Chapter Text
Laying still on the bed that wasn’t hers, beside the sleeping figure she barely knew—his strong arms wrapped securely around her body—Anne realized how fucked up the thing that she had done here. Even with the realization, she couldn’t bring herself to get up and leave. She couldn’t let him think that what happened between them was merely a heated fling, and meant nothing.
It was everything and more.
Despite only knowing each other for a couple of days, he treated Anne better than anyone ever did; he made her feel appreciated, cherished, and loved for just being who she was. He was sincere with every single act of kindness that he gave her—no expectations or conditions. She felt desirable, wanted. He made her believe she deserved everything.
It was everything that anyone could ever ask for, especially Anne. She couldn’t help but want him in her life too, so she could feel secure and at peace. She knew he’d give her that sense of serenity without a doubt.
But the world was cruel. If everything was up to her, Anne would give into the temptation of being his lover. But good things didn’t gravitate around someone like her. She was too broken, and she felt undeserving of someone like him. He was someone who deserved the entire world. He deserves someone who could give happiness to him. Not someone with a complicated and miserable life like her.
Ever since her parents died when she was four, Anne’s life had always been her hell. For years, she got thrown from one foster home to the other. When she turned eleven, she got adopted by a young couple. She thought they would change her life for the better; accept her into their family with warmth, love, and compassion.
But the Hammonds were not that kind of family.
Anne’s dream of having a family of her own was crushed into pieces when she discovered that the reason they adopted her was to be a helper of the wife that had just given birth to twins. They never intended to acknowledge her as their daughter. They always made sure she was aware of her position. Life with the Hammonds was worse than in the foster homes. It wasn’t like Anne got physically abused by her adoptive parents, but every word that came out of their mouths was enough to break her heart into pieces and extinguish her spirits and hopes.
The negligence and mistreatment Anne experienced after she got adopted made her starved of affection, resulting in her having two distinct personalities; outside and inside the house. Everyone outside the house knew Anne as the most talkative child ever. Trying to charm her way into someone’s good grace with her vast vocabulary, which had minor success because most of the time, people hate to hear her chatter. Even so, she had some people that liked her enough to let her talk and talk and talk —like the old and very kind lady she met and acquainted with in the library. But whenever she got back to the house, she resembled a mute person. Only spoke when spoken to, never asked unnecessary questions even though she was curious out of her mind, and never dared to even hum as a way to shun boredom while tending to her chores. After all, the Hammonds prefer her that way; as quiet as a mouse. At least she knew she always had a chance to express her true self someplace else.
When she wasn’t working around the house, Anne devoured every book that she could put her hands on. She even read Mrs. Hammond’s old cookbook and memorized almost every recipe, rewarding her with excellent skill in the kitchen.
Reading was the only respite Anne had. A way to escape the reality of how cruel her life with the Hammonds was.
She spent almost seven years living with them. Working as their helper, never seen as a daughter.
By the time Anne graduated from high school, they almost didn’t let her go when she informed them she got a scholarship to study at Dalhousie. After so many insults thrown at her by Mr. Hammond, who thought she didn’t need postsecondary education, Anne managed to convince her adoptive parents she needed it and promised them they wouldn’t have to spend any penny to support her at university. In the end, they let her go under the condition that she had to come back to the house every once a week, depending on her schedule, to do all the chores that she neglected . With determination and renewed hope to be able to get out of the house for as long as possible, Anne complied.
At Dalhousie, Anne met Diana. A kind and beautiful girl from PEI who was studying to become a music teacher. They immediately hit it off, having the same love for art and pretty dresses. For some unknown reason, Diana was so set on befriending Anne. It was the first time Anne ever got herself a true best friend that she could trust and rely on, and she meant to keep Diana in her life for as long as possible.
On their second-year summer holiday, Diana asked Anne to accompany her abroad to see her little sister, but Anne had to refuse because of her obligations to the Hammonds.
