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The intermittent giggling was only mildly annoying to Steve. The same couldn't be said for Clint who was throwing his knives into the air with more aggression by the minute. It was something about the way his hearing aids processed the low sound that irritated him. The most annoying part of the situation was that they were uncertain as to the nature of the giggling.
The Avengers had initially wanted to investigate, but Bruce urged against it seeing as it was none of their business. Clint had then decided to investigate on his own but hadn't gotten far before JARVIS locked down the area. That had clued the others into the fact that the giggling involved Tony but not much else.
"Leave it alone. I'm sure it'll stop eventually," Steve said absentmindedly as he turned the page on his book.
"I give it 10 more minutes and then I'm gonna kill 'im."
"Good luck with that," sighed Steve.
MEANWHILE…
"Puff puff pass jackass! Not puff puff… keep or whatever."
"That's not even shit that real potheads say, Harley! What kind of teenage delinquent are you anyway?"
"Fuck you old man," Harley says between giggles. "That's what kind."
"You make no sense when you're high," Tony stated as he passed the joint, flopping his arm onto the ground after.
The two men were laying on the floor of an unused conference room on the Avenger's floor of the tower, getting high out of their minds. It hadn't been more than 2 hours and they'd already gone through nearly three joints. Turns out Harley was a giggly little stoner baby whereas Tony presented a more seasoned, hungry high.
"Stop giggling and go get me some chips kid."
"You said the same thing 20 minutes ago Tony."
"And yet, here I am. Still chipless."
"hehehe. Chipless." Harley choked through another round of giggles while trying to inhale the pungent smoke.
"JARVIS I'm gonna die before I get my chips aren't I?"
"There are other ways to get the chips you require, Sir," JARVIS replies.
"Speak ceiling witch!" Tony cried, jackknifing up into the air before flopping back down tirelessly to the ground. Harley missed the self-satisfied smirk on Tony's face as he dissolved into another round of raspy laughter.
"There are several other Avengers on this floor, including Steve and Clint, who can provide you with the sustenance you need."
"You're a mad genius J," Tony sighed. before taking a deep lungful of air. "STEVE! STEVE COME QUICK!"
"You're loud. The weed doesn't like it," Harley whined raising his eyebrows at Tony. Before Tony could reply - BANG- the door crashed open revealing Steve, Clint, and a flustered Bruce. They all sported frantic looks on their faces as they cased the room (at least the super spy was casing the room. The others seemed more focused on the two lying on the floor).
"What is it, Tony? Where's the threat? And who is this?" Questioned Steve. Ever the leader, he placed himself between the glassy-eyed child on the floor, who was an unknown and possible threat, and the rest of his team.
"Calm down captain crisis, there's no threat. And why did you bring everyone with you?"
"Why don't you answer my questions first Tony." Steve returned, expression clouding over.
"Jeez way to harsh the vibe. I always thought the Avengers would be cool or something but you guys are real buzzkills," Harley said from his slumped position on the floor. His face was turned away from the intruders, instead focused solely on the nub in his hand that had finally burned out. He had an appropriately melodramatic look on his face that Tony could appreciate.
"Schedule the kid for an acting class, JARVIS," Tony blurted seemingly out of nowhere.
"Tony! Please stay on track and answer the questions," Steve seemed to be getting more and more irritated by the second.
"Oh yeah! You guys are here now too. I need chips. Immediately. That's all, you're dismissed." With a wave of his hand, Tony seemed to put the other Avengers’ existences out of his mind. "Would you like to try out an acting class kid?"
"Fuck yeah! You know how dramatic I am. I'd love to have a reason to be extra as fuck and not get called a prick for it. Now I'll get called a theater bitch, which is actually, believe it or not, a step up in the socially deplorable ladder."
"Exactly! and when you win awards for that I better be the first person you thank considering all of that got passed down from me," Tony replied.
"Tony, whose child is that!?! And why are they here?" Questioned Steve.
"More importantly, why are you two high on the floor?” Asked Clint who was no longer concerned with murder and more interested to know where Tony had scored weed.
“HA! High on the floor! Get it? Like we’re smoking the carpet or some shit!” Harley dissolved into another giggle fit halfway through the sentence making the ending sound more like mush than English.
"Wait what? You got a child high! Tony, that's both dangerous and completely irresponsible! What were you thinking!?!" Steve piped up once again.
"You're an asshat."
"Harley, chill out kid," came Tony's attempt to diffuse the situation. It was valiant if moot.
"No, he comes in here and runs our smoke sesh, completely chipless by the way, and starts yelling at you about shit! That's fucked up and only assholes yell at people about their parenting styles when they don't even know them-" Harley was working himself up into a full-blown rant so Tony did the first thing he could think of to calm and distract him.
Admittedly it was a weird tactic, but what do you expect from an impaired, genius-billionaire- playboy-philanthropist.
"Did you just boop me on the nose?" Harley asked incredulously.
