Chapter Text
When you’re surrounded by darkness, there is always a flicker of light somewhere beyond the deep blackness. Just like how the moon shines softly to guide those lost during the darkest of nights.
That was something Chuuya believed. It might as well be engraved in his heart and soul.
And yet…
That belief turns into scars.
Chuuya wonders if his purpose in life is being a pawn to someone’s game for their amusement or being a puppet to play his part in some God’s twisted idea of fate.
How ironic that Chuuya became the vessel of one of those gods. Arahabaki. A god that brings nothing but calamity and destruction. A being that is anything but good.
In a twist of fate, Arahabaki merged with Chuuya with all his memories before he was seven completely wiped out. Chuuya was nothing more than a blank slate, wandering aimlessly around a world he couldn’t remember.
For years, he learned how to survive the streets, to live with what he can find and use. He learned how to control his powers, to wield gravity at the tips of his fingers. He searched for clues about his identity, trying to find answers to fill the void inside of him.
Chuuya learned how to ignore the voice tormenting his mind, to get him to lose control. To unleash Arahabaki and destroy everything in his path.
He won’t let it happen for several years.
Along the way, a group of kids crossed his wandering path - the Sheep they called themselves. Chuuya fooled himself thinking it was a sign from God. A small gift of light guiding him in the darkness.
He should’ve known better.
Chuuya had his first taste of betrayal. Such a disgusting, putrid feeling.
He would’ve let the Sheep rot in Hell for all he cares, but he’s the type of person who pays back his debts. The Sheep did shelter him in exchange for his protection.
So, Chuuya will protect them one last time.
At the bottom of a cliff, Chuuya made a deal with a demon. A deal for the Sheep to walk away unharmed (for now) in exchange of himself to the demon. A demon covered in black clothing and white bandages with a single dark brown eye gleaming with sharp intellect, childlike curiosity, and-
What caught Chuuya’s breath was seeing the quiet despair hidden far deep inside. It was brief, but Chuuya saw it nonetheless.
Maybe that strange discovery was what led Chuuya to take the demon’s hand that fateful day.
Later, he comes to find out the name of the demon: Dazai Osamu. Port Mafia’s Demon Prodigy. The Successor of Mori Ougai.
A human who walks into darkness to find a reason to live.
How strange.
In the three years since he swore his loyalty to the Port Mafia, Chuuya learned many lessons. Lessons from Kouyou (his beloved Ane-san) when he was under her tutelage. Lessons from the Boss when they have rare, private conversations together. Lessons on how to be a good leader and friend from his subordinates. Lessons that made him a good fighter and protector. Lessons that made him feel human.
Chuuya learned his most important lesson from Dazai, his one and only partner.
In the three years, Chuuya learned he and Dazai were more alike than he thought they were. They both wander aimlessly in darkness to find something that could be a reason or a purpose to their existence. Trying to find a light to guide them in this twisted world filled with blood, crime, and pain.
Maybe they did find something within each other.
Their violent arguments and poisonous taunts turned playful and teasing. Their insults became endearments. Their rough handling, hesitant touches, and clumsy care turned more gentle, loving, and trusting. The voices tormenting their minds during the night became quiet in each other’s embrace, safe and warm.
Their trust in each other became even stronger. Their lives are in each other’s hands and no one else. They understand each other better than themselves.
Dazai means more to Chuuya than he realized.
But can I say it? Do I dare to believe it?
Chuuya was terrified to name the feeling aloud, fearing it would be taken away if he spoke it to existence. Yet he holds it tight in his heart, selfishly calling it his. He didn’t want to let go.
To him, Dazai became his humanity.
His home.
His light.
And he thought Dazai felt the same way.
How foolish he was because it didn’t matter in the end.
Chuuya honestly should’ve known better than to hope for more than he is given. He learned this lesson painfully and tragically. Yet he can’t help but reach out for those small, fluttering lights illuminating his darkness. To cling desperately for warmth and safety even though it will only be cruelly taken away from him.
He should’ve known better; he learned his lesson.
So please…
A few feet away from his prone figure was his phone, the screen cracked beyond repair but still has life. Chuuya hears the muffle yelling of his Ane-san and the urgent orders from the Boss, but he paid no attention to them. All Chuuya could think about was what they told him seconds before his car exploded, sending him flying to the ground painfully.
Dazai was gone.
Don’t let it be true.
Dazai turned traitor.
Tell me it’s all a lie.
Dazai left Chuuya all alone.
Please come back home, Dazai.
Chuuya laid motionlessly on the ground as rain started to fall from the sky. Maybe the heavens are crying for him because he couldn’t shed any tears. The agonizing pain slowly turned to numbness as the coldness creeped into his body. His dull blue eyes watched the fire consume everything it touches, burning everything from the inside out.
He should’ve known better; he learned his lesson.
And Dazai cruelly reminded him.
Chuuya closed his eyes, letting the familiar darkness take over him.
There was no light waiting for him.