Archive of Our Own ^beta

There are days when people wake up and automatically know what day it was. Be it an anniversary, a holiday, a special event, or even a party. It was like that for Kaeya Alberich. Except this day was a special day, in it’s own peculiar way. It was his birthday, maybe not his exact birthday since he never really did know when he was born, but it was the day he was pulled into warm arms and taken into a new family. It was a birthday that his family gave him, a day that he would be able to spend once a year, for every year to come. 

It used to be a joyous occasion, waking up with his older brother, fiery hair and all, jumping atop his bed and shouting for him to wake up, because it was a very, very important day. They would go throughout the morning till the afternoon with laughs and giggles, having fun beyond their little kiddie hearts content. An activity they had specifically done because it was Kaeya’s favorite, was jumping up and catching the crystalflies that always crowded around their vineyard, clusters near the growing grapes. 

Today was that day. But, unlike all those years before, Kaeya was spending it alone, yet again, for the fourth time in a row. The nostalgia when he woke up could have made him laugh in self-pity. 

It isn’t so bad , he thinks to himself.

But then he’d think again.

Aside from the loneliness, and having all of that free time with no one to actually spend it with, no family, it wasn't so bad.

That’s what he told himself.

But of course, he was a liar. He lied to anyone and everyone if he wanted to. He, himself, was no exception.

He never really thought it was a big deal anymore, even though he ached, yearned to have that feeling of happiness between his fingers once again. 

But, he had ruined that for himself, so he had no one but himself to blame.

The time once again rang in his head, and he thought, maybe he should stay in bed today, let the events pass by. But he had a very carefully advised plan he made for himself, for when this certain day came.

And there was also him being a knight, he still had duties to attend to, so as he got up from his bed, he blinked and got himself ready. The corset was sitting snug on his waist and the scarf of soft fur resting, nestled on his shoulders before exiting his room. He sighed as he left his house, no taste of breakfast on his tongue.

He never ate breakfast anyway. He didn’t really care for the most important meal of the day, he had been fine without it the past few years, there was no use starting now. With the words of a morning greeting on the tip of his tongue, he walked the path, into the cool weather of Mondstadt. 

“Good morning.” He greeted the knight that walked to and fro on the street of his house, getting a wave as they greeted him.

“Good morning, Cavalry Captain Kaeya.” He tipped his head before making his way, the feeling of his gold mora in between his fingers as he fiddled with it. Flicking it up and snatching it out of the air, he walked towards the headquarters with light footsteps— like feathers in the wind, they were silent and gentle. He inhaled the scent of windwheel asters and dandelions as he walked up the stairs; the city of freedom was a place he could always take a look around and still get a calming feeling breeze over his body. The calm was what made mornings like these just a little better, a little easier. 

Being the City of Freedom, everyone had a chance here, no matter their origins. Barbatos was a kind and understanding soul, though not without his own speculations. Deeming anyone a threat to his precious land, he’d make no qualms about throwing them right out. Kaeya didn’t know if the bard knew about his knowing of his situation, but considering the mischievous glances and lowkey winks, he wouldn’t be surprised if the anemo archon knew that he knew about his identity. Of course, that didn’t change anything, Venti was still an occasional drinking partner, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like the former gods presence. 

Afterall, before the whole dvalin incident, he didn’t doubt that the god knew of his former mission when he was sent out into Teyvat, from the darkness of the abyss below. But the god didn’t do anything, only sang to him and even shared stories, so Kaeya felt that maybe Venti already knew where his true loyalties had lied.

It almost made him hesitant to go through with his so-called wish list—his list of things before he finally crossed out the last thing on the list, his last thing on the list.

Shaking his head from the thoughts of the present, he continued his stroll.

Kaeya knew the day he was going to die. Nothing made it official—he wasn’t sick with an incurable illness—it was rather, he was the one who was going to make it official. 

And that day was the very one he was walking in now.

Sometimes he’d find himself reminiscing about the times he’d walk these streets, hand in hand with a bright red haired boy, another man of the same hair color following right behind them with a smile. The feeling of home would be sitting in his lungs as he skipped and raced on top of the cobblestone, feeling like a bird in a wind current that could drag him for miles.

He found himself standing in front of the knights of favonius’ headquarters eventually, a brisk smile as he popped open the door and made his way to a very familiar room.

“Grandmaster Jean! What do you have for me this fine morning?” The blonde woman looked up at the sound of the door, nursing a pale bag of purple underneath her eyes, referencing the long night she must have had. Still, she gave him a gentle smile and gestured to come towards herself, the sparkle in her eyes not leaving, even though there was clear exhaust present in her whole being. 

“Kaeya, good morning.” He hummed as he leaned on her oak desk, eying the papers she had sitting next to her arm. She must’ve come in early again, most likely only getting a few hours of rest at best. He shook his head at her as he tapped the top of her stack. An unsaid conversation passed by as they looked at each other, before he raised his eyebrow.

“As I was saying, any work for me, Master Jean?” She sighed as she clicked open her pen, writing something down on a small sheet of paper.

“I knew that you would’ve declined no work, so I’m giving you one task. Afterwards, you can take off for the rest of today. And also—“ she reached down and opened one of her drawers and took out a small box, the pastel blue wrapped in a silver lining. 

“This is for you, a gift from Barbara and me.” Kaeya didn’t say anything as she handed him a small paper with his assignment for the day, and then handed the box right into his hand. She softly grabbed his hand and rubbed her thumb over the top of his soft, scarred hand. He smiled back at her as she took her hand back, a fond look in her eyes as she sent the knight off with a goodbye.

“Happy birthday, Kaeya, please take care today and try to do something a little exciting.” He chuckled before he looked at the paper and then tucked it into one of his pockets. His lips had an upturn, yet he was frowning sadly internally, the words of an unspoken goodbye as he gave her a smile of mirth.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. And master Jean,” She looked at him, and he didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he rested one over his chest as he gave her a look.

“Please take care of yourself more often. I’m not going to always be here to pick up on some of your paper work, you know.” Jean at first didn’t reply, and just as Kaeya was about to speak once more she opened her mouth.

“I will try, Kaeya.” He smiled at her before raising the gift she gave him in his hand.