Diana then came to the Hammonds’ house without Anne’s knowledge. She asked their permission to let Anne spend three weeks away from them. The Hammonds, the snake that they are, demanded Diana pay for ransom so they could hire someone else to take over Anne’s chores if Diana so wishes to take Anne away for three weeks. Diana didn’t even think twice and immediately agreed to their condition.
When Anne found out Diana talked to her adoptive parents so she could have a holiday for three weeks in Paris, the news shocked Anne, and she was furious knowing Diana spent an unreasonable sum of money for Anne’s ransom without consulting her first. She told Diana even though her adoptive parents allowed her to go, she wouldn’t be able to pay for the trip. Diana insisted that money was never a problem for her and said that Anne need not worry about the trip’s fare because Diana’s parents would pay for everything for both of them.
Anne declined at first. She didn’t want to have a debt to Diana’s family any more than she already had. The money that Diana gave to the Hammons was forever gone and would never return, and Anne planned to pay it back to Diana even though it would take her months of savings. Diana then told Anne that if she declined, Diana wouldn’t be able to come to Paris as well because her parents had a strict rule of not letting Diana fly on a commercial plane by herself before she turned twenty-one.
So here Anne was, in Paris, living the best out of her life.
This, though, wasn’t in her plan of the things she wanted to do while she was in the city of love.
Anne never saw it coming—never thought it was possible to happen to her.
Gilbert Blythe was never supposed to be happening to her, but somehow he found a way into every aspect of Anne’s life.
It was raining when Anne first saw him.
They were inside a café. He was sitting at a table across from her. His hands were holding an open book, but he didn’t read it. He never touched his coffee on the table. His eyes were empty and stared into nothing. They were void of life.
He looked grief stricken and lost, clearly not trying to attract attention, but he caught Anne’s attention, and Anne couldn’t stop herself from being mesmerized by the sight of him. There was a sad beauty to him that captivated her and made her want to understand him.
Anne didn’t know how long she stared at him. She was sure it was long enough with how many people come and go but her and him.
It felt like the rest of the world was moving, barring the two of them.
When she realized she had been staying in the café for three hours after a server came to her table and asked if she wanted to reorder, Anne decided she had to leave. She got up from her chair but froze on her spot when she saw him move for the first time. She watched his hand reach up to touch his face and wipe a single teardrop on his cheek. Like a dam broke, his face crumpled and cried earnestly.
Without a doubt, Anne strode toward him and wrapped her arms around his trembling body. Of all the reactions she had expected to receive, what he did was not one of them. He wrapped his hand around her body and pressed his face into her chest as he cried even harder.
Anne never asked what made him cry, and he never explained it as well. The rain had stopped for a while, so Anne led him out of the café to avoid other people’s curious gazes. They wandered around the city of Paris in silence for another hour until he finally stopped shedding tears and said thank you before he introduced himself.
Anne introduced herself with her biological mother’s name; Bertha. Even though Gilbert fascinated Anne, he was still a stranger and her common sense took control of her decision-making to protect herself. Stranger danger was an actual threat, after all. Besides, Anne thought this would be the first and the last time she and Gilbert interacted. No one would get hurt by her actions.
After about three hours of walking together, spent mostly in companionable silence, Gilbert sheepishly asked to meet her again the next day. It startled her at first, and she hesitated. But his eyes were so hopeful and she couldn’t find it in her heart to refuse. And part of herself felt giddy that Gilbert wanted to see her again.
They exchanged their contact information and agreed to meet again the next day in front of The Louvre at five pm.
They have spent the last couple of days in each other’s company ever since. Walking or sitting at random spots in Paris. Talking about everything and nothing.
Anne acquired a few things about Gilbert from those conversations; he was studying at the Sorbonne and stayed with his dad’s childhood best friend who happened to be the father of a girl he was supposed to marry. Their fathers had promised to marry their children to strengthen the bond between the two. Gilbert told Anne that when he first met the girl, they clicked off, but not due to romance. In the end, the promise broke, and they now became best friends, just like their fathers.
