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Superman knew that a villain telling them they had a mole should be taken with a grain of salt. It was likely that the villain was just trying to cause conflict and weaken their team, but Clark also knew they could not risk there actually being a mole. Most of the League had already revealed their identities to each other—shared their weaknesses. If any of their secrets were to get out, it would be disastrous.
So Superman was taking the threat seriously, even though he really didn’t think there was anything to it. As a reporter, it was pretty easy to vet most of the others, knowing their civilian identities. No one came up as suspicious, as far as Clark knew.
Unfortunately, there was one man that Superman could not eliminate as a mole.
Batman.
The man who refused to share any information about himself, keeping things “strictly to business.” The man who would sometimes get a message on his comm and leave meetings early without explaining why. The man who had indicated his mistrust of the others time and again.
The man who had stated there was no mole three days after they had been given the information before once again leaving the meeting that he had personally set up early after getting yet another mysterious message.
There couldn’t be that many emergencies in Gotham, right?
Superman wasn’t the only one who was suspicious of the Dark Knight. After Batman’s announcement, the others had made their concerns clear.
“Seriously? He thinks he can just tell us that everything’s fine without looking into him?” Hal asked, fuming. “We all know we’re good, but what can we say about Spooky? We don’t know anything about him!”
“It is troubling to admit, but Green Lantern is correct,” Wonder Woman said. “I have fought beside Batman in battle many times and have trusted him as my ally, but this rumor has shed light on just how little we know him.”
Martian Manhunter spoke up, “Batman is entitled to his privacy. If he does not wish to share his identity, that is his right.”
“Not when it puts the League in danger,” Green Lantern countered.
“So what do you think we should do?” Flash asked. “He isn’t just going to tell us.”
“Perhaps, we do not have to ask.” Everyone turned to look at Aquaman. “And perhaps his identity can stay preserved…for the most part.”
Green Lantern scoffed. “Yeah? And how do you propose we do that?”
“If we can sneak a listening device onto his person, we can follow his day-to-day activities. If he is a mole, we will catch him reporting what he knows. If he is not, we will simply learn what he does when he is not Batman.”
“I think that is an excellent idea,” Wonder Woman said, fist hitting the table. “We shall do it at the next meeting”
Martian Manhunter and Superman looked uncomfortable with the idea, and the latter attempted to speak up, “But…”
He was interrupted by Hal. “But nothing! He’d do the same to us!”
There was no objection. They all knew he was right.
So it was settled.
They were gonna bug Batman.
Getting the bug on Batman was…a little easier than expected. Martian Manhunter had the idea to slip it into his JL comm, which everyone was supposed to keep on them at all times in case of an emergency. Flash came up with the idea to slip it while speeding by him with some excuse about getting to the kitchen. Most of them were worried that Batman would catch on or find the bug but, surprisingly, he never seemed to notice.
Now, the League was sitting around the speaker, waiting for him to reveal whether he was a traitor or not.
They heard the familiar hum of the zeta tube as Batman left the Watchtower. That was quickly replaced by the faint sound of screeching, and many eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“Are those…bats?”
“Does he actually have a cave? I thought that was a joke!”
“Shh!”
Footsteps echoed in the…cave(?), and a voice spoke. It sounded like an older, British man. “Welcome home, sir. I take it the meeting went well?”
Hal snorted. “‘Sir’? Does Spooky have minions?”
“Hn.”
“Were they upset with you leaving early again?”
“Of course, but they’ve stopped speaking up about it.”
“If there’s a problem…”
“It doesn’t matter. This is more important.”
The League leaned forward. Were they finally going to discover why Batman was skipping out on meetings?
“I will see you both soon then. I”ll have snacks ready for when you return.”
“Thanks, Alfred.”
The League perked up at the name. They weren’t sure who this “Alfred” was, but knowing his name could help them learn more about Batman, especially if they were able to find him.
They spent some time listening to Batman change out of his suit and head…somewhere. It sounded like he had entered an elevator at some point, but they weren’t sure. Soon, they heard a car door shut and an engine start.
“This is it!” Flash whispered, “He’s going to meet someone!”
The others were tense as they waited with anticipation. Who was Batman going to meet? Lex Luthor? Vandal Savage? Was he going to prove to be a mole? If not, what was he doing that was so much more important than meeting with the Justice League?
They heard the car slow down and a door open and shut.
This was it! This was—
“Hi, B!”
…a child?
“Did you have a good day at school?”
“Uh huh! We had a pizza party in math because we all finished our speed quizzes in under five minutes and didn’t get any wrong last week! And then we got a half day because Mr. Raynor got arrested for running a drug ring from the music room!”
“He was hiding the drugs in the instrument cases, right?”
“Yeah! There were a lot of police!”
“Sounds like you had an eventful day,” Batman chuckled.
What was going on?
“What about you?” the child asked. “You had that meeting with the Justice League, right?”
“Hn.”
The child giggled before growing quiet. He mumbled, “they weren’t mad, were they?”
Eyebrows rose. Mad about what?
“Even if they were, it doesn’t matter. You’re more important than they could ever be.”
“You’re not gonna make friends if you keep making ‘em mad, B.”
“I don’t need to make friends.”
“ B. ”
“I’ve got you, Alfred, and Lucius. I don’t need anyone else.”
The child scoffed. “Mr. Fox works for you, Alfred is not your friend and you know why, and I’m eight. You need friends.”
The heroes stifled their snorts, except for Hal, who grinned at the speaker. This was starting to turn into great blackmail material.
“I have Leslie.”
“B.” They could practically feel the child’s deadpan stare. “She’s your doctor.”
