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Dean's eyes barely registered the 'Welcome to South Park' sign as he drove passed it, trying to avoid the icier parts of the road. Beside him, Sam was scrolling along an article on his phone. “So, the urban legend everyone seems to be blaming this whole case on is apparently called 'Manbearpig'.”
“Manbearpig? Seriously? What the hell is that? Is it like half-man, half-bear, and half-pig?” Dean asked as he pulled closer to the center line of the road, watching the road start to glitter with black ice as the sun finally peaked out from behind the clouds.
“Uh, more like half-man and half-bear-pig or half pig and half man-bear I guess? I don't know, it's not even a decent lead, it's probably just this area's version of sasquatch.”
“Better be careful they don't arrest you then huh Sammy?”
Sam gave his brother one of his many bitchfaces, “Shut up. If those bodies weren't in pieces and strung up around the forest like Christmas decorations, I would have us turn back right now, but this is weird Dean, our kind of weird and we need to check it out. Even if our only lead so far is...”
“Manbearpig?”
“Manbearpig.”
After a quick stop at the station to see the recovered remains of the mangled corpses and to get the addresses of the boys who found them, Sam and Dean were back on the road. They drove through the colorful neighborhood of the quiet, little mountain town, getting looks from everyone they passed.
“So there were four boys who found the body parts. One of them seems to live pretty close by. His name is Eric Cartman. His statement says that he and the other boys were going out to the lake to go fishing, when 'one of the legs totally fell out of the tree and knocked Kyle on his tight little Jew-ass.'”
Dean burst into laughter, “Wow. You know what? I'm gonna let you handle this kid Sammy, while I get myself some popcorn.”
As they walked up to the door of the Cartman household, they could already hear the TV blasting fart jokes. Sam and Dean gave each other a look and prepared their fake FBI badges. Dean nodded when he was ready and Sam knocked; the sound was immediately followed by a loud whining scream, “SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR MOM!” Dean and Sam shared another glance and waited, but when no one came to the door, Sam knocked again and it was followed by yet another scream, “MOM SERIOUSLY. GET THE DOOR.”
Sam rolled his eyes and knocked again, “FBI.”
Listening, the boys could hear the crumpling of a bag, a cat's hiss and the TV being turned off before a small, fat, brunette boy opened the door.
“Eric Cartman? I'm Agent Menza and this is my partner, Agent Mustaine. We have some questions to ask you.”
“Let me see your badges.”
Sam and Dean flashed their badges out and Eric looked them over closely.
“Nope, these are fake. Not bad work though. What the hell are you two really doing here?”
“These are not fake.” Sam said trying to hide his surprise.
“No, don't play games with me. I've made my share of fake badges, I know all the tricks and I know what to look for. Plus using names from Megadeth, really? Did you think no one would pick up on that?” Sam gave Dean a wide eyed look and Dean just shrugged, just as confused.
“Look, you two want answers about the manbearpig attack? Then you play by my rules and tell me who the hell you guys are.”
“Ok, ok we get it. I'm Sam and this is my brother Dean. We are here to hunt whatever did that to those people.”
“I see...hold on a moment.” He went back into the living room, shutting the door behind him. However, his voice was so loud the boys outside could hear him on the phone.
“Dude, these guys showed up and they are like big game hunters or something, but they showed up dressed like fake FBI agents to get information about the bodies. Right?! Dude, we should totally fucking go with them. If manbearpig is really out there, we owe it a little payback for Al Gore trapping us in that damn cave. Oh don't even go there Jew boy, I fucking shit treasure for hours. Whatever, just get the guys and get over here; we are going hunting. Yes, I think camouflage from Stan's uncle's shop would be appropriate, although I was thinking more 'ivory hunter' with a big white mustache kinda thing. No it's not from fucking Jumanji. Whatever! I do what I want, Kyle. Just get over here!” After a moment Eric re-opened the door with an eerily polite smile.
“Please, gentlemen, come in. I was just on the phone with my associates. They will be along shortly and then we can prepare for the hunt.” Dean and Sam looked at each other before following Cartman into the living room. Somehow they knew they were in over their heads.