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“You’d think that after all this time, a handful of goblins would be less annoying.” Vax grumbled, wiping away something foul from the heel of his boots with a disgusted air. “I just bought these too.”
Vex rolled her eyes, peering into the depths before them. Though, she couldn’t help but agree. “Well, I don’t see anything else coming for our hides, just this pile of shit they’d so graciously left behind.” She kicked away a rotting sack, mildew and mold clinging to the cloth and bursting with dust as it rolled away.
“Ew.” Keyleth grimaced, holding a similar bag away from her face and dumping its contents on the ground. A few copper and silver rolled away, which were quickly snatched up by Scanlan who pocketed them with a satisfied grin. “Another job well done!”
Hand gripping Trinket’s fur, Percy rolled his eyes, blind in the dark cave. “We are heroes of Tal’Dorei Scanlan, you don’t need it.”
“That’s what they all say!” He scoffed, “but I guess that’s true. Anyways, if I wanted to buy anything I’d just steal your money.”
“That’s not what I meant but alright.”
“You’re rich Percy!”
He sighed and continued on, Trinket scoffing in sympathy and leading his favorite human (and only human he knows) towards Vex and her brother.
“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t invested in any dark vision goggles Percy, what with how many times we find ourselves in caves and whatnot.” Vax snickered, which was quickly cut off as Percy’s gloved hand connected with his face.
“Ah, sorry about that Vax-” came the very unsorry tone, “-I didn’t realize you were there.”
“Oh shut it Freddie.”
Vex snickered and continued rooting around the old chests and other bags left in the cave, only for her head to shoot up at Keyleth’s shout of excitement and the subsequent flash of light emitted from her staff.
“Guys! Check this out!” Waving them over, the druid shoved her head into a small crevice. “There’s something here!”
With a sigh, Percy gently pulled her away from it, idly brushing away at her cheek where a bit of dirt had stuck to. “Perhaps don’t go sticking your head into little holes.”
“But there’s something in there!” She whined, but didn’t begrudge him as he continued to wipe at the stubborn mark. Vex, on the other hand, reached into the crevice and fumbled for whatever Keyleth had seen, her nails barely catching onto something wooden.
“Well, she’s right, there’s definitely something in there.” She frowned, straining against the rock. “Ugh, I can’t seem to reach it.”
“Move aside sister.” Vax pushed her aside and shoved his own arm through- “FUCK!”
He pulled his hand out, fingertips bleeding. “Shit- a trap. I think it’s some sharp thread. Definitely not something a goblin would set up.”
“So, definitely something someone tried to hide.” Pike murmured, hands glowing with holy power to heal his wounds. “Valuable enough to trap, but not enough to keep.”
“Sheesh, babies.” Grog stepped up, “I’ll grab it!”
Percy rolled his eyes and put his hand up to Grog’s chest. “You’re more likely to get your hand stuck.”
The goliath grumbled. “I would not!”
“You would, buddy.” Pike laughed. “You gonna get it Percy?”
“Might as well.” With Diplomacy on his hand, he reached into the crevice, easily grasping the small wooden box at the back. The metal thread that had cut into Vax doing no damage against the metal glove and he pulled it out with very little fanfare. “Hmm, odd.”
Keyleth grasped it with both hands to pull towards her. “What’s in it!” Percy, used to her antics, merely sighed and let it be taken.
“Ooh, wait a second Kiki, let me check for traps before we pry it open.” Begrudgingly, she handed it over for him to check.
Pike, having done a full circle around, returned to them with a handful of silver. “It’s a dead end further down. Nothing else but this and some old and broken shit. Open it outside?” She peered down at the old box that Vax was investigating. “Might be easier to see.”
He nodded in agreement, tucking it away in one of the bags he held on his side. “Better out there than in here.”
“That would be most agreeable.” Percy grumbled. “Would love to see something that isn’t just darkness.”
Trinket rumbled beside him, nudging into his hip. Getting the hint, Percy gently ran his fingers through his fur. “Nothing against you Trinket, you’ve been a wonderful guide thus far.” That seemed to settle him and he grumbled, satisfied.