“And thank you for this, I’ll make sure I open it at the end of the day.” That was a lie. If he opened it any time today, he might be hesitant to continue on with his planned out schedule he made himself. He had to do this. He wouldn’t allow a gift to break him from the inevitable.

She shook her head as she waved, “It’s nothing. I’m your friend, so the least I can do is give you a small present.” He nodded, before sending himself off with a two finger salute and walking out of the ajar door, closing it behind him with a quiet click. He took that moment to glance at the small note.

“Just a small hoard of hilichurls, huh?” He shook his head at Jeans kindness before going to his office, a very small stack of papers waiting for him, unlike the usual foot tall pile he’d get on a busy day. He knew that Jean took up his paperwork so he could have a more leisurely day off, and so, with a sigh, he took up his pen and sat down on the chair before flicking the pen on and beginning the series of scribbles he had gotten all too accustomed to. 

His hands didn’t feel slightly cramped as they would be used too when he finished, and he smiled when he looked out the window, the sun still early in the sky. 

Jean was an Angel. Sometimes he wonders if he saved someone very important in his past life to have gotten the grandmaster as his friend. With the exhale of his breath, he grabbed his stack of papers and gave it to the person assigned the organization of his department's files.

Going back to his desk, he looked at the blue box, friendliness and warmth almost seeping out of it. He didn’t need to see it to know that Jean and Barbara had put extra care in it. He sadly looked down at it before he sat back down in his chair and opened his work drawer, pulling out a stack of envelopes he had previously filled. Shuffling through them, he read them all off.

Jean, Barbara, Amber, Albedo, Klee, Sucrose, Eula, Lisa, Vile, Bennet, Venti, Rosaria, and… 

He blinked as he let his thumb trace over the red wax seal, the bird engraved on it giving him a look of contempt.

Diluc.

He sighed as he set them down on his desk and wrote a note on a small slip of paper, before placing it on top with the gift he had received from his higher up.

“Goodbye.”

He made his way out of the headquarters building and took in his surroundings once more. 

He was truly going to miss being in Mondstadt.

Going down the stairs, the clock brought his attention to present time and he let a smile graciously fall onto his lips. One glass of wine wouldn’t hurt.

The tavern wasn’t extremely busy, it was only an hour after morning passed, so there shouldn’t be many patrons, yet Kaeya walked in and he felt that there was just too many people, too little space, and he was losing breath, but he pushed the feeling off his chest because there was only three people, four if he was including Charles manning the bar.

Thankfully, Diluc wasn’t there, at least not yet. The man usually worked a little later, so Kaeya had time to sit around and savor his time.

The bar, of course, smelt of wines and wood and dandelion breeze, lulling his mind into a calm as he greeted the bartender.

“Good afternoon, Charles.” He gave the man a smile and he received one in kind before the man went to business.

“And to you too, Sir Kaeya. A death-after-noon as usual?” The man grabbed a glass and while Kaeya did love the feeling of the alcohol burning his throat, he decided on settling for something else.

“Actually, Charles, I was hoping that you’d give me a nice serving of dandelion wine.” The other paused at that and gave Kaeya a look before nodding, any lingering question on his mind left unsaid. He went about the bar and a clear glass was put in front of him, unlike the wooden mugs he usually has for his death-after-noon. Humming, he watched the man as he took out the champagne bottle and twisted the cork off, pouring the drink in before gently putting the screw back on and putting it back into its rightful place—snug in its home, with the rest of its kind.

“Twelve minutes and the ice will be put in, hope you’re not in a rush.” The man with a star for a pupil gave Charles a charming smile, resting his head into his palm as he nodded.

“Now if I had to be somewhere, I would’ve taken the usual.” He received a smile and let the man attend to his business, though there wasn’t much to tend to at the moment considering the lack of customers.

It was too early to be drinking for normal people. But, Kaeya wasn’t a normal person, so that was okay. 

His eye traced the outline of the glass, before turning his head at the sound of the door flying open, a fresh breath of air tickling his nose as he met the face of a drinking companion.

“Why hello there Mondstadt’s dear, alcoholic bard. To what does this fine establishment owe you the pleasure to have you grace it with your presence at such a time?” Venti let out a tune of delight as he struck the cords on his lyre, eying Kaeya’s look of suspicion towards his arrival with a pleasurable grin.

“Cavalry Captain Kaeya! I’ve not come here to dash and dine, I only wish for the taste of that sweet, sweet wine. I have all the mora for one drink I suppose, so there’s no need for you to be right on your toes.” Venti stops and throws the blue haired man a wink.

“Not yet at least.” Kaeya associates his face with that of a gentle smile, gesturing towards the seat next to him with all welcome. The bard beams in delight before sliding his way into the stool.

“Though it is such a weird time for the pleasure of wine, can I say the same for you that your reason is just like mine?” Kaeya kept the bitter smile from reaching his face, as he turned his gaze back towards the glass in front of him, wondering how much longer he’d have to wait.

“No need to speak in rhyme all the time, Venti.” Emerald eyes twinkled as he nodded, gesturing towards Charles to order a drink. With a quick ‘the same as Sir Kaeya’ and a gesture to his own wine, the bartender went to his business and Venti turned to him.

“So? Why have you decided to come here not even an hour after midday, Sir Kaeya?” Lilac blue met green beryl and they both searched each other’s eyes. Letting out a resigned chuckle, Kaeya turned to his drink and picked it up, giving it a whiff before setting it down.

“… I guess I wanted a taste of…freedom, before I leave for the day.” For good was not said, but Kaeya caught the pause in Venti’s eyes as his smile slowly dripped down into a frown. 

“You have something planned out today?” Kaeya gave a nod with a smile, but Venti did not see a smile—Venti saw the twitch of his lips as his face rolled a lie right off of it, eyes storming with dull clouds ready to rain on his parade. 

“I suppose so, it should be a fine day today. For you, for Master Diluc, for the Knights of Favonius, and for the whole of Mondstadt! Dare I say…” Kaeya tilted his head and looked up at the dim yellow light of the tavern.

“Barbatos might even be happy with the events that shall happen today!” Kaeya stopped and looked at Venti, who remained tight-lipped as he stared at the boy.

“I truly hope so.” And Venti swallowed at the others supposed hope, because he knew that Kaeya knew. And he knew that Kaeya knew that he knew about him knowing. So he bites his lip and reaches a hand out to the boys face, feeling relief when the man doesn't object as his hand caresses his cheek, thumb grazing over the soft surface of his mocha skin.

