That is suspicious as hell.” Daroach said.
“Well anyway, um, on to the next question!” Magolor said, sweat dripping from his forehead.”
“Where’s the bathroom?” King D-Mind, who somehow no one noticed was here until now, said.
“Wa-wa-Why the hell is King Freaking D-Mind Here!!?” Shadow Kirby yelled.
“He’s a villain.” Magolor said, deadpan.
“Yeah,b-b-but I didn’t think you’d be bringing the really evil guys here!”
“Wait a second, if Magolor was really stupid enough to invite every single villian Kirby has ever fought here…” Daroach trailed off. “Oh no.”
A dark rumbling shook the earth as the sky split apart and a massive, towering white figure descended from the heavens.
“ HELLO {EVERYONE}. I APPEAR TO BE {LATE}.” Zero said, his massive white form dominating the entire room.
“.....holy shit.” Susie (Who had been sitting in the back row this entire time.) said, voicing everyone in the room’s cumulative thoughts. Well, most people’s.
“Can someone please tell me where the bathroom is?” King D-Mind complained.
“It’s down the hall to the right.” Taranza told him, prompting the villainous king to walk down to the restrooms while uttering a quick “Thank you.” in return.
“Well, now that all of us are here, we can finally start the session for real.” Magolor said, completely oblivious to everyone’s complete and utter shock and disbelief. “So today, we’re going to be talking about-”
He was quickly interrupted by a slice of chocolate pizza falling from the sky and hitting him in the head.
“What the-” he said, before several other pieces of pizza hit the ground, before quickly transiting to a full on rain of chocolate pizza.
“Hi gang!” Marx called, swooping down from the sky. “I was hungry, so while you guys were down here talking, I flew up to one of the Galactic NOVAs and wished to make it rain chocolate pizza! How cool is that!?”
“Let me get this straight.” Daroach said “You went on a hunt for one of a couple thousand year old god computers, traveled through the depths of space to get to him, wished for CHOCOLATE PIZZA RAIN of all things, raced back to Popstar just as the rain started, and did this all somehow in the 5 minutes since you went to get food?.”
“Yep!” Marx replied. “In fact, I always order from Galactic NOVAs whenever I get hungry now! They can make any food I could ever possibly want!”
“You know what, I don’t even care anymore. I’ve seen too much weird crap to even question this.” Daroach said. “For now, let’s just eat pizza first, and ask questions about what the hell just happened later.”
Everyone nodded in agreement before beginning to dig into the pile of pizza steadily amounting on the floor. Even Zero, who had no mouth, joined in, though no one was sure how he was able to eat the pizza in the first place. Magolor tried to salvage his original plan for the session before eventually realizing it was hopeless and joining in. They talked, laughed, and it was generally better than any therapy lesson ever would have been.
THE END