Keyleth, her staff still alight with magic, pulled a face. “If you needed light Percy I would’ve been happy to help.”
He shrugged, “eh, it was no big deal. Besides, it was only goblins and they’re more annoying than they are dangerous.” He said with a light chuckle. Still, he allowed her to walk next to him, staff held aloft and holding onto his free arm that wasn’t tangled in Trinket’s fur.
It was a few short minutes walk to emerge fully from the cave they had found themselves in, but the warm breeze that greeted them was a fresh relief to them all as they began to settle around Vax.
He pulled out the wooden box, no larger than his hand, and set it before them. There was nothing very significant about it.
“Well, it looks old.” Scanlan remarked. “Is there anything even in it? Give it a shake!”
Keyleth, who’d been eyeing it since the very beginning, reached forward to do as Scanlan suggested, much to the consternation of Percy and Vax though they let her do it since both were just as eager to know what was in it. Waving it around, they all perked up at the sound of something rattling.
“Something’s in here!”
“Well don’t just sit there, open it!” Scanlan urged.
Percy frowned and scooted closer to her. “Ah, wait a moment-”
“Too late!” Keyleth laughed.
The box opened and what was inside was never seen as a bright flash of white light burst from the opening, blinding them all for a few moments and leaving them blinking as it faded.
“Shit.” Vex squinted, straining to see between the dark spots in her vision. “Is everyone okay?”
“I’m good!”
Grog scoffed. “As if a bit of light could hurt me!”
“Uh, we might have a problem.”
All eyes turned to Keyleth, who sat up with wide blue eyes from where she was tossed back from the box, Percy lying beside her and seemingly unconscious.
“Kiki?” Vax got closer, though to no avail as she put a hand on his shoulder.
“Wrong one.” She smiled nervously- her voice lilted in a very familiar accent.
He peered closer and his eyes widened in realization. “ Percy? ”
“Percy?!”
She- he shrugged. “Don’t ask, I don’t know how magic works.”
Pike chuckled, “and now you’re a druid.”
He blinked. “Well… damn.”
Scanlan grimaced. “God, it sounds so weird when you talk in her voice, man.”
“It’s not like I can control the accent.”
“Yes you can! We’ve heard you fake an accent before.”
“Not well. ”
“It’s never stopped me.”
Vex rolled her eyes. “Oh, we know dear-”
“Gah!”
Keyleth jolted up, face turning paler which seemed nearly impossible given how pale Percy already was.
“Keyleth?”
She rolled over, hands forming in fists and breathing heavily. “F-fuck.”
Pike immediately walked over, kneeling down beside her to see what was wrong. “Keyleth?”
“H-hurts.”
“Hurts? What hurts?” Pike looked up and stared accusingly at Percy. “Were you hiding injuries again?”
“No, not this time.” At her dubious look, he sighed and held up his hands in mock surrender. “ I promise that nothing’s happened!”
Keyleth choked down a noise, eyes shining with unshed tears which immediately put them all on edge. Like all of them, Keyleth knew how to handle pain, but apparently whatever was hurting Percy was hitting her hard.
“What hurts?” Pike tried again, hands already glowing with a healing spell at the ready.
She shook her head. “Everything?! Everything’s on fire and I can barely move my legs.”
“Your legs?” Pike frowned and put her hands there. The glow died down but Keyleth still groaned in pain. “I- there are no injuries. There’s nothing to heal.”
Percy frowned and scooted closer with a look of recognition, waving away Vax’s attempt to stop him. “Of course there’s nothing to heal, it’s the chronic pain.” His frown deepened, looking odd on Keyleth’s face. “Shit.”
“Chronic pain?” Pike asked.
“Uh-uh. It usually affects my joints.” He idly traced his hands over her knees and ankles, but light enough so that the pain wouldn’t worsen. “I didn’t think it was so bad today.” He murmured.
Scanlan shuddered. “Dude, that’s messed up.”
“You really can’t walk?” Vax leaned forward, looking troubled at the concept.