“I wouldn’t believe so…” he hated keeping the act up, even when they both were in on it, but there were other citizens present, so he acted. “For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry. I never wanted it to happen.” They both knew that what he said had nothing to do with the present, it had everything to do with the past. But Kaeya, oh dear archons, Kaeya smiled at him, and Venti desperately wanted it to be a lie, because he shouldn’t be forgiven, he had no right to be forgiven.

“I’ve met my peace, and I forgive you.” And yet Kaeya did . Venti, with the feeling of his shoulders and chest suddenly getting lighter, even when he thought— he knew —he didn’t deserve it, nodded and pulled his hand away. 

Licking his dry lips, he brought his fingers to the strings of his lyre and plucked a few chords, the only thing he knew how to do in the moment.

“How would you like one last song for today, but not the last for a lifetime?” Kaeya paused and looked at Venti, his glance at the instrument signifying that he didn’t mind another song, but he never said anything to the second part of his question, and Venti dearly hoped that he’d see that sly smirk in the evening the next day. 

He hummed a tune he knew all too well, the story of a melancholy put into his words and tone as he gently sang to one of his most faithful children. 

Kaeya, after the minutes passed by, watched the bard put his lyre on his lap, expression regretful. Before he could say anything, Charles came out of the corner, ice in a small cup. He smiled at the brunette and watched as he slid the cubes into his cup, the clinking of the glass coming and going like the wind.

“Too bad we didn’t order at the same time, I’d’ve propose a small toast to today.” Venti did not smile as he would usually, but he received a small one nonetheless. Kaeya, with his half full, half empty drink, took a small sip and fell into a silence with the bard.

Soon there was nothing else in his glass, so he got up, and took the way too big pouch of mora from his waist, setting it in front of Venti after setting his payment next to his empty glass. 

“Buy yourself a few dozen drinks, Venti. I’ll miss you.” Venti couldn’t bring himself to move or say anything as he stared, frozen at the pouch silently. And when he snapped from his daze, the Knight was gone, the whisper of his breeze sobbing in his ears at the disappearance of his child.

“Kaeya?” He twisted around, looking for that color of trench blue hair, just in case it was an elaborate prank to mess with him. But Kaeya wasn’t so cruel.

“Kaeya?!” The people in the tavern looked at him and he couldn’t help but ignore them as his chest grieved. Twisting in his seat and feeling like he once did thousands of years ago, when he held the face he stole in his arms, he began to feel panic creep into his mind when he couldn’t locate him—

“What do you need with sir Kaeya?” Venti turned to see red eyes staring at him. He blinked as he sagged back into his seat, insides churning is unease as he couldn't do anything to help ease the Khaenri’ahns suffering. Now he was looking at Diluc Ragnvindr, the sole heir to the wine industry, and the one who made his favorite delectable beverages. However, he did not find it in himself to care as he averted his gaze, eying the glass that Charles had filled up in his lost thoughts. 

“Nothing that should concern you…I hope.” Venti pretended to miss the quick flash of suspicion and worry before the red head went around and behind the bar to care for the used glass of wine his former brother left behind.

“Are you going to drink your wine, bard?” 

Diluc watched as those green eyes turned to him and he felt his stomach fall at the expression the former god wore. He was not accompanied by a smile, and he was not asking for more alcohol. He was sitting, and staring at Diluc, like he just lost one of his most precious treasures.

“…no. I apologize for ordering this drink when I no longer have intentions to bathe in it. Sincerely, I am sorry, Master Diluc.” Diluc watched with growing nervousness as the bard left his seat, body motions akin to that of someone who was far too old (and wasn’t that the truth).

Soon he was left with one thought.

Where was Kaeya?

Kaeya walked down the pavement as he took in his surroundings. The buildings of old were still standing tall and strong, and he could just imagine all the old ladies who would open their windows and call out to him. 

He wondered what everyone would think once he was gone.

He ignored the thoughts that came with it, pushing them aside as he walked to the front and out of the gates, giving his goodbyes to the two guards positioned for the morning shift.

The scenery was familiar, it all was, but he was always going to hold the green grass, the sunsettia and apple filled trees, and the small critters running about close in his precious chest of memories.

He put a little pep into his step as he rounded about a small hill side and saw the camp he was supposed to clear out. He looked up at the sky, the clouds currently covering the sun as the blue sky stared down at him.

“It’s a good day.” 

But no matter how special it was, it will never be special again.

For he will have no more years to spend the special day on.

It was a very funny thought that occurred to him months before. Him? Leaving Mondstadt? His home? The thought could have made him laugh. But when the days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned into months, he didn’t once object to the thought. Moreover, he began realizing how much he wanted it to happen. It started off small, but the claws of the abyss, and the claws of sin were constricting his chest, and he didn’t know how much longer he’d have. He didn’t know when everything would catch up to him again.

What if the curse really was going to reach him too…

He shook his head and kept his pace. He’s already thought it out through and through, and he thinks, for once, that it was finally time.

He had no purpose anymore, not really. He had wishes, dreams, and wants. But was he needed anymore? Did he prove a good purpose? Was he still… enough?

While he did fail the people he had once cherished before, he didn’t completely regret failing them. Because on the day he was left under the apple tree, soaked from the rain and the feeling of abandonment, he was given a new family; one that loved, cherished, and spoiled him rotten. He’d think for a brief moment if he deserved it at all.

But it had come and gone, so even if he didn’t deserve it, it was definitely fun while it lasted. He wasn’t going to forget the memories he’d made all those years ago. 

Gaze turning back to the hilichurl camp, he imagined that he grabbed the hilt of his sword and walked right on over, nothing but the thoughts that plagued his mind on repeat as he unsheathed his sword, the blade appearing out of thin air as he stalked towards the camp.

Clearing out the camp was easy, as it had always been for him. It was simple; take out the hilichurls, push down the torches so it could spread into the grass and slowly break down the wooden shields the mitachurcls always carried, and knock the hilichurl archers down from their perches before they could pierce him.

Soon, nothing was left but dust of what there once was.

And Kaeya made his way to a clearing, wondering what he should do next.

