Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jamie is trying to get comfortable on his sofa. He wasn’t able to sleep so he came back downstairs. He starts scrolling through the tv channels but nothing looks interesting. He ends up stopping on an episode of Blue Planet and watches the animals for a bit.

He can’t focus on it so he pulls out his phone and opens Twitter. Maybe someone posted some thirsty tweets about himself. He can get in the mood for a wank. That should make him sleepy.

Holy Fuck. The very first tweet he sees makes him sit up straight. It’s from a fan he decided to follow one day when he was feeling bad about himself after getting some texts from his dad. They always talk about how good of a player he is, how fit he is. They’ve retweeted something from The Daily Mail. It’s only a few minutes old. Someone has outed Colin.

Jamie shoves his phone in his pocket, grabs a bottle of whisky from the bar he never actually uses, and leaves for Colin’s house. He knows he’s the only one around. Everyone else is on vacation or back home for the offseason. Sam is around because of his restaurant but he’s definitely sleeping this time of night. From what Jamie knows, Colin doesn’t really speak to his family. Isaac is gone. Jamie thinks he’ll be shit at comforting Colin but he can’t stomach the idea of him being alone right now.

Jamie is at a traffic light halfway there so he pulls out his phone to call Colin. He wants to at least give him a warning he’s coming over. He doesn’t answer. He shoots off a quick text to tell him. He tries calling again.

Colin sounds lifeless, “yeah?”

Jamie sighs in relief that he answered, “I’m on my way over.”

He hears sniffling on the line, “you heard then?”

Jamie considers telling him he just can’t sleep, which is true, but not truthful. “I’m sorry, Colin. But yeah, I saw it on Twitter.”

There’s silence for a moment. Jamie thinks maybe Colin is going to tell him not to come. “There’s paparazzi outside.”

Jamie squeezes his hand around the steering wheel. He’d hoped they hadn’t made it there yet. Or would at least wait until morning. “I figured. I’ll get past them. Need anything?”

“No.” There’s a beat. Colin sounds the smallest fraction better, “alcohol?”

Jamie smiles a tiny bit that he already thought of that, “got that already. Be there soon.”

“Text me when you park so I can be ready to open the door.”

The paparazzi all start yelling at Jamie the moment they see him.

“Did you know?”
“Are you his boyfriend?”
“Does he have a boyfriend?”

Jamie knows better, he knows not to engage, but he just can’t help himself. He’s too angry to ignore it. He turns to them, “do any of you lot want to share about your sex lives? No? Didn’t think so. How about you leave?’

Instead of any of them responding verbally, he’s just blinded by cameras. He clenches his jaw and turns back to the door. He softly knocks four times like he text Colin he was going to.

Colin stays hidden behind the door when he opens it.

Jamie slides in as soon as it cracked enough for him to fit and closes it behind him. He starts speaking before looking at Colin, “hope I didn’t just make things worse. I didn’t really think through what I was saying.” He looks at Colin. His eyes are rimmed red.

Colin sniffles, “don’t think it can get worse.”

Jamie hesitates for half a second before pulling Colin into a hug. “We’ll figure something out. I got you.”

Colin wraps his arms around Jamie, “thanks for coming.”

Jamie is about to talk when Colin’s phone starts vibrating against his leg. Colin pulls back and pulls it out, “it’s Ted.”

Jamie makes a face, “isn’t he in Kansas?”

“I thought so. Let’s sit.” He gestures to the living room and answers the phone as they walk over, “hey. Yeah. No, I haven’t really told anyone. Alright. Thanks. No, you don’t need to. Jamie is here. No, he came over right away.” Colin rolls his eyes. His voice sounds like there’s life in it finally, “Sorry to disappoint, there’s not a secret romance on your team.”

Jamie laughs at that. He gets his phone out to text Keeley. He thinks she’ll know what to do.

Colin finishes up his phone call. “Thank you. I’ll give her a call. Bye, Ted.” Colin hangs up and looks at Jamie, “Ted says hi and he’s glad you came over. And some reference I did not get.”

Jamie smiles. He shakes his phone, “I was about to text Keeley. She could probably help.”

Colin nods, “yeah, Ted suggested I call her. Rebecca called him to tell him.” Colin looks away from Jamie and buries his face in his hands, “this is not how I imagined this going.”

Jamie pulls his foot up onto the sofa and turns to face Colin. He wants to encourage him to talk but not force him. “Yeah?”

Colin puts his hands down and looks off across his living room, like he is daydreaming, “I thought one day, I could call some nice journo, we could have a nice sit-down. They can write some puff piece, take a picture where I look respectable, but also incredibly handsome.” Jamie chuckles at that, he appreciates it. Colin continues, “And most people would be proud of me.” Colin sighs and deflates, “not this.”

Jamie keeps his eyes on Colin, “I didn’t actually look at the article. Did you?”

Colin glances at Jamie for a second before looking away again. “So not the pictures?”

Jamie shakes his head, “didn’t know there was any.”

“There are.” Colin starts crying and doesn’t finish whatever he was going to say.

Jamie moves closer and puts his arm around Colin, rubbing his shoulder. Colin starts crying harder. Jamie uses his other arm to move Colin and hold him against his chest. He starts playing with Colin’s hair because that’s what he likes. Colin’s hair feels very soft against his fingers. He wants to ask him what he uses on it but knows this is not the time.

Colin’s phone starts ringing on the other side of him. Colin just ignores it though. As soon as it stops, Jamie’s starts ringing and vibrating loudly on the coffee table. He can see Keeley’s name but he doesn’t move to answer it. He doesn’t want to let go of Colin.

Colin mumbles against Jamie’s chest, “can you look at them?”

Jamie rests his head against Colin’s “our phones? It was Keeley, or mine was.”

“No,” Colin mumbles.

Jamie’s not sure what he means for a second. “The pictures?” Colin nods against him. Jamie moves them both awkwardly so he can grab his phone. He puts his phone behind Colin’s back so he doesn’t see the pictures again.

Jamie scrolls down the article. He wants to throw up. There are obviously pictures from someone Colin was close to. Someone who sold Colin out. Jamie tosses his phone next to Colin’s and holds him tighter, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know who that was, but I know you. You didn’t deserve this.”

Jamie tries his best not to be violent. He wants to have as few similarities to his dad as possible. Right now though, he wants to beat whoever did this. He wants to find them, try out that socks and soap thing Colin wanted to do with whoever ratted on Ted. Maybe the team can come back and they can burn all the tabloids down. He’s pretty sure they’d all enjoy that. They’ve basically all made it in there for some stupid thing or another.

Colin’s phone starts ringing again. He lets go of Jamie and looks at it. “It’s Keeley.” He answers FaceTime.

Keeley looks sympathetic on the screen, “Colin, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

Colin wipes his eyes, “thanks.”

“I’d like to talk to you about what you’d like to do. I figured you wouldn’t be sleeping. Does now work? I could come over. I hate the thought of you being alone.”

Colin half-smiles, “I’m not alone. Jamie’s here.”

“Oh!” Keeley looks surprised. Jamie moves so he’s on the screen. “Hi, Jamie.”

“Hey” Jamie looks at Colin and then back to her, “I think I may have made it worse, When I came over, the paps were yelling questions.”

Keeley cuts in, “pricks.”

Jamie continues, “I asked if they wanted to share who they were shagging.”

Keeley thinks for a moment, “are those the exact words you used?”

“Err,” Jamie thinks about it. “No. I asked if they wanted to share about their sex lives.”

Keeley takes a breath, “alright. They may think you came over because you’re shagging each other.”

Colin groans, “Jamie, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to get dragged into this.”

“Don’t care.” He looks at Keeley on the screen, “would that help?”

Both Keeley and Colin ask “what?”

Keeley adds, “how do you mean?”

Jamie shrugs, “don’t know, but if it’s somehow better if Colin is in a relationship, I can help. Say it’s me.”

Colin’s head whips to look at Jamie, “what?”

Keeley watches them for a second, thinking it over, “I’m not sure. It could. It would be a nice distraction.”

Colin talks in a rush, “no, I’m not dragging you into it. It’s bad enough they are probably going to make shit up about you now.”

Jamie puts his hand on Colin’s leg, hopeful to calm him but to at least get his attention, “I volunteered. If the papers are going to go there anyway.” Jamie thinks maybe it would also finally get him disowned by his dad. “You aren’t dragging me into anything. If this is what you want to do, I can help.”

Colin doesn’t say anything. He just looks at Jamie.

Keeley jumps in, “let's come back to this. Colin, I assume you do, but do you know the source of the leak?”

“Yes.” Colin starts crying again. Jamie moves his hand from Colin’s knee to hold his hand. Colin slightly smiles at him, “his name is Adam. We broke up midseason. He’d be the only one it could be. I don’t know why he did this. I thought we were good. If he needed money, he could have asked me.”

“I’m sorry, Colin. That’s a shit thing to do. I hate him.” Keeley clears her throat, “I want to know your thoughts on saying you’ve been with Jamie.”

Colin looks almost angry instead of sad now, “I don’t think it’s helpful for Jamie to lie about his sexuality.”

Keeley just looks towards where Jamie is on screen.

Jamie takes a deep breath, “not a lie. Is it Keeley?”

Colin looks over to Jamie, “really? Oh.” He looks down at his lap, turning over their still joined hands, “I don’t know. Selfishly I don’t want all the attention on me.”

Jamie squeezes his hand, “I love attention.”

Colin scoffs.

“Hey.” Jame waits for Colin to look at him. “This is what I think. You’re right, it’s not helpful that I lie about my sexuality. This could help you, other people, saying the truth.” Jamie looks away for a second. “It could be good.”

Colin stares at Jamie. His face is more serious than Jamie has ever seen him, even when he was mad about Jamie calling him a jaundiced worm. “It’s going to be so horrible. People are going to verbally harass us. Only at games if we’re lucky.”

Keeley cuts in, “Rebecca will have them kicked out of matches at home. She already told me. Or she wants to. She was going to talk to the lawyers about it. She’s going to have a statement released, as soon as you want, about the owner and club supporting you.”

Colin sighs and finally looks back to Keeley, “how would it even work?”

Keeley frowns slightly, “how do you mean?” Colin glances at Jamie. Keeley says, “off the top of my head, send me any pictures you have of the two of you. I’ll go through and see if any look relationship-worthy. We decide your relationship timeline that no one could come out and contradict. Write a statement, post it online. The team releases a statement. Rebecca wants to sue the paper. Then wait for it to wash out in the cycle.”

“But it’s not going to wash out.” Colin turns slightly to face Jamie, “you’d be with me in the history books. It would follow you for the rest of your career. You could be one of the greats. This could ruin that. It’s probably going to ruin my career. I can’t ruin yours, too.”

“Well, I am one of the greats, so it won’t.” Jamie gives Colin his prick face, making him smile, “And like I said. It’s not a lie. It’s the twentieth century. Football can fucking catch up.”

When Keeley talks again, it surprises Jamie. He almost forgot she was there. “It’s the twenty-first century.”

“Whatever. Even better. If it’s not stealing your coming out moment. If you want that for yourself. Fine. If not.” Jamie shrugs. “We’d look hot.”

Colin laughs.

Keeley nods, “you would look hot together.”

Jamie nudges Colin, “tell Keeley what you told me. How you wanted to come out.”

Colin sighs, “it’s silly now.”

Keeley smiles, “no, it’s not. I’d like to know.” Colin tells her how he’d imagined it happening. Keeley responds, telling him, “we can make that happen. I know photographers. Plenty that would love to help. I’d need to research a reporter. Don’t like many of them. Do you want me to set that up?”

Colin glances at Jamie, “for me or us?

“I’ll start work on setting it up as soon as possible. I’ll call Rebecca back. Tell her to wait to release a statement. You decide if it’s just you or both of you. I’ll call back mid-morning. Think about it. Also, try to sleep. And Colin?”

“Yeah?”

Keeley smiles, “Richmond loves you.”

Colin’s eyes filled with tears again, “thanks.”

Keeley points towards Jamie, using a serious voice, “Jamie, make sure he sleeps some.”

Jamie nods, “will do.”

When Colin ends the call, Jamie turns on the sofa to face him again, “what are you thinking?”

Colin leans back, “that I’m really fucking tired.”

Jamie puts his hand on Colin’s shoulder and rubs it, “go to sleep.”

Colin looks at Jamie’s hand then up to Jamie’s face.

Jamie smiles at him, “do you care if I sleep on the couch?”

Colin frowns, “I need to get a new one. It’s not comfortable enough for all night.”

Jamie pouts slightly, “I’ll just go home then.” He decides to break some of the tension he suddenly feels, “not sure I could sleep with that thing in the corner looking at me anyway.”

Colin scoffs, “that’s a KAWS sculpture. I like it.”

Jamie makes a disbelieving face, “it’s going to star in my nightmares now. Is it supposed to be dead? Why’s it got Xs for eyes. Whatever, I’ll just go home.”

Colin starts to speak, stops himself, then starts again, “you..” He looks back towards his stairs.

Jamie hesitantly starts, “do you want?”

Colin sighs, “don’t go. Please. I wish I hadn’t made my extra bedroom a gym right now. I have a king though.”

Jamie grimaces, “I usually sleep naked but I could wear my pants. Does that bother you? Cause I didn’t think to bring anything.”

“I sleep in my pants, too. Does that bother you?” Colin’s eyes are huge and pleading.

Jamie couldn’t leave him alone even if he wanted to. “Not at all. Let’s go to bed.”

Jamie wakes up, stretches, and rolls over onto his side. Colin is sitting up next to him. “Hey.”

Colin looks down at him, “morning.”

Jamie pushes himself up, “have you been awake long?”

Colin nods, “about an hour.”

Jamie pulls the covers up higher. “You could have woken me up.”

Colin sighs, “I’ve just been thinking.”

Colin sounds stressed already. Jamie wants to lean against him or pull Colin against him. “You should have woke me up. We could have talked. What are you thinking about?”

Colin’s leg shakes under the covers, “I don't know if it would be believable. What if the reporters know we are lying because we aren’t affectionate enough? Or because we don’t have enough chemistry? What if they think we’re a shit couple because of those?”

“If we come out together?” Jamie’s pretty sure this is what Colin means but he’s still waking up. Colin nods. Jamie thinks for a moment. “We touch on the pitch.”

Colin looks over at him, looking slightly amused, “hardly the same.”

Jamie shrugs, “we practice. It’s how we got good at football.”

Colin smiles then his eyes narrow, “how do you mean?”

“I don’t mean we have sex or something.” Jamie notices that Colin’s cheeks are bright red. “Just like cuddle and shit until it’s time.”

Colin mumbles “yeah.” He starts playing with the edge of the covers.

Jamie looks at his hands, recognizing the action from when he’s really nervous or upset, “what is it?”

Colin sniffles, “I’m so tired of being alone.” He starts crying again, “my family…”

Jamie moves closer and wraps his arms around Colin, “you aren’t alone.”

Colin’s voice is soft and sad, “have you changed your mind?”

Jamie leans his head against Colin’s, “not at all. I’d tweet about it right now. Don’t want to make Keeley do all the work she’s probably been up to for nothing.”

“Do you still love her?”

Jamie’s not sure why Colin is asking that. Maybe he heard about the funeral confession. Jamie’s not sure if he was in love with her then or just not used to loving someone platonically. “Not like that.”

Colin takes a deep breath and sits up, “alright. Let’s do it.”

Jamie smiles softly at him, “Colin Hughes, do you want to be my fake boyfriend?”

Colin looks like he's trying to fight it for a moment but laughs, “yeah, I do.”

Jamie smiles wider, “then let's tell everyone.”

Jamie makes the call to Keeley for Colin. He feels gross from crying and wants to shower. She has everything set up already. Jamie is amazed and curious if she slept at all. Trent Crimm is going to interview them and write the story. They’ll publish it on the team’s website. Rebecca doesn’t want to give any tabloid or newspaper the pleasure of publishing it. Ted suggested Trent to Keeley, even though he’s not working for the Independent anymore. Getting Trent on board was Ted’s contribution since Rebecca forbade him from flying back. However, he does want to set up a time to talk with Colin later in the day.

Keeley comes over mid-afternoon. She has a carload of stuff for them. She has groceries so they don’t have to go out, healthy and not healthy stuff, potential outfits for the photo shoot, and a notebook full of plans for them.

Keeley sits down in the chair, notebook on her lap, and gestures for Colin and Jamie to sit on the sofa, “alright, act like a couple for me.”

Colin makes a face, “like kiss in front of you?”

Keeley smiles, “I wouldn’t mind watching that, but not necessarily what I meant. While we talk this out, I want you to think about how you’d act towards the other if you were really together.

Jamie puts his arm around Colin. Colin puts his hand on Jamie’s leg and leans into him.

“Good.” Keeley smiles, pleased with what she sees in front of her, “now I’ll watch and see if there’s anything that seems off.” She takes a breath, “I’ve got a very personal question. When was the last time either of you shagged anybody?”

Colin answers first, “seven months ago. Broke up six months ago.”

“Amy from Lust Conquers All.” They both look at Jamie. He pouts, “what? I haven’t met anyone.

Colin squeezes his knee, “just surprised.”

Keely smiles, “that makes this a lot easier actually.” Keeley taps her pen against her mouth. “How about this, you’ve been together five months? Maybe Colin you confided in Jamie about your break up and got to know him better. Got closer. Started dating.” Keeley takes a drink of her coffee, “it would be cute if you’d both had feelings on and off but never said anything.”

Colin pouts, “why haven’t we told anyone on the team? We’re all really close now.”

Jamie offers, “we’ve been working hard to get back into the premiership. Would have been a distraction?”

Keeley nods, “what do you think Colin?”