Keyleth sucked in a deep breath and let it out shakily, hesitantly moving her legs before wincing and shaking her head. “I- it’s getting better, but I’ll admit, I’m kinda scared to move. Fuck Percy, what the hell is wrong with you!” She choked out a harsh laugh.
“Oh, many things my dear.” He grinned, though it faded quickly. “I’m sorry that it’s you having to deal with it though.”
“Eh,” she waved a shaking hand, winced, then brought it back down. “Don’t worry about it, none of us were expecting the thing to switch us around. How is it by the way?”
He looked at her confused, face twisting adorable at the question. “How is what?”
“Not being in pain. Constantly.”
Percy froze, contemplating the question.
Then, slowly, he stood up. He raised his right arm, flexed his hand and put it down. He did the same with his left. Growing more at ease, they watched him continue to marvel at the lack of pain, eyes growing brighter as he twisted and tensed different parts of Keyleth’s body where the pain must have been the most intense on his own.
Eventually he settled back down with a content sigh.
Keyleth grinned, patting his knee. “And?”
“That was quite nice!” He smiled, patting her back on her hand. His expression grew softer, his voice a touch younger than he probably meant it. “I had forgotten what that was like, not being in pain. Thank you.”
“Aw, no sweat! Can’t say the same for me though, sorry Percy.” She snickered. “Your body’s a piece of shit, no offense.”
He shrugged, nonchalant. “None taken. Although, I think it’s time we switch back, hm?”
“What?” Keyleth tilted her head up, confusion overtaking her face. “I thought you’d want to spend more time in my body- and no, don’t make it dirty Scanlan!”
“I was not!”
“He totally was.” Vex piped up, all too used to her friend’s antics.
“Anyways,” she continued, “don’t you feel better?”
“I- of course I do.” He frowned. “But being in my body is hurting you.”
She shrugged as best she could. “I mean, it hurts, but it’s bearable.”
“You were this close to crying earlier Kiki.” Vax frowned.
Percy nodded, already reaching for the box. “Exactly, I don’t really want you getting used to that kind of pain.”
“Oh, just-” Keyleth kicked it away with a grimace and towards Pike who reached for it as well and held it away from Percy. “We don’t even know if it’ll put us back yet! Maybe it needs to recharge, and it’s really not that bad! Here, see!” She sat up and immediately blanched, leaning over to put her weight on Vax who let her, face scrunched up in concern.
Percy sighed and moved towards Pike. “Yeah, no, we’re switching back.”
“Oh, hold on just a minute Freddie.” Vax grabbed his arm before he could take the box back from Pike. “Kiki’s right. Maybe you should take a break.”
“A break?” He deadpanned. “Vax, she’s hurting and this isn’t even one of my bad pain days, switch us back. It’s normal for me, it’ll be fine”
Pike frowned, backing up towards Grog. “Oh, absolutely not. Percy, Keyleth and Vax have a point. If your chronic pain hurts this bad, maybe you should take a break from it for a bit. You said it yourself, this isn’t even one of your bad days. Just,” she sighed, “- just let it be.”
“I’m not weak, Percy.” Keyleth piped up, raising her head to make eye contact with him. “I can handle it for a few days.”
Glancing between them, he looked visibly torn, eyes flickering as he thought it over. Eventually, he sighed and let Pike keep the box, sitting back down on Vax’s other side. “I know you’re not weak, you could never be weak. Still, I don’t like that you’re in pain because of me.”
She raised a brow-- and that expression at least was a familiar one on Percy’s face. “I highly doubt that you’re the one that chose to be in pain forever.”
He chuckled. “Eh, that’s fair.”
Vax, though, still had a worried frown. “Does it really hurt that bad? You can barely move without something hurting, and it’s not like you don’t have a pretty high pain tolerance either.”
Keyleth pursed her lips, brow furrowing as she debated whether or not to tell them how bad it really was. Percy’s always been a private person, and talking about how she could feel just how badly he hurt seemed like a breach of privacy. She looked to him for direction.