He had a full day ahead of him, so what should he do to kill time?

A glint of blue caught his eye and he smiled at the crystal fly in the distance.

His legs automatically started to guide him towards the creature, eyes drawn to the light it emitted.

“Jump! Grab it!” 

He let his legs lead him with no objections.

“Hurry before it flies away.”

He reached up and grabbed it when it sensed his presence, almost flying away. He opened his hand and saw the small crystal core resting on his palm, and he couldn’t help but smile sorrowfully as he rubbed his thumb over the cool surface.

“It’s so shiny!”

“Mhm! They always are, no matter what kind.”

“Can…can we do this when my birthday comes back?”

“Of course, and for every birthday to come, too!” There was a laugh of glee as the two children ran to play again, jumping to catch more of the sparkling flies.

His vision was blurred and Kaeya refrained from trying to keep it all in.

He’ll let himself have this.

It would probably be the last time, anyway, he should at least let a little something out.

And so he let himself silently cry, warmth falling down his face as he looked at the field.

“Let’s catch even more!”

And he led himself to a place he was familiar with.

Seeing the field of green, he sighed as he made his way down the hill, kicking a rock he found on the dirt road on his way. The memories of what had been and what could never be again cruised through his mind like a virus, never relenting.

Crystal flies were everywhere, and he let himself walk through the vineyard, collecting the crystal flies from left to right, his hands feeling warm as they piled up.

He grinned when he opened up his hand and saw a whole pile in his palm, the rocks glinting underneath the sun's rays.

“Too bad I can’t keep you.” And then he looked up, seeing the front door of the winery.

So close, yet so far away.

He walked up the stairs anyway. Standing in front of the door, he looked at the nob before gently crouching down and setting his pile of collected crystalflies on the entrance. But he guessed his presence wasn’t as hidden as he wanted it to be.

The door opened and Adelinde peaked out, eyes surprised as she looked down at Kaeya.

“Oh…Master Kaeya—“ he stood up awkwardly and waved his hands. The words of a greeting not coming out as he tried to refrain from wincing at the old title, the title he never deserved.

“I’m no longer Master Kaeya, Adelinde, you of all people should know that.” She stopped and gave the boy a sad look, hands coming out from the house as she held his face in her hands, fingers tracing underneath his eyes. She graced him with a smile, and Kaeya desperately tried to stop the ache in his chest when he saw her face. 

Don’t look at me like that.

“Oh Kaeya, I’ve missed you. Everyone here dearly misses their second heir.” He shook his head as he used his own hands and pulled hers away from his face. 

“Please, don’t remind me. Just…” he looked down at the crystalflies and back to her. Following his gaze she gasped before whipping her head back up, eyes watering as she hugged him.

“I’m sorry, I almost forgot.” And Kaeya didn’t object the warmth, pain slowly creeping into his skull as he hugged her back.

It’s alright if you forget.

She sobbed into his shirt and he bit his lip, eyes squinting as he tried to remain composed. 

It’s alright if you forget about me.

“Happy birthday, Kaeya. I would love it if you’d come in.” He shook his head, memories unfolding already even with him standing by the door frame.

“This is our home, and soon it can be yours too, if you allow it.”

He looked up and couldn’t help but admire the scene of bright lights, a warmth he hadn’t experienced ever before, and the smell of fresh flowers and wine. Looking in from the entrance, he couldn’t possibly enter.

But he wanted to be there. He also wanted to be a part of that, last hope or not, it looked so nice, so welcoming. So he looked up at the man with the red hair and hesitantly nodded. A grin spread across the man’s lips and gave a gentle nudge to his back, making him walk forward, his foot going right past the door and into a place of comfort he’d always come to remember.

This wasn’t fair. Not to Adelinde, not to Diluc, not to anyone. He needed to leave or else he’ll be stuck leeching off everything he ever knew, ever loved.

“I… I couldn’t. But, take care of yourself for me, okay Adelinde?” The head maid rubbed at her eyes as she looked at Kaeya, seeing a muddle of sadness swirling in his eye, but never letting anything show as he bent back down and scooped up the crystalflies, putting them into her own hands as she continued to look at him, pain present knowing that she could never help the boy.

“I…I’m going to miss you.” She had no clue why those words came stumbling out of her mouth, but a foreboding feeling came over her, quietly telling her that she was never going to see the boy again. The boy with the smell of calla lilies and the smile of a thousand suns, slowly drifting away…a mere plank in the sea.

“Me too, Adelinde. Please make sure you and the others take care, and keep Diluc safe for me, yeah?” She couldn’t speak, a lump in her throat as the boy she remembered spending time with years ago turned around, walking down the path, never looking back.

She couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t she speak?

It was then she realized that small, pitiful noises were leaving her, eyes clouded with tears as she reached out for Kaeya, his figure slowly disappearing from her view.

Don’t go , she couldn’t say.

She sunk to the ground, hands desperately holding onto the small shiny objects in her hands, like they would keep her company in the boys stead.

Oh Kaeya.

Kaeya didn’t look back, afraid that if he did then he would run right back over and give the woman who he could have called his mother, a tight embrace. His eyes stung but he didn’t do anything as he kept his pace, walking, walking as far as his feet could take him, until he found himself running, eyes betraying him as he let his mind flow freely.

You don’t deserve that happiness again, not after what you did.

He brought up a palm and roughly pressed it against his eye, taking it away quickly so he could navigate. His right eye burned, and he found himself gritting his teeth as he yanked off the patch over it and scratched.

No matter how much you want it, you’re not worthy enough.

Pain erupted from the socket as he scratched, but he still ignored it as he weaved around the tree’s. Eventually he had to forcefully take his arm down so he didn’t start to dig and hoped the pain would be distracting enough to take away the thoughts. 

The loneliness.

The hurt.

The sadness.

It hurt. Why did it hurt? Why did it hurt so much ?

He wanted to go back. He wanted Diluc, and Adelinde, he wanted Crepus, and he wanted to catch more crystal flies like he had so long ago. He wanted to sleep in a room that smelt of wine and calla lilies and lamp grass.

But you don’t deserve to have that again.

And so he kept running.

Until he no longer could. 

He stood on Cape Oaths cliff, looking out to the sea. In the end, he was already at his final destination, no matter what time it was, he was going to end up here at the end of the day.