Colin looks at Jamie then Keeley, “I may have to tell Isaac the truth. We usually hang out even if the team isn’t. More so after…the break up.”

Jamie pulls Colin close to him, “I’ll tell him with you if you want.” Colin smiles at him.

Keeley tries not to smile too much at them, “Rebecca has offered to hire some security at first. Just precautionarily. For her peace of mind. To sit out on the street here and at the club until the tabloids get a new story. I know she can afford it, but it might be easier if you’re in one house.”

Jamie looks over at Keeley, “the paps won’t find my house unless they follow. We can go there.”

Colin looks at him, “what do you mean?”

Jamie looks at the ground, “it’s under a fake name. So my dad won’t find me as easily.” He looks up at Colin, “we could move in there.”

Keeley says, “you could say you wanted to move in together anyways. That would have been too hard to hide though.” Keeley smiles, “it would look like something good came out of this.”

Colin looks away from both of them for a few moments. He looks at Jamie, then to Keeley, “I really hate that this is happening. Or how it happened. I want something good to come out of it. I know I’m not the best on the team. I would have picked any other way to come out that someone else doing it for me. If we’re going to do this, I want to make sure it helps someone else feel more comfortable coming out or about who they are. I don’t care if it’s someone in the sport now or some young kid that wants to play someday. Do you think all this will help make that happen?”

Keeley wipes a tear from her eye, “yeah, Colin. I do. I’m going to help you make sure it does.”

Jamie squeezes his shoulder, “me too.”

Keeley smiles, “I think you should tell Trent exactly that.”

++++++++

After spending the morning talking and making plans with Keeley, Jamie is helping Colin go through his house and decide what to take to his and what to have movers put in storage. Colin packed some of his clothes into suitcases while Jamie was downstairs packing up things from the kitchen that he thought they’d need.

Colin comes down into the livingroom to find Jamie staring at the KAWS statue. It looks like he’s trying to have a staring contest with it. He’s pretty sure Jamie was joking about it last night but he’s not sure.

Colin walks over, takes one of the green pieces of paper, and slowly holds it over the statue. He looks at Jamie, “can it please come with?”

Jamie narrows his eyes but he’s slightly smiling.

Colin fake pouts, “you’ve got the balloon dog.”

“Yeah” Jamie pulls a face, “it’s a perfect pet. I never have to walk him.”

Colin laughs, “really?”

Jamie takes the paper from Colin’s hand and puts it on the statue before turning to face Colin, “are you sure you’re okay with moving into my house?”

Colin sighs. He’s never really wanted a roommate. He likes having time to himself. He figured the next time he’d live with someone it would be a romantic situation. That seems improbable for now.

He never liked this house much. He just rented the one he thought looked the coolest on the list he was given. It was close enough to the club. It never felt like home though. Something was missing from it. He just hasn’t figured out what it was. He figures he might as well move. “Yeah, I was never completely at home here. Now there’s ex-boyfriend ghosts. Didn’t bother me much till now. I’m just renting it anyway.”

Jamie looks surprised, “you haven’t bought a house?”

Colin rolls his eyes, “I’m not going to own property in England.”

“Whatever.” Jamie starts to walk off then turns back, “er, Colin?”

Colin puts a yellow piece of paper on his coffee table for it to go to storage. “Yeah?”

Jamie scratches the back of his head, “I’ve only got one bed right now. I just thought of that. My other bedroom is my wardrobe. Should be enough room for your things”

“Oh.” Colin slept well with Jamie last night. He thinks it should be alright. He does like knowing there is someone next to him. “I assume we’ll have friends over. None of the team has any boundaries. They’ll probably go look.”

Jamie laughs, “they really don’t. Are we really telling them it’s a real relationship?”

Colin thinks Jamie looks hesitant. Colin has only felt sane thinking that Jamie will be with him in this. That he has someone who’s hand he can hold. He felt like he couldn’t breathe until Jamie came over. “Are you changing your mind?”

“No!” Jamie quickly says. “I just worked so hard to get them to like me again. I feel bad lying to them.”

“Me too. But the less people that know, I guess. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just telling myself that to make myself feel less guilty.” Colin looks at the ground. The amount of people he feels like are in his corner has gone down a lot. He thinks he can trust the team. He also thought he could trust Adam. Now there are intimate pictures and private conversations out there for anyone to see. He doesn’t want to be wrong again. “I don’t really trust people right now.”

Colin feels himself get pulled into a hug. Jamie wraps his arms around Colin’s waist and nuzzles against his neck. He talks quietly, “we can keep it a secret. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Colin closes his eyes. Jamie does make him feel comfortable. The team would probably understand if they found out the truth eventually. Colin pulls back and pats Jamie’s arm, “and we’ll break up eventually so it’s all good.”

“Yeah, good point.” An expression that Colin can’t place crosses Jamie’s face before he turns away from him. He walks over to the wall and stands in front of a painting. “How much did you pay for this, you rich twat?”

Colin scoffs, “it’s not like you’re poor.” Jamie tilts his head sideways. It is rather abstract. Colin sees different things everytime he looks at it, but can’t help telling Jamie, “you look like an owl.”

++++++++

Jamie is brushing his teeth and Colin comes into their now shared bathroom to do the same. Jamie starts doing his nightly skincare. He puts on some extra serum since they have the photo shoot the next day. Colin finishes brushing his teeth and flossing. Jamie thought he’d leave but he just leans against the bathroom counter, looking at the wall opposite the sinks.

Jamie looks over and sees a serious look on Colin’s face. He looks worried. “We can still back out if you want.”

Colin doesn’t look over at him, just keeps looking ahead, “no, it’s not that. I actually think I feel good about it. Or as good as I can.”

Jamie puts down the pot of moisturizer in his hand, “then what?”

Colin looks over, “can I kiss you?”

Jamie inhales sharply. He wasn’t expecting this. Or the warm feeling it gives him. “For…” Jamie trails off. He wants to ask if it’s for the article or for them. He wouldn’t have expected Colin to want to kiss him. They’ve been together basically the entire time since the news about Colin broke. It’s been emotional but Jamie has also really enjoyed it. They had a lot of fun picking out what of Colin’s would come over to his house. It felt like what Jamie would imagine moving in together would feel like.

Colin inches a little closer to Jamie, turning to face him, “in case they want us to for a photo or something. So it’s not the first time.”

“Smart. Good timing.” Jamie smirks, “we both have fresh breath.”

Colin laughs, “it is.” Colin keeps watching Jamie. He looks scared.

Jamie thinks he might be nervous. Jamie steps a little closer, “I’m going to touch you.”

Colin nods quickly, “I know.”

Jamie smiles, “alright. Anywhere you don’t want me to?”

Colin’s eyes widened, “what are you about to do?”

Jamie puts his hands palm up in the space between them, “I don't know. You could be ticklish or something on your sides.”

“Oh.” Colin blushes.

Jamie can’t help smirking at him, “I wasn’t going to undress you.”

Colin huffs, “I know that.”

“Don’t think it’s that type of photo shoot.” Jamie puts one hand on Colin's face and wraps his other arm around his shoulders, surprised at how natural it feels. “Bet we could make a lot of money from that though.”

Colin laughs loudly.

Jamie was going to wait until Colin put his hands on him to kiss him but he looks so cute laughing Jamie leans in and kisses him.

Colin’s laugh turns into a surprised noise and he wraps his arms around Jamie. They share a few small kisses then Colin puts his hand on the back of Jamie’s head. Jamie tilts his head and deepens the kiss. Colin makes a small whimpering noise in Jamie’s mouth. Jamie wants to move Colin against the wall and slide his thigh between Colin’s legs. That is definitely not what this kiss was supposed to be about. He has no idea if Colin wants that so he pulls back.

Colin drops his hands, looks around, then mumbles “thanks.”

Jamie scratches the back of his head, “welcome.”

Colin takes a deep breath, and points over his shoulder towards the door, “I’m going to sleep.”

“Yeah, me too. Just gotta finish.” Jamie picks up the moisturizer. “Be just a minute.”

Colin turns on his heel and leaves while Jamie tries to get his heart hate under control.

++++++++

Colin can’t help staring at Keeley while she messes with his hair. He did it himself upstairs but she’s making a few adjustments. He’s had makeup done before for photo shoots, just minor fixes. Keeley has a full face of it on. He wonders what she looks like without it. Jamie knows. Colin wonders if that’s the part of her Jamie fell in love with. Keeley doesn’t seem like someone that would put on a mask, figurative or literally and hide who she is though. Not like Colin has to an extent. He didn’t try to date women or put on a show like that. He just let people assume he was straight. Isaac was the only person that knew about Adam until about a few days ago. He’s always felt like he had to, and more so after his family stopped talking to him for telling the truth.

Colin’s mind drifts to Jamie. The Jamie he’s gotten to know over the last season. The one he met when he first came on loan from Man City seems so different from the one he’s seen recently. The first Jamie he met feels like a shield now. He never would have shown up at Colin’s door. Colin wonders if this fake relationship will have enough realness he can get to know who Jamie really is.

Keeley pulls out some mascara and Colin gets pulled out of his thoughts. He looks at her skeptically, “really? Do I need that?”

She smiles softly, “it’s just clear. We can take it off if you don’t like it. I could curl them instead if you want. Or skip it.”

Colin looks at her for a moment. She’s been incredibly helpful so far. She’s done everything. He doesn’t think she’d steer him the wrong way. He looks at the brush and then back to her, “whatever you think. I’m just nervous.”

Keeley smiles kindly, “you know what babe, I think with the lighting, your eyes will look great without.” She scrunches her nose, “I am going to put a tiny bit of powder on you.” She leans in and whispers, “I’m sure Jamie is upstairs doing the same thing himself.”

Colin laughs. He did notice some makeup in the cabinet when he was putting his stuff away in the ensuite yesterday. Jamie goes to enough photo shoots, it didn’t surprise Colin at all.

Since Keeley is done with him, he goes into the kitchen to make some tea. He feels restless. He slept fine but as soon as they started getting ready he felt like it was match day and they were playing to be promoted all over again. He can’t listen to music because his headphones would mess up his hair. The photographer, Vera, has their own music playing or he would just play some from his phone.

He offers some tea to Vera who’s loading their camera, their assistant Elias, and Keeley. None of them take him up on it though. Keeley brought them both coffee when she came over. He makes some for Jamie. He’s about to take it upstairs to him when Jamie walks into the kitchen.

He smiles wide over at Colin, “hey babe. How’s my hair look?”

Colin smiles back, “looks perfect.” Colin feels more at ease now that Jamie’s ready and downstairs. He looks handsome in the navy jumper he has on. He looks softer than normal.

“So does yours.” Jamie grabs Colin by the hips and leans in close, their noses almost touching.

Colin can feel eyes on them. They really are doing this. He knows he is already out to the public. But he’s here, stepping out with Jamie. There’s no turning back now. He figures he may as well jump all the way in. They did practice this for a reason. He wants this to seem real. They talked this morning about ways to do it. Kissing was one of the ways. He leans in and kisses Jamie, “thanks.”

Jamie kisses him back, “all good?”

Colin nods, “all good.”

Jamie leans in close to Colin’s ear so only he can hear, “you look fit. I’m happy to be your public boyfriend.”

Colin turns his head slightly to kiss Jamie’s cheek, “I cannot thank you enough for this.”

Jamie squeezes his hips, “no thanks needed.” Jamie pats his side and walks over to the photographer. He sits down on the chair by the window and smirks at them, “luckily I’ve only got good sides.”

Colin rolls his eyes, smiling despite himself. He walks over and sits on the arm of the chair, “luckily, one of us is very grateful you’re doing this for us.”

Jamie leans over and puts his arm over Colin’s legs, “thank you for this. I hope the short notice didn’t inconvenience you.”

Colin rests his hand on the back of Jamie’s neck, “thank you.”

Vera brushes off the thanks, “please! Like I wouldn’t do whatever for Keeley.” They pause for a moment. “This will get me publicity but even if it didn’t, I’d still help.” They smile softly at Colin, “Now if you two want to just interact naturally for a bit. I’ll take some candids before posing you some.”

Colin looks down at Jamie, who smiles up at him. His mind blanks, “I think I’ve forgotten anything interesting to talk about.”

Jamie smirks, “did my handsome face render you speechless?”

Colin tries not to laugh. He gently puts his hand on Jamie’s cheek, “of course, darling. That’s obviously what happened.” Colin hears a click and he looks over.

The photograph smiles, “you’re adorable. Keep going.”

Jamie stands up and pulls Colin over towards the window. Colin lets Jamie cuddle against him, maneuver him a bit. Colin feels a bit silly at first. He’s done some photo shoots but they always feel awkward. It’s like he forgets how to hold his body. He doesn’t have the benefit of just being able to hold a football here.

Jamie cups his cheek and talks low, “forget them. Just focus on me.” Jamie smirks, “babe”

Colin chuckles, “alright.” Colin puts his arms around Jamie’s shoulders. He takes a deep breath. He tells himself to just pretend Jamie is his boyfriend. Just for the next few hours.

It starts being more fun then. He starts flirting a bit with Jamie, figures he might as well. Colin’s tempted to kiss Jamie a few times but doesn’t know if that’s something he wants the whole world, or whoever, to see now for some reason.

Vera arranges them so their arms around each other’s waists and they’re looking at each other. While multiple pictures are taken, Colin wonders what it would be like to actually have been dating Jamie for five months. Would they be living together? Would Colin have told Jamie he loves him? Would he feel that for Jamie? Colin was with Adam for six months and hadn’t thought of saying that or even thought he was. Looking back, the relationship was perfectly fine. He thought he knew who Adam was but he obviously didn’t since he couldn't have imagined him selling their private lives. He thinks he may actually know more about Jamie, just as friends, than he does about Adam. Colin has more in common with Jamie. He never would have wished for this to be how it happens but he looks forward to spending more time with Jamie.

Jamie softly smiles, “what?”

Colin smiles, “what?”

Jamie shrugs, “I don’t know. How you were looking at me changed.”

Colin doesn’t know what to say, how to express his feelings about this. He rests his forehead against Jamie’s and closes his eyes, “I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

Jamie shifts, pulls Colin’s body closer, and kisses him. “Me too.”

++++++++

Jamie sits down next to Colin. He can see the panic in his eyes. He seemed relaxed during the photo shoot. They were laughing a lot towards the end. Jamie’s excited to see the pictures that come out of it, especially the ones where they had their arms around each other.

Trent is still getting all his stuff ready so Jamie pulls his phone out to send Keeley a text to ask if they’ll be able to see all the photos. Keeley reads it and gives him a thumbs up. Jamie looks back at Colin. He still looks like he’s panicking. Jamie grabs his hand and lifts it to his mouth, “are you alright?” He kisses the back of his hand.

Colin smiles hesitantly, “yeah.”

Jamie kisses his hand again, “sure about that?”

Colin sighs, “I think I’m still in shock this is happening. It seems more real right now.”

Trent stops what he’s doing and looks at them, “Mr. Hughes.”

Colin makes a face and interrupts before Trent can continue, “please call me Colin.”

Trent smiles, “Colin.” Trent looks at Jamie, “Jamie. I want you both to know being able to write this means a lot to me. I hope you don’t mind, Ted told me how today is a lot closer to how you’d thought your coming out would be. I’ve hoped for a long time that I would get to help a footballer share their story like this. I know I’ve written harsh criticism about both of your match performances in the past. This story will not contain any of that.”

Trent smiles over at Keeley, “I’ve already told Ms. Jones that I am happy to let you both read it and tell me any corrections you’d like.”

Colin nods, “thank you. I appreciate that.”

Trent smiles, “are you ready to begin?”

Jamie squeezes Colin’s hand, “you ready? Need a drink.”

Colin points to the water in front of him, “I’ve got one.”

Jamie looks at it, “want something stronger. For courage?”

Colin leans against him, “I have you for courage.”

Jamie thinks Colin genuinely means this. His face looks so earnest. He leans in and kisses Colin’s cheek, “you’re too nice to me.”

Colin smiles, “you’re just not used to it because you were a prick for so long.”

Jamie scoffs, “hey, that was a long time ago.” His eyes flick to Trent. He talks through his teeth to Colin, “what are you doing?”

Colin grins and leans in close, “just reminding you how much you’ve grown.” He quickly kisses Jamie, “I’m proud of you.”

They talked about kissing each other if it felt natural, or like a good place for it. This seems like both for Jamie. He wants Colin to know how grateful he is that Colin would be proud of him and tell him so. Jamie cups his cheek and kisses him. It lasts a little longer than he normally would in front of people.

Colin pulls back and clears his throat. He looks at Trent, “sorry about that.”

Trent smirks, “no need to be. Honestly never thought I’d see two footballers like this.”

Keeley calls out from her perch at the kitchen island, “it’s hot, innit?”

Trent pulls out his pen and clicks it, “I’ll refrain from commenting on that.”

Keeley laughs, “that sounds like a yes.”

Trent ignores her, “are you gentlemen ready?” They both nod. “Let’s start with just some, possibly, lighter questions. Do you remember when you first met and what you thought?”

Colin blushes and looks at Jamie, “I thought he was fit.”

Jamie smirks and shrugs, “I get that a lot.” Colin scoffs and pushes his shoulder, making Jamie laugh. “I thought he was kind. He was the first one to walk over and introduce himself. He was mid changing when I came in. He walked over in his socks and shook my hand.” Jamie smiles softly, “after training he asked if I wanted him to show me around Richmond. Maybe I should have said yes.”

Colin smiles and leans against him, “it would have been better than ‘I know how GPS works’.” Jamie cringes and Colin laughs. “We, Isaac McAdoo and myself, did get him to hang out with us that first weekend. That’s when he met Keeley.”