It was getting harder to hold back their laughter.
“Selina.”
“Unless you make out with all your friends, Selina isn’t your friend.”
The Flash had tears running down his face as he attempted to stay silent. He (and the others) didn’t want to miss anything .
Batman sighed. “I’m perfectly happy with my current situation. Besides…” Batman went silent for a moment, save for the rustling of his clothes as he moved. “I want you safe.”
“They’re not gonna hurt me!” the child exclaimed, bewildered. “They’re the Justice League!”
“If anything were to happen—If the League were to come under mind control or turn evil for whatever reason, they could go after you to hurt me.”
“You’d protect me.”
“I would do everything in my power to protect you, Dick—” Dick? Was Batman insulting the boy? “—but I want to take every precaution that I can, and that means keeping the League in the dark about you.”
“But I want to meet Superman!”
“Why you want to meet some big blue boy scout, I will never understand.”
“He can fly! And he’s Superman.”
“Wonder Woman can fly, and she’s infinitely better.”
Wonder Woman preened, shooting Superman a smirk as the man frowned at the speaker. The others leaned closer, wondering if Batman would say anything about them.
“I want to meet her too! And Flash! And—”
“Don’t even get me started on Flash.”
Flash was vibrating with anticipation.
“What’s wrong with the Flash?”
“He’s hyperactive, impulsive, and chatty.”
“...So like me.”
“Yes, but as you so helpfully pointed out, you’re eight years old. He doesn’t have the excuse of being a child.”
“Hey!”
Green Lantern patted Flash on the shoulder, desperately attempting and failing to hide a smile.
“He sounds like fun.”
“He’s preferable to Green Lantern at least.”
The child giggled. “He’s the really annoying one, right? The one who’s always talking back even when he’s completely wrong?”
While Green Lantern was busy glaring at the speaker, the rest of the heroes eyed each other.
Was complaining about the League a regular occurrence between Batman and this child?
“He’s insufferable. It’s a wonder he was found worthy of the Green Lantern ring.”
Flash was now the one patting Green Lantern on the shoulder while the latter fumed. “I’ll show him insufferable!”
“Shh!”
“What about the others? They can’t all be bad.”
“Aquaman is a formidable warrior, but he is the king of Atlantis. If it came down to a war between humans and Atlanteans, I am unsure of what side he would pick.”
“What about Martian Manhunter?”
“He’s good but difficult to trust. He could enter our minds, learn our secrets, and rip our minds apart if he so chose.”
J’onn looked disheartened at Batman’s words. He considered Batman a good friend, and it saddened him to think that Batman may not feel the same way.
“You’re really paranoid, B.”
“I’m cautious.”
“Paranoid.”
“Cautious.”
“Paranoid~” the child sang.
Batman sighed. “I’m not arguing about this.”
“So I win!”
Batman sighed again.
They heard the car slow, and the engine shut off. It was silent just long enough for the League to get worried that they had been discovered before Batman spoke again.
“I know I don’t say it often enough, but I…care for you, Dick.” There was that word again. Was it the boy’s name? That was unfortunate. “I just want you safe.”
Fabric rustled, and the mic became slightly muffled, but the boy could still be heard as he replied, “I love you too, B.”
“I never want to replace John, but…you’re my son, Dick—”
Jaws dropped.
SON?!
They were considering it because why else would Batman be picking up a child from school, but to hear it confirmed was completely different from just theorizing about it.
“—If anything were to ever happen to you, I don’t know what I would do.”
Silence. A sniffle.
“Oh. Oh no.” Was Batman panicking ? “I’m sorry, Dick—” Was Batman apologizing?
The boy sniffled and let out a shaky breath. “No, it’s okay!” The mic became muffled once more as the boy presumably hugged the Dark Knight. “I—I consider you…I—”
“I understand, Dick. You don’t have to say it.”
Oh. This was quickly becoming an intimate moment that the League was feeling very uncomfortable eavesdropping in on.
“Should—Should we turn it off?” Flash whispered. No one spoke or moved.
“I know I don’t call you…you know.”
“It’s okay.”
“But you’re my dad, B, and I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The heroes didn’t think they had ever heard Batman sound so warm. It was unnerving but also very humanizing for the Dark Knight.
Before anything else could be said, their comms went off. It seemed like Toyman was attacking Metropolis with giant toy soldiers.
“Ohhh! Was that your League comm?”
“Yes, I—”
“I got it!”
There was the sound of shuffling and an “aha!” before the boy grew silent.
“...B, what’s this?”
Oh shit.
The League squirmed in their seats, sweat beading on their brow as they waited for Batman to answer the boy. The silence went on for so long, the heroes wondered if the feed had been cut off before the man finally spoke.
“I hope you got what you were looking for,” Batman growled. “We will be talking after Toyman is dealt with.”
Shit.
So, it turns out that Batman was not a mole, and that the reason he was leaving early so much was to go pick his son up from school. Something about promising to spend more time with him, and car rides were a good time for bonding.
The verbal lashing the League got about invasion of privacy left them feeling thoroughly chastised, even if they thought Batman was being a bit hypocritical. They did feel bad about overhearing the private moment he and Dick had, though they felt less bad about overhearing Batman bitch about them to his eight-year-old son.
“Is there anything you have to say for yourselves?” Batman asked, glaring at the other heroes, who all had their heads bowed.
“We are very sorry, Batman,” Wonder Woman said, raising her head. “It will not happen again.”
“Good.”
“But I do have one question.”
“And what’s that?”
Wonder Woman smiled. “When do we get to meet him?”