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“Elliot, I can see you looking in the mirror. Just keep driving.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s sound asleep, now please, drive ,” Olivia begs, her index finger locked in the loose fist of their chubby little girl.
Elliot smiled, his two ladies in the backseat, their daughter still a little too young for Olivia’s comfort to abandon her for her typical passenger seat. After all, this was his fifth child, but her first.
Although he acted like it was his first too.
He was panicked throughout the last 8 months, from the initial pregnancy test to when her water broke. Olivia was surprised he didn’t have a stroke from all the stress.
“Positive?”
“Yes, it’s positive.”
“You’re…”
“Yes.”
“And it’s…”
“Mhmm.”
He grabs her with full force, lifting her into the air, and she bursts into laughter, “Elliot!”
“You’re going to be a mom!” He sets her down, tucking strands of hair behind her ears, “Mama Benson.” She closes her eyes when he leans forward to kiss her forehead, “I’m so proud of you–”
“Of us,” she looks up, placing a sweet kiss on his lips. “You gave me what I’ve always wanted.”
“I told you I would do anything.”
But with all the joy came fear, so they had taken the first few months as slow as possible. As careful as possible. Pregnancy after 40, blah, blah, blah …she had loathed the entire spiel every time they had an appointment. She was an old spinster to the doctors and her hormones had not enjoyed the constant discussion of her body, especially in front of Elliot.
A combination of insecurities and fear prevailed, knowing how delicate this baby was inside of her. And if she lost it, she would lose everything. And for a moment she was worried she almost had.
“Stay here, the ambulance is coming,” he held her tightly on the cold bathroom tile of the precinct, slipping in kisses between words against her hair.
She pants, her breath shaky, a wall of sobs threatening to break through, “...blood—”
“It’s probably nothing, you’re going to be okay— the baby is going to be okay, you hear me?”
Cragen peers through the door, trying to remain stoic in front of the woman he practically considered his daughter, “Elliot…they’re here.”
It was only after they found out that, despite the bleeding, she and the baby were ok, that she let the floodgates open. Tears pouring down her cheeks while she held onto him for dear life, sobbing in the hospital bed.
“I got you. Shhh, you’re safe, I got you.”
She had been sequestered to desk duty, and for the first time in her life she does not argue. Crowning herself the paperwork champion, she flew through normal tasks in half the time. She didn’t love the work, but it gave her and Elliot more time to prepare for their newest arrival at their apartment.
And they had found that home closer to her favorite park, a nice three bedroom, in case one of his kids wanted to stay over. And from the moment they moved in, they do.
“Is it a boy or girl?”
“It’s too early to tell, Katie.”
“What do you want?”
“I want you to shut up and let me sleep—”
“You want a mini Olivia, I know it.”
Kathleen wasn’t entirely incorrect. Since Elliot found out about the baby, he had pictured a little girl one too many times. Big brown eyes, equally dark hair, her hand tucked in her mother’s.
She deserved a child more than anyone on the planet and he was glad to help give her one, no matter what it was, but he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t wishing for that little girl that had her eyes, and he wouldn't hide his joy when they found out it was a girl.
“This is going to be cold, but you know that by now.”
Olivia tensed at the sensation of cold jelly. How, when it was placed on her belly, she shivered until she heard the sweet thumps of their baby’s heartbeat.
And that same rhythm of life filled the room once again.
“Wow,” Elliot exhales. He would never get used to this. Olivia’s hand in his, the intimacy of hearing their baby’s heartbeat. He sees Olivia smile, and mirrors her expression in return while leaning down to kiss her on her cheek.
“Baby has a strong heartbeat, Mom and Dad. You should be proud.”
Olivia squeezes her eyes shut, letting a tear roll down, biting her lip. Her baby. Her healthy baby.
“So, do we want to find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
Elliot looks at her for a clue. He is curious to know, but Kathy always preferred to be surprised, so he’s never done this before. Olivia takes a deep breath, “...can we find out?”
The doctor smiles, “Of course.” She angles the screen to allow both of them to have a clear visual, and she points at the screen with her gloved hand, “You see that right there? That’s your baby girl.”
And Elliot lets a few tears of his own fall.
Quickly, her baby bump had gone from nonexistent to impractical to hide. Still, after her early scare, most people had already known that Olivia Beson was pregnant with Elliot Stabler’s baby. The only clueless ones were the rookies of the week.
Fin offered her food and Munch wasn’t necessarily helpful, but he often would sit with her to give her some company on Elliot’s busiest days. And when they were left alone, he would sometimes get soft.
“I really am happy for you two.”
Cragen watched her like a hawk, but Olivia shut him up with ultrasound pictures that had scattered his desk. Elliot jokingly bought him a “grandpa’s little princess” frame, which he pretended to reluctantly accept. He tried to play the tough Captain, but the frame was quickly updated with all the pictures of the baby-to-be. No one dared speak a word about it.
Elliot was fried. Balancing his kids, an ex-wife, twice the workload, and a pregnant girlfriend– he could barely stay awake. But still, he took the slight bit of freetime he had to drag Kathy out to a ring shop.