Trent nods, “so not an instant love connection for both of you.”

Jamie sits up, “I also thought he was fit.” He takes a deep breath, “but I met Keeley. That was easier than addressing any attraction to a teammate.”

Colin nods, “it made it easier for me too. Easy way to get over a crush, realizing they’re straight.”

Trent smirks, “I’m familiar.”

Colin laughs, “yeah. Didn’t realize for a while I was wrong about Jamie though.”

Trent makes a note on his pad, “how do you mean?”

Colin takes a deep breath, “well wrong about him being straight and about him in general. Both didn’t happen until he came back to Richmond.”

Trent waits for Colin to continue and when he doesn’t, he asks, “would you like to elaborate?”

Colin smiles, “when he came back to Richmond.” Colin glances at Jamie, “none of us were exactly thrilled. Maybe Dani, but none of the rest of us. Jamie apologized to us, without being prompted to, about his past behavior. He started being kind and supportive. When Sam taped his kit, Jamie was the first non-Nigerian to tape his. He started going with Dani to volunteer at Barkingham Palace.” Colin laughs a little, “there were some attempts to buy our affection with meals and drinks. But the only time he was that cocky prick was during a match.”

Colin takes a deep breath and looks at Jamie. Jamie knows what’s coming next. It’s the part they’ve made up. Jamie squeezes his hand.

Colin looks back to Trent, “about six months ago, I’d just been dumped. I was in a terrible mood at training. A lot of the team was going out for dinner. I said I couldn’t go. Jamie hung back and asked if I wanted to go eat with just him. If I wanted to talk about anything, he could listen. I wasn’t specific with pronouns about the breakup. Jamie guessed it was a guy. I expected judgment, nothing positive basically. Then Jamie told me he was bi.”

This is what they practiced this morning so Jamie starts in, “we spent more time together. We started talking more. Actually talking. About real stuff. What it was like having to hide parts of ourselves. How hard it is to date.” Jamie smiles and leans against Colin, “I told Colin it would be easier if we just dated each other. He blushed.”

Colin laughs lightly, “it’s not my fault I’m pale.”

Jamie rubs his head against Colin’s shoulder, “it was adorable. Never thought one of my teammates was adorable before. So I asked if we should.”

Colin smiles, “I said yes.”

Trent smiles, “does the team know?”

Colin huffs a laugh, “they will now. But no, we didn’t tell them. Jamie wanted to earn it on his own, being their friend and teammate again. Not have them accept him just because I had. Plus we were working on getting promoted. It would have been distracting. Especially if it got out.”

Trent nods and makes some notes. “Now that is it out, how are you feeling?”

Colin clears his throat, “I’m going to keep my thoughts on how the news about me came out to myself. I’d like to make the best of it. I don’t think I’m a role model or anything. I’ve done plenty of stupid things in my life. I guess I just want to show people that you can play this sport, at this level, and be something other than straight. If some kid feels like he can play football now because he sees me, sees us playing, then it will be worth it. For everything else, I honestly haven’t figured it all out. I wasn’t planning on doing it yet.”

Trent looks at Jamie, “what about you?”

Jamie looks at Colin, who softly smiles at him. Jamie leans against him, “I wasn’t going to leave his side anytime soon before this happened. That’s not going to change now.” Jamie puts on his on-pitch prick face and looks back at Trent, “if anyone thinks I can’t play because I’m with a man, I’d be happy to play against them. Prove them wrong.”

Trent asks them a few more questions, mostly about Richmond being supportive since the news broke. He tells them he’ll have the finished piece to Keeley by morning. It surprised Jamie it would be that quickly. Keeley tells him Rebecca wants to put it up as soon as possible while still having it be worthy of the moment. Trent tells them it's important to him to get it right.

After Trent leaves, Colin goes to the loo and Keeley takes his place on the couch. She smiles at Jamie, “it’s nice seeing you like this.”

Jamie frowns, “how do you mean?”

“Selfless.” She watches him for a moment. “Why are you doing this?”

Jamie shrugs, “Colin needs someone. I don’t like the idea of him being alone.”

Keeley pats his knee, “I’ll get you all the photos.”

Jamie hadn’t expected that. “Cheers, that’d be great.” Jamie looks around the living room. “Maybe we could put some up.”

Keeley smiles knowingly at him, “that would be nice. You and Colin can look over them together.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jamie can’t tell what Keeley is thinking.

Colin comes back into the room, “what are we talking about?”

Keeley looks up at him, “I was just telling Jamie I’ll have Vera get all the photos from today to you both to keep. Jamie thought about framing some.”

Jamie looks up at Colin, “we’re going to look fit so may as well.” Colin’s cheeks turn red and Jamie smiles wide. He hopes Colin looks like that in some of the photos.

++++++++

Colin walks into Jamie’s kitchen, or both of their kitchen now. The interview is over, the photos are taken, everyone is gone but Colin. Colin won’t be leaving for who knows how long. He presumes the whole next season.

Jamie is standing in front of the refrigerator, staring into it. Colin goes over and looks over his shoulder. They brought all the food Keeley originally took to Colin’s house over here.

Colin puts his hand on Jamie’s shoulder, “so, any of it sound good to you?”

Jamie tilts his head, “there’s some broccoli. I don’t mind that?”

Colin isn’t exactly confident in his cooking skills. Not to serve anyone other than himself. He hesitantly asks, “raw?” Jamie turns slightly and makes a face at him. Colin half smiles, “do you know how to cook?”

Jamie looks at him for a moment then looks away, “yeah. Sort of. I learned the basics when I was little. My mum wasn’t around to cook much. She was working a lot.”

Colin squeezes Jamie’s shoulder, “sorry she wasn’t around more. Gave you a good life skill though. I can roast some vegetables. I always worry about giving myself food poisoning when I cook meat.”

Jamie smirks, “I’ll handle the meat then.”

Colin can’t help himself. He says, “careful Jamie, we’re only fake dating.”

Jamie frowns for a fraction of a second then scoffs and rolls his eyes, “whatever. I’ll make some chicken if you want to roast some vegetables.”

Colin grabs a couple courgettes and an aubergine to roast. He is washing the vegetables when Jamie starts yelling at his ipad, “I don’t care about your life story! Tell me how to make some fucking chicken!”

Colin bites his lip so he doesn’t laugh, “everything okay over there?”

“Finally!” Jame smiles over at him, “yes, all good now. This woman was talking about chasing a chicken on a farm. I just want to make some food.”

Colin walks over to him, “that picture looks good. Are there any seasonings you don’t like?”

Jamie looks down at Colin’s chest then up to his face, his expression unreadable, “not that I can think of. What about you? Before I put something you don’t like on the chicken.”

“Can’t think of anything.” Colin rests his chin on Jamie’s shoulder and reads the ingredients. “That looks good to me.”

He’s getting a sheet pan out when he sees Jamie is still looking at him. Colin wonders if he’s in his way. “Do you need something from down here?”

Jamie nods, “er, yeah. Can you hand me one of the glass pans?”

Colin finds that he actually enjoys cooking with another person. It’s a lot more fun having someone to talk to. It’s also easier cooking for more than one person. He actually looks forward to making more meals with Jamie. It hasn’t even been a week but he really enjoys being with Jamie all the time.

++++++++

Colin doesn’t know what Jamie’s usual schedule for cleaning or laundry or any of that is but he’s used to spending his Sundays doing some laundry. Jamie is in the living room watching TV. Colin walks halfway down the stairs to yell to him that he’s washing the sheets. He doesn’t want Jamie to suddenly want to wash clothes and the washer be full.

Colin goes back into the bedroom and takes the pillows off the bed. Under the pillows on the side Jamie has been sleeping on, he finds a well loved teddy bear. It looks almost the same age as Jamie. It warms Colin’s heart that Jamie has kept it for so long. Colin sees Jamie in the doorway. “Who’s this?”

Jamie takes large steps to grab it quickly from Colin’s hands, “no one.” He hugs the bear against his chest.

Colin smiles. He knows he was right about it being well loved. “Alright.”

Jamie pouts, “don’t laugh at me.”

Colin is tempted to walk over and put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder, “I’m not.”

“It seems like you are.”

Colin takes a step closer to him, “I’m smiling because I find it endearing.”

“Oh.” Jamie looks down at the bear’s face.

“Who is he?” Colin tries asking again now that hopefully Jamie knows he’s not judging him. He left a lot of personal stuff from his childhood at his parent’s house. It would be too awkward to ask for now but he wishes he had some of it.

Jamie looks up at Colin, “Mr. Bear.”

“I like it.” Colin edges a little closer to Jamie.

Jamie sounds a little defensive again, “seven year old Jamie wasn’t very creative, alright.”

“You’ve had him that long?”

“Yeah.” Jamie hugs the bear a little tighter, “he was a gift from my mum.”

Colin reaches out and feels Mr. Bear’s ear. It’s softer than he was expecting. “He’s cute.”

Jamie looks up at him, his eyes are wide and soft, “you’re really not making fun of me?”

Colin moves his hand from Mr. Bear to Jamie’s arm, “not at all. We all have things from our childhood we want to hold on to.”

Jamie’s eyes flick to Colin’s hand, “don’t know much about your family.”

Colin huffs harshly, “well, as you’ve probably gathered from none of them showing up or calling during this difficult time, we aren’t exactly close.”

“I knew that much already.” Jamie just looks at Colin.

Colin realizes Jamie is waiting for him to tell him. “You know how I got a box of shit from my nana when- wait that was after you left. I came out to my family the season Cardiff got relegated. We were close before. We don’t talk now. I was shocked when I got anything from my nana when she died. Between getting their team relegated and being gay, I’d gotten the impression she never wanted to talk to me again. My family tried acting like I hadn’t told them anything. It was never brought up. They called less, kept telling me they’d make it to a Richmond game. I usually had to call them.” Colin sighs and sits down on the bed. “Eventually I decided I would wait for them to contact me for once. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve heard from them.”

Jamie sits down next to Colin and hands him Mr Bear. Colin immediately cuddles him. Jamie looks at Colin’s face, “they’re missing out.”

Colin looks up at him, “what?”

“They’re missing out, not having a relationship with you.”

Colin is not sure why but he feels like Jamie is leaving something out. “Thank you.”

“That’s a shitty thing to do. You’re a good lad. They should be proud.”

“Thanks.” Colin leans against Jamie, “I’m sorry you have a shit dad. You don’t deserve any of that. You’re not any of the things he said.”

“Thank you.” Jamie looks at his lap and starts fidgeting with his fingers. “I know…I know we’re in a fake relationship or whatever but…never mind it’s stupid.”

Colin judges Jamie with his elbow and hands him Mr Bear back. “I doubt that. What were you going to say?”

Jamie slowly looks over at Colin, “since we’re going to be spending so much time with each other. We could be each other’s family.”

“That’s not stupid at all. I’d like that.” Colin still feels bad about his reaction after the Man City game. It was just so shocking to see Jamie like that. He had no idea this is what Jamie had been dealing with. He’d been wishing for a while he could go back and react better. That feeling has only increased since Jamie’s done this incredible thing for him. “Since we’re family now, I’ll do a better job protecting you if your dad comes around again.”

“You don’t have to deal with him.”

Colin puts his hand on Jamie’s leg, “hey! I’m your boyfriend and family. Of course I will.”

Jamie laughs, “that’s a weird fucking sentence.”

Colin laughs with him, “ignore the weird part.”

Jamie leans against him, “thank you, Colin.”

“Anytime.” Colin playfully shoves Jamie off the bed, “now get off. I’m going to wash the sheets.”

++++++++

Jamie’s been nervous all day. He doesn’t really know why. He’s been around Ted and Beard plenty. Since the news broke, texts from Ted had been his most frequent notification. Either ones to just him or a group message with Colin and him. They still outnumber the number he gets from the team group message.

Ted has told him he’s proud of him numerous times, by text and over the phone, in the last two weeks. Jamie’s been working on believing it. Something about seeing him is still making Jamie feel on edge. Like seeing Jamie and Colin living together, even if he knows that part is fake, will make things different now that Ted knows they’re both attracted to men. Jamie’s been fidgeting so much, Colin kicked him out of the kitchen.

Jamie was trying to avoid looking at the time, so when the doorbell rings, it startles him. Colin calls out asking if Jamie can get it when Jamie is already halfway to the door. Jamie wipes his sweaty feeling hands on his jeans and opens the door.

Ted smiles wide, “hey there, Jamie, looking good.”

Seeing Ted has the opposite effect that Jamie was expecting, it instantly calms him. Jamie smiles back, “hey coach.”

Ted holds his arms up to hug Jamie, “may I?” Jamie nods and gets pulled into a tight hug. Ted cups his hand on the back of Jamie’s neck and holds him against his chest. Ted is just enough taller than Jamie that he can tuck himself under Ted’s chin. It feels warm and safe. Ted talks low by his ear, “I’m real proud of you, son. Sticking by your teammate, your friend, like this. You’re a good man, Jamie. It’s so brave of you, putting your truth out there. Sorry I couldn’t be here sooner for you.” It’s all stuff that Ted told him either on the phone or by text, but hearing Ted say it in person is just much better.

Jamie feels a pat on his back from a hand not belonging to Ted. He assumes it’s Beard because when Jamie pulls back from Ted, he can’t see Beard standing slightly behind Ted anymore. Jamie sniffles, “thanks, Ted.” The first name feels nice in his lips. “You didn’t need to come earlier. You were with your son, he needs you.”

Ted gives him a half smile, but his eyes look sad.

Jamie hears Colin talking behind him but can’t make out the words. Both Ted and him look towards Colin and Beard. Beard has his hands on Colin’s shoulders.

Beard looks gravely serious, “I know people. Through an ex of mine. Just give me the word.”

Colin looks stricken with fear when he looks at Jamie. Jamie wants to know what the first part of that conversation was. He’ll try and wait to ask until after the coaches leave.

Ted and Beard switch places. Ted gives Colin a tight hug as well while telling him he’s sorry about Colin’s private life becoming public fodder but he’s proud of how Colin is handling it.

Jamie looks away from them when Beard stands in front of him. Jamie’s always been a little unsure of Beard. He looks more welcoming without his usual hat and sunglasses.

They look at each other for a beat. Beard’s voice is warmer than Jamie’s ever heard it when he says “Jamie” while extending his hand. Jamie shakes his hand. Beard places his free hand on Jamie’s shoulder and squeezes it tight. “Good man.”

Colin gestures, inviting the coaches further into the house. He waits for Jamie to be next to him before he starts walking behind them. He smiles softly at Jamie, “you good?”

Jamie sniffles and nods. He quips, “didn’t expect this to be how Beard would make me almost cry.” Colin laughs, then gets louder when Beard looks over his shoulder at them.

Jamie walks over to his fridge, “we’ve got water. Sparkling or flat. Beer. Don’t know if it’s any good. Colin bought it.” Colin scoffs at this so Jamie throws him a quick wink. “We’ve got tea. Don’t know what else.”

Colin adds, “we’ve got some whisky. I didn’t get wine to go with supper because I didn’t think either of you were big wine drinkers.”

Ted grins, “I trust Colin’s taste in beer.”

Beard glares at Colin for a moment before the corner of his mouth ticks up, “I do too.”

Jamie gives them each a bottle. Colin offers them glasses but they both pass. Jamie asks what Colin wants.

Colin shrugs, “whatever you’re having.”

Jamie’s been out enough with Colin that he assumed he’d pick beer. Jamie frowns, “I was going to have water.”

“Sounds good. I’ll get two glasses then.” Colin hands two glasses to Jamie before he hands Ted and Beard plates, showing them the different foods he’s prepared.

Everyone fills their plates and sits down at the table by the kitchen. Jamie has never used the formal dining area. He thought maybe they would tonight. Colin thought this would be better, and of course he was correct. They fall into conversation easily. It feels like they’re eating with two friends, or kind of oddly like they are almost on a double date, given how Ted and Beard play off each other.

This feeling increases when Colin is explaining the various outings Keeley has set up for them. They have a dinner with Keeley and Rebecca at some Italian place Keeley wanted an excuse to go to and Rebecca really likes. Roy enjoys cooking enough that they usually don’t need to go out. Since he’s on vacation, Keeley wants to go. They’ve got a triple date with O’Brien and Reynolds a few days after that, which will be much more casual.

Ted smirks over at Beard, “no offense to all of them and their partners, but Beard and I are the best pair. We’ve been together the longest.”

“Twenty eight years strong, baby!” Beard throws his hands up as he cheers, earning laughs from the rest.

Colin looks at Jamie before slowly asking, “but…you’re…just friends right?”

Ted and Beard eye each other. Ted turns to look at Colin, “well, you see, Beard here is just not my kissing type. We tried one night back at the University of Kansas where we met, just to check. Find out if we liked it. Tucked away in a dark corner of Delta Chi during a party.”

Beard interrupts, “Simga Nu. The one Paul was in. He invited us.”

“Oh yes. But anyways, it was not going to work.” Ted smirks over at Beard, “the man used far too much tongue.”

Beard’s brow furrows as he looks at Ted, “if you’d actually opened your mouth it wouldn’t have been an issue.”

Jamie looks at Colin and whispers, “what the fuck?”

Colin laughs, “listen, we all know I’m gay now. So I feel comfortable saying that is some of the gayest shit I’ve ever heard.”

Ted laughs, “sometimes you’ve gone chemistry with a friend. It’s worth giving it a try. But I earned a friend for life, if not a romantic partner.” Ted looks knowingly at Jamie.

Jamie tucks his hands into his pockets, “you ever sad it didn’t work?”

Beard scoffs, “I am terrible at relationships. Other than friendship with Ted, so no.”