Anne decided she trusted Gilbert enough to reveal a few things about herself without oversharing her real life that she didn’t want him to know. She told him she was from Canada and grew up in Nova Scotia, came to Paris with her best friend for the summer break. She also told him she was studying to become a teacher. That was enough information for him to know about her. Those weren’t lies. She just didn’t tell him the truth about the many problems she had in life. She wanted to be remembered as the cheerful and fun girl that made him smile and laugh.
They were like two pieces of a puzzle that match. Their conversation flowed naturally. They shared so many things in common; they were passionate about their education; they were studious, and they challenged one another intellectually. She never felt such a strong connection with someone before, not even with Diana.
Gilbert was the most kindred spirit of all of her kindred spirits.
That led her to a revelation that she felt more than just a simple acquaintance for this curly dark-haired boy with hazel eyes that made her lost but also found whenever he looked at her.
Earlier today, Anne had already waited for Gilbert in front of The Louvre to meet. They agreed to spend the entire day together—Anne’s idea—and start it at nine am. She didn’t tell him it was her last day in Paris. It was because of that reason she wanted to spend as much time as possible with him for one last time. She knew she was supposed to tell him she’d leave Paris tonight, but goodbyes were always hard for her. And this was perhaps the first time Anne would have to say goodbye to someone that she cared about. Imagining it was painful. At first, they would promise to contact each other, but Anne knew good things would never last. So Anne decided she would leave Gilbert as a fond memory. They wouldn’t see each other again, but they would have this happy memory to come back to.
The day went on fantastically. Gilbert took her to every nook and cranny of Paris that he thought she’d love. And he wasn’t wrong. Anne loved all the places they went to. She had a blast today. It was the best day of the entire trip.
As it neared the evening, Gilbert told her he planned to cook dinner for her back at his place. He assured her he didn’t have any untoward intention by inviting her to his place. He simply only wanted to prepare her Canadian food. Admitting that he even called his sister-in-law for Nova Scotia’s food recipes.
After that heartfelt confession, how could Anne refuse? So, she agreed to come, but was startled when he brought her to a student studio apartment. Anne remembered he told her he lived with his father’s best friend. He explained that he moved out of his father’s best friend’s house about a year after he came to Paris. At the same time, his father’s best friend had to move back to England for some business. Ever since then, Gilbert had been living alone in this studio apartment.
Anne teased Gilbert that he didn’t sound British at all. He simply shrugged and grinned at her while saying that he wasn’t from England.
Gilbert’s studio apartment was not spacious, but because it was so neat, the place didn’t feel overcrowded despite it being filled with lots of books in every corner of the room. Anne perused through his book collection while he was cooking. They varied from school textbooks to fictional ones. Gilbert had excellent taste in literature and really impressive talent in the kitchen.
The food he prepared for her was unreal. It tasted so delicious she almost felt like she was back at being in Canada already.
At the reminder of her homeland, Anne realized she didn’t have much time left until she had to leave Gilbert behind.
Half an hour after they finished dinner, at exactly seven o’clock, Anne decided it was time for her to leave. Gilbert looked at her in bewilderment and asked her why she needed to leave so soon because they usually parted way later than nine every single day they had spent together.
Anne lied to him by saying that she had forgotten to do her laundry and she was running out of clothes to wear for tomorrow. The real reason was she wanted to cry and she couldn’t do it here, especially not in front of him.
His face turned crestfallen, but he nodded understandingly. The sight of his stricken face made her reluctant to leave him. But she knew it was the best decision for both of them, so she got up and collected her bag to leave.
Gilbert walked her to the door. She profusely expressed her gratitude to him as she looked him in the eye and committed those warm hazel eyes into her memory. Gilbert pulled her into a hug. She welcomed it by wrapping her hands around his back and burying her face in the crook of his neck. Once they parted, they didn’t quite let go of one another. They stood there with their bodies pressed together, a melancholy smile painted on their faces as they regarded each other. He whispered for her to stay for a little while. Anne exhaled shakily at the plea, torn to see him so desperately wanting her to stay, and she gasped when he suddenly leaned in and brushed their lips together.
