Chapter Text
Somewhere in Delphi Cluster of galaxies.
The Doctor, Rose Tyler and Captain Jack Harkness weren’t running for their lives for once. In fact they were sitting at a nice outdoor’s café enjoying a quiet lunch. Rose had looked at her plate of blue meat, purple vegetables and her bright green drink with a suspicious eye before digging in.
“It tastes like chicken,” Rose said after a few moments of chewing. “Crispy chicken to boot.”
“Rose, everything tastes like chicken. It’s one of those universal constants, otherwise everyone would starve to death,” Jack replied with a smile, spearing a purple vegetable that resembled a carrot but tasted like a mushroom, and popped it into his mouth. “Well maybe not Ratago because it’s made of-”
“If you complete that sentence, Jack Harkness, I’ll toss you into the vortex,” the Doctor said in a firm voice.
“Shutting up right now, Doc,” Jack said quickly.
Captain Jack Harkness had just recently joined the Doctor and Rose after they had rescued him from an almost certain death when he had towed a World War Two German bomb off of Earth in a stolen spaceship. He had become fast friends with Rose but still was a bit leery about the Doctor. The Doctor could be a good ally or an unforgiving enemy and Jack still didn’t know which category the Doctor fitted into.
“Excuse me,” a blue skin alien with two blood shot eye stalks and wearing a badly rumpled green suit interrupted rudely, “are you the alien known as the Doctor?”
“Who wants to know?” the Doctor replied in a hostile voice and Jack tensed at the Doctor’s tone. Clearly, the Doctor was expecting trouble from the alien and Jack cursed himself for forgetting his gun on the TARDIS.
“I’m from the Double-Double Publicity Firm, and I’ve got an invitation for the alien known as the Doctor,” the alien announced in a bored voice.
“An invitation to what?” The Doctor demanded in cold voice. Most sensible people would have run for hills after hearing the Doctor’s tone of voice.
“It’s an invitation for the Great Interplanetary Alignment of the Sixteen Planets of Rigil Kentaurus,” the alien recited in the same bored voice. “Your name is on the official invitation list.”
“Never heard of it,” the Doctor replied, drumming his fingers on the table. Jack shrugged his shoulders and Rose discreetly spat the purple vegetable into her napkin.
“Look, do you want the invitation or what?” the alien demanded irritably. “I’ve got five thousand of these things to deliver in my lifetime.”
“Five thousand invitations?” Rose exclaimed in a surprised voice.
“It’s a job. It pays the bills and puts food on the table,” the alien said with a careless shrug. He turned to the Doctor. “So, do you want it: yes or no?”
“Fine, I’ll take it,” the Doctor said in a resigned voice.
“Right, place your thumb here,” the alien said, thrusting a battered bio pad reader at the Doctor.
The Doctor placed his thumb against the bio pad reader, which promptly let out an electronic screech that caused several people to drop their drinking glasses and cover their ears. The machine spat out a data disk, which the Doctor promptly shoved in his jacket pocket.
“On behalf of Double-Double Publicity Firm, we hope to see you and your companions at the Great Interplanetary Alignment of the Sixteen Planets of Rigil Kentaurus. Have a nice day,” the alien said in an insincere voice before shuffling away.
“Are you going to open it?” Rose asked in a curious voice. She took a cautious sip of her drink, made a face and put it down.
“Later,” the Doctor replied with a frown. He ripped open a small packet and dumped the contents into her cup. “Try it now.”
Rose took a sip and nodded enthusiastically. It tasted like a Chai latte tea.
“You forget how to read?” the Doctor demanded, holding up the package and waving it at her. “Sugar.”
“It’s alien,” Rose replied quickly, “and I don’t read alien.”
“It’s not alien,” the Doctor said in an impatient voice.
“Lines, squiggles and circles make it alien in my book,” Rose said, putting down her drink and glared at the Doctor with fire in her eyes. “I’m not a stupid ape, you know. I can read.”
“Doc, I have to agree with Rose on this one,” Jack said quickly, trying to forestall an argument. “It’s alien.”
“Oh. Something is wrong with the translation circuits, then.” The Doctor looked faintly embarrassed as he spoke. He took Rose’s hand and gave it an apologetic squeeze. “Right then, back to the TARDIS after we've pick up some milk. We have some repairs to do.”
“Is that what you call it? Repairs?” Rose said in a cheeky voice.
“Oi, shut it Rose, otherwise I’ll have Jack tell you what Ratago is made of,” the Doctor replied with a smile.