Ted grins, “I met Michelle a few days later and got Henry out of it, so no I am not.” Ted leans forward, resting his arms on the table, looking more serious now, “I don’t know the future, but I do think you both have a friend for life now. I hope you do. You’ve got each other, you’ve got both of us supporting you.” Beard nods in agreement. “You’ve got the team behind you. Again, I don’t know the future and what it will be like when we start playing again. I do know that together, we’ll all get through this.”

Beard grins, for what Jamie thinks might be the first time he’s seen, “and we’ll send Roy to deal with anyone that gives you a hard time.”

Jamie laughs. He looks to his side to see Colin watching him. He feels the sudden urge to lean in and kiss him. He wonders if Colin would use too much tongue if Jamie opened his mouth to him. Jamie doesn’t know what to do with that feeling so he looks away. He blurts out, “what other weird shit did you two get up to at uni?”

That question leads to almost an hour of different stories from them, mostly from Ted. Beard chimes in every so often to add parts to the stories, or stuff like backing Ted up that they did indeed have to walk uphill both ways from the dorms to their classes and back. Jamie didn’t think Kansas had hills. He didn’t remember seeing any in the first part of The Wizard of Oz. He does believe it more easily when Beard confirms that Ted did talk himself out of getting arrested or ticketed for drinking underage. Ted is charming enough to pull that off.

When the coaches leave, Jamie feels like he’s had his parents over to met his boyfriend or something. He’s never done that, so he doesn’t know what it’s like. But when they shut the door behind them and Colin rests his head on Jamie’s shoulder, he thinks its like this.

Colin rubs his head on Jamie’s shoulder, “I’m going to bed. That wore me out for some reason.”

Jamie laughs, “it’s only half ten.”

Colin sighs, “it was hard work being social. Plus I was nervous all day.”

Jamie turns to look at him, surprised, “you were?”

Colin nods, “yeah. I know they told us before today they were on our side. I don’t know, I guess I just thought they’d change their minds or something. I never expect a coach to tell him he’s proud of me for not hiding myself.” Colin’s eyes somehow get bigger than usual, “OR THAT HE’S KISSED MY OTHER COACH.”

Jamie laughs, “yeah.” He shakes his head, “I..” He shutters. “I can’t think about it. It’s like thinking about parents having sex.”

Colin laughs but then makes a face, “yeah. It’s too gross.” He laughs again, “what if they’d been secretly married this whole time?”

Jamie follows Colin upstairs. They speculate more about possibilities of Ted and Beard secretly being together and if the story was a cover. Jamie is crying from laughing by the time they’re in bed next to each other.

Colin rolls onto his side and looks softly at Jamie, “I’m glad I’ve got you by my side in this.”

Jamie nods, “me too.”

Colin puts his hand on the bed in the space between them, “I mean it Jamie. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Jamie puts his hand on Colin’s, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb, “same here.” He feels like this would be a good time to kiss Colin. Could they do it just to see if there is something other than friendship? Would it be like their coaches and start a lifelong friendship? Would it just ruin everything and just make being out terrible for Colin, for both of them? Jamie can’t risk doing that to Colin so he retracts his hand and rolls onto his back. As Colin turns the light off next to the bed, Jamie softly says, “night, Colin.”

He barely hears Colin say goodnight back.

++++++++

Colin tries on a second outfit. He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs loudly. “Why did Ms Welton want to go somewhere so posh?”

He hears Jamie chuckle before he says, “Ms Welton is posh. Where did you think we’d go? McDonald’s?”

Colin can’t help laughing at himself when Jamie puts it like that. He would actually really enjoy seeing Ms Welton in a McDonald’s. It would be like running into the Queen there. Only difference is that Colin would be excited to see Ms Welton. Colin realizes he’s never seen her outside of something related to the team. He doesn’t really think this counts. He calls out, “hey Jamie.” Jamie hums in response. “What are we supposed to call Ms Welton? Ms Welton? Rebecca? Don’t think I’ve ever called her that to her face. Or not to her face.”

Jamie is silent. Colin is just about to go out of the closet and see if he’s in the hallway still. Jamie finally says, “try to avoid calling her anything.”

Colin laughs again, “do we shake her hand when we see her?” Colin makes a face, “do we hug her? Keeley will probably hug us. Is it weird if we don’t hug Ms Welton?”

In the mirror, Colin can see Jamie now standing behind him, “I’ve never hugged a woman that’s taller than me. If she’s in heels, her boobs might hit us in the neck.”

Colin pouts, “let’s avoid hugs.” He sees Jamie looking him up and down. “Is this alright? I have that other one.” Colin pouts to the discarded suit on the chair.

Jamie shakes his head, “no. You look good. I like it.”

Colin smiles, “thanks. So do you.” Colin fluffs his hair a little. “I was looking at the menu earlier. I’m really looking forward to this dinner. Even if I’d rather been in casual clothes right now.”

Jamie looks at Colin for a moment, “yeah. Yeah. Me too. Not the menu thing. I am just looking forward to dinner. Posh is alright sometimes.”

Colin sees Keeley getting out of Ms Welton’s car as Jamie is giving his keys to the valet, quickly followed by Ms Welton. Jamie walks up beside him and smiles. Colin feels a little calmer, knowing he’s not doing this alone. He sees a paparazzi across the street taking their picture. He wonders if Keeley planned that, but when he turns back to Keeley he sees her also noticing them and rolling her eyes.

Keeley holds are arms out to Colin to give him a hug, “fuck, you look fit.” Keeley squeezes him tight, “how are you, babe?”

Colin smiles at the term of endearment, “I’m good considering.” He pulls back and Keeley steps over to hug Jamie. Ms Welton gives him a small wave. Colin nods, “Ms. Rebecca.” Colin scrunches up his face, “fuck. Ms Welton. Good evening.”

Keeley laughs loudly, looking at Ms Welton standing there, holding her purse tightly, “oh come on. No reason to be awkward.”

Completely ignoring her, Jamie gives Ms Welton a small wave, “hi.”

Ms Welton smiles pointedly at Keeley, “Keeley is right. I’ll do better. Please call me Rebecca.” Rebecca blinks a few times. “At least tonight. It’s the off season. We’re not at Richmond. Please.”

Keeley laughs again, “all of you need a drink to relax.”

They get seated quickly and order some cocktails to start. Colin is just starting to wonder what they’ll talk about when Rebecca starts talking.

She smooths out her dress, “I know this is a social dinner. But I do have one piece of Richmond business I want to ask you both about.” She smiles at Keeley. “We’ve been in discussion with Bantr. We want to redesign our third kit. I have a picture of the mock up.” Rebecca gets out her phone and hands it across the table to Colin.

Colin gasps when he sees it. They are white but the R of Bantr is a rainbow. The numbers on the back are also a diagonal rainbow design. Colin puts his arm around Jamie’s chair and leans over so he can see, “what do you think?”

Jamie slowly smiles, “those look great.”

Colin hands Rebecca back her phone, “we aren’t the only two on the team though.”

“I know you’re not. The whole team is behind you though. Bantr immediately agreed when we mentioned the idea. They loved it. I just want to make sure you both love it before we go forward. If you are at all hesitant, we won’t do it.”

Colin looks at Jamie, who just shrugs. Colin moves his arm to Jamie’s shoulder and pulls him in closer, “you’re in this as much as i am. It’s your choice too. I want to know what you think.”

Jamie smirks, “my first thought was they’ll probably make people mad so we should just make them stand out more.”

Everyone laughs. Colin shakes his head, “meaning?”

Jamie laughs, “make ‘em hot pink. They can match my boots.”

Colin fondly rolls his eyes, “they might clash with mine though.”

“You can get new ones.” Jamie pats Colin’s leg. “Or we can get matching ones.”

Colin gasps, “the great Jamie Tartt would match me?”

Jamie’s face falls, “of course I would.”

Colin swallows, feeling the shift in Jamie’s mood. He squeezes Jamie’s shoulder, “I was just teasing. I know you would.” Colin feels the urge to close the space between them and kiss Jamie to reassure him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Keeley and Rebecca look at each other. He pulls back from Jamie instead. “Do you want to do the kit then?”

Jamie looks at Colin for a moment before turning to face the others, “if the rest of the team is in, I’m good with them. Or a brighter color. The white might make it stand out though. Whatever works for me.” Jamie takes a breath, “thank you. For changing the kit for us.”

Colin settles back in his chair, “yes, thank you. And thanks again for everything you’ve done. This whole off season.” Colin takes a moment so he doesn’t start crying. “I never would have guessed a team, the owner, would be so supportive of me coming out. Especially when it wasn’t even discussed first. I cannot thank you enough honestly. But may I at least buy your dinner? You too, Keeley.”

Rebecca puts her hand out on the table towards Colin, “there’s no need to thank me. I am happy to do it. I hope I never made you feel like that I would be anything but supportive. You don’t need to buy my meal.”

“I would still like to.” Colin thinks for a moment it’s what his mam would tell him to do. “Please.”

Jamie adds, “we can just send food to your house another night if you don’t agree.”

Rebecca laughs, “I may not be home if you do that, so sure. Thank you, Colin.”

Keeley starts excitedly bouncing in her chair, “I’ve got other news. Now I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not since I’ve been doing your socials. But guess what your portmanteau is?”

Jamie makes a face, “port what? Like port for a ship.”

Keeley tilts her head to the side, “sort of. They’re combining your last names. To Hartt. It’s fucking adorable. Couldn’t have planned it better myself.”

Colin does think the name is pretty good. Selfishly he’d like a little more of his name. Hurtt doesn’t sound good though. He deleted all social media apps from his phone. He’s been trying to avoid looking anyway. He really wants to know though. “Are there…are there negative comments?”

Keeley looks serious for a moment, “yeah, Colin. There are.” She smiles at him, “they are heavily outnumbered by positive ones. When you’re both ready, there are some kind messages and tweets, some from kids, that I think you’d like to respond to. Maybe we can get together some day and do that?”

“Yeah.” Jamie agrees before Colin can. “I want to.”

Colin nods, “me too. Whenever it works for you. Our schedule is very flexible.” Colin realizes that all these other people have reached out or tweeted at them, but his parents still haven’t. He tries to keep the smile on his face.

Keeley smiles wide, “I’ve also got more interview requests. GQ reached out again.”

Colin knows Jamie wants to do that one. He suspects it because Jamie just wants to wear the clothes, which Colin would also be good with. He’s feeling overexposed already. He hasn’t been looking online himself but he can just tell from conversations with Keeley. They are planning on having a photographer take “candids” of them out in public in a couple weeks and it just feels like too much. It’s the only thing Jamie has seemed excited about. He looks over at Jamie to see if that’s still the case. His eyes look hopeful.

Colin half smiles, “if Jamie wants to do that one, I’ll do it.”

Jamie sits up a little straighter, “yeah. Let’s do that one.” He scratches at the slight stubble on his jaw, “can we say we’ll do it if we can keep the clothes? Or at least something.”

Rebecca fondly rolls her eyes, “do I need to pay you more?”

Jamie’s face drains of color, “no. No, not at all. I just thought”

Rebecca holds out her hand and cuts him off, “I’m only teasing Jamie. It seems like a reasonable request to me for offering so much of yourself up for them.”

The rest of the dinner goes by quickly. Jamie and Colin fill them in on what some of the team has been doing. Keeley tries getting information out of Rebecca about her dating life. Despite Rebecca saying she’s taking a break, her cheeks are very pink during the conversation. Keeley tells them about Roy’s tales from Marabella. Colin cracks up when she shows them a picture of him with a heavily garnished pink frozen drink and a very somber expression.

Colin didn’t realize they’d sat there for so long after finishing dessert when Rebecca mentioned having meetings in the morning. She tries fighting him again on the bill but eventually relents. As they walk to the valet, Colin sets a reminder in his phone to send both Rebecca and Keeley some sort of thank you gift still.

++++++++

Jamie is nervous about this date. He doesn’t really know why. It’s not like he doesn’t like Tom or Paul. Their partners have seemed nice enough when they’ve been around. Keeley thought they’d be good to go out with. She said the public views them as two of the more wholesome players on the team. Jamie does have to agree. The pictures that Paul posts with his girlfriend and their daughter are always adorable. Tom’s engagement photos got more likes than the last selfie Jamie posted and Jamie has a lot more followers. Or he did. He hasn’t checked since the news broke. Keeley has taken over both his and Colin’s accounts so neither of them has to see any negative comments. Colin is thrilled because he thinks her researching Welsh independence to make captions is winning her over to the cause. Jamie thinks she’s just good at her job but he’s not about to tell Colin that.

Colin is excited about playing crazy golf. Jamie is less so. He’s trying to be better about it but there is part of him that can’t stand being bad at sports. Any sport, regardless of if he’s ever tried it before. He’s working on separating his own thoughts from those his dad has ingrained in him. It’s helping that he hasn’t heard from his dad since Man City. It gets easier the longer he’s away from his influence, the more time passes between insults. Jamie hopes again that maybe he’s finally been soft enough in public, his dad doesn’t want anything to do with him. It’s either that or the worst blow up yet is coming.

Colin slips his hand into Jamie’s and pulls him forward a little, “there they are. Let’s go.”

Jamie focuses on the people around them. He can see the tall giants of Reynolds and O’Brien sticking up above the rest of the crowd in front of Swingers, walking over to greet them. Jamie and Colin get reintroduced to Mairead, Paul’s girlfriend, and Eliza, Tom’s fiancée. The four of them clearly know each other well. Colin and Jamie follow behind them as they walk into the building and get their clubs. The girls go off to have drinks while the guys golf.

Jamie does get a little more excited about it by how excited Paul and Tom are. Colin keeps smiling at him whenever Jamie looks over, which also helps.

Paul seems equally excited to play mini golf as he is to have a babysitter for the evening. Paul sets his ball down at the first hole, “look, I love her more than anything. I am also glad that I don’t have to help anyone putt or eat or go to the bathroom tonight.”

Tom laughs, “depending on how much I drink, I may need help with all of that.”

Jamie looks over at Colin. He doesn’t usually mind the team drinking. He just wasn’t expecting that level of it tonight. Colin smiles gently at him before reaching out to rub his back. Jamie steps closer and rests his arm on Colin’s shoulder.

Paul looks at them before he swings, “how many golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” He looks at them but no one answers. Then, as he putts, he yells, “four!”

Jamie ducks even though he watches the gentle swing. Lots of people around them look over. Paul is smiling wide, with absolutely no shame, about his joke. Tom is laughing from the far end of the hole.

Colin rubs Jamie’s back again, “I’m going to putt now.” Colin’s putt is complete rubbish. He laughs loud about it and looks back at Jamie. “I may be a minute.”

Jamie can’t help laughing along with Colin as it takes him four attempts to get the ball in the hole. Colin not taking it seriously helps Jamie feel better as he steps up. Jamie doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he still celebrates when he makes it in two putts.

Colin rolls his eyes fondly, “of course you’re good at this too.”

After a few holes, Tom declares it’s time for dizzy putting. Jamie has no idea what it is but that is quickly remedied when Tom leans over, puts his forehead on the handle of his club and starts spinning around it. He tries hitting the ball, missing multiple times as he struggles to stand straight. When Paul spins around his club, he hits his ball with too much force and chips it past their hole and onto another. Jamie groans low when the group it disrupts all look over at them.

Colin steps in front of Jamie. He wraps his hand around Jamie’s wrist, letting his fingers rest softly over his pulse point. He talks softly, “hey, we’re just having fun. Those idiots clearly don’t care what anyone thinks. Relax.” Colin scrunches up his face and grabs Jamie’s nose, wiggling it and making Jamie’s face scrunch up too. Colin chuckles when Jamie smiles, “there ya go.”

Jamie does end up having a lot of fun after giving in and relaxing like Colin said. He ends up getting second place. He doesn’t know how Paul ended up winning when he seemed to be goofing around the most. Colin cheers when they add up the points and he has the most.

Jamie laughs and looks at him, “you are a dork.”

Colin grins, “you’re the one dating me.” Colin moves closer, “since you beat me, I’ll buy your dinner.” Colin slaps him on the arse, “good game, babe.” Jamie smiles wide as Colin leads him over to the food options.

They get their food and find the girls in a little gazebo with benches all around a table. They start talking over each other at first, mostly Tom and Paul. They both seem more chatty than either of them are around the whole team. They talk about what they’re going to do with the rest of the time off. Jamie actually kind of feels like he’s on a group date with Colin’s leg pressed against his.

There is a small lull in conversation after they get gone eating, Mairead breaks it by standing up and saying “I have been thinking about gelato since we got here.”

Eliza stands up, “I’m coming with you. Tom? You want some?”

Tom smiles up at her, “please and thank you.”

Paul looks to Mairead, “can you get whatever has the most chocolate?”

“I’ll come with.” Colin stands. He brushes his finger over Jamie’s cheek and winks.

Tom watches them walk off. He turns back to Jamie when they are out of hearing range, “so, Colin’s ex is a bellend.”

Jamie nods, “yeah, he is. Colin didn’t deserve that.”

Paul looks to check they aren’t coming back or something, “has Colin talked to him? Is he suing him?”

Jamie picks at his napkin. He doesn’t know if he should be sharing this. He doesn’t think Colin would really mind. They’ve talked about telling the team everything when they go back to training. Jamie sighs, “he just wants to move past it. Ms Welton told us as long as she was the owner of a club and we can physically play, Colin and I would both have a spot.” Jamie sits up and looks at them, “thanks for coming out with us. We both appreciate it.”

Paul smiles, “Keeley asked, as I’m sure you know, but we’re up for going out whenever we can get a sitter.”

Tom nods, “same here, but without the babysitter needed.”

Jamie smiles, “thanks.”

“How’d you hide it so well?” Paul sits forward, looking really curious.