Exhaustion ran through his body, and slowly he fell to his knees, eye closing and opening. 

It was still bright, he could lay down and rest a little, take a nap for a few hours.

He had a long while until night would come.

He’ll do it, and he doesn’t plan to see dawn. He’ll do it underneath the stars, the same ones he arrived in the city of freedom under, where he first met the smile of the kindest man he’d met.

Slowly, his eye slipped shut, mind succumbing to darkness.

Jean worked long hours, it was to be expected of the Acting Grand Master. Her workload was hefty, not something just anyone could deal with, which is why she had worked up a tolerance to the tiredness that seeped into her bones and body, sitting in that chair day and night. She didn’t exactly despise the work, but she always found herself loathing it when the stack was extremely overflowed, which was almost three times a week. 

This is why she found herself relieved upon finishing the papers she had around a few hours past noon. The Grand Master had started working a few hours earlier than usual, due to the fact that she had taken up some of her Knights paperwork and limited it down to only an inch of paperwork to do. Surprisingly she had finished that rather quickly and had moved into her own stack of business. A lot of signatures were out into place before she finished while the sun was still up and she felt tired yet happy knowing that she had free time.

However, walking into the Cavalry Captain office wasn’t such a nice surprise.

The first thing she noticed was the neat and clear desk, no fur coat left hanging on the chair and no papers filled with doodles that she knew the captain filled in when he got bored and took a break from signing.

The second thing she noticed was the lonesome stack of envelopes on his desk, a small post it note and a blue box she knew all too well positioned on top of it, clearly a message left by the man in question. She sighed and made her way over to the desk.

She chewed away at her gums, wondering what the man was planning. Picking up the stacks, she shifted through all the papers, seeing familiar names on them. She knew all of the people and slowly felt the knaw of uncertainty in her gut.

She picked up the note he had left and read it.

Please refrain from reading these until later tonight ;)

— Your favorite burden, Kaeya

She frowned at the signature, because she knew that Kaeya liked to joke around, but the thought of him calling himself a burden didn’t sit right with her. She did not think of him as a burden. Sure, he gave her occasional headaches, but that was because some people couldn’t always get along with their friends, and friends were sometimes a handful. So with a bite to her lip, she apologized to the man silently as she plucked her envelope out of the pile of others and opened it.

Pulling it out, she was immediately greeted with a page worth of words.

Her hands shook as she read it, eyes widening before throwing a hand over her mouth to stop any heart wrenching noise that wanted to escape. She felt her mind racing as she finished the letter, her face getting acquainted with a look of horror.

She gathered up the envelopes into her hand and immediately raced out of headquarters, racing down the stairs as she spoke. 

“Athos, Porthos, have you seen Captain Kaeya!” The two Knights went stiff and saluted to her, confused as to why she was rushing out of her office, but answered her. The two knights were always on post and for that she was thankful, since they should know exactly which direction her reckless knight had gone into.

“He left a few hours ago, I think he went to the tavern but he’s probably not there anymore.” She didn’t listen any longer as she rushed down the stairs, going into a sprint as she passed by a few knights who gave her incredulous looks. She ignored them as she ran, soon passing the fountain. There was the normal bustling streets she’d see everyday and no one seemed out of place, but if everyone had an inkling as to what was going to happen to their precious cavalry captain at the end of the day, their sunny skies would surely take a turn towards a dimmer, darker place.

She glanced towards the alchemy corner and saw two people she knew. With little thought, she went up to them and handed them their letters.

“Have you seen Captain Kaeya? It’s an emergency and I fear that if we don’t find him it might be too late.” Albedo and Sucrose were in the middle of grabbing their letters in confusion before they both looked at her in horror. Albedo seemed to stare heart stricken at the letter in his hand, seemingly realizing the weight of her words.

“No…I haven’t seen him. But I will help the search. Sucrose, come with me.” The girl nodded and didn’t question it as she and Albedo raced off. Jean sighed in relief when she realized that she had a few pairs of extra hands with her now.

She then went to start her run again but found herself immediately caught with Venti. She went to open her mouth but the bard only sadly smiled and took the letter designated for him, a knowing look in his eyes. He looked tired.

“Please, Jean…bring Kaeya back home.” She gave him a determined nod and sprinted towards the tavern door. But, with Venti’s exclamation, she knew that the captain was no longer in the city.

But…

She threw open the door and let her eyes dart around, already knowing the outcome of her fruitless search. 

“Acting Grand Master Jean? What can I help you with today?” Jeans blue eyes clashed with red and she felt herself tremble because—when was the last time she came to interact with Diluc? 

The two hardly ever talk to each other anymore, even though they were childhood best friends, along with Kaeya. The last time she had even been in contact with him was when he let everyone hold her secret birthday party at the Tavern, and even then, the three children—now adults—hadn't once made much interaction. Jean especially felt bad because a few days after the party she was told by their honorable knight that Kaeya was actually the one to plan her birthday party. And wasn’t that funny? She felt that if Kaeya were to think up of a birthday party for her, it would be immature and consist of pranks going straight towards her face, resulting in chaos where she wouldn’t be able to enjoy herself. Thinking of it now, she knew Kaeya didn’t tell her on purpose, for the case of it not being as surprising and relaxing as she would’ve thought it would be. He was most likely afraid he’d ruin her party.

Remembering the thoughts, she guessed that maybe that was one of the reasons why Kaeya had decided to write those letters, why he decided to leave, why he decided that he was going to…

“Acting Grand Master Jean?” She blinked away from her daze and looked at Diluc.

“Diluc, I…” she looked at the letter in her hand and back up at the red head. Kaeya and Diluc had fallen out of it, maybe she should give the letter to the Ragnvindr when she knows that the other boy is safe. She turned her head and her gaze met with the cold eyes of a nun in the corner of the tavern. 

“Nevermind.” He watched as she walked towards the nun in the back of the tavern, carrying stacks of paper with her. A weird, uncomfortable feeling settled in his chest when he saw her discreetly hand the paper over, words he could not hear coming out of her mouth.

The nun looked over to Diluc and Jean followed her gaze, eyes furrowing as she spoke to the other. 

Soon, Rosaria was up, and Diluc didn’t know why but it seemed like she was in a rush to leave the tavern.

