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Sanford and Deimos were yet again checking into another hotel. Both were covered in blood and bandages (as per usual) and very tired. Deimos leaned against Sanford for support making sure to rub his hand all over Sanford’s biddies.
They walked up to the counter and rang the little bell until it -insert explosion- and the clerk spawned.
“H-Hello there sirs! Would you like a room?”
“ Duh . Why would anyone go to a hotel if they didn’t want one?”
“Well actually-”
Sanford raised a pistol silencing the clerk immediately.
“YOUR ROOM KEY IS RIGHT HERE SIRS HAVE A NICE NIGHT!”
The clerk ran away tripping and falling over Family Guy style as Sanford helped Deimos walk to their room.
“Jeez, these clerk bozos are always so skittish. Wonder why?” Says Nevada’s most wanted (ugly) man.
“Dunno, maybe it’s because of no shoes no shirt no service?”
Sanford purses his lips more than he already does and shrugs.
“Yeah, that’s probably it. Stupid rule… ”
They finally arrive at the room and Sanford unlocks the door, but it doesn’t budge.
Deimos starts laughing calling him a pussy and Sanford drops him onto the ground letting him gmod ragdoll.
He then slams against the door which doesn’t do anything which makes Deimos laugh even harder and start clipping through the floor.
Sanford then pulls out his hook and just breaks the fucking door down cuz who cares about property damage? Not Sanford!
The door is finally ‘opened’ and Sanford pulls Deimos out of the ground and into the room.
“What the…”
Both are silenced by the sight, the room was covered in beds. Every inch of floor, wall, and somehow ceiling had a queen-sized bed on it. The air even smelt like it had bed molecules in it which didn’t bother Deimos since he kinda doesn’t have to breathe but Sanford was slowly filling his lungs with bed molecules.
“WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THIS MANY BEDS?!” Sanford yelled, a couple of small beds already coming out of his mouth.
“Uhhh… Sanfy?”
“What?”
Sanford coughed up a hand-sized bed along with some blood and his face went dark.
“Oh…”
Deimos quickly shut the door before Sanford inhaled any more bed molecules, but it was too late, he had already contracted bed hanahaki.
Sanford fell to his knees now coughing up an arm-sized bed that was stained red with his blood.
Deimos pulled him into an embrace, “Sanford! You know I love you! So why are you coughing up beds?”
Sanford wiped the blood from his lips before looking up to Deimos.
“I… I’m sorry Dei… I-”
He coughed up a torso-sized bed this time, the next one would be full-sized and kill him.
“YOU WHAT?!”
Deimos shook his boyfriend violently.
“I… I love… Someone else…”
The final bed finally came out of Sanford killing him because it’s a fucking full-sized bed coming out of his throat you think he’s gonna survive that?
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1!!!!1”
Tears streamed out of Deimos both because his boyfriend died and because his boyfriend loved someone else. He reminisced about all the fun times they had together, like when Deimos died, that one time he pretended to be an enemy and almost made Sanford shoot him, that other time when he choked on Sanford huge co-
“Wait. You love someone else?”
Deimos looked at Sanford’s corpse expecting a reply but not getting one. (cuz he’s fucking dead)
“I need to find who it is. To avenge you. And also, maybe see if they also have huge tits.”
So, Deimos got up and left the hotel leaving a one-star review on Hotel Trivago and went to go find Sanford’s secret crush.