He doesn’t know if Tom looks offended but his tone sounds slightly like it when he says, “you could have told us.”

“It’s nothing personal. Just neither of us were ready. We didn’t tell anyone.” Jamie smirks because he knows this will sell the story, “Colin hadn’t even told Isaac.”

“Woah.” Tom’s eyes are huge.

Jamie laughs, “yeah.”

Paul frowns, “why?”

“The newspapers. The public. Wanted to make sure it was real before telling anyone. Just in case.”

Tom gets a huge smile on his face, “so?”

Jamie looks at him, he doesn’t know what he means, “what?”

Paul rolls his eyes, “is it real?”

Jamie smiles before he can stop himself. He does like Colin, actually likes him. He wants their relationship to be real. His feelings are, so it doesn’t feel like a lie when he says, “yeah, it is.”

Jamie rolls eyes fondly when they start cooing at him. “I just hope I’m better than his last boyfriend.”

Paul is about to say something then makes a face, “they’re coming back. But yeah, you’re better than that fucker.”

Colin sets a small bowl in front of Jamie, “here’s yours. It’s strawberry, so it’s healthy.” Colin sits down next to Jamie, somehow closer than before. He looks at Paul and Tom, “he never eats this stuff.”

Jamie laughs, “thanks babe, for the dessert and selling me out.”

Colin points his bowl towards Jamie, “you want to try mine? It’s cookie dough.”

Jamie gets some on his spoon, “fuck that is good.”

Colin grins, “do you like it better than yours?”

“They’re both good.” Jamie shrugs.

“Here.” Colin puts his dish between them. “We can share both.”

Jamie looks at the gelato, “I don’t really need this.”

“It’s the off season. We just played a round of golf.” Colin points at the course making Jamie laugh. “We can go into Richmond tomorrow if you want.”

Jamie sighs, “you’re right.”

Colin leans against Jamie even more and whispers in his ear, “I’m always right.”

Jamie rolls his eyes but feeling Colin’s breath against his ear and his weight against him makes his stomach swoop. He turns his head and looks at Colin. He’s wearing a rare cocky expression. It’s a good look on him. Jamie closes the gap between them and kisses him. The gelato tastes even better off Colin’s lips.

“Sorry.” Jamie mumbles, half to Colin and half to the group. Colin stays leaning against Jamie so he doesn’t think he minded the kiss. It makes Jamie want to do it again.

Eliza smiles wide, “no need to be.”

Mairead nods, “yeah, you two are cute together.”

Colin smiles wide as he puts his hand on Jamie’s knee, “thanks. I think so too.”

Jamie knows he blushes the same color as his gelato at that.

++++++++

Colin has never been nervous around Isaac. They hit it off right away the first day they met. Isaac became his best friend in London, then his best friend in general. It took him a while to fully open up, but he’s never lied to Isaac. Jamie told him since he had Keeley who knew the truth about their relationship, it was fair for Colin to tell Isaac. Colin knew he could trust Isaac. He’s known about Colin being gay for over a year and knew about his relationship with Adam from the start.

When the news broke, Isaac sent Colin all sorts of supportive texts when he found about, alongside threats of bodily harm he wanted to do to Adam. This was quickly followed by a text that just read “Tartt????” Colin told him he’d explain in person. Now that he’s standing at Isaac’s front door, he feels extremely nervous to be doing that. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know how he feels about Jamie right now. He knows he likes him. It’s just getting confusing about how Colin likes Jamie.

Isaac opens the door, immediately pulling Colin into a tight hug. “Do I get to contact Adam yet?”

“Can’t breathe.”

Isaac releases Colin, “sorry, bruv. I’m glad to see you.” Isaac leads Colin into his house. They sit down in the living room.

“What’s done is done with Adam. I don’t want anyone giving him any attention about it. Not anyone that he knows knows me. If that’s what he wants from all this, I’m not giving it to him. My life is a mess enough without him.”

Isaac moves closer to Colin and puts his arm around him, “should have let me come back.”

Colin smiles and claps his hand on Isaac’s knee, “both you and Ted offered but it wasn’t necessary.”

Isaac hums and asks, “because you had Jamie?”

Colin leans forward and puts his face in his hands. He mumbles against his palms, “Jamie kissed me.”

“That’s what boyfriends do, innit?”

Colin pulls his hands away, turning to look at Isaac, “come on.“

Isaac grins, “didn’t think you could keep that from me.”

At least Isaac doesn’t seem mad or something for not telling him sooner. Colin sighs and leans back, “it was good.”

Isaac looks like the cat that got the cream. “Yeah? What kind of good?”

Colin bites his lip. “Which time?”

Isaac laughs at that, “how many times have there been?”

Colin thinks back. He doesn’t think any during the interview would count. Their first one was the best. How that felt caught Colin off guard. Colin didn’t want to stop. He’s thought about it every day since. The most recent time is the one that’s currently on his mind. “One that we didn’t plan.”

“Plan?” Isaac sounds incredulous. He shakes his head, “we can talk about planning kissing next. How was it?”

Colin doesn’t know how to describe it. He just offers, “good?”

Isaac glares at him for a moment, like that’s really unhelpful. “But good like you wanted to rip his clothes off or good like comfortable.”

Colin not sure if it’s any of those. He’s felt those emotions around Jamie recently. The kiss wasn’t necessarily either. It was sweet and natural and made Colin feel good about himself. “Good like…romantic feelings good.”

Isaac’s grin is back, “oh yeah? Where were you? Was it in bed?”

Colin smiles fondly at Isaac. He appreciates how invested Isaac already seems in this. “No, we went out with Reynolds, O’Brien, and their partners.”

“Have you kissed in bed?” Colin shakes his head. “Do you want to?”

Colin runs his thumbnail along the seam of his jeans, “I don’t know.”

Isaac cackles, “that’s a yes.”

Colin sighs, “it’s an it’s complicated.”

Isaac turns on the couch to face him, “why?”

Colin hasn’t really worked all this out. Isaac will be a good sounding board. “I was just sitting there thinking about how shit my career was turning out to be. Thinking it was basically over and the thing that stood out the most was I was part of two teams that got relegated. Yeah, we just got promoted, but I was probably going to have to quit. Then Jamie shows up. Offers to date me. Or say he’s dating me. Then I’m living in his house and telling Trent fucking Crimm our fake relationship story. And we’re kissing like we planned so him and a photographer think it’s real. Then we’re on double dates with teammates and coaches. With more kissing that’s unplanned. We wouldn't even be kissing if those pictures and text had never been published.”

Isaac studies Colin’s face. Colin hopes he can find the answers on it so Colin can just know himself. “Would you want to kiss him if they hadn’t?”

“He’s fit, so I wouldn’t have been mad about it. I also don’t think we would have been in a situation where kissing would have happened if they hadn’t been in the paper.”

“But it was still a good kiss?”

Colin wishes he could have kissed Jamie before any of this. “Not as good as the time in the bathroom. Or a different type of good.”

Isaac sits up straight, “how many times have you kissed this man? You sure you’re not dating? It sounds like you are, bruv.”

Colin pouts and crosses his arms, “yes I am sure. It was just the one time that we didn’t discuss before. I think six times total. The time in the bathroom was so we didn't kiss for the first time in front of the photographers. I asked to kiss him.”

“Smart.” Isaac is clearly trying not to laugh.

This is not really helping Colin out. “What? You think it would be better for us to not know what way to turn out heads as we give an interview as the first gay premiere league footballers?”

“No. It’s logical.” Isaac finally laughs. “Sorry, buv. It also sounds like you wanted to kiss Jamie.”

Colin glares at him. He knows it’s not as good at it as Isaac is. He’d like some actual advice though. Or maybe he wants Isaac to tell him what to do about it.

Isaac starts talking again before Colin can respond. “I remember how you looked at him when he showed up.” Colin is about to say something but Isaac cuts him off, “no judgement. I just want you to be careful.”

Colin makes eye contact with Isaac, “the bathroom kiss was good. It felt like Jamie. It felt like Jamie was who I should be kissing. It was natural and really hot.”

Isaac bluntly asks, “do you want to date Jamie?”

“It’s still complicated.” Colin needs Jamie right now. He can’t stop this thing they started if they really date and it doesn’t work.

“Right,” Isaac says. “What are we going to do about it?”

Colin smiles, “we?”

Isaac nods, “yeah, bruv. We.”

Colin asks, “what would you do?” Colin doesn’t add besides not getting yourself into this situation.

“See if he kisses you in private. See if you want to kiss him in private.”

“I already know the answer to the second one.” Even if it’s just to see if the first time was a fluke, Colin wants to try.

Isaac looks at him like he’s thinking it’s simple, “you could ask to kiss him.”

“I can’t.”

Isaac’s voice is soft now, “why?”

“I need him.”

“To keep your career?”

“Yeah.” That’s not only why. Colin isn’t ready to share that though. He is just now admitting it to himself. Jamie’s been really good at comforting him, making him feel better. Even if they weren’t pretending to be together. Colin doesn’t think he’d be handling it this well without Jamie.

“Jamie’s a better man than before if you do want to date him.”

Colin smiles. He assumes Isaac is reading his mind somehow again. “I know. Thanks.”

Isaac starts grinning again. “Now I have a different relationship question.”

Colin doesn’t know what Isaac is about to ask. He makes a face, “what is that look for?”

Isaac rubs his hands together, “are O’Brien and Reynolds in love?”

Colin laughs loudly, “they both brought women.”

Isaac thinks for a moment, “how well did they get along? You think it’s a poly situation?”

They all got along really well. They all came and left together. “Maybe? How can we find out?”

Isaac sits back, considering, “you’re going to have to go out with them again.”

Colin smiles, “I did have fun.”

“Good. You deserve it.” Isaac waits a beat, “are you sure I can’t at least threaten Adam?”

Colin rolls his eyes. He’s thankful that Isaac feels this strongly about it but doesn’t think it would actually help. “Yeah.”

++++++++

Colin tries to keep his face neutral as they walk down the aisle. He knew they had this outing planned. Jamie and him doing something normal and domestic while photos were taken of them. He doesn’t want to be doing it today though. He wants to spend time with Jamie on their own. He wants to see if there are any natural moments that lead to them kissing. Not doing it on purpose so people see them.

Jamie hooks his arm around Colin’s elbow, looking at him with wide eyes, “come on, let me be your arm candy. You’re walking so grouchy. Is Roy giving you lessons?”

Colin can’t help smiling at how Jamie is looking at him. “Soppy candy. You cried at a commercial last night.”

Jamie pouts, stepping away slightly. “You didn’t see all of it.”

Colin pulls him back in closer, “I’m just teasing. It was endearing.” Colin likes that he gets to see that side of Jamie now.

Jamie pulls his phone out of his pocket, “I’m going to show you the commercial. Let’s see how you do.”

Colin watches the commercial. He tries turning away from Jamie at the end when he feels like he’s about to start crying.

Jamie laughs, “now we’re both soppy candy.” Jamie bats his lashes at him. “Can I be your arm candy now?” Jamie slides his hand down to Colin’s, holds it and brings it to his lips, kissing the back of it.

Colin’s eyes move from Jamie’s soft lips to his eyes. “Yeah, alright. I just don’t like the tabloids.” He’s not sure where the photographer is going to be but knows someone could be taking their picture any moment. He hopes he doesn’t actually see them so he can look as relaxed as possible.

“Just because Keeley thought it would be good, doesn’t mean we have to do it. We can go home. Whatever you want.”

Colin watches him for a moment. He looks so genuine. It’s not just Colin’s career they are dealing with. Keeley thought it would look good for them to seem like a boring, normal couple right before they go back to pre-season training. Trying to make the public get used to them and maybe even bored with them is just as important to Jamie’s career as Colin’s.

Since they’re still holding hands, Colin pulls Jamie further down the aisle, “we still have to do shopping. Might as well.”

Jamie gives him a teasing look, “oh I’m so sorry being with me is such a hassle.”

Colin laughs as he turns to face Jamie. He walks towards him until Jamie starts backing up against the shelves. Colin grins and looks at Jamie’s mouth, “it’s so hard being told to kiss a good looking man.”

Colin wants to kiss Jamie. Maybe if he initiates it it will seem more natural and not like it’s a scheduled kiss, even if this is a publicity trip to get groceries. Colin is searching Jamie’s face to see if he can tell if Jamie wants him to lean in when he hears a young voice call his name.

“Colin Hughes?”

Colin steps back from Jamie and sees a young boy that could be his 10 year-old self, time-traveled from 2005. Colin smiles, “yeah, hi.”

“Is it really you?”

Colin nods, “yeah, it’s me. What’s your name?”

“Jacob.” He takes a step closer to Colin. “You’re my favorite player. I’m from Wales too. But my parents had to move here for stupid work.”

Colin smiles, “I moved here for work, too. I don’t think my job is stupid though.”

Jacob’s eyes get huge, “your job isn’t stupid at all. I want to play one day.”

Colin does really enjoy his job. It’s what has made hiding himself, until now, bearable. “What position do you play?”

“Usually midfield. I want to be a winger.”

Colin can’t help grinning at that. He looks back at Jamie, who’s also smiling. He turns to Jacob. He’s standing a lot closer to Colin now.

Jacob leans in and whispers, “can I tell you a secret?”

Colin nods and leans over.

Jacob cups his hands, “I think I like boys, too.”

Colin’s heartaches. He wants to give Jacob a giant hug but isn’t sure if that’s appropriate. He smiles at him when Jacob steps back with huge eyes. Colin scrunches his nose, “they are pretty great.”

“Jacob??” A worried voice calls out. Colin sees who he assumes is Jacob’s mam coming around the corner. She looks even more concerned but that goes away when she gets closer. Colin guesses she recognizes him and more likely Jamie. Though, this might be one instance Colin is the more recognizable one. Colin can’t help smiling at that.

Colin holds out his hand to her, “hi, I’m Colin.”

She laughs, “yeah, I know. I’m Alys, I’m Jacob’s mam. I thought I lost him.”

Jacob looks up at his mom guiltily, “I recognized Colin.” Jacob pulls on his mam’s arm until she leans down and he can whisper something to her.

Alys pulls back smiling, “could I get a picture of you and Jacob? If you don’t mind.”

Colin beams, “I don’t mind at all.”

As she gets her phone out, Alys asks, “hey, do you want Jamie Tartt in the picture, too.”

Colin can’t help laughing when Jacob reluctantly says “I guess.”

Jamie pouts for a second before putting on a smile, “Colin’s my favorite Richmond player, too. I get it. Take one with him and then we’ll take one all together.”

Jacob puts his arm around Colin’s waist and holds it tight. Colin rests his arm around Jacob’s shoulders for the first picture. Jamie steps up to Jacob’s other side for a second picture.

Alys puts her phone away, “tell them bye. We don’t want to take up all their time.”

Jacob bumps his fist against Jamie’s. Colin is about to raise his hand for the same when Jacob rushes up for a hug. Colin tells himself not to start crying. He hugs Jacob back.

Before they can walk off, Colin asks, “do you ever make it to Richmond games?”

Jacob looks to the ground. Alys puts her arm around his shoulder, “we’re going to try next season.”

“Well here,” Colin gets his wallet out of his pocket. He has one of Keeley’s cards. He has her number saved but she gave everyone one when she started her business. This isn’t exactly Keeley’s job but Colin knows she’ll help out. He doesn’t have a card with Higgins information on it. “If you get a hold of Keeley, let her know which game you can attend. I’ll get some tickets saved for you.”

Alys hesitates to take the card, “you don’t have to do that.”

Colin smiles, “I didn’t think I’d be someone’s favorite. Not now.” Alys nods knowingly at him. Colin holds the card closer to her, “we can get tickets for guests all the time. My family is far away.” He points at Jamie, “and he doesn’t need one.”

Alys laughs, “alright. Thank you.”

Jacob’s eyes are huge, “thanks Colin.” He gives Colin another hug before they leave.

Colin turns to Jamie, leans in and kisses his cheek, “thanks for making me stay.”

Jamie smiles softly at him, “I didn’t make you but you’re welcome anyway. How do you feel?”

“Like I want to cry.” Colin sighs. He puts his arms around Jamie’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder. “Thank you for doing this with me.”

Jamie puts his arms around Colin’s shoulder and kisses his neck, “of course.”

Colin lets go of Jamie, narrowing his eyes at him, “if I’m your favorite Richmond player, who’s your favorite in general?”

Jamie hesitates, “me.”

Colin narrows his eyes, “you’re lying.”

“Beckham.”

Colin scoffs, “maybe his hair. Who?”

Jamie sighs and mumbles something. Colin’s raises an eyebrow. Jamie repeats himself louder, “I had a poster of Roy growing up.”

Colin sucks on his bottom lip, trying not to smile. Now that he knows Jamie is attracted to men, Colin can’t help himself, “did you…” Colin laughs loudly when he realizes he knows the answer.

Jamie looks annoyed, “what?”

“Sorry.” Colin tries to stop laughing, “it just all makes more sense now. You had a crush on Roy.”

“Nuh-un.” Jamie pouts for a second. “Fine. I did growing up. Then we were both pricks to each other. Just made me mad he wasn’t who I imagined growing up. Or something.”

Colin smiles, “do you still have a crush on him?”

A flash of sadness crosses Jamie’s face. “No, I don’t have a crush on him.”

Colin’s not sure what that look was for. Maybe he still likes Roy. Colin wonders if it’s that Jamie has feelings for him. Colin hopes Jamie picks up on his growing feelings. He shouldn’t have mentioned the crush on Roy. Colin wants Jamie to have a crush on him. Is that what Jamie meant by Colin being his favorite player? No, that’s probably just this whole ruse. Colin can’t focus on this now, it’s going to show on his face and possibly in pictures. Colin slips his hand into Jamie’s, “let’s find something to make for dinner.”

