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Long before Shouto Todoroki posted his conspiracy theory video, Kyouka Jirou had known about the ghosts haunting Class 1-A. Her hearing had always been a little too good, so she was accustomed to unintentionally eavesdropping and learning a bit too much about others’ personal lives. Her usual strategy: to pretend she’d heard nothing. Though it was her first time hearing ghosts, she saw no reason to change what had always worked in the past.
But now, as Kyouka sat in class trying to concentrate on Aizawa’s lecture, maintaining her straight face got harder and harder.
First shouted, “Nineth and Shouto Todoroki! I will go down with this ship.”
Second retorted, “He clearly has far better chemistry with Hitoshi Shinsou.”
Kyouka winced and stared at her notes. The paper only contained a line of scribbles. The ghosts were especially chatty today. All of them had gotten involved in the latest debate. By now, she’d heard the ghosts call each other’s names frequently enough that she could recognize their voices, although she didn’t know why they addressed each other by numbers. She also didn’t know how Midoriya stayed sane while haunted by seven ghosts who never shut up.
Third said, “Childhood friend wins. It’s gotta be Katsuki Bakugo. Just look at how well the two of them know each other. Nineth even created an instruction manual for handling Bakugo.”
First’s voice rose to a piercing shriek. “How could you ship our cute little Nineth with his childhood bully?”
Kyouka subtly covered her earjacks. When angry, First had a voice that could shatter glass. A slow headache built up behind her temples.
“But he apologized,” Third protested.
“Even if Nineth forgave him, I haven’t.” First sharpened a knife loudly. “If he comes near Nineth, then I gut him like a fish.”
Third said, “It’s an adorable story of redemption and childhood destiny.”
Fourth snorted. “Cut the crap. What’s your real reason for shipping them?”
Third said, “Only Bakugo is capable of giving All for One the absolute hell he deserves. Just think of All for One’s PTSD flashbacks if history repeats itself with love between a One for All holder and a spikey-haired pyromaniac. Everyone, I think we have a very real chance of killing the ancient bastard with a heart attack. This opportunity is not to be missed.”
Second growled, “I don’t see why everyone thinks that I resemble that loud-mouthed Bakugo brat.”
“Because you do,” Fifth said. “Are you in denial?”
“Aside from a similar taste in haircuts, we have nothing in common.” Second sniffed. “The spoiled brat had everything handed to him growing up. His greatest hardship was that time he fell into the river and one of his friends tried to help him and gave him an inferiority complex. By his age, I’d been thrown out by my parents. I starved and nearly froze to death twice. I had to dodge both cops and crime gangs after me for my metapower. When he was dreaming of becoming number one hero, I was dreaming of not dying before I reached adulthood. Pardon me if I don’t find his tragic backstory very inspiring.”
First said, “I think Shouto is the one most like you, my hero. His loyalty and awkwardness are why I like both of you. Join me on the ship! Become one of Team TodoDeku! We have T-shirts!”
Kyouka could not see the T-shirts, but from the groans of the others, they must be awful. Unfortunately, by this point she’d completely lost track of Aizawa’s lesson.
Second said, “Actually, Hitoshi always reminded me more of myself. Fighting against discrimination but determined to prove to the world that he’s not a villain. A cold exterior hiding a heart that seeks acceptance. His blossoming friendship with Nineth reminded me so much of us in the past. Nineth’s smile melted his heart just as fast as yours did to me, my love.”
“Aw, my hero,” First whispered.
Fifth groaned. “No, no, don’t you two dare start kissing again!”
Seventh said, “Remember our agreement? If they start the PDA one more time, then we’re shoving them outside the Void Vault so whatever is behind that mysterious door can deal with them.”
Kyouka completely concurred. She didn’t even have to watch, but the constant flirting and kissing sounds were enough to drive her insane. Luckily, the two ghosts quieted down.
Fifth said, “Personally, I favor Ochaco Uraraka. She’s the boldest with her crush. I like a girl who goes after what she wants. Plus, they’d be so cute together.”
Seventh said, “I have to admit Uraraka and Nineth would be like two adorable rays of sunshine. But wouldn’t Eijirou Kirishima also make a perfect sunshine pair with Nineth?”
Fourth protested, “Don’t dismiss the quiet ones. We love the deepest. I’m putting my imaginary money down on Tenya Iida. He’s extremely quick to murder anyone who threatens those he cares about. I like that.”
Sixth groaned. “It’s too hard to decide! They’re all so cute with him! When I saw Nineth first fight together with Asui Tsuyu, I thought for sure she had to be the one. But he and Momo Yaoyorozu analyze amazingly together. Denki Kaminari is very charming. And imagine the beautiful chaos he’d make with Mei Hatsume. But then I come back to a sizzling love triangle with explosion boy and fire and ice boy…”
Third said, “Whoa, that sounds like so much fun.”
He’s right, that does sound fun…Kyouka shook her head, trying to force her thoughts back to class. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the madness!
Sixth said, “I think they’d kill each other over Nineth, and the theatre kid inside me loves it.”
“That or they’d channel all their pent-up aggression into a hate sex threesome,” Fifth muttered. Kyouka choked on her own spittle.
Seventh said, “Melissa Shield is a strong dark horse candidate. Plus, Nineth would be marrying into my family.”
Fifth said, “We all want to be Nineth’s family, don’t try to hog him just because you trained Eighth. Why hasn’t anyone mentioned Rody Soul yet? He clearly had it bad for Nineth. Did you see the way his bird kept blushing?”