And then Jean came up to him, frantic worry present in her eyes that didn’t drop from when she first entered. She nervously wrung her hands together as if she didn’t want to speak, but surprisingly she spoke much sooner.

“We don’t have much time and Rosaria told me that it was best to advise you.” The red head now felt himself confused. Did something happen? What was so urgent as to speak to others in secret? Was there another internal problem?

“What is it?” He’ll let the Acting Grand Master answer all his questions. Watching her gaze, he felt the uneasiness he’s been feeling in his stomach since Venti had come to the bar churn intensely.

“I’m afraid Cavalry Captain Kaeya won’t make it until tomorrow.” He felt his hands pause in cleaning the glass he was holding.

What.

Diluc felt something bind his chest in a tight compression and his stomach dropped six feet. 

What?

“I— elaborate, Jean. Is he injured? Sick?” The hint of urgency in his tone made Jean relieved. So he was worried about Kaeya. That makes explaining feel much easier for her. 

She wouldn’t have been able to handle the boy she once was able to call her friend turn his back towards something so important, someone who was important to the both of them.

“Diluc, I don’t know how to tell you this lightly, but…” she clenched her fist around the papers and picked Diluc’s letter, placing it into Diluc who outstretched his hand, holding the paper as if it was a fragile artifact.

“Kaeya doesn’t plan on letting himself see tomorrow come.” 

Tendrils of fear wrapped around his whole body and squeezed . He felt his mind race because that didn’t make sense, Kaeya would never do something like that. The Cavalry Captain had no reason to feel such a way, right? Only someone like Diluc would do that because he was miserable and alone and— 

And that was just it.

Kaeya was alone. And he was miserable. And he was guilty. Maybe Diluc hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it, whenever he let the other bother him, reminding him of all his faults and the past, because it was what he deserved. To be constantly reminded of the fact that he left everything behind.

But he should’ve realized that Kaeya was hurting just as much as him.

“Planning to throw me out with the rest of the trash, is that it? Just like how you threw out fathers legacy and sold his mansion.”  

At the time he thought nothing but anger. He couldn’t bear to walk in the same walls and he wasn’t about to force himself to walk into a home that didn’t have the most important people person in it. Kaeya had no right telling him what he did was wrong. But…

He guess he forgot that it was once Kaeya’s home too. Where had the teen gone after that fateful night? Where did he stay? The more he thought about it the more he felt regret.

He left Kaeya homeless, with nowhere to go. How was that okay? He disowned him in his own fit of rage— left him to die.

And he scarred him. Gods, he scarred him.

He hasn’t seen anything, but he knows that there are forever going to be scars underneath the clothes of the others. He wouldn’t bear to live with himself if he saw just how bad they were. 

Because he himself knew just how much fire could burn.

He licked his lips as he looked into Jeans eyes, desperation evident in her blue Irises. 

“We should hurry.” She seemed to smile wobbly, relief washing over her before she nodded and turned around, rushing towards the door.

Diluc turned to Charles who had just walked in from the back.

“Charles, I’d hate to ask this of you but—“ the man shook his head at the red head.

“No need, Master Diluc.” He smiled sadly and nodded towards the door.

“Go find Sir Kaeya.” Diluc gave him a thankful look and leaped over the counter, going out through the door as he joined Jean who was walking down the pavement, steps fast and brisky. They passed Flora, who waved at them with a smile, blissfully unaware as to what fate Kaeya would receive if they were not fast enough. They had just passed the guards standing at the gates when Jean had spoken, finally out of reach from the citizens ears to talk about the dealings with Mondstadts beloved captain.

“Do you have any idea where he could have went?” Dilucs mind had already been stirred a few moments prior, so he had to desperately search his memories. Memories that were so distant and blurry that made him want to scream. When had he forgotten so much? He shook his head weakly as they passed by Timmie on the bridge, his pigeons scurrying off with their squawks of surprise. Though the boy did not yell at them like he usually would have. They had passed the boy, unaware of the inner turmoil he went through as he watched them go.

Timmie only watched with a frown as they went, because they looked worried, and if someone was in danger then it was fine if his pigeons flew away for the time being. They’d come back eventually.

But he didn’t think the Captain was planning too. He felt his tummy turn as he stayed at the side of the bridge, before turning heel and going towards the city, hoping to find more seeds for his birds. When the Captain had come, the birds didn’t fly away, they only watched. Timmie was quite surprised. Usually his birds only flew off if they sensed a potential threat, and that was pretty much everyone! He remembered when they would fly away from him when he first met them. It was only after he realized that his father was never coming back that they stayed. He had sat on the bridges ledge that day, wondering for a while if that was it for him. How was he supposed to get hugs and smiles and head pats from his father if he wasn’t there? He thought the birds had flown off already, yet he had turned around and the pigeons were waiting for him.

His pigeons became his safe ground and he loved them and they loved him. 

But Mister Kaeya didn’t look like he had someone like that for him. When the pigeons didn’t fly away he knew that the knight was not in a good place. He let the man feed his birds for a while, in hopes that they could also be his safe ground, but the man stood up tall after a few moments and smiled at Timmie. And the smile made him sad, which was confusing!  Smiles are supposed to be happy, so why did Mister Kaeya’s make him so sad?

He didn’t understand, so he let the man go. 

He turned around briefly from his short walk and watched the red haired man and the Acting Grand Master speaking before breaking off paths.

He hoped that they were looking for Mister Kaeya.

It would’ve been sad if they weren’t, because then that would mean no one was going to find him and be his friend and give him hugs. Timmie swallowed and went back into Mondstadts gates. 

He hoped he could see the knight tomorrow. Sometimes he’d give Timmie one of his fruity skewers, and he really liked those.

“We should split up here, Albedo, Sucrose, and Rosaria are already trying to track him so we should go to places we’re almost certain he’d show up. I’m going to head to wind rise, he’s been there with me before and I feel like it would be a place he might go.” Diluc nodded and wracked his brain for more information. What was he missing? What was he missing ?

“Are you sure you have no more ideas?” Diluc gritted his teeth as he gave her a look.

“If I did I would already be gone, Jean.” Thankfully, she didn’t take his tone to heart, only nodding as she turned. 

“Well you should find out fast. Sun down is coming in two hours and we need to find him. I won’t be able to…” Sundown . The words stuck to him as a memory flashed in his mind. An old, innocent memory that would fall apart if he ignored it for even a second.