++++++++

Colin almost regrets having a protein shake for breakfast. He knows he’ll need it as soon as they start actually training but he feels a little nauseous right now. He thinks if he gave it a little effort he could throw up and it would make him feel better. He knows everyone on the team has contacted them in one way or another since they’ve come out. He hasn’t seen all of them in person though.

Colin isn’t sure if Jamie is trying to distract him or just not nervous. He is talking animatedly as he drives. He asked if he could drive Colin’s car. Based on being a passenger in Jamie’s car, he thought Jamie could handle it better than him. He was quickly proven correct.

Jamie put on some music. Most of the ride, it was playing music that Colin has on a playlist. Colin thought Jamie just put that one but an Ed Sheeran song comes on. Colin knows that’s not on it. He’s about to give Jamie a hard time about it, but then Jamie starts singing. Colin’s mouth falls open a little. He had no idea that Jamie could sing. He’s never heard him before. Jamie was gone when they did team karaoke the first season. He didn’t come out with them last season. Colin suspects it’s because he’d only just gotten back and didn’t think anyone wanted him around yet. He didn’t start hanging out with the team regularly until later in the season. Colin is distracted enough by this revelation that his nerves are gone by the time they make it to the club.

Everyone greets each other with hugs, even those that have hung out recently. Colin feels like Jamie and his are a little tighter than the ones others get.

Isaac comes in and is glaring at Jamie. “Bruv, are you wearing Colin’s clothes?”

Jamie looks down at his jacket, running his hand over it, “yeah. One of the few things of his that fit me. Accidentally put a pair of his jeans on the other day. My arse didn’t fit. I fell over.”

Colin laughs loudly at the memory. He was downstairs when he heard a loud crash. Jamie was still on the ground of the closet, cursing, when he got up there. Colin says, “yeah, thought I was going to have to call coach and tell him Jamie was out for the season because he’s got a bigger bum than me.”

Colin is relieved that everyone in there starts laughing loud and it seems completely normal to them that this happened.

Jan Maas comes in and walks directly over to his locker, still next to Colin’s. He puts his bag down on the bench. He is just looking at Colin, stone faced. Colin wonders if the nice greetings are about to end. Jan sent him a nice message back in May. Had Colin imagined that? He doesn’t have time to check his messages before Jan starts speaking.

“Are Jamie and you really together?”

Colin swallows. Oh fuck. He hadn’t planned on that. They decided they were telling the team the public story. He assumes all the coaches know. He can’t imagine Keeley not telling Roy. He never thought to ask. Colin realizes he needs to respond. He has no idea what to say though.

Jamie saves him, yet again, and speaks up from the other side of the room. He sounds a little more like prick Jamie than Colin has heard off the pitch in a long time, “why Jan Maas, were you wanting to date one of us? Did you miss us in a different way than everyone else while you were home in Holland?”

Jan looks at Jamie, “it’s the Netherlands. And I just never saw either of you seem to have interest in the other last season. I thought Colin had a crush on me.”

Colin scoffs and rolls his eyes. Of course Jan would just bluntly say that. He’s not really wrong about the crush part, but still shouldn’t say it. He had one one Jamie, too.

Colin looks over at Jamie. Jamie just quirks an eyebrow at him. Colin takes a deep breath and walks over to him. He cups Jamie’s face and kisses him hard. Jamie moans and wraps his arms around Colin’s waist. Colin slides one of his around Jamie’s shoulders. He’s about to lick into Jamie’s mouth when he hears growling behind him.

Jamie releases him and Colin turns around, knowing he’s about to face Roy. Roy doesn’t look angry but Colin can’t read what emotion is there.

Roy points between them, “if you two fucks fuck here, you’re fucking cleaning up after yourselves.”

Jamie chuckles, “we can wait until we get home. We made it all last season.”

Roy’s brow furrows for a second and he just ignores that. He calls out to everyone else, “hurry the fuck up and get out there.”

Colin scurries back across the room to put his boots on. He sits down next to Jan, who’s still watching him.

Jan puts his hand on Colin’s shoulder, “Jamie and you are clearly very fond of each other. I apologize for doubting it.”

Colin can still feel where Jamie’s arms were tightly wrapped around him, “it’s all good, boyo. We did keep it a secret.”

Jan stands up, “I am sorry about how you came out but I am happy for you both.”

“Thanks, Jan. I appreciate it.”

“OI! I told all you fucks to get out there.”

Jan laughs, “Roy hasn’t changed.”

Colin laughs, “his holiday did not relax him much.” Colin finishes tying his boots and starts making his way out onto the pitch. Isaac grabs his elbow and they slow down a bit.

Once the others are a little farther ahead, Isaac says, “that kiss.”

When he doesn’t say more, Colin asks, “yeah?”

Isaac laughs loudly, “you’re so fucked.”

Colin scoffs, “thank you so much. That’s really helpful.” Colin is about to start telling him off but he can see Jamie far ahead of them turn around and smile at him. Colin sighs, “yeah, I am.”

++++++++

Colin has been trying to keep his feelings in check since they ran into Jacob while getting groceries. He thinks his priority needs to be being an example for the next generation of players, or something, rather than his love life.

He’s never been very good at relationships. Part of that has always been him having to keep it a secret. That wouldn’t be the case anymore. His schedule is another. That also wouldn’t be an issue with Jamie. They wouldn’t have either issue. Colin doesn’t know what to do with a relationship he’d actually be able to commit to and could actually have a future. It sounds terrifying.

They haven’t had any matches yet, just a couple of friendlies. They were closed though. Colin doesn’t know what the fans are going to be like. He wants to know before he makes any more changes in his life. He’ll just put off thinking about Jamie. Best to just ignore it for now.

Jamie comes home from shopping with Keeley with a lot of bags. Colin follows him upstairs to the closet. He sits on the chair in there, watching as Jamie puts away his new stuff. Jamie starts telling him about his time with Keeley. She’s been really busy with her new company. She needed some clothes for events she has coming up and to engage in some retail therapy. Colin feels a little guilty that some of what is making her so busy is their stuff.

Colin is about to ask Jamie what he wants for dinner when Jamie tosses a shirt at him. Colin looks at it. It’s a green polo shirt. “What is this? I’ve seen you wear a polo once.”

Jamie glances at him, “got it for you.”

Colin unfolds it against his chest. It seems to be the right size. Colin smiles up at Jamie, “thanks.”

Jamie puts away a pair of shoes. He asks, “you like green, right?”

Colin smooths the shirt, smirking, “brings out my eyes.”

Jamie has his back to Colin, “yeah, I know.”

Colin wishes he could have seen how Jamie looked when he said that but is thankful that Jame can’t see him blushing. “Do you…” Colin is glad Jamie cuts him off because he’s not really sure what he was going to ask.

Jamie’s looking at him now, “they had another one. This blue. I thought you’d like it but wasn’t as sure. We should go back sometime.”

“Yeah.” Colin nods, “sounds good. What did you get?”

Jamie laughs, “too much. Do you like this?” Jamie pulls off the shirt he’s wearing totry a new one on.

Colin can’t help staring. He wants to say ‘yeah, obviously I like your bare chest.’ He’s seen Jamie’s body countless times. He shouldn’t feel this affected by it. Colin forces himself to look away so he doesn’t have to cover his lap with his new shirt. Jamie starts modeling a few of the new shirts he got. Colin tries to look away everytime Jamie takes his shirt off without making it obvious he’s trying not to look. Colin is incredibly grateful that Jamie didn’t buy any new trousers. He might implode if Jamie asked him to check out his bum.

++++++++

Colin is pacing the changing room. It’s their first match of the season. He didn’t know until after the choice was made but all of their friendlies were closed. It’s their first time playing in front of fans since Jamie and he came out. Well, fans and possibly not fans. Colin really hopes there isn’t anyone here to specifically jeer at them. Richmond made it clear they would have zero tolerance for that. It doesn’t mean people won’t try. Colin knows it will instantly put in his head and he won’t be able to play. Or not anything close to what would be considered playing well.

He’s turning around to make another lap of the table in the middle of the room when there is someone in front of him putting their hands on his hips. It’s Jamie.

Colin takes off his headphones, “hi.”

Jamie smiles softly, “you are a strong and capable man.”

Colin smiles, “thank you. How are you feeling?”

“Nervous. Excited. Scared that people are going to yell slurs at us.”

The smile falls from Colin’s face. Those slurs would be Colin’s fault. Well, not really. They’d be the person yelling at them. But he is the reason they’d be saying them to Jamie. Colin sighs, “I’m sorry ahead of time if they yell slurs.”

Jamie quickly shakes his head, “it wouldn’t be your fault.”

“I got you into this though. I would be.” Colin looks down at the new kit on Jamie. Bantr ended up going with the white background since it’s one of their colors. It looks nice on him. He’s a little more tanned than usual from them going running outside over the break.

Jamie hooks a finger under Colin’s chin and tilts his head to make Colin look at him. He talks low, “I got myself into this.” Jamie speaks at a normal volume, “we’re all in this together. We’re all in the same kit.” His soft expression changes to a smirk, “Do you want to go make out in front of Roy? Distract yourself, annoy him, before the match?”

Colin laughs, “are we doing that as a team, quick prematch gangbang, or just you and me?”

Jamie laughs, “I’m not sharing you.”

Colin knows he shouldn’t but he blushes anyway. He takes a deep breath, “we can do this.”

Jamie raises his eyebrows, “say it.”

Colin scrunches his nose, “I am a strong and capable man.”

“Good.” Jamie squeezes his hip.

Colin wraps his arms around Jamie’s shoulders and hugs him tightly, “thank you, Jamie.” He whispers in his ear, “someday I’ll repay you for all this.”

Jamie rubs his hand up and down Colin’s back, “you don’t have to.”

Ted clears his throat and Colin lets go of Jamie. He doesn’t really hear what Ted is saying. Something about togetherness and Amish people. As soon as Jamie took his hands off him, Colin’s mind went back to imagining what the stadium would be like. What if no one bought tickets and it’s as silent as the friendlies? What if they drove away all the fans? Would they have told them that? What if everyone wants to yell at them? He tries reminding himself that Keeley said there’s been far more positive responses than negative. They both still haven’t gotten back on social media. Keeley also told him she’s been in contact with Jacob, the little guy from the market. He’s out there with his mam Alys and his tad. Jacob has both of his parents to support him. If they don’t know that he’s attracted to the same gender, they know his favorite player is. Colin is his favorite player.

Colin can do this. He can go out there for Jacob. Plus whatever other kids, or adults are out there hiding their sexuality because of this sport. Maybe they won’t have to. It will be easier for them. He looks next to him, Jamie is already watching him. He can do this for Jamie, too. He can be strong and capable for them.

All of Colin’s fears, at least for now, about angry fans were moot. When they walked out, Colin immediately saw a large group in various pride colored clothing mixed with Richmond colors. They were very loud the entire match, even more so if Jamie or him got the ball. If anyone was trying to jeer them, Colin doesn’t think he would have been able to hear. He really hopes they’ll be a new fixture for the rest of the season.

He knows he’ll have to do post game interviews one day but he makes it past all the press today without answering any question and only slightly blinded by the camera flashes. He grabs Jamie, a spare kit shirt, and they go meet up with Jacob and his parents like Keeley helped him arrange. They take some more photos since Jamie and he are in their kits instead of street clothes. Colin offers Jacob either his game shirt or the new one. Jacob takes the game worn one. Colin laughs at the faces his parents make since Colin is noticeably sweaty.

Colin hands him the shirt, “thanks for making it. Meant a lot.” Colin decides against unloading on the kid about his fears about homophobic fans.

After Jacob and his parents leave, Colin grabs Jamie’s elbow as he starts to walk back to the locker room. “Hey.”

Jamie turns around, “they’re probably starting the celebration without us.”

Colin smiles, “yeah, I know. I just wanted to say, well what I didn’t say to Jacob. Thinking about him being at the game helped me go out of the pitch. But so did thinking about you.” Jamie smiles at that. “You did. This is soppy but you being with me makes me feel strong and capable. Thank you.” Colin hesitates then quickly kisses the corner of Jamie’s mouth, just a small peck.

Jamie grabs Colin’s wrist when he tries to walk off. He pulls Colin a little closer. He looks soft, but serious, “you make me feel the same way. I never-“

Colin doesn’t get to hear what Jamie was going to say because the team comes barreling down the hall and quickly scoops them up.

Isaac picks Colin up over his shoulder, “bruv, get showered. We’re going to the CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Colin laughs the whole way back to the shower, which is where Isaac finally puts him down. Right next to Jamie, who was carried by Zoreaux.

++++++++

Jamie hasn’t sat still since Colin left this morning. They have a day off from training but Colin went to guest coach one of the Richmond girl’s junior teams. It’s the longest Jamie’s been by himself at home since Colin moved it. He hates it.

He’s cleaned their kitchen, the bathroom, done his own laundry plus some of Colin’s. None of it will distract him from his own thoughts.

He knows he needs to tell Colin how he’s been feeling. Colin deserves to know someone is in love with him. He almost blurted it out last night when they were watching a film. Colin was cold but didn’t want to get up for a blanket. Without thinking, Jamie put his arm out and told him to move closer. Colin quickly cuddled against him. Before the film ended, Colin was asleep on his chest.

Jamie gently shook him awake. When he sat up, Colin’s face was right by his. He looked so soft and sleepy. Jamie almost said it. He also almost kissed him.

He’s been wanting to do that more and more recently. He thinks sometimes Colin wants to as well. There are moments that they look at each other a little longer, a little closer than necessary.

Jamie doesn’t want to ruin what they have. Having Colin in his house has been amazing. He enjoys having someone to sit down and eat with. They usually fall into easy conversation but even when they don’t, it’s still nice. He feels like he can be silly or soft around Colin, whichever Jamie is doing, Colin just joins in immediately. Colin doesn’t judge him for the skin care and other things a lot of guys, his dad, would tell him were girly for doing. When Colin came into their bathroom and found Jamie putting on a mask, instead of laughing or making a comment, Colin asked if he could do it too. Jamie took a picture of them with the dark cream on their faces. He thought about sending it to Keeley for their instagrams but Jame wanted to keep this one for himself.

He also knows if he tells Colin he loves him, he’ll have to tell him about his dad. How well them being together to the public has worked out for him. He knows he needs to tell Colin anyway. The longer he waits the worse it’s going to be. He doesn’t know why but he just has this feeling it’s going to hurt Colin.

Ted told him he was proud of him when they came out. He doesn’t want Ted to take that back. Would Ted be disappointed in him if Jamie told him he was relieved the public knowing how soft he really is got his dad to stop talking to him, ending the years of abuse?

Thinking about that just makes Jamie start thinking about if his dad is just waiting to do something horrible. Show up at training or find his way into a game somehow. Have one of his friends buy a ticket. What if he follows Jamie home? He could end up where Colin is calling home now.

That’s almost enough for Jamie to get it over with and contact his dad for once. He doesn’t want Colin to be unsafe. If that is going to be a possibility, he needs to tell Colin. Jamie tells himself he’ll tell Colin when he gets home. Jamie feels relaxed enough to sit down.

He’s walking to the living room when Colin comes in. He’s all sweaty from playing football with the youth squad. It doesn’t stop him from launching himself at Jamie when he sees him.

Colin tightly wraps his arms around Jamie’s shoulders. He buries his face in Jamie’s neck, mumbling against the skin, “thank you, Jamie.”

Jamie wraps his arms about Colin. He’s not sure what Colin is thanking him for but isn’t going to turn down an opportunity to hug Colin.

Colin pulls back and rests his forehead against Jamie’s. He moves his hands to Jamie’s neck. It feels so intimate to Jamie. He wants to kiss him so much. Colin has his eyes closed. Jamie watches a tear slide down his cheek.

Colin pulls him back into a hug. “Today was amazing. I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do it or confirm I am gay without you. Thank you.” Colin kisses were Jamie’s shoulder meets his neck.

“You would have but I’m happy to be here for ya.” Jamie closes his eyes and settles into the hug. He loses all his courage to tell Colin the truth. He loves Colin a little bit more in this moment just as his self loathing increases.

++++++++

Jamie hadn’t been paying attention to who they might play in the next round of the Carabao Cup. He should have though so he could have been better prepared to be there for Colin.

As soon Beard announced it at training, Colin lost all color from his face. They’d be playing Cardiff in Cardiff.

Colin hardly ever talks about his parents. Jamie has picked up enough in what’s not said. His parents are still living in Cardiff and they still haven’t contacted him in years, despite all the public attention he is receiving now. Jamie’s dad hadn’t contacted him, but he was grateful for that. He knew Colin wasn’t even if he hadn’t said so.

Jamie wants to walk across the changing room to Colin and hug him. Or hold his hand. Something other than just watching him struggle from so far away. He can tell Colin is looking towards the coaches but not actually focusing on them. He doesn’t think the team would actually mind. He can see the muscle on Colin’s jaw flexing. It looks like he’s trying not to cry. No one else seems to be able to tell he’s struggling. Isaac looks completely relaxed. Either he hasn’t connected it or has an impressive poker face.

Ted tells them to go out to the pitch for drills. Jamie hovers so he can be next to Colin. Jamie softly stays his name when they’re side by side.

Colin barely shakes his head but doesn’t look over at Jamie, “not right now. I can’t.”

Jamie nods, “I’m here though.”

Colin turns his head towards Jamie, “I know.” He smiles faintly. “At home.”

Jamie wants to reach out and touch him, some sort of physical comfort. Colin probably doesn’t want that right now either. Jamie runs through the various options that could just be casual touching between boyfriends and not alert anyone to something being wrong with Colin. Jamie knows the team will probably give him a hard time for this. As they’re separating to long up for the drills, Jamie slaps Colin on the bum. “You’ve got this.”

