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Clint didn't turn from his desk when he heard the door to his office click shut just carried on typing the email he was working on. “Take off your jacket and shoes and place them behind the door.” He informed his newest patient. There was a rustle of clothes and then the thud of a pair of heavy boots hitting the floor. “Take a seat, I'll be with you in a second.” He continued when it went quiet again. A moment passed and then he heard the creak of the sofa as the person sat down. Finishing his email, Clint turned to face the newbie.
“So.” He began, standing from his seat and walking over towards the man. “There's only one way a person gets into my diary without filling in the paperwork and booking online. You wanna tell me why Natasha sneaked you onto my calendar?”
The man slowly removed his left hand from where it was tucked under his thigh and held it up, waggling a set of metal fingers. Clint looked from the metal hand to the man's blue eyes. “The Winter Soldier. Why did Natasha send me the Winter Soldier?”
The man shook his head. “I prefer Bucky.”
“Okay.” Clint nodded. “Why did Natasha send me Bucky?”
“She...” Bucky paused, swallowed nervously. “She said you could help and I trust her judgement.”
Clint closed the distance. “Help with what?” As he spoke, he sat down beside Bucky who flinched back against the armrest trying to put as much distance between them as possible.
“Ah.” Clint nodded. “I see.” Bucky flushed red and avoided looking at Clint. “Do you want to learn how to interact with people?” Clint asked softly. “Or do you want to learn how to tell people not to touch you?”
Bucky glanced up at him and then quickly away. “Maybe a little of both?” He muttered. “I remember I used to love Steve's hugs.” He frowned. “Sometimes now though, I need him to leave me alone. I feel too...” He shrugged. “Raw. I guess.”
Clint nodded. “Okay. I can work with that. This is going to be a slow process though. You willing to stick it out, even when it gets uncomfortable?”
Bucky looked at him for a moment and then nodded slowly.
Clint tapped the space on the sofa between them. “Put your hand here. Palm up.” Bucky frowned at him but slowly extended his right hand into the gap. “When you've had enough, tell me to stop.” Clint then reached out and placed his palm over Bucky's. He kept his fingers straight, not closing them around Bucky's hand. Bucky cringed back, but kept his hand in place.
Clint reached his other hand into his pocket and pulled out his 'phone. He began scrolling mindlessly as he waited. Bucky started by not breathing, his whole body tense, eyes fixed to Clint's hand where it touched his. Eventually, he gasped out a breath, fingers twitching under Clint's. Clint continued to ignore him as he read his emails.
Bucky shifted nervously, opened his mouth, looked at Clint's face and then closed it again. His fingers twitched again, but he still didn't pull his hand away.
Clint moved onto watching animal videos. He laughed at a puppy chasing his tail and Bucky tensed. “Stop.” He whispered. Clint immediately removed his hand. He clicked off his 'phone and set it on the table before looking to Bucky who was staring at him, a horrified look on his face. Clint smiled. “Good work. You lasted twenty minutes. Can you tell me how you feel?”
Bucky lowered his eyes. “Like a failure.”
“Bucky.” Clint said gently. “You just let a complete stranger touch you for twenty minutes. You are not a failure.” He placed his hand palm up on the sofa between them. “When you're ready. Place your hand in mine. He picked his 'phone back off the table and resumed watching videos.
About five minutes passed and then he felt Bucky's palm press to his. Clint didn't react, just concentrated on the screen in front of him.
Bucky lasted thirty minutes this time and then slowly removed his hand from Clint's. Clint clicked his 'phone off again and turned to Bucky. “Was that better or worse?”
Bucky thought for a moment. “I liked the press of your hand on mine.” He began. “But, I felt more comfortable with my hand on top.”
Clint nodded. “You felt more in control when you instigated contact.” Bucky nodded sharply shifting awkwardly in his seat. “That's a great start.” Clint smiled.
---
Bucky slipped into Clint's office and smiled softly as he saw him standing in the middle of the floor waiting. “Hey.” He waved before tugging off his jacket and kicking off his boots.
Clint smiled back at him. “How are we today?”
Bucky crossed the room and stepped up to Clint, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Clint put his arms around Bucky's waist and gave him a quick pat on the back before Bucky was stepping away again. They smiled at each other.
“I hugged Sam yesterday.” Bucky began quietly.
Clint's smile broke into a grin. “That's great news. How did it feel?”
Bucky chuckled. “Awkward, but you know. Kinda nice. It's different to hugging Steve.”
“You mean he didn't try to crack a rib?” Clint laughed.
Bucky nodded, a small chuckle escaping. “Different to hugging you too. He's smaller for a start.”
Clint reached out and linked their fingers together, led Bucky over to the sofa and then released him so that he could sit down, Bucky dropping onto the sofa beside him. “So what do you want to work on today?” Clint asked, turning to face Bucky.
Bucky shrugged and as he did so a lock of his shoulder length hair slipped forward covering one eye. Slowly and deliberately Clint reached out. Bucky tensed but he didn't stop Clint from gently brushing the strand aside, tucking it behind Bucky's ear. “You ever had someone play with you hair?” Clint asked, fingertips lingering for a second behind Bucky's ear before drawing back as Bucky shook his head.