Over Vax’s shoulder, he nodded and she let out a quiet sigh of relief.
“It’s really bad.” And just like that, it was as though the flood gates had been opened. “All my joints ache, especially my knees and fingers, like someone stuck a hot coin between the bones and was trying to pry them apart. My neck and back are so tense for no reason and I can feel a headache coming on because of it. Even breathing hurts. I can feel my ribs scraping against my lungs all the time-- nothing in this body feels right. Like, god, I just want to take everything out to wash or beat against a rock and put it back. And my back. I want to rip that out even more, just to straighten it out or something, maybe beat that against another rock too.” She bit her lip, and sucked in a trembling breath, not paying much attention to everyone’s concerned looks. “And the scars. ”
Percy tensed and she cut herself off with a shrug and a light chuckle, dragging a hand down her face and smudging the glasses. “Ugh.” She took them off to clean them-- blinked repeatedly, and put them back on. “Oh, wow. Your vision is shit. ” She exclaimed, momentarily distracted.
He burst out laughing. “Seriously?!”
“It is! How are you not blind!” She yelled, switching between putting them on properly and shoving them up her forehead to squint at the rest of the party. “I think this is worse than the chronic pain actually.”
Pike, face pale, blinked. “That’s kind of fucked.”
“I know!” Keyleth laughed. “I’m so glad I don’t need glasses.”
“I- no, not that.” She shook her head. “The pain.”
“Oh.” Percy settled down, just the slightest bit confused. “Well-- I mean, it’s normal for me so it doesn’t really feel so bad as Keyleth’s describing it. I still feel like we should switch back soon though.”
“We can switch back in two days.” She stuck her tongue out, the motion so bizarre on Percy’s face that it had Scanlan and Grog choking back a laugh. “I really want to see you fumble with my magic.”
“Oh shit.” He looked startled. “I can do druid magic now.”
Vax butt in, still concerned. “You think you can try something to ebb off the pain a bit?”
Percy squinted at him, lips pursed. “... Are you trying to make me grow weed?”
The half-elf spluttered. “That is not what I meant-- and how do you know about weed?”
In response, he just raised a brow. “I’m not a child Vax, of course I know about weed, in fact, I probably know more about drugs than you do. But yes, I suppose some weed couldn’t hurt.”
It was Vex’s turn to splutter. “I-- wait hold on, we’re not just gonna give Keyleth weed are we?”
“I mean…” Percy shrugged, hands already growing green as something began to sprout from the dirt. “She’s in my body so it might take a few puffs to really take away some of the pain.”
Scanlan whistled. “Damn, Percy! You think you can recommend me something- ack!”
Pike slapped him upside the head and sighed. “Shut up. No one wants to know-- put your hand down Grog.”
“Aw.”
Keyleth snickered. “Don’t worry Grog, I’m sure Percy would be happy to divulge some later.”
“I most certainly would not.” Came his sharp reply. She shrugged. “Besides, I’m not even sure if weed has much of an effect on goliaths. You’ll probably have to invest in something stronger.” He grumbled, sounding so very off in Keyleth’s voice.
“Really?” Vex asked, intrigued.
He nodded absentmindedly, too focused on making sure the plant didn’t die to pay too much attention to what he was saying. “Mhm, start him off with shrooms or something.”
Scanlan cackled, mind already running rampant. “Oh, I’d pay good money to see that!”
“No.” Pike groaned, “don’t give the big guy any drugs. Alcohol is enough.”
Vax nodded, shuddering at the idea. “Agreed.” He glanced over. “How’s the weed coming?”
“Well, it’d definitely be easier, and faster, if I had brought my own stash.”
“You have a stash?!” Scanlan all but screeched. “How come you haven’t shown us sooner!” He whined.
“It is purely medicinal.” Percy rolled his eyes. “Besides, you’re the last person I’d show it to.”
“Oh, yeah?” Ever dramatic, Scanlan crossed his arms and huffed. “Out of all of us, who’d you show first?”
Pausing for a moment, the rest could see him think it over.
“... Pike or Vax I think.”