Colin chuckles and shakes his head. Jamie smiles knowing he at least temporarily distracted him.

“Oi!” Roy calls out, “save that for at home, Tartt.”

Jamie wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Colin work harder at training. Not that he ever slacked but he looked more determined than usual. Colin instigated plans for dinner with some of the guys after training. Jamie knew Colin was trying to keep himself busy. Jamie is at least glad that he’s able to sit next to him at the restaurant. They get sat in a booth. Since they have the cover of being together, Jamie puts his arm around Colin while they wait for their food. He’s relieved that Colin leans against him. He puts his hand on Jamie’s knee and gives it a squeeze.

They don’t get home until really late. Dani mentioned a film he wanted to see while they were eating and Colin pulled up the showtimes. It was playing a few streets over right about the time they’d be done eating.

Colin drops his bag right in the entryway with a sigh. His shoulders drop and his chin falls to his chest. Jamie wraps his arms around Colin from behind, pulling him against his chest. Colin leans his weight against Jamie, making him stumble a little before steadying them. He buries his face in Colin’s neck, “it’s okay, I got you.”

Colin pulls Jamie’s hands until Jamie lets go of him. Jamie is worried Colin is going to try and busy himself again but he just turns around and hugs him again.

Jamie starts playing with the hair on the back of his head. After a bit, Colin mumbles that he can’t do this. Jamie nuzzles against him so he can whisper reassurance in his ear, “you can, Colin. You can do this. I’ll be there with you. The team will.” Jamie wants to tell him he loves him but this isn’t the time for that. He settles on, “everyone at Richmond loves you.”

Colin squeezes him a little tighter, “will you help me beat Cardiff?” His voice breaks at the end.

“Obviously.”

Colin lets out a strangled laugh at that and rests his head on Jamie’s shoulder. Jamie holds him until Colin is the one to break the hug.

Jamie wipes some tears off his cheek, leaving his hand there, “let’s go sleep.”

Colin nods so Jamie grabs their stuff and follows him upstairs.

Colin doesn’t do anything more than brush his teeth and strip down to his boxers before crawling into bed.

Jamie puts their stuff away and makes sure his alarm is set for tomorrow. While he’s doing his nightly routine, he keeps hearing Colin shifting in the bed. Jamie feels out of his depth to help Colin. Not with beating Cardiff, he has the skills to help with that. The emotional stuff that Colin is dealing with he’s not sure how to best be there. Colin has responded well to Jamie holding him before. He read about weighted blankets and has thought of getting one for himself. He wishes he had for Colin to use right now. Jamie thinks he knows a combination of these things that might work. It’s not going to help Jamie deal with feelings for Colin, but it could help Colin feel better. Or at least sleep.

Colin is laying on his back staring up at the ceiling when Jamie finishes getting ready for bed.

Jamie stands next to the bed and pulls back his side of the covers, “hey, get in the middle.”

Colin’s head lolls to the side, “what?”

Jamie gets in bed, laying on his side facing Colin, “get in the middle. I have an idea.”

Colin keeps his eyes on Jamie as he moves, “what is it?”

Jamie moves so he’s flush against Colin, “have you ever tried a weighted blanket?” Colin shakes his head. Jamie lets out his breath, “well, I don’t have one, but I have weight. I thought I could. Maybe we could cuddle. So you sleep better.”

Colin looks at him for a moment. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

Jamie slowly curls against Colin, puts a leg over Colin’s, and lays his head on his chest, “this alright?”

Colin moves a little, “yeah.” He shifts again, resting his hand on Jamie’s arm, “this is good.”

Jamie is glad the lights are off and Colin can’t see his face. He can’t stop smiling. It does feel really good, like they should sleep like this all the time.

Colin is still quiet in the morning. They haven’t talked yet but Jamie doesn’t want to start that conversation before training. He doesn’t want Colin to be a mess. They’re doing weightlifting today. He doesn’t want Colin to almost choke again.

Jamie is waiting for his turn on the stationary bike. He looks around to see if there is something else he can do instead. He sees Colin during curls with a sad look on his face. Ted is in here but he doesn’t think he’d mind Jamie’s idea.

Jaime calls out to Colin, “hey babe, come here.” Colin sideeyes him skeptically. Jamie tries making pleading eyes at him.

Colin rolls his and walks over. “What do you want, babe?”

Jamie smiles when he sees the humor in Colin’s eyes when he says babe back. Jamie bites his lip, “think you could lay on my back while I do push ups. For resistance and whatnot.”

Colin laughs, “really?” Jamie nods. Colin rolls eyes again, “fine. But I know what you’re doing.”

Jamie pulls off his shirt and hears Colin scoff. Jamie walks over to the mats where they’ll have enough room. He lays down and waits for Colin to lay on him.

Dani notices and comes over to stand by Jamie’s head, “what are you doing?”

Jamie tries to ignore that he can feel Colin’s cock against his bum. “Using Colin as resistance.”

Dani laughs, “is this practice for love making or for fútbol?”

Colin laughs close to Jamie’s ear. He can feel it the whole length of his body though.

Jamie knows how he needs to respond, “you’re not getting a details about our sex lives out of me.” Jamie pushes his arms up. Colin starts to slip and quickly grabs onto Jamie’s pecs. Jamie does one push up. “Bet you couldn’t do it.”

Dani hums, “Richard, amigo.” Richard comes over. “Could you lay on my back?”

Jamie doesn’t hear any protest or any questions from Richard before he sees Dani lay down next to him. Jamie lowers him and Colin to the ground while he waits for the other two to get situated. Jamie sees trainers out of the corner of his eye. Colin is tapping his shoulder.

Jamie looks up to see Ted standing by them. Thankfully he looks amused. “Now what in tarnation is going on over here?”

Dani answers cheerfully, “push ups coach.”

Ted crosses his arms, “and you think this is a good idea?” Jamie worries he’s mad for a second before he adds, “or a fair one without judges?” Ted suddenly yells, “BEARD!”

Beard comes into the weight room and looks over at them. Without any explanation, he asks, “need another judge?”

Ted grins wide, “yes, siree.”

Beard and Ted lay out some rules for them on what counts as a proper push up, not interfering with the other team, and they’ll each keep track of how many Jamie and Dani do.

Ted is counting for Jamie. He’s also cheering along like it’s a match. Getting encouragement and praise from both Ted and Colin, even for something so silly, is a heady combination. It helps him eventually beat Dani though. Even if it’s just by one, it still counts.

Richard argues something in rapid French that Thierry translates to “this could be very unfair. Jamie may have more practice holding Colin’s weight.”

Colin grins at Jamie, puts his arm around Jamie, “we aren’t answering that.” He winks at Jamie though.

Jamie thinks he did a pretty good job cheering Colin up. He seems to be in a better mood the rest of training.

Jamie hasn’t been this nervous since they played Man City in the FA cup. He wonders if he’s absorbed all of Colin’s nerves for the last three weeks. He remembers a woman at a pub once telling him about absorbing others' energies. Maybe that’s what's been happening.

He’s honestly impressed at how well Colin has been doing. The first two days were rough. After more or less ignoring it the first night, he opened up to Jamie the second night. He was having conflicting emotions about whether he wanted his parents there or not. He was hurt that they haven’t contacted him. He said it felt like extra salt in the wound that they didn’t reach out to him since Colin’s personal life was published without his consent and they came out. If they don’t care enough to do that, Colin said he didn’t want them watching anyways. Jamie didn’t really believe that so he held Colin a little closer. A minute later Colin admitted it wasn’t true.

The amount of physical contact between them has increased in the last three weeks too, like Jamie cuddling against him broke some sort of levy. Now even when they’re alone, Colin will come up and sling his arm around Jamie, lean against him on the sofa, and give him hugs every so often. It makes Jamie feel like he has a real boyfriend.

It’s only compounded by them still sleeping intertwined. Jamie has woken up most mornings curled around Colin, or with Colin around him. This morning before the alarm went off, Jamie was spooning Colin and had a nose full of Colin’s hair. Jamie tried to keep as still as possible for the moment to last longer. Colin seemed to wake up for a moment, but just put his hand over the one Jamie had on his chest and started breathing deeply again.

Jamie is playing with the seam of his kit when he sees the number 12 on the shorts now directly in front of him. He looked up and saw Colin smiling down at him.

Jamie smiled back, “you’re in a surprisingly good mood.”

Colin shrugged, “I’ve been sleeping really well.”

Jamie felt his cheeks warm, “yeah?”

“Yeah.” Colin held his hand out to help Jamie off the bench, “I think it’s helped.”

Jamie narrowed his eyes and leaned in so no one could overhear, “you’re not just ignoring your feelings?”

Colin shook his head, “not right now. I feel good about how much we’ve trained. Thank you for doing extra with me.” Colin smiled wide, “plus, you’re my family, right?”

Colin wasn’t lowering his voice like Jamie had so Sam, who was sitting next to Jamie hears and makes a noise. He quickly apologizes for listening to them but that they’re sweet.

Jamie rests his forehead against Colin’s, “right.” Jamie laughs at the memory, “boyfriend and family.”

Colin is quiet for a moment before leaning in to softly kiss Jamie, “I got pretty lucky, all things considered.”

Jamie almost says I love you again. He has to bite his bottom lip so he doesn’t blurt it out. He considers saying it under the cover of their fake relationship. That doesn’t seem fair. Colin deserves to hear it when he knows it’s true. Jamie doesn’t know if that opportunity will happen. It doesn’t seem like it would any time soon. He pulls Colin into a hug again. He plays with Colin’s hair. “We’re going to kill ‘em.”

Colin chuckles, “yeah we are.”

They end up doing exactly that. They beat them 3-1. When Dani passes the ball to Colin, setting him up to score, Jamie almost knocks Colin over when he runs over to hug him. It’s not the winning goal, but it’s the one that puts them in the lead. Jamie’s not sure if he’s seen Colin with a bigger smile. Maybe when they got promoted. Jamie hopes the Hughes are in the stands, if only to see how much affection and love the team shows him for the goal.

Jamie gets his answer to if they were later that night in their hotel room. When the door shuts, Colin turns to Jamie and hugs him tight. His lips brush against Jamie’s neck. Jamie thinks Colin is initiating something for a moment before hears crying.

Jamie closes his eyes and holds Colin closer, “what’s wrong, love?” Jamie grimaces at the slip of calling him love.

Colin sniffles, “I thought I was over it.” Jamie knows if he waits Colin will say more. “I thought I’d be fine. I have you. I have Richmond. I checked my phone after the match. I didn’t hear from my parents.”

“Come on. Come over here.” Jamie leads Colin over to the bed. He sits against the headboard and pulls Colin onto his lap. Jamie holds him until he cries himself to sleep.

++++++++

Two shots are shoved into Colin’s hands basically the moment they walk into the karaoke room. Their tradition of beating Everton at Everton then coming here is in its third year. Colin won’t be a part of it but he hopes it lasts 60 years.

“Here, do you want one?” Colin offers one of the shots to Jamie.

Jamie pulls a face, “it’s blue. It looks like it’s glowing.”

Colin laughs, “yeah, it looks like a hangover waiting to happen.”

Jaime laughs, “that’s all you.”

“Suit yourself.” Colin downs both the shots. They taste like they might actually be from a blue neon light. Colin gags. “I need a drink to get rid of that taste. Go snag us good seats. What do you want to drink?”

Jamie calls out as he walks over to the cushioned chairs by the stage, “nothing that glows.”

Colin grabs both of them a gin and tonic and goes over to sit with Jamie, who has been joined by Isaac.

Isaac holds out his arms, “where’s mine, bruv?”

“Only one of you made the match winning goal.” Colin hands Jamie his drink. He sits down between them and puts his arm around Jamie, “and I’m only trying to get one of you to sing.”

Jamie groans. “Do I have to?”

Colin pulls him in against his side, “no, but it would make your boyfriend very happy.”

Jamie looks across Colin to Isaac, “you want him as your boyfriend?” Colin makes an offended face at him. Jamie pats his knee, “kidding. Kidding. I…I just don’t know if I can sing in front of people.”

Colin rubs his arm, “I’ve heard you sing the car. You’re way better than any of us. Except Rebecca. She should be on the West End honestly. So if it’s that, you’ll be the best.”

Jamie wrinkles his nose and presses his head against Colin’s shoulder, “fine. If that’s what you want.”

Colin cheers loudly, “yes! I’ll even go before you and embarrass myself. You’ll look even better.”

Jamie turns his head, but keeps it laying on Colin’s shoulder, “are you doing a Drake song?”

Colin grins, “probably”

Jamie sighs, “you’re good at that though.”

Colin talks into Jamie’s hair, “not as good as you sing.” He looks over and sees that Isaac is intently watching them. He takes his arm back, but not before rubbing Jamie’s back some, “you don’t have to but I’m still going to.”

Jamie lifts his head, “I’ll do it.”

Colin smiles and bumps him with his shoulder, “you’ll be great.”

By the time Colin and Jamei signed up, they were pretty far down the list. They listen to Ted sing a Hank Williams song. It’s impressive but also makes Colin worry about if Ted needs some therapy, or extra sessions if he’s currently in it. Beard sings Beyonce’s Single Ladies, with Moe and Dani getting up as his backup dancers. Rebecca blows them all away again singing At Last. Dani sings a Mumford and Sons song but ignores the lyrics and sings in Spanish.

Isaac gets up with Colin for his turn, serving as part duet partner but mostly hype man.

Colin cheers loudly when Jamie gets up. He’s glad that they were some of the first through the doors because he’s right up front, almost directly in front of Jamie. He can tell Jamie is still nervous. He can see his hands moving in his jacket pockets. Colin smiles up at him as the music starts.

Jamie keeps his eyes on Colin as he starts to sing. Colin sits up as soon as the first few words leave Jamie’s mouth. It’s better than hearing him in the car because he can watch his face. Jamie closes his eyes on and off as he sings. His face is expressive like always. When his eyes aren’t shut, he keeps them on Colin. When the song ends, he gives Colin a faint smile. Colin can’t look away until Dani and Sam grab him and start screaming about how well he did.

Colin sits back in his seat. He sees that Isaac is looking at him again.

Isaac slowly grins, “didn’t know you could act that well.”

Colin looks over at him. He considers asking what he’s talking about but knows Isaac would see through it. Colin groans, “I can’t.”

Isaac leans back and puts his arm around him, “so you really like Jamie.” Thankfully it’s loud enough that no one can hear them.

Colin knows he should tell Jamie first but he also wants to see how it feels to say what he’s suspected his feelings are out loud, “I’m in love with him.”

“What are you going to do?”

Colin closes his eyes, “no idea.” He opens his eyes when Isaac speaks again.

“Think he likes you?”

Colin thinks he knows. He wants another opinion. “Does it look like he does to you?”

Isaac glares at him, “it looked like he liked you months ago.”

“What?” Colin doesn’t know if that’s true. Things have felt different the last few weeks. Maybe since they started cuddling at night. He started feeling different months ago. But their behavior has sort of shifted to something more real feeling.

Isaac grins, shaking his head, “I’m just saying, I love you bruv, but even if I liked men, I wouldn’t suggest dating.”

Colin sits up and turns to face Isaac, “do you think he did this just to date me? Couldn’t he have just asked me out? He knew I liked men. Why all this?”

Isaac looks like he wants to say more but just looks across the room. Colin follows his line of vision to Jamie, Dani, and Sam. Jamie is already looking at Colin.

Isaac says, “those are all things you should ask Jamie. Soon. If I have to watch you two making eyes at each other, I want to know it’s real.”

When everyone has basically sang if they want to, everyone starts talking about going to a pub down the road.

Colin walks over to where Jamie is still with Dani and Sam. They’ve been watching each other from across the room since Jamie finished singing. Colin thinks Jamie’s looks seem more flirty, but also genuinely so, than normal. Colin slides his hand into Jamie’s, “are you going to the pub?”

Jamie shrugs, “maybe. If everyone else is.”

Colin steps a little closer to Jamie. “I thought about going back to the hotel room.” He squeezes Jamie’s hand when he says room.

Jamie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh.” He nods quickly, “I don’t want to end up having babysitting duties when everyone is pissed. Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go back.”

Colin looks to his side to see Sam and Dani watching them.

Sam snorts, “you can just tell us you’re going to go have sex.”

Colin’s jaw drops. He expects this from the others but not Sam.

Jamie is bright red. He starts walking and pulling Colin with him, “thanks, Sam.” Colin laughs when he hears Sam and Dani laughing and telling them to have fun.

They don’t let go of each other’s hands until Colin has to get the room key out of his wallet. They didn’t really talk much but Colin did think they were both walking faster than normal.

Colin turns to Jamie once they’re inside, “hey, I…I need to ask you something.”

Jamie steps closer to him, “what’s up?”

Colin swallows hard, “Isaac said we were making eyes at each other.”

Jamie smiles, “that’s not a question.”

Colin wants to roll his eyes, “were you?”

Jamie licks his lips, “were you?”

Colin leans in slightly, “I asked you first.”

“Yes.” Jamie looks down at Colin’s lips. “Now you answer.”

Colin cups his cheek and kisses him instead. Jamie quickly wraps his arms around Colin and deepens the kiss. Colin moans into Jamie’s mouth. It’s so much better than any of their other kisses. Than any of the kisses Colin has had in his life really. He wishes they’d been doing this the whole time. Colin doesn’t think he could stop being able to kiss Jamie like this now that they’ve started.

Colin is about to start walking them towards the bed. He wants to make sure they’re on the same page first. He pulls back enough to speak, “Jamie, do you want this, too?”