“It was never long enough, in the past.” Bucky answered.
Clint stuck out a foot and pushed the table that was in front of them away and to the side then parted his knees and spread his feet. “Come sit on the floor then. Let me get my hands on you.”
Bucky hesitate a moment and then slid off the sofa, shuffling over until he was sitting between Clint's feet, back leaning on the front of the sofa. He flinched at the first touch of Clint's hand to his head, gasping in surprise.
“I know.” Clint soothed, running his fingers through Bucky's hair. “It's harder, when you can't see what I'm doing.” Bucky nodded. “Tell me to stop, any time you need me too.”
Clint set to work then, long fingers running through Bucky's hair, massaging his scalp and Bucky let out a soft moan before blushing bright red and slapping his metal hand over his mouth. He jerked like he would move away from Clint but Clint tightened his fingers in Bucky's hair tugging lightly at the strands. “It's okay to like it, Buck.” He whispered, leaning forward to look over Bucky's shoulder. “You don't need to be embarrassed.” Bucky nodded avoiding Clint's gaze but a moment later, relaxed back and allowed Clint to continue digging his fingertips into Bucky's scalp.
Clint moved on a short while later, separating strands of Bucky's hair and making a small braid at the back of his head. Years of doing the same to Natasha meant it took only moments before he had completed several others. He had nothing to fasten them with so they would slip out again when Bucky moved, but that wasn't the point. Bucky had sat for forty minutes now, eyes closed, a relaxed little smile on his face as Clint's deft fingers wove through his hair.
Bucky sighed contentedly and Clint stopped, the last little braid slipping through his fingers. “You wanna try it?” Clint asked.
Bucky turned going up on his knees to look at him. “I don't know how.”
“No problem. Just get your fingers in there and rub.” Clint stood and they swapped places, Clint settling onto the floor between Bucky's feet.
Slowly Bucky eased his fingers into Clint's messy blonde hair. He slid his fingertips across Clint's scalp, keeping a firm pressure as he pushed forwards then dragged slowly back. He pressed his thumbs into the base of Clint's skull and Clint groaned. “Oh yeah. That's the spot.” He lowered his head and Bucky pressed his thumbs in again, fingertips digging into Clint's scalp. Bucky pushed his thumbs up as he dragged his fingertips down carefully avoiding Clint's hearing aid and Clint groaned again. Bucky chuckled softly and kept it up for the next ten minutes.
“That'll do.” Clint sighed and Bucky removed his hands. “Man, that felt amazing.” Clint turned and smiled at him. “Next time Steve's having a bad day. You should offer to do that for him.”
Bucky nodded. “I could try.”
Clint placed his hands on Bucky's knees to push himself back to his feet and grinned when Bucky only rolled his eyes at him instead of tensing up. “Great progress, Buck.”
Bucky turned a shy smile up to him. “Thanks Clint.”
---
“Natasha taught me how to braid her hair.” Bucky informed Clint as he stepped back from their hug. “I enjoyed doing it.”
“That's fantastic news.” Clint beamed at him. “Look at you getting all familiar with your team.”
Bucky blushed but didn't try to hide it from Clint like he usually would have. “So what's on the agenda for today?”
“I wanted to talk to you about a different kind of interaction today.” Clint began. “Have you thought about joining the team at the Avengers training facility?”
Bucky nodded. “Thought about it. Not decided yet. Steve thinks I could be helpful.”
“Okay.” Clint nodded. “Well, one aspect of that would be the communal living. You'd have your own room but places like the gym would be shared. I want to get you comfortable with the idea of the locker room.” Clint snagged the hem of his muscle shirt and pulled it up over his head, balling the material in his hands. “How do you feel about taking that shirt off?”
Bucky stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. “No.” He stated. “Definitely not ready for that.”
Clint smiled reassuringly. “Okay. No problem. We can come back to that at another time. “I'm gonna keep my shirt off though, so you can get used to the idea of being around people in various states of clothing. He tossed his shirt on the table when Bucky nodded. “What would you like to do instead then?”
Bucky met his eyes and smiled. “Could I give you another head massage?”
“Of course you can.” Clint gestured towards the sofa and followed behind as Bucky went to sit, dropping down to sit between his feet.
A few moments later, Clint groaned. “That feels amazing, Buck.” Bucky's fingers had slid lower, were pressing into Clint's neck muscles, digging into his shoulders.
Bucky ran a finger across one of Clint's scars. “You have a lot of these.” He remarked softly.
Clint nodded. “Occupational hazard.” Then laughed. “Not this occupation obviously.”
“They don't bother you?” Bucky asked.
“Bother me?” Clint frowned. “Nah. Why would they bother me. They're proof that I survived all the shit that came my way. Proof that when you put me down, I just get right back up. Someone can look at these scars and think, if that didn't stop him, what chance do I have.” He reached up and gripped Bucky's fingers where they rested on the scar, twisted up to face him. “Scars show people who you are. Sure they can be a nasty looking mess.” He pointed to a jagged raised line on his ribcage. “But they also say to the world. Is that all you've got?”