"Sure did little spud, and it worked wonders by the way. Now, you need to calm down and maybe get the paper to roll another blunt cuz my mellow has been thoroughly crushed. As for the rest of you," Tony said looking derisively at the other Avengers in the room, "I have already asked once, kindly, mind you, for chips. Steve, I think you should be the one to volunteer to go get them." It was clearly not a request. Steve trekked out of the room with an annoyed look on his face. Harley also left the room in search of more rolling papers.
"What the hell was all that about?" Clint questioned. He was the only one standing in the doorway now as Bruce left sometime around Tony's first chip request.
"The kid, Harley, I've known him for years. He helped me out back when I was facing the Mandarin and everyone thought I had died. I was missing with him in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere Tennessee. He's a good kid, but he's a little fucked up. His mom is going through some things right now and he's on edge, hence us taking the edge off. I didn't even know the kid was coming up this way, but here he is and I can't help but feel responsible for him. He's so smart and good! He deserves to take a break from his shitty life, where he's had to grow up too fast, for at least a little while."
"Damn. I never thought I'd see the day."
"The hell are you talking about Barton?"
"The day you, Tony Stark, claimed a kid that isn't even yours! You've adopted this kid Tony." Clint said amusement and surprise coloring his voice. It also explained the kid's defensive mood swings; he and Tony had a bond.
"Christ, Barton I have a heart condition," Tony gasped as he clutched his chest in his usual melodramatic fashion. "We don't use the 'a' word around here unprovoked like that!"
"Really we don't?!? Cuz I've been saying asshole pretty religiously since I was like 8," Harley said, announcing his presence. He had his new blunt rolled and hanging from his lips, but unlit as Tony had specifically stipulated control over the lighter prior to any actual weed consumption.
"Of course you have since that's how you self identify," Tony said with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. He received a one-finger salute for his witty remark. “Get back over here you little fingerling potato. This time I’m gonna show you how to do some cool smoke tricks.”
Clint decided to stick around and see how this scenario played out, he was an agent of chaos after all, plus he wanted to see if Tony really knew how to do smoke tricks. He was impressed to find that Tony knew a couple of cool smoke signals, but he hadn’t done anything that most college kids would know.
Steve returned a few minutes later with a pasted-on calm smile. It was the face he made when he was irritated but thought he should be professional and mature. Clint always thought the smile made him look old for a guy who had only lived twenty-something years of life unthawed.
“Here are the chips you asked for. Now, I think I deserve an explanation about who this is and why you’re allowing a minor to smoke in the tower.”
“Why don’t you ask him why he’s here? It’s not like the kid isn’t sitting right in front of you and perfectly capable of speaking,” Tony retorted before taking a deep hit and blowing the smoke back up his nose.
“Not bad old man but not really a trick either,” “-I would like to see you try without choking to death you little shit-” “Anyway, I’m here ‘cause I needed a break from home. I got into it with my mom and I needed some space, so I figured I’d come hang out with Tony. As for why he’s letting me smoke, it’s because I’m his favorite person besides Pepper. Side note, maybe you should try hitting a blunt Steve because you seem real tense.”
“Sorry, but doing drugs in front of children isn’t really my style,” Steve explained with a pointed glare.
“Oh come off it Frozone, weed isn’t even a real drug,” Tony rolled his eyes before ripping open the chip bag and grabbing a handful.
“Speaking of Pepper, how is she going to feel about this when she gets home Tony?”
“Oh, I know!” Harley shouts, his mellow clearly kicking back in. “Pepper loves me, so she’s gonna be super happy to get to spend the week with me! Plus with all the shit Tony used to do back in the day I’m sure this is the least of her concerns. We could be doing lines of cocaine off the toilet right now!”
“First of all young man, when we come down off this shit you and I definitely have to have a talk about substance abuse, because the excitement behind the prospect of bathroom cocaine in your voice was concerning as hell. Don’t settle your standards so low kid. If you’re going to do lines, at least be somewhere clean. Wait, you’re staying the week here?! J, put in an order for more groceries to be delivered,” Tony says with a fake-put-upon sigh. “Why do children eat so freaking much?”
“For the same reason those Hot Topic skinny jeans are starting to get a little tight on you. We’re growing!” Harley goes breathless laughing at his own joke and rolling on the floor. “Boom Roasted!” he manages to choke out through his snickers.
“Have I mentioned that I hate you? Because I do. It’s a scientifically proven fact. You’re a little punk, you know that?” Despite the words, Tony’s tone carries nothing but fondness, and the way his shoulders seem to lift every time Harley snorts speaks for itself. The two quickly devolve into throwing both chips and insults back and forth without a care in the world.
After a few moments of watching his teammate, who is usually a mix of anxiety, frustration, and caffeine, play on the floor with his kid Clint decided that it was best if they left them to it. Standing up, he walked to the door grabbing a flabbergasted Steve Rogers on his way. “I’m not so sure that interrogation went your way, Cap. I think the kid might’ve bested you on this one. But don’t worry, I won’t let Tasha know,” Clint said with a smirk.