“You’ve done this by yourself before, why don’t you trust your gut this time?”
“We were kids, I was much more impulsive then, Kath.”
“You keep going back to this one. I think you’ve made your decision.”
“What if I’m wrong?”
Kathy smiles, letting out a light chuckle, “It’s Olivia, you’ve never been wrong. You know her a million times better than you ever knew me. You are made for each other, Elliot. Buy the ring.”
He was surprised that it was his ex-wife who gave him the go ahead, but with years since their separation and divorce, she’s moved on. And so had he.
The kids weren’t surprised at Olivia joining the family, after all she had practically been there all along. But Olivia was initially shocked at how welcoming they all were, even Dickie. Although, she found out later that Kathleen had promised to kill him if he ever hurt Olivia’s feelings. Threat or not, there grew a blissful peace between the families, and collective excitement for the newest addition to arrive.
“What about Lila?”
“Eh, I don’t know…”
“Charlotte?”
“Charlie is cute, but I don’t know…”
“Dawn?”
“What is she 80, El?” Olivia laughs, head against the pillows propping her up, his hand rubbing circles on her bump. He fell into the ease of being near, needing to feel each kick of their little girl, counting down the weeks left until her arrival.
She yawns, “What about Maisie?”
He pops his head off her chest to meet her eyes, “Little baby Maisie?” They smile, he thinks it has a nice ring to it, “Maisie Benson-Stabler…”
“Maisie May.”
And it sticks.
She began writing her name in cursive over every surface she could, trying to find a flaw in the name, wanting to make sure it was perfect. Elliot would write it in notes inside lunch bags, his scratchy handwriting solidifying their baby’s name on Post-it notes that she stuck to her computer screen.
Olivia goes overboard at baby stores and Elliot does too. Sneaking off while on the job, he would sometimes return with plastic bags full of items.
“It’s a ballerina dress. C’mon Liv. How cute?”
She smiles and kisses him hard in the locker room, clutching onto the tiny dress that one day would cover their precious little girl.
They had another hospital scare at 7 months, slight contractions forcing the two to hurry there. But it was just a false alarm, And they were both grateful their baby was not ready to arrive before they were ready to bring her home.
“We still have to finish the nursery, and we haven’t tested out the car seat, and we haven’t talked to Cragen about you taking time off—“
“Marry me.”
She’s frozen to the floor of the kitchen, his eyes locked on hers, face calm. “…what did you just say?”
“I said,” he takes a step forward, beginning to crowd the space around her, “...marry me.”
Her head is running a million miles a minute and she’s overwhelmed beyond words; he can tell. He reaches inside his jacket pocket, pulling out a small box, and opening it to reveal a golden band and diamond.
He reaches for her hand, now right in front of her, “I thought about her coming tonight. How I would stay with you, let you crush my hand, sing your praises until our baby arrived…and I realized. I can’t live a single day without you. Or her. I want to spend forever with you,” he’s kissing her ring finger now. “So I ask you again, will you, Olivia Margaret Benson, marry me?”
She said yes and they had a small courthouse wedding. Olivia wasn’t that traditional, but liked the idea of being husband and wife for their next trip to the hospital. They didn’t tell anyone, but Olivia accidentally let it slip in front of Kathleen one night and suddenly everyone seemed to know.
Cards and heaps of flowers were sent, and as she had read through a sweet card from Melinda, her water broke all over the living room floor.
She’s alone and she’s terrified.
Reaching for her phone, she quickly rings her husband, but it goes straight to voicemail. She begins to panic, knowing her contractions are far apart now, but not knowing for how long and what she should do. This was her first baby.
So she rings the next person in her contacts.
“Olivia?”
“Captain? Are you busy?”
He rides with her to the hospital, driving her in his car so cautiously, she has to remind him what the actual speed limit is.
“Where’s Elliot?”
He glances over, “Fin is tracking him down. I told him to meet us there.”
An hour passes and she has not heard a single word about her husband’s whereabouts. She tries to keep calm, several nurses coming in and out, hooking her up to machines, checking her vitals. All without Elliot, but with Cragen at her side.
He grabs her hand when a contraction comes, her groans echoing through the small hospital room. “Mmmmmmm,” she squeezes hard.
“You got it, just breathe.”
Elliot stampedes into the room, just as another wave comes back, this time much quicker than before. “I’m here, I’m so sorry, Liv,” he removes his suit coat, rolling up his sleeves quickly as Cragen stands to free up the chair next to her bed.
The two men shake hands, the older one pulling the younger in close, patting him on the back quickly. “Take care of her,” his Captain whispers.
“I will.”
And he does.
Her labor was long, Elliot’s hand had practically broken from her firm grasp. But he never left her side. Still to this day he never leaves her side.
She’s groaning loudly, the doctor between her legs, nurses all prepared to help bring their baby into this world. “I– I can’t–”
“Yes, you can, Olivia,” he sat on the side of the bed, his chest behind her, her laid against him. He has her left hand in his, his right hand on her calf to help keep her legs open. “You got me right here, I’m not leaving. You gotta push, okay?”