“It’s beautiful…” He looked at his little brother with a wide smile, pride glinting in his eyes as he stared at his awed expression.

“It’s always beautiful! Unless the clouds block it, but that rarely happens whenever I come up here.” The blue haired boy nodded as he stared at the city and land below them. 

Mondstadt truly was a beautiful place. 

“Hey…Luc.” He turned towards the other and saw his star shaped pupils staring at him, eyes filled with adoration as he spoke.

“Yes, Kae?” The boy moved closer and reached a hand out hesitantly, before setting it on top of the others.

“Can…can we stay here and watch it a little longer? I’ve…I’ve never seen a sun set before.” He gave the smaller boy a smile, gently squeezing his hand back as he looked back out to the view of the falling sun.

“Of course! What’s the point of sun set watching if we don’t see it?” They both giggled and embraced each other in the warm breeze of spring, both watching the sky’s slowly burning light show.

Thinking back to it now, he doesn’t get how he didn’t see it. Kaeya was robbed of so many things: sun sets, a warm family, affection, the stars, someone to just talk to, and…

Love.

There’s so much love people can give you, but it’s that person who decides if they are worthy of that love in the end.

He guessed Kaeya felt that he was someone who didn’t deserve such love in the first place.

“Diluc?” His gaze snapped up and he saw Jean looking at him worriedly. Before he could say anything the peak of Cape Oath caught his eye and his breath caught.

There.

“I have an idea of where he is.” The woman paused before nodded quickly. They gave each other one last look of farewell, both revealing their anxious emotions.

If they all came back and they didn’t have Kaeya with them, they wouldn’t know what to do.

The two parted ways, hopes and prayers on loop that they’d be able to find Kaeya before it was too late. 

As soon as they had parted, Diluc felt himself break out into a sprint, worry that hadn’t ever broken through his barriers finally peaking over the top and spilling out. If only things went differently. 

“Don’t ever show your face here again, or next time I will finish the job, you filthy traitor.” He did his best not to let the desperation he had clearly seen in Kaeya’s eyes that night get to him. He was a good liar, Kaeya sure fooled him over the long years they spent together. He couldn’t trust anyone anymore. 

He had ignored the way his mind told him to go back, don’t leave him all alone. He’s your little brother, don’t abandon him.  

He had ignored a lot of what his mind wanted to do. Deep down, maybe he did realize that Kaeya was the only one he could actually trust, because he had been the only one who told him the truth after so many lies were fed to him that day. Though he couldn’t bring himself to believe it.

Kaeya wasn’t his brother, yes he was and he should have no longer needed to feel obligated to do anything for the man.

But just then, he briefly remembered the way he brought his weapon up that night, flames glowing like embers as he let it go, the phoenix screaming as it soared right to the other. He had only then realized his mistake, seeing horror on his little brothers face, until a chill went down his spine as he saw the look of acceptance and his blade dropping, as if he was giving the sign that he gave up, that he was fine with that one last moment.

When a cry had rang out and a burst of blue came, he remembered feeling frost bite at his face and hands. The spikes of ice protective around the boy he once called brother shining just as brightly as his flames had, unchanging. He remembered seeing a look of unbelief and then a bitter expression directed towards the newly acquired vision in his hands. He had chosen to ignore it though, in favor of telling the other right to his face, that he was no longer family and that he was not welcomed any longer on the lands of their childhood.

What a fool he had been. He had been in such a fit that he didn’t see what he already had in front of him, someone who also needed comfort just as much as he did.

Crepus was his father too, no amount of lying or acting would change that. Kaeya as a young boy basically worshiped the ground his father walked on.

Maybe he should have understood better. 

He should’ve listened a little longer instead of lashing out before Kaeya could finish explaining himself.

He…should’ve done a lot of things. But he was Diluc Ragnvindr, so of course it wasn’t that simple. It was never simple with him. Maybe that’s where he went wrong. Because he didn’t let Kaeya speak, and he didn’t speak to Kaeya.

This time he’ll make sure to talk to him. He needs to tell him.

Tell him all the things he wanted to say that he had never said before.

He won’t mess up again.

“Just wait a little longer, Kaeya.”

He startled awake with a jerk, seeing a hog sniffing him, bumping its nose against his shoulder. He jolted back and the animal squealed, running off when it realized he was awake. He huffed but immediately groaned when his back cried out in pain. He slept in a bad position. 

He found he was thirsty. But instead of satiating it, he let his mouth dry up and watched the sun touch the top of the mountains in the distance. He smiled.

What a wonderful scene to depart from.

He stood up, wiping away the grass blades on him. The wind blew him in a light, somber manner, telling him to wait just a little longer. So he stood, gaze etching the perfect image of Mondstadt under the setting sun as it descended into the hidden horizon. 

Inane thoughts frolicked around in his mind, making him wonder if he was really ready to leave.

Oh, how he longed for everything. But he could not have it, so he will indulge himself in this moment for only a split second, for if he had lingered any longer he would feel the want to stay and hope.

Hope had come to him many times, but he will never be satisfied with his answers, because hope does nothing but lead you on until you’re so sure that there’s nothing left. 

Kaeya Alberich was a dreamer. But that was it. He could only dream.

The sky was filled with red and orange hues, the sun now completely hidden by the mountains, but still shining brightly. 

If he thought about it, this birthday wasn’t so bad. So he didn’t regret his decision as he stepped up to the ledge, looking down and seeing the dark, murky waters and the barely noticeable rocks.

Well, if the water doesn’t kill him, then the rocks would surely get the job done before he could even reach the water, where it would then whisk him away and into its dark depths.

“Ah, what a lovely day for a birthday wish.” He felt the wind sting his eyes. He did not let the tears fall, in fear that the sheering amount would drown him before he could even let gravity take him.

“I wish…” he outstretched his arms to the side, palms facing forward to feel the chill of the air as he stared out into the sky, briefly feeling like he had wings as he was about to jump off a tall ledge to test out his ability at flight. The scenery of Mondstadt lit a warm fire in his chest as he let his face break out into a smile.

“I wish that everyone can be happier.” Memories flashed of a bright grin lighting up, it being associated with a bright red haired teen.