“What!”
“Seriously?!”
“Nice.” Vax chuckled.
“Why me?”
Percy shrugged again. “I don’t know. Could be fun.”
Keyleth groaned, this time more annoyed than in pain, and made grabby hands in his direction. Which, once again, was weird to see in Percy’s body. “You almost done? I think your skeleton wants me dead.”
“I think everything about him wants you dead, darling.” Vex snickered. “Well, except the man himself that is.”
“Be glad for that. At least I have magic now, that certainly makes things quicker.” He muttered. “Scanlan, want to grab something to roll this in?”
“Gladly!” The gnome exclaimed. “God, I can’t wait to see you high.”
“It’s Keyleth getting high, Scanlan.” Vax huffed. “And only to take the edge off.”
“Mhm.” She nodded, then winced. “Would like that joint any second now.”
“Just a moment-- ah, thank you.”
“Nooo problem!”
“Here you are, light the end and inhale lightly. ” Percy handed it to her and fished for a lighter in his- or technically her- pockets. “Here, let me just-- there.”
The end burned and Keyleth sniffed, evidently not so taken with the smell, but she took it and inhaled.
“Good, hold it there for a second and then let it out. You’ll probably smoke most of it by the time it starts to have an effect on you though.”
Scanlan whistled. “Impressive.”
He shrugged, leaning back as Keyleth took over. “Eh, I’ve been dealing with it for over five years so I’ve built up a bit of tolerance. It was really rough in the beginning.”
“Over five years?” Vax asked, concern bleeding back into his voice. “And it was worse?”
“I mean, probably not worse worse. I just got used to it being like this.”
“That’s pretty bad.” Keyleth scrunched up her nose. “Also, this smells like shit.”
Vex laughed. “It does.”
“Anyways, that’s pretty not good.” Vax turned back to Percy, who just shrugged again.
“Not the worst thing any of us have dealt with before. That kicking in yet?”
Keyleth paused, the joint in her hand already halfway burnt. “A little bit, yeah. My bones don’t feel like they’re actively trying to break free, and my skin’s not on fire anymore. Feeling a little less like death!”
“Like I said, drugs’ll help with that.”
“Oh it’s definitely helping with that.” She snickered. Vax sighed and leaned closer to look at her eyes.
“Oh, yep, definitely kicking in. Your pupils are starting to dilate.” He chuckled.
“Well, finish that off and we’ll start heading back.” Vex announced. “In the meantime, Pike will hold onto the box until we get you into your right bodies. Sound good?”
They all nodded.
Percy, though, looked thoughtful as he stared down at his hands that were alight with druidic magic not even five minutes ago. “You think I could turn into something?”
“Like Minxie?” Keyleth asked. He nodded. “Well, maybe start off with something small first. Smaller creatures are easier to do. Oh, you should do a jumping mouse!”
“A jumping mouse?”
“Yeah! It was the first thing I turned into once I learned how!”
He hummed. “Alright a jumping mouse it is.”
Between one blink and the next, Keyleth’s body shifted down into a mouse with long hind legs and the cutest face ever seen. Percy’s round blue eyes peered up at them through the short blades of grass. He squeaked and ran up onto Vax’s leg, who let him with a begrudging smile.
“Aw!” Keyleth cooed. “You’re adorable!”
Vax chuckled and poked at the little body. “Yup. Tiny little thing too.”
“Man, I could crush you with my pinky!” Grog exclaimed, leaning in to look. “You’re fucking small.”
Percy, who couldn’t do much, squeaked in retaliation.
“I have to agree with Keyleth, darling, you’re cute.” Vex smirked, “actually, I think I like you better like this.”
Even as a mouse, Percy’s glare was quite impressive.
This time, Vax pulled lightly on his tail. “You think you can change back?”
A moment passed, all of them watching as Percy visibly tried to concentrate on turning back. When it was evident that he couldn't, he turned back to look at the half-elf and shrugged. Vax sighed. “Shit.”
“Well,” Pike grinned, “at least he’s small enough to carry.”