First chanted, “TodoDeku! TodoDeku! TodoDeku!” Kyouka could almost see him bouncing up and down. Her headache worsened.
Fourth said, “I swear, you only like conspiracy theory boy so much because he took a picture of your disembodied hand petting a cat, then ranted on his blog for hours about how cool it looked.”
First sniffed. “What’s wrong with that? Besides, I like Shouto Todoroki for many other reasons. He’d bury a body for Nineth without hesitation. Remember how well he reacted that time Nineth got accused of mass murder? I think all of us former holders know how important and necessary it can be for your partner to have your back…and a shovel. Seventh, didn’t your husband hide half a dozen corpses for you before you accepted his marriage proposal?”
Seventh said, “When you put it like that, it sounds much sketchier than it actually was at the time.”
Wistfully, Sixth said, “You and your husband had such a meet cute! Nothing like a little corpse disposal to immediately weed out any commitment-phobes. It reminds me of how Sorahiko and I first met my senpai.” He did not further explain this statement. It was going to bother Kyouka all day, trying to figure out if Sixth and his friend had helped Fifth dispose of a body and if Sixth had been dating one or both of them.
First continued, “My hero promised to help me bury big brother’s body and never actually did, but it’s the thought that counts.”
Second yelped, “Hey, you never managed to kill your brother, so don’t pin that one all on me! I dug the hole twice, but he never stayed down long enough for us to put him in it.”
Over the school year, Kyouka had become increasingly convinced that Midoriya was being haunted by a pack of bloodthirsty villains. They constantly plotted how to kill First’s brother in increasingly graphic ways. She wondered how a hero fanboy had attracted such evil ghosts.
Sixth screamed, “Eureka! I know the perfect ending to the shipping war! Hear me out: he dates all of them.”
A chorus of “Ooooooooooooooo!” came from the ghosts.
Izuku’s pencil snapped between his fingers. His eyes looked bloodshot and maniac. A low hiss emerged from his mouth. Barely above a whisper, he growled, “Do you realize I can hear all of you?”
Aizawa’s shoulders stiffened, but he kept on writing on the board as if he hadn’t overheard. Ever since the ghostly sexual harassment incident, Aizawa had studiously ignored all strange outbursts coming from the resident problem child.
Izuku whispered, “I would tell you to go bug All Might, but if you involve him in this conversation then I may be forced to find a way to murder the already dead.”
First said, “Sorry, Nineth. We’re all super-excited because Eighth never had much of a love life for us to gossip about.”
Izuku pinched his forehead. “I don’t either—you’re making all of this up. My friends don’t even think of me like that.”
Gently, First said, “The crushes on you are real. You need higher self-esteem, Nineth. If only you could see yourself the way your friends see you. Turn your head and see how Todoroki is looking at you right this instant.”
Second shrieked, “Stop trying to get an advantage for your favorite! It’s unfair! Hitoshi isn’t even here to compete.”
Seventh said, “Whoa, our truce was over fast.”
With a pout in his voice, Sixth said, “I still like my idea.”
“Me, too,” Fifth said. “That girl with the earjacks is staring at Nineth, too. Should we add her to the list?”
Her face flaming, Kyouka jerked her eyes away and pretended to be engrossed with her blank notes. Keeping her head down, she prayed the ghosts would not notice her any further. No offense to Midoriya, but she was not getting involved in that mess. Nope. Nope. Nope.
OMAKE TIME!
Omake: If Everyone in the Class Could Hear
Nana: Aizawa has a sweet ass.
Yoichi: I prefer my hero’s.
Aizawa: Kill me now.
En: Let’s call the ship of Izuku and his entire class Dekubowl. Yes, plus Hitoshi, you can calm down, Second.
Tsuyu: They don’t know I can hear them, kero…
Ochaco: They must never find out that I can hear them. I’d die of embarrassment.
Shouto: Ahhhhhhhhh, no! Don’t look at me! I can’t get my blush under control!
Tenya: Using all my willpower, I pretend that I hear nothing.
Katsuki: DEKU, TELL YOUR FUCKING GHOSTS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Izuku: (Wakes up in his bed covered in sweat) Thank god, it was all a horrible nightmare. My classmates don’t know about the ghosts trying to matchmake them with me. I miss the days when my anxiety used to give me dreams about appearing in class naked.
#
Omake: After the Great Viz Media Mistranslation
Mineta: Izuku, I fell for you!
En: Who wants to champion the new ship?
Vestiges: …
En: Yeah, even I can’t stomach this one.
Yoichi: I never thought I’d say this…Katsuki Bakugo…is now my second least favorite.
#
Omake: Somewhere All for One Instinctively Senses A Prime Opportunity to Obtain One for All but Doesn’t Know Why
Kyouka: Midoriya, could I speak to you alone? I have something important to say.
Banjo: This is it! She’s about to confess!
Nana: Our very first confession! I’m so excited!
Third: Who bet on earjacks girl being first? Or does the house (me) keep the money?
Izuku: (Whispering) Shhhhhh! (In a louder voice.) Yes, of course.
Kyouka: Could you please ask your ghosts to stop talking during class? I can’t contrate because of their strange shipping war.
Izuku: Ha-ha, I see, this is all a dream! I’d like to wake up now! Why does the nightmare continue no matter how many times I pinch myself?