“…And that Diluc can finally smile again.” He dropped his arms, gaze dropping down to what awaited him at the bottom. He lifted his foot to take a step forward.

Soon, he could release himself from the never ending suffering he called guilty desperation.

His foot touched the stone of the cliff when it started to rain.

Not much of a surprise, considering whenever Kaeya’s life went wrong it always seemed the sky was crying on him.

“Don’t you dare take another step!” He froze, the voice blaringly familiar that reminded him of lamp grass and grape juice, making him spin around, seeing a boy— a man he instantly recognized. His voice caught up in his throat, but he pushed it out as raindrops pelted his skin.

“Diluc? What are you doing here?” He made no move to take another step towards the ledge.

Why was Diluc here?

Why was he here?

Don’t make this even harder than it already is . Kaeya felt his lip break into a short quiver before he bit it and looked on at his brother— at Diluc.

“I came for you, Kaeya. Please take a step away from the ledge first, okay? Everyone’s worried about you.” He shook his head. There’s no way that Diluc was telling the truth.

Maybe Jean and Barbara, but definitely not anyone else.

“Sorry, dear brother of mine, I can’t do that.” Hopefully antagonizing him will make him stop. It always had. Going into the bar and inciting that same wicked spark to erupt in annoyance always worked, so now shouldn’t be different.

It did not. 

Diluc took a small step towards him and Kaeya shuffled a small inch backwards, still feeling the rock click against his boots heel.

“Please, Kaeya, everyone’s waiting for you…” Red eyes looked into his own and words came spilling out that he didn’t think he’d ever hear.

“I’m waiting for you.” He pushed out a laugh.

“Yeah right.” The red head shook his head and took another step forward, eyes burning.

“I’m telling the truth, you of all people should know that I’m not lying. You only lived with me for most of your childhood.” And it was true. But Kaeya did not want to believe that look in his eyes.

Because why after all this time? Why now ?

“You’re only doing this because it’s the right thing to do. You don’t love me anymore, and I don’t love you.” Diluc looked at him with sadness consuming his eyes. Stop that , Kaeya wanted to say. But he could not.

“That’s not what your letter told me.” One blue eye widened.

Jean found the letters already? Which means that she probably read them… and gave them to everyone.

Bitterness seeped out as he laughed.

“I’m not worth your time, Diluc, you said so yourself, I’m not safe. I’m a traitor! Get through your thick skull that I’m a parasite!” Why was he frowning at him? Stop frowning at him! Stop showing him pity! But Diluc did not. He took another slow step forward. 

“And I’m so sorry for making you think that.” 

What?

Kaeya furrowed his eyebrows, confusion drawing itself clearly on his face.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Kae…” Kaeya licked his lips nervously. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“And I promise you that I’ll try to be better, no matter what.” 

That…that wasn’t fair . None of this was fair!

He could feel the tears sting his eyes again, and he couldn’t do anything against the traitorous tears that slid down his face along with the rain.

“But…” a sob tore its way out of his throat, his whole body, whole being, aching in sorrow as he tried to make sense of whatever this was.

“But why now?… Luc, I…” Diluc froze at the nickname before taking cautious steps towards the other as he wiped his eyes.

“Luc, why now? I’ve…I’ve waited so long just to hear you say that you’d…that you’d listen, and be there, and try… why did you take so long? I just…” his throat rubbed raw when he let out a heavy sob, tears cascading like snow in the winter.

He just wanted…

He just wanted… !

“I just wanted my brother back…” Diluc tried to blink away his blurred vision as he bit his bottom lip, trying to speak coherently against his wavering voice.

“And I’m here, Kae… I’m here, and…I’m so sorry I took so long… I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. But I promise—“ he sniffed and quickly wiped away his face, even though the rain was pouring down on the two by now.

“I promise that I’ll be there from now on. I promise.” 

And Kaeya was filled with hope once more. It was small, very small that he could’ve just ignored it.

But he looked at Diluc and held onto that hope tight.

Maybe if that hope got him to see his brothers smile, and hear his laugh once again, then maybe it won’t be so bad.

Diluc took a step closer and reached out, hand outstretched towards his once-brother and soon to be brother again.

Kaeya couldn’t see through the pool of tears welled up in his eyes, but he hesitantly went to take a step forward and reached a hand out.

It had recently rained.

His boots heel caught friction and Kaeya suddenly felt himself succumb to gravity as it pulled him back.

Ah…

How foolish of him.

He was never allowed nice things.

Agony blossomed from his wrist and he gasped in pain before looking up, seeing red eyes looking down at him with terror. The expression on its own was enough to throw Kaeya off but he kept staring into Dilucs eyes as they squinted, the claymore in his other hand stabbing the ground for extra support.

Slowly, the wine master hauled him up, sighing in relief when he got Kaeya half way up, the only thing hanging off the cliffs side being Kaeya’s legs.

“You’re still as clumsy as I remember.” 

They both let out tearful laughter.

After getting Kaeya a safe distance away from the edge, Diluc grabbed both of his shoulders, seeing the others unsure expression as they looked at each other. 

He almost lost his brother. His last family left. And he wouldn’t have even known if it weren’t for Jean.

He almost lost his baby brother. 

“Kaeya, please don’t scare me like that.” Diluc had never been one for sentimental speeches, he’s never been that expressive with his emotions at all, especially when it comes to what makes him sad. But when he looks at Kaeya’s face, mind temporarily flashing back to the time he saw the scared child soaked up in the cold December rain who was wrapped up in his fathers cloak, all he could think of was comforting the one person he’d felt it was okay to show himself to.

“I don’t know how I’d handle you being gone. I know it may not seem so, but you’re one of the only people precious to me I have left…and I can’t lose you too. I can’t…” He tried to blink away the stinging sensation in his eyes but found it pointless, gripping the others shoulders before bringing him towards his chest. The younger of the two let out a yelp when he was pulled into a hug that squeezed him tight.

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I found out you were gone.” 

Oh…

Mocha fingers trembled before raising and clenching the soft coat that felt so familiar. He looked up towards the sky as he bit his lip to keep from making a sound, warm tears tracing down his face.

An hour later, two brothers were walking together on a path back to Mondstadt, rain long gone as they went.

Kaeya looked at the constellations hanging in the sky.

What a lovely night to be alive.