“Fuck yes.” Jamie runs his hands down over Colin’s bum to the back of his thighs and lifts them to his waist. “I want this so much.”

Colin grips legs tightly around Jaime’s waist as he’s carried to the bed.

Jamie gently puts him down on the edge of the bed, “how…what all do you want to do?”

Colin slides his hands under Jamie’s shirt and grabs his belt, “I want you to fuck me.” Colin thinks for a second, “I don’t have a condom.”

Jamie puts his hands over Colin’s, “I don’t either. There’s no one else though. There won’t be.”

Colin pulls Jamie close, “same here. I think there’s a packet of lube in my toiletry kit.”

Jamie leans down and softly kisses him, “please don’t change your mind while I grab it.”

Colin cups the back of Jamie’s head and pulls him in again, “I definitely won’t”

++++++++

Jamie rolls over onto the bed next to Colin, trying to catch his breath. That was fucking amazing. It felt better than any sex Jamie’s had before. He could feel his and Colin’s emotions in every touch, every kiss, every thrust. He wants to tell Colin that. Jamie normally feels alright with words but all he can say right now is “wow.”

“Yeah.” Colin looks over at Jamie, “if all that wasn’t clear, I was making eyes at you because I like you.”

“Me too.” Jamie turns onto his side to face Colin, “this has worked out great.”

Colin smiles lightly, “what do you mean?”

“Well” Jamie smiles and gestures between them, “this happened. And me being publicly out finally got my dad to stop talking to me.”

Colin’s smile fades, “what?”

Jamie picks at the sheet, “knew he’d hate it.”

Colin is quiet for a second too long. “When did you think of that?”

Fuck. Jamie knew he should have said something earlier. The last thing he wanted was to upset Colin. “At the beginning.”

Colin sits up and moves to the edge of the bed. He looks over his shoulder at Jamie, “you used me too.”

There’s so much pain in Colin’s voice. Jamie hates that it’s his fault it’s there this time. He sits up. His voice sounds desperate when he says, “that doesn’t change what’s happened.”

Colin stands and faces him, his hands on his hips, “what’s happened?”

Jamie moves to sit in front of Colin, “that I fell in love with you! Or maybe I was already and didn’t know and told myself I could use this to get my dad to stop.”

Colin looks and sounds like he’s going to cry, “is that supposed to be less shitty? It’s still using me.” Colin scoffs. “You could have fucking told me.”

Jamie stands up and walks over to Colin when he starts gathering his stuff and shoving it into his bag. Colin puts his clothes back on. Jamie pleads, “don’t leave.”

Colin looks so hurt when he faces Jamie. He hasn’t seen him look like this since he showed up at his house in May, “don’t follow me.”

++++++++

Jamie tries to stop himself from glancing over at Colin as he drives them home. Colin still sat with him on the bus home from Liverpool. Jamie assumes only to keep up appearances. He pretended to sleep the whole time. Jamie could tell he wasn’t though. He was moving too much for it.

Colin pauses in the entryway. Jamie stops next to him. Colin sighs, “I may go stay in a hotel or something. Come back and get you in the morning so we still go into training together.”

Jamie grabs Colin’s elbow but drops it when Colin looks at his hand. “Please don’t. I’m so sorry, Colin. I’ll sleep on the couch. Just. Just please don’t leave.”

Colin closes his eyes, “I can’t. I’m still too mad.” He starts to walk to the door but turns around, “you doing this for me is part of why I fell for you. I thought I had you all wrong before. You did this selfless thing. But it wasn’t that.”

Jamie starts to explain but only gets out “Colin” before Colins like he’s going to cry.

Colin holds up one hand to stop Jamie, “I can’t hear it right now. I need time Jamie.”

Jamie drops his shoulders, steps back, and looks at the ground. Colin hasn’t left so he asks, “can I tell you something else?”

“What?”

“Two things?” Colin just looks at Jamie. He’s still not leaving though. “I am sorry. And I do love you. If my dad never existed, no that wouldn’t work, I wouldn’t be here. If he had disappeared when I was a baby and never came back, never fucked me up, I’d still love you.”

“Jamie…” Colin doesn’t say anything else. He leans a little towards Jamie though.

Jamie needs to get something else out, “I’ll do whatever you want, with our fake relationship. It’s your choice. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here for you. I’ll sleep on the couch but please don’t leave.”

Colin looks at Jamie for a long time. He puts his bag down, “I need”

Jamie interrupts him, “time. I know. Just let me know when you want to talk.”

++++++++

Jamie barely slept. The couch was comfortable enough, he just couldn’t fall asleep. He kept going over how he wanted to explain to Colin. Colin looked so lost sitting on the giant bed by himself when Jamie walked by to go use the en suite in the other bedroom that’s now their closet. All he wanted to do was comfort him. He didn’t know how to do that when he caused the hurt.

Since he’s already awake, Jamie gets up to make them breakfast. He can have it ready for Colin when he comes down. He won’t have to avoid Jamie or talk to him if he doesn’t want to.

Jamie is sitting at the table, drinking his own protein shake and looking at his phone when Colin comes down. Jamie half smiles and looks back to his phone quickly, but not before noticing it looks like Colin didn’t sleep well either.

Jamie is surprised to hear Colin speak. “Is this for me?”

Jamie looks up to see him pointing at the other shake. Jamie nods, “yeah. We’ll need more for tomorrow though.”

“Thanks. I’ll run in and grab some if you want to stop at the shop after training.”

Jamie smiles. It feels so normal. “That sounds good. Not sure if we have anything for dinner. We can get something from the nutritionist, but if you want something else, I’ll cook it.”

“That works for me.” Colin looks at Jamie for a moment. “I just need to put on my trainers and I’ll be ready.”

Jamie pushes back from the table, “I’ll go grab my stuff.”

They have a quiet ride to training. Jamie runs into Colin’s back when they walk into the club, he grabs onto him so they don’t fall. Jamie is about to ask why he stopped when he sees reporters in the hall for the Monday press conference.

Colin turns to Jamie, all wide eyed and looking more pale than normal.

None of them have seemed to notice them yet. Jamie holds out his hand to Colin. He’s relieved when Colin takes it. Jamie gives his hand a quick squeeze. They make it past them with a few quick greetings.

They stop in front of Jamie's locker. Colin looks down at their hands. He turns them before he lets go. He looks up at Jamie. He softly says, “thanks.”

Jamie gives him a quick nod, “whatever you need.”

Colin gives him a sad smile before walking away from him.

They have a quiet ride home from training too. Other than a superficial conversation about what food they want to buy for dinner.

Jamie hasn’t heard any real emotion in Colin’s voice all day until they pull back up to the house that evening when he loudly says “FUCK.”

Jamie has never really heard him yell like that. He cowers in his seat and looks over, “what?”

Colin nods towards the front door. “That’s my mam. How did she…what is she doing here. Now?”

Jamie looks at Colin’s mum. Her hair is darker but her eye shape reminds him of Colin’s. He turns to face Colin, “what do you want to do?”

Colin shrinks down in his seat, “I have no fucking clue. What does she have to show up now? What does she want?”

Jamie shrugs, “I’ll follow your lead.”

“I have no clue what to do. If she. I don’t want to lie to her about us. That’s what caused our falling out. Me not telling them for so long. Or maybe not. It’s probably really just the gay thing.” Colin looks at Jamie. He looks desperate, “can you just tell me what to do?”

Jamie is incredulous, “me?”

“Yeah. You. I mean I’m still mad. But what would you do?” Tears have started forming in Colin’s eyes.

Jamie just looks at him. “Sorry. I’m still shocked you want my advice about how to deal with parents right now.”

“Yeah, I know.” Colin wipes his face, “you’re still the person I’ve talked to the most about this shitty shituation.”

Jamie looks down at his lap, then slowly back up to Colin, “if you forgive me, someday, would you want to actually date me?”

“I…” Colin doesn’t say anything for what feels like forever to Jamie. “Yes.”

Jamie shrugs, “then just stick with the public story. If she’s here to mend the relationship, and you decide you don't want to be with me, tell her we broke up. The plan was to break up eventually. It will be sort of the truth. We need to do something though because she can see us.”

Colin sighs, “that seems mean to you. Like it’s stringing you along.”

“Maybe I deserve it.” Jamie reaches out to put his hand on Colin but drops it onto the middle console. “Let me keep helping you. I just want to be there for you.”

Colin puts his hand on top of Jamie’s, “I do know that. I appreciate it.”

Jamie makes an unsure face at Colin, “want to introduce me to your mum?”

Colin snorts, “sorry. That is just something I didn’t think this would be happening today.”

Jamie grabs Colin’s hand before he goes to get out of the car, “you’re a strong and cable man.”

Colin smiles fondly at Jamie and his heart swells, “thank you.”

Jamie waits for Colin to come around the car before he starts walking towards the door. He’s surprised when Colin grabs his hand but holds on tightly.

Colin’s mom takes a couple steps towards them. “Hi.”

Colin’s gate falters, “hello.”

“I know I shouldn’t have shown up like this. I went to Richmond but you were gone already. A young man, dark hair, William, told me how to get here.”

Jamie really likes Will but needs to make sure to tell him not to do something like that again. This is very obviously Colin’s mum, but still.

Colin leans against Jamie a bit, “this is Jamie. My boyfriend. He lives here, too.” Colin looks at him, “Jamie, this is my... This is Donna.”

“Nice to meet you.” Donna steps closer and holds out her hand for Jamie. Jamie has to let go of Colin’s hand to shake it. He immediately holds Colin’s again afterwards. They all stand there looking at each other. Jamie has no idea what is going to happen. He squeezes Colin’s hand.

Colin takes a deep breath, “are you here…it’s been two years.”

Donna’s sad face looks remarkably like Colin’s. “I know. I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?”

“Not yet.” Colin looks at Jamie, then back to Donna, “are you going to be nice? That house is where we, two men, live together, as a couple. I don’t want to hear anything against that in there.”

Donna nods, “I’ll be nice.”

“Alright. You can come in. We were going to make dinner. There should be enough.” Colin suddenly looks at Jamie, “the food.”

Jamie offers, “I’ll get it, you go inside.”

When Jamie gets inside, Colin is making tea and his mam is sitting at the table.

Colin smiles over at him, “I’m making you a cup. Hope you wanted some.”

Jamie grins, “course I do.” He starts putting away the food they don’t need for tonight. Colin seems to be taking his time making tea.

Donna walks over to stand on the other side of the kitchen island, “do you want help cooking?”

Colin slides her mug towards her, “why are you here now?”

Jamie is almost tempted to laugh at how blunt Colin is. He assumes that Colin doesn’t want her to help and starts without them.

Donna takes a sip of her tea, “I keep seeing your face. Both your faces. People ask us about you.” Colin just looks at her so she continues. “Morgan, next door, told us how excited she was that she knows you. She said how amazing it was that you didn’t try and hide after the story in The Daily Mail. I thought that man, who sold the pictures, probably hurt you. People kept asking how you were doing. I had no idea the real answer. I came to find out.”

Colin looks at Jamie before he talks, “you hurt me. Tad hurt me.”

Donna sighed, “I know. I can’t take that back. I am sorry we stopped calling.” She takes another sip of tea. “I read the story. The pictures they took were very handsome. You look happy together.”

“We are.” Colin reaches back to where Jamie is assembling a salad and pulls him to his side. “Jamie is incredible.” Colin looks into Jamie’s eyes, “he’s made me really happy despite all the shitty things.”

Jamie can’t help leaning in and kissing Colin’s cheek. He looks at Donna, “Colin is the incredible one. If he thinks I am, it’s just because I want to be good to him. It’s what he deserves.” Jamie thinks he did good because Colin tightens his grip on his hip.

Donna smiles at them, “I am glad you have each other. I’d like the chance to get to know you. Catch up on what I’ve missed. Colin, I’m sorry again. I’d like to try to get back to how things were. I know that will take time.” She adds on, “how’s Richmond?”

Colin smirks, “we beat Cardiff.” Jamie laughs and goes back to cooking.

Donna half laughs. “I know. We watched the match at home. I didn’t tell your dad I was coming. I did see him smile when you made that beautiful goal though.”

Colin is quiet for a moment. “For the first time in a while, I hoped one of you would contact me after the match. Or would have been there.”

“Next time. If you still want that. We could come to a game at Richmond. If you want us to.”

Colin sniffles. “I would like that. Eventually.” Jamie hears a drawer open and clattering of silverware. “Do you want to set the table? I’m going to help Jamie some.”

After the shut the door behind Donna, Colin sighs loudly. “Thank you, Jamie.”

“Of course.”

Colin turns towards Jamie and puts his hand on his arm, “no, Jamie, thank you. That was really difficult for me. Having you here made it easier. So thank you.”

Jamie smiles, “you’re welcome, Colin.”

Colin pulls Jamie in closer, resting his hands on Jamie’s hips, “I don’t know how long. I’m still sorting out all the stuff in my head. This surprise visit took a lot out of me.” Coin rests his forehead against Jamie’s, “I do love you, Jamie.”

Jamie’s eyes fill with tears. This morning he wasn’t sure if he’d ever hear Colin say that. He thought he might back in Liverpool. He thought he’d ruin his chance to hear though. He really wants to kiss Colin. He knows it’s not the time for that. “I love you too, Colin.”

Colin smiles, “I feel like I’ve been awake for days.”

Jamie twists and kisses Colin’s cheek, “go to bed, love.”

Colin squeezes Jamie’s hips, “goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Colin.”

++++++++

Colin wakes up a few hours after falling asleep. It took him a lot longer to fall asleep than he expected it to. He misses Jamie in the bed with him. He’s pretty sure the only moving around he did in his sleep the last month and a half was moving closer to Jamie or pulling him closer.

Thinking about how much better it was having Jamie in bed with him makes it hard for Colin to fall back asleep without him.

Colin realizes he doesn’t really want to do much of anything without Jamie anymore. The last 5 months should have been terrible. Something about having Jamie next to him just makes all of it bearable.

He turns over in bed. It’s not comfortable either. His mouth feels dry so he decides since he’s already awake he’ll go get a drink.

He’s reaching to open the cabinet when he hears a voice in the room say hi. He screams and half falls to the ground, steadying himself on the counter before he goes to his knees.

The light flicks on and Jamie is next to him, “are you alright, Colin?”

Colin puts his hand over his heart, he can feel it thumping. “Fuck. You scared me. What are you doing?”

Jamie helps him stand, “couldn’t sleep.”

Colin thinks he really should have invited Jamie back to their room. “Why not?”

Jamie sighs, “I feel like a dick.”

Colin frowns, “about me?”

Jamie runs his hand down Colin’s arm, “of course about you.”

Colin grabs Jamie’s hand when it reaches his, “can you tell me what you thought about that whole night you found out and came over?”

“I was sitting on the couch. I opened twitter.” Jamie makes a face, “thought about having a wank. The first thing I saw was someone retweeted the article and was talking shit about them for it. I just knew it wouldn’t be what you wanted. I needed to make sure you were okay. I grabbed my shit and left.”

Colin hoped it was something like this. He’d been thinking about everything from Jamie’s perspective. He obviously didn’t want Jamie to ever be subjected to what he witnessed at Wembley again. Colin leans in and kisses Jamie’s cheek.

“Oh.” Jamie smiles and rubs his fingers over where he just kissed. “What was that?”

Colin needs to hear the rest of it. “When was the dating idea?”

Jamie frowns, “what do you mean? You were there.”

Colin asks, “what came first, the idea to date or that it would get your dad to leave you alone.”

“The idea to date. I hated the idea of you being out there by yourself. And yeah, after that I did think it would be an added bonus if he didn’t want anything to do with me now that the whole world knows I’m soft. He may still come around wanting to…whatever for it. I still would have done without any of that.”

Colin puts his arms around Jamie’s shoulders. Jamie tentatively puts his hands on Colin’s hips. Colin smiles at how comfortable this feels. Just to double check, he asks, “but you wanted to help me first?”

“Of course. I remembered you didn’t talk to your family. Or I didn’t think you did. Isaac was out of the country. I knew you needed someone. I thought we were close enough, you wouldn’t mind if it was me.”

Colin relaxes against Jamie, “let’s go to bed.”

“I’ll try again in a little bit.”

Colin tries a different way, “come sleep with me. You sleep better not alone.”

Jamie shrugs, “I know. I’ll be alright though.”

Colin almost laughs. He decides to be a little more direct. He puts a hand on Jamie’s cheek and runs his thumb over it, leaning in, “may I?”

Jamie nods quickly, “yeah.”

Colin kisses him, keeping their lips pressed together, relishing in the feeling of Jamie’s lips against his again. It’s only been a couple of days but he missed it. He rests his forehead against Jamie’s, “let’s go to sleep.”

Jamie smiles slowly, “you…”

Colin kisses him again, “I want to be with you. Really be your boyfriend. I was hurt. I was so hung up on the one thing I didn’t like about what you’ve done for me, I was ignoring all the rest. I got used to the people close to me, my family, being shitty to me. I did to you what they did to me. Let one thing ruin everything. And your’s isn’t even bad. I wish you’d told me. But I’m glad your dad isn’t around. You deserved better than that. And better than I reacted. If he does come back, I’ll be here for you. We’ll face him together, like everything else. We’re good together.”

Jamie tightens his arms around Colin, “you’d just been used for a pay day. I should have told you the possible advantage for me. What I’d get out of it..”

Colin quickly shakes his head, “it’s not the same thing. You weren’t using me. I should have stayed so we could talk that night. I should have let you explain.”

Jamie smiles wide, “so you’re my boyfriend now?”

Colin grins, “yeah. I am. Now come cuddle with me until we fall asleep.” Colin kisses Jamie again, “I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you too, Colin.”