Anne froze as she felt the warmth from the touch of his lips spread through her spine. The contact only lasted for a few seconds, but it set a fire within her whole body. After realizing what he had done, Gilbert started rambling words of apologies that didn’t register in Anne’s mind because she could only think of one thing.
Gilbert kissed her.
The desire to feel his lips against hers once more blinded Anne from any common sense and the next thing she knew, she was closing the gap between them and swallowed all his rambling with another kiss.
All words died down. All sound faded into the background.
At that moment, there were only Anne and Gilbert.
One of them kicked the door shut and locked it. Anne wasn’t sure who. Her feet were moving, bringing her forward as Gilbert walked backward and they fell onto his bed. Both of their hands were struggling to peel off one another from any piece of clothing.
It was like a blur. Anne wasn't quite sure who initiated what they were doing. All she knew was they both wanted this, and they both consented.
When their bodies joined together in the most intimate way humans could do, Anne had never felt so right in her entire life. Everything that she did in the past had led her to this moment. A moment where she felt thoroughly loved.
It wasn’t just the blissful pleasure that made her think that way. Gilbert stared into her eyes as he said he had been in love with her this whole time. He declared his love for her in the most passionate moment they ever shared. She didn’t hesitate when she confessed her feelings for him as well. It only felt right to let him know her heart the way he knew her body now.
Anne regrets nothing at first.
Now, laying in Gilbert’s bed, holding him while he sleeps, and all the burning hormones had calmed down to a simmer, Anne could finally think properly.
She realized she had done the stupidest thing that contradicted her plan. She was supposed to leave him as a good friend—not a lover. Were they even a lover to begin with? Did they ever determine what they were in the first place?
Tears burned at the back of her eyes. Now how could she leave him after all this?
Anne raked her brain for a solution, but she kept coming back to her original plan; to leave him with no trace.
He deserves someone better than her. She repeated those words inside her head. His love for her would pass. If she was out of his sight, she would also be out of his mind, and not long after that, she would be out of his heart as well.
Anne told herself that she was replaceable. She always had been replaceable her entire life. Everything with Gilbert wouldn’t be any different. One day, he’d forget her and find someone else and be happy with her.
Anne blinked back the tears and inhaled deeply. She pretended she was fine, but she knew she wasn’t. Her heart was breaking but she couldn’t show it and she refused to feel it at the moment. She looked to the side and saw the clock showing her it was already eight-thirty. She only had another hour and a half before she had to leave and catch her flight. Her movement caused Gilbert to stir.
“Bertha?” Gilbert rasped. His voice was heavy from sleep. “What’s wrong?”
Anne was stunned for a few seconds. “Nothing, but I...” her voice wavered.
“You’re shaking.” Gilbert lifted his head and his eyes automatically locked on her face. There was fear in those hazel orbs. “Do you regret this?”
“No!” Anne shook her head frantically. “I don’t regret it... but I’m scared.”
“Why?” Gilbert cupped her cheek. “Please tell me, Bertha.”
His eyes were so vulnerable. Anne knew whatever answer she provided would impact him in one way or another. Some things were better left unsaid, but Anne would be as truthful as she could.
“It’s just... it’s too fast, don’t you think? What if something happens and we end up hurting each other?” Anne asked in despair.
“We won’t. I’m sure we won’t. I love you.” Gilbert leaned in and kissed her forehead. “This is not just a summer fling or a one-night stand for me. I want you, Bertha. You’re the one for me. Do you believe me?”
“I believe you.” Anne smiled tearfully at him. “I love you too.”
They both move at the same time to capture each other’s lips.
Emotions overcame Anne. She let her tears fall and wet their cheeks. Knowing that this would be the last night she had with Gilbert as someone he loved.