Bucky was biting his bottom lip. His eyes bright with unshed tears. Slowly, he slipped his hand from Clint's and then pulled off his shirt before meeting Clint's eyes.
Clint smiled. Pointedly looked at Bucky's metal shoulder. “See. They tried their best and it wasn't good enough. Cause you're still here. Becoming the man you want to be.” He slowly reached out giving Bucky plenty of opportunity to stop him or move away and placed his fingertips against one of Bucky's scars. Bucky gasped, a tear slipping free. “You're still standing, Buck. They couldn't keep you down.”
Bucky reached for Clint, pulled him up onto the sofa and wrapped himself around Clint, hugging him tight. Clint held him, running his hands soothingly over his back and scars.
---
Bucky released Clint from their hug. ”I went to breakfast with the team this morning.” He told him. Clint smiled. “I wasn't wearing a shirt. Tony choked on his cereal.”
Clint laughed. “That's my boy.” He crossed over to the sofa and sat down.
Bucky followed and flopped down beside him, twisting immediately to throw his legs over the side and drop his head into Clint's lap. Clint chuckled and threaded his fingers into Bucky's hair, petting him. “You're snugly today.”
Bucky smiled up at him. “I feel pretty good today. You've really helped me, Clint. I feel more comfortable around people and more like part of the team.”
“Well good.” Clint grinned. “Then we just have one more thing to discuss.”
Bucky furrowed his brow. “What's that then?”
“Dating.” Clint stated. “Sex. All the icky stuff.”
Bucky shook his head. “No thanks.”
“Why not?” Clint asked puzzled.
Bucky shrugged. “Dunno. Just don't seem to have any desire too.”
“Okay.” Clint shrugged. “Well, we can revisit that later if you change your mind.”
Bucky nodded. “Sure.”
“In that case. I guess we're done here.” Clint continued.
“Wait, what?” Bucky scrambled up and turned to face Clint. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you have all the skills you need now to be able to interact with other people. To set boundaries and to engage in physical contact on your terms.” Clint smiled softly.
“But...” Bucky frowned, took a deep breath. “I like spending time with you. I don't want that to stop.”
Clint reached out and linked their fingers together. “I provide a service, Bucky. I'm not going to keep charging you if I'm not helping you with anything.”
Bucky looked stricken. “So you're saying I can't see you ever again?”
Clint shook his head. “No Buck, I'm saying you don't need to be my patient any more. I sign you off the books, make it official, then if you want, we can be friends, but you have to understand it's an attachment issue.”
“Explain.” Bucky demanded.
“I gave you what you needed and yeah, I also taught you how to interact with other people, but I gave you the attention you craved first. You got attached to the idea of me fulfilling your needs and there's a danger that if I continue to provide it as a service, you'll never grow. Never seek out new people, new connections. Our connection was manufactured out of the fact that you could trust me to do my job. We didn't come about it naturally.” Clint frowned.
“So what you're saying is, this is fake?” Bucky asked angrily. “You don't care about me any more than you care about a paycheck?” He pulled his hands away from Clint's.
“I care about all my patients, Bucky.” He paused. “I especially care about you.”
“Then why don't you want to see me again? Why are you trying to pretend our connection isn't real?” Bucky growled.
“I told you Bucky, we can still be friends. I just can't see you here. Can't keep you as a patient. Our relationship needs to change now. It needs to be more equal. We don't know each other. We haven't actually talked to each other as friends. You don't know me as a person outside of this office. As someone who has days when he doesn't want to be around people, who doesn't want anyone touching him. You see me as this competent person who has all the answers and can give you everything you need. You don't see the days I can't get out of bed fast enough because of nightmares or the days I live in ratty sweats and eat cold leftover pizza because I don't have the willpower to exist. You don't see, the real me.” Clint insisted sighing in frustration.
Bucky reached out and pulled Clint towards him. Wrapped his arms around Clint and held him tightly. “You're right Clint. I've never met the real you, but Steve and Natasha and Tony. They have. They talk about you all the time. About how great you are, but also about how much of a human dumpster fire you are and I want to meet that Clint. I want to meet the Clint that falls over his own feet and has a one-eyed dog. I want to meet the Clint that drinks coffee from the pot at 3am and stole an entire building from Russian mobsters. I want to meet you, Clint.
Clint made a sound, somewhere between a chuckle and a sob and pulled back from Bucky's chest. “You might regret that?”
Bucky smiled. “Might do. That's another choice I get to make though. Now are you going to give me that chance, or do I have to haul Steve down here to give you disappointed face until you agree?”
Clint laughed. “Please don't. I retired to get away from that face.”
Bucky laughed too. “I believe you.”
“Tomorrow night.” Clint smiled. “I can come to the tower. Just meeting a friend of a friend is all.”
“Awesome!” Bucky exclaimed and pulled Clint into a hug again.