----
Two hours later, they were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea after they had successfully fixed the TARDIS translation circuits and given the drift coils an overhaul when the Doctor’s jacket started to bleep loudly. Jack and Rose looked on in amusement has the Doctor swore and pulled an assortment of junk out of his pockets until he found the source of the beeping. It was the data disk that the alien had given him earlier in the day.
“Well, are you going to find out what it wants?” Rose demanded in an eager voice, her brown eyes bright with curiosity. “I mean, the Intergalactic Alignment of whatever sounds really important and that poor alien went through a lot of trouble to track you down. The least you can do is listen to the message.”
“Alright, Rose, I get the hint,” the Doctor replied with a sigh and pressed the play button. For the next twenty minutes, they were bombarded with the best virtual ad campaign that money could buy.
“We have to go!” Rose said enthusiastically after the presentation was finished. “It looks like so much fun.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Rose, I hate parties,” the Doctor growled at her. Rose’s face fell at his words and Jack promptly kicked the Doctor’s ankle, making the Doctor wince. “On the other hand, maybe we should go. After all, something is bound to go wrong.” He turned to Jack. “You up for a party?”
“I’m always up for a party, Doctor,” Jack replied with a wink.
“I bet you are,” Rose said with a grin. She turned to the Doctor. “When are we going?”
“No time like the present,” the Doctor replied, dumping his empty tea cup into the sink.
“Right now? I can’t go looking like this. Jeans and a t-shirt isn’t going to cut it, ” Rose protested, gesturing to herself. She had packed sensible clothes and running shoes, not party dresses and high heels, on her last visit to Earth
“We are not going back to Earth,” the Doctor said in a firm voice. “I refuse to spend another minute with that she-dragon or with Rickey-the-idiot.”
“That’s my mum you’re talking about,” Rose said in an indignant voice, ignoring the slur against her ex-boyfriend.
“She slapped me! Across the face no less, and it hurt,” the Doctor said in an outraged voice, touching his cheek. He swore that he could still feel Jackie Tyler’s hand print on his face. Of course, if Jackie Tyler had her way, she would have gone after the Doctor with a cricket bat or a pair of scissors.
“That’s because she thought that you had kidnapped me and forced me to have a sexual relationship with you,” Rose countered swiftly. Jackie Tyler hadn’t spared her tongue the minute she had gotten Rose alone. Rose had blushed to the roots of her hair when her mother had brought up the issue of birth control and babies exploding from Rose’s body a la Alien.
“Rose’s mom slapped you?” Jack demanded in an amazed voice. “She must be one hell of a woman.”
“I would rather face a horde of Nappa demons than Jackie Tyler on a rampage,” the Doctor said shortly. “Look Rose, the TARDIS has over sixty wardrobe rooms, I’m sure you can find something to wear.”
----
“Rose, are you ready yet?” the Doctor shouted impatiently, knocking on Rose’s bedroom door. It had taken the Doctor three minutes to get dressed. He had merely changed his jumper for a new one and polished his boots. Jack had decided to wear a classic black tuxedo with a blue vest and tie that matched his eyes.
“Five more minutes,” Rose called back, smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles on her dress. Rose had spent an hour going through the TARDIS wardrobes looking for the prefect dress. In the end she had fallen back on the universal standby: the little black dress. It was a lightweight silk chiffon V- neck dress with a pleated skirt.
Rose had been a bit leery when she found the matching high heels but they felt comfortable when she had tried them on. She had found an entire room devoted to costume jewelry and finally picked out a lovely necklace with matching earrings, ring and bracelets. The stones glowed with a deep blue light that reminded her of the Earth’s sky or a certain Time Lord’s eyes. Rose gave herself one last look in the mirror and nodded to herself. She grabbed her black and silver clutch purse and went to the control room.
“Well, it’s about time you got here Rose,” the Doctor said, looking up from the console, and his reprimand died in his throat when he saw Rose Tyler. She was wearing a classic V neck black dress that showed off her body very nicely and her hair fell past her shoulders in a cascade of long curls.
“You, you look lovely, Rose, absolutely smashing,” the Doctor stuttered, and Rose blushed at his words. “Come here, I have a gift for you,” the Doctor said softly, taking her wrist and slipping a corsage around Rose’s wrist.
“Oh, they are beautiful, Doctor, thank you,” Rose said shyly. Impulsively, she gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before stepping away.
Jack mentally sighed. For all of the Doctor’s rude comments about humans, it was clear to him that he adored Rose Tyler and Rose Tyler returned his feelings. If it was the last thing he ever did, he would get these two together.