She shakes her head, “...hurts–”
“I know,” he whispers and he wants to cry. He wishes he could take her pain away, could help alleviate the sharpness she fights off, the pressure.
The doctor interrupts, “Olivia, I’m going to need you to take a big breath in, and push on the next contraction, okay? Can you try that for me?”
She nods, and Elliot is overwhelmed at how proud he is of her.
Time moves painstakingly slow, Elliot’s breath hitches, watching the amazing woman he calls his wife work through the pain, until Olivia falls back against him and the cries of their little girl break through the air.
Maisie May Benson-Stabler. Born August 31st. 2:56pm.
From the moment she arrived, both parents were in tears, letting her run their lives wholeheartedly. Their little girl.
She fit perfectly in Olivia’s arms, and Elliot thanks God when he sees her dark eyes blink open for the first time. The same eyes from his dreams. When their baby cried, Olivia immediately stepped into gear, rocking her, shushing her softly. She was an amazing mother from the start.
Every first with her quickly became a treasured memory. An internal scrapbook of memories, snapshots of each little movement, each little yawn. They took each day, each hour, each minute, to bask in parenthood, bask in the beautiful chaos that is the child of the bonded partners.
From the squad room to the nursery, they were an unmatched pair. Forever partners, now forever parents.
“Is she still asleep?”
“Mhmm,” Olivia hums, the car now parked outside the station they’ve been away from for the last few months. And she’s unlocking the car seat, Elliot rushing out to open the door next to her. They work in tandem, Olivia managing to unhook the seat, but accidentally waking up Maisie in the process. “Shoot,” she huffs, and unstraps her daughter from the contraption, holding her close against her chest.
Elliot places a hand on her back, guiding her backwards out of the car, snagging the car seat and diaper bag before slamming the door.
Olivia bounces her lightly, the almost three month old Maisie’s cries subsiding, her tiny fists grasping the fabric of her shirt. “That’s it, that’s my baby,” she sings.
He could not be more in love.
They walk inside, landing in the elevator, Maisie still tight to Olivia’s chest, her cheeks puffed against her mother, and Elliot pets his index finger across the skin. He guides his hand to the small of his wife’s back, leaning in to kiss her forehead, “You ready for this?”
She chuckles, shifting their baby to lay her head in the crook of her elbow, rocking her carefully, “The guys will love her.”
And they do.
“Hey Maze! I’m your Uncle Fin!”
The baby is giggling, the man smiling widely as he continues waving at the little girl in Olivia’s arms.
“Is that a baby ? In the squad room?” John shuffles in, eyes peering over his glasses. “Where’d we find this one?”
“Hey, she likes me best already. You’re just gonna scare her,” Fin jokes as the older man approaches, laying a hand on Olivia’s shoulder briefly.
John glances down at the little girl, who’s still cooing and wiggling in her mother’s arms. “Wow, she looks just like me, Liv. How are we going to break it to Stabler?”
“John, Fin, any update on the McCellan-”
Their Captain freezes when they turn around and he sees the little baby in his detective’s arms. Stabler in the nearby office chair, car seat next to the desk, a diaper bag open with stuffed animals sprawling out of it. And he clears his throat to mask any emotion, still having to run shop, “Benson, Stabler. So nice to see you. John, Fin, follow up on the McCellan case. Visit the office again and get another round of statements from people you may have missed,” and he retreats into his office.
The four detectives exchange confused glances, John and Fin reluctantly pulling on their coats, bidding the family goodbye as they are forced to leave.
Elliot chews on his bottom lip, Olivia standing above him still, “What the hell was that?”
He shrugs, “Maybe we came at the wrong time?”
“No,” Olivia shakes her head, “I’m going in.” She storms past, not even knocking on her Captain’s office door, swinging it open aggressively. “You don’t even want to meet her?”
He’s facing away from her, and he doesn’t say a word. It ignites a fire within Olivia, possibly driven by a lack of sleep and a heightened sense of fight in her with her newly appointed status to mother. Either way, she’s angry, and nothing could hold her back now. “Look, I know this job is busy, and you don’t have a lot of time with both of us out, but I really wanted you to meet our daughter, especially since you’re practically the only family I have–”
The chair spins and she meets his eyes, which are red and watery– he’s been crying. And the man swallows the lump in his throat, sighing, and standing up to come closer. “I…I didn’t realize how overwhelming this would be.”
Olivia takes a deep breath, the tears beginning to form in her own eyes.
“I’m…I’m really happy for you, Olivia. And I’m so proud of the woman that you’ve become.”
And the two begin to cry in the dim room, Olivia closing the space between them and allowing him to hug her and her daughter. He’s careful, but he keeps her close. They part after a moment, and he swipes the tears from her cheeks.
“Whew,” he huffs. Clearing his throat once again, he reaches his arms out, “Now can I please hold my granddaughter?”
Happy Holidays.