“Ready to go?” the Doctor demanded, holding his hand out to Rose, which she promptly took. He held out his other hand to Jack. “Come on, let’s go and have some fun!”
---
“This place is incredible,” Rose said in an awed voice, staring around the Grand Ballroom of Rigil Kentaurus V. The floor was made out of dark blue marble with gold and silver veins running though it and the walls seemed to dance with an inner light. It wasn’t until much later on that Rose discovered that lights had been placed behind the walls to make it glow. Millions of imported plants and flowers decorated the Grand Ballroom as well. There was no ceiling, only the black night sky. Each planet in the Great Interplanetary Alignment glowed brightly has they slowly started to move into position for the great alignment.
The band played softly in the background careful not to drown out the thousands of conversations that were taking place. The buffet table and the wet bar seemed to stretch forever and was loaded down with every type of food and drink that could be imagined.
“No kidding, I’ve been to a lot of parties in my lifetime and this one puts them all to shame,” Jack said, looking around. “You want a drink, Rose? Doctor?”
“I’m good,” the Doctor replied, looking around the ballroom and shaking his head at the sheer opulence that was on display. “Tell you what, I’ll find us a table while you two grab something to eat and drink.”
“How are we going to find you?” Rose asked, gesturing at the room. There had to be well over six thousand people in the vast room with more people arriving every minute. If she got separated from the Doctor or Jack, she would never find them.
“Give me your wrist Rose, you too Jack,” the Doctor said. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at their wrists.
“What did you do?” Jack demanded, looking at his vortex manipulator and noticing a new setting.
“Installed a doctor finder, meaning me, on your vortex manipulator and Rose’s bracelet,” the Doctor said with a satisfied grin.
“Well, that will come in handily the next time you wander off or get kidnapped,” Rose replied with a smile ignoring the Doctor’s protest. She held out her arm to Jack. “Come on, Captain Jack, let’s go and investigate. ” Arm and arm, they walked off together.
---
The Great Interplanetary Alignment of Rigil Kentaurus took place at exactly 38:16 and the following things happened:
Gryrock the Terrible appeared in a vortex of blue light, ready to smite his enemies with his trusty sword. He was promptly arrested and is currently awaiting sentencing pending a psychiatric evaluation.
Torterra and Espeon decided that their grudge match to the death wasn’t worth it when they discovered that the party they had crashed had an open bar. They woke up to discover that they had gotten married at a drive-thru chapel.
The Emperor of Delporta got married and divorced in twenty minutes. He claimed it was a mistake. His ex-wife sold her story to Gossip-Universe.com for five hundred thousand galactic credits. She went on to have a successful talk show career and wrote several books on relationships.
Elvis, the real one, put in an appearance on Rigil Kentaurus IV. No one believed him. He changed his name and now works at Allparts Spaceparts on Seti VII. “Fred” is tired of being compared to Elvis.
Captain Jack Harkness was disappointed that Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters failed to live up to their mythical hype. He did fall in love with Black Hole Bombs which he described has having your brain swished around your head several times.
Rose Tyler discovered that Ratago was quite tasty when she got over the shock that the main ingredients were something that looked liked boiled crickets and boiled spaghetti covered with gray goo. No one had the heart to tell her that she was eating the brains and intestines of a small animal.
The Doctor got a perfect score in the Intergalactic Trivia Impossible Quiz. He won a billion bonus points and a huge trophy. His trophy was stolen by Urik the Giant who used it has a drinking mug. One of the cleaning crew found the trophy in a swimming pool, took it home and gave it to his wife. She planted flowers in it.
Several hours later, the Doctor made sure that he gave Jack and Rose a hangover cure before sending them to bed.
---
Several hours later, Jack woke up and realized the following things: he didn’t have a hangover but his mouth felt like a sewer, and he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. Jack went to the bathroom, did his business, and turned on the tap to wash his hands and brush his teeth. He stared at the blue goo that oozed out of the tap. Jack sighed deeply and went to find the Doctor.
An hour later, they discovered that the entire water filtration system was infected with a thick blue goo. Thankfully, the Doctor found several cases of water in one of the TARDIS’s storage rooms so they could wash, brush their teeth and have something to eat and drink.
“I thought the TARDIS had bio-filters or something like that so nothing bad could get in,” Rose asked, wincing as she sat down. Her first encounter with a sonic shower had resulted in bruises down her back and legs and a session with the dermal regenerator.
“She does, which means I’ll have to fix the filters as well,” the Doctor said crossly, running his hand through his short brown hair. He muttered a curse that the TARDIS didn’t translate when he realized the sheer amount of work that had to be done. He was going to have drain all the water out of the TARDIS, flush out the filtration system, then refill the TARDIS with fresh water. Experience had also taught him that if the bio and water filters were starting to malfunction then all the filters would have to inspected and replaced.
“All right, Doctor, what can we do to help?” Jack demanded anxiously while Rose nodded.
“Rose, I need you to go to the console room and park us in orbit around the nearest sun. Underneath the left side of the console, you’ll find a gray lever. Push it into the upright position,” the Doctor said, his blue eyes suddenly filled with renewed energy. “Don’t be alarmed when part of the floor pops up. The filters should be clear. If they are dirty or cracked I need you to write down in sequence which ones need to be cleaned or replaced.”
“Well, it looks like all those driving lessons you have been giving me are going to pay off,” Rose said in an excited voice, bouncing towards the door. “See you in a bit!”
“Jack, I need you to start fixing the transmat device. There are several storage rooms of spare parts if you need something. Then, I need you to start calculating how much power the TARDIS will need to move about one million liters of blue goo. Just remember that the goo is five times heavier than water,” the Doctor said, drumming his fingers on the table. “If you need me, I’ll be in the chemistry laboratory. I’ve got to make something that will clean out the water filtration system.”
---
“Well done, Jack, very well done,” the Doctor complimented heartily, after he had checked over the transmat device. Although the TARDIS transmat was centuries ahead of 51st century technology, Jack had done an outstanding repair job and his calculations to remove the blue goo had been dead on.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Jack said in a relieved voice. He had been nervous when he poked his head into the lab and told the Doctor he had fixed the transmat device. He had half expected the Doctor to sneer at his repair job and point out the mistakes in his calculations.
The Doctor mentally sighed. He knew that Jack still felt that he had to prove to the Doctor that he belonged on the TARDIS. The Doctor also knew that Jack had some serious abandonment issues as well. Jack had lost two years of his life due to a mind wipe and he had been tossed out of the Time Corps as a result. Shunned by his so-called friends and colleagues and completely cut off from his former life, Jack had been forced to adopt the persona of a cold and uncaring con-man- mercenary in order to survive.
“Look at me, Jack,” the Doctor said in a firm voice and Jack slowly raised his head. “I want you here, so does Rose and so does that TARDIS. I’m not going to leave you behind, or toss you out because you disagree with me or pissed me off. This is your home for as long as you want, Jack, and I hope that you stay with us for a very long time,” the Doctor explained gently. He pulled a gold key chain out of his jacket pocket and hung it around Jack’s neck. “TARDIS key, about time I gave you one.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Jack whispered around the lump in his throat and some of the armor around his heart disappeared “It’s been a long time since I’ve had somewhere to call home.” Impulsively, he hugged the Doctor hard before stepping back. “Come on, let’s go and see how Rose is doing, shall we?"
The Doctor frowned as he read Rose’s neat hand writing. Most of the biological and water filters needed to be replace. It was going to be a long and tedious task since each filter had to be replaced hand.
“That bad?” Rose asked in a concerned voice while Jack made himself comfortable in the jump chair.
“Yup,” the Doctor replied in a resigned voice. “Most of the filters have to be replaced and it has to be done by hand but the problem is that we can’t replace the filters with new ones until we’ve gotten rid of the blue goo and flushed out the water filtration system which leads to problem number two. The stuff I need to use is toxic to humans and even with my superior cardiovascular system,” Jack and Rose rolled their eyes at the Doctor’s hubris, “I’m not staying aboard the TARDIS by myself. Rassilon knows what trouble you two will get into.”
Rose promptly smacked his shoulder and Jack mock-glared at him.
Rubbing his shoulder, the Doctor continued with a grin. “Thanks to Jack’s fantastic repairs, it will take about half a day to move the goo off the TARDIS, and about four days to flush out the water filtration system then a day to replace all the filters.”
“Where are we going to stay?” Rose asked in a concerned voice.
“Where would you like to go?” the Doctor asked, leaving the decision in her hands. “Name the time and place and I’ll take you there.”
Rose wisely decided that visiting her mum would not be a good idea and the mere thought of her mum flirting with Jack was enough to make her shudder. “How about San Francisco? During the 1960s?”
“I’ve never been to San Francisco, Earth,” Jack mused out loud, “but I did leave my heart in New San Francisco, twice.”
“Never mind that,” the Doctor said, getting up. “Come on, you two, work before play.”