Chapter Text
Sometimes when Ruby woke up, she thought she was sixteen again. It was like the intervening years had been a dream, waking up in her old bedroom for a shift at the diner with a warm body pressed up against hers. She'd been happy, even bleary from a hangover or staying up too late talking, someone else's hair in her mouth, sweaty from the extra body heat, and nose stinging from breathing in too much perfume all night. She'd been happy, because she'd been home.
But though the bedroom was the same, and the diner was the same, it wasn’t the same body who’d been there when she was sixteen. This one was harder and heavier, less likely to plant a knee or an elbow in her stomach, but more likely to shuffle her off the side. He smelled like musk rather than perfume. And Peter still snuck out, even though he’d been her boyfriend for over a year now. Granny made him nervous.
“Going already?” Peter mumbled into her hair. His arm wrapped around her as she tried to get out of bed and she fought against him.
“I’ve got to get to work.”
“It's your birthday.” Peter protested.
Ruby escaped and grabbed her underwear. “And it's my grandmother who made the schedule. I don't have a commute, so opening is easy, right?”
"Ugh, you've got to move out."
"Where to?" Ruby shook her head. "No rent, right? Can't beat that." She hiked up her skirt and searched under the bed for her apron. When she lifted her head, Peter had moved, his feet dropping down to the floor, his arm reaching for his jeans. Behind his two-day stubble she noticed the slight twitch of tension in the muscle of his jaw. It usually meant he was embarrassed. When he was a kid it had been the prelude to a tantrum, beating his fists on the floor. In high school it had been the prelude to a fight, beating his fists on another guy. But they'd all grown up since high school.
"You could move in with me," he said.
"You and your parents?" Ruby rolled her eyes and turned toward the mirror to figure out what to do with her hair.
"I was thinking about moving out too."
Ruby paused, her hands tangled up in her hair, and looked back at him. "Yeah?"
"And I was thinking we might want to look for a place together. And maybe..." He'd pulled something out of his jeans pocket. "Maybe make it official?"
He flipped open the box.
* * *
Yesterday
The diner was sliding into lunch rush when Emma sauntered in. “Hey you. Your birthday's tomorrow right?”
“Oh, please don’t mention that,” Ruby groaned. She didn’t need the reminder.
Emma grinned. "Drinks right, Rabbit Hole, at 8? We've gotta drink until we forget how old we are, right?"
"Definitely." Ruby almost smiled, until a little sick twist turned her stomach. She loved Emma, she loved Mary Margaret. She had friends. But they were just friends. They weren't best friends. They weren't people you could tell anything to, talk for hours about nothing and everything, lean in for a hug whenever you needed it. It was her birthday, twenty-seven. It wasn't a special birthday. And yet, once she'd had a friend who'd made even the boring birthdays special.
Emma sank into her stool and groaned, rubbing her lower back. "At least you have a serious boyfriend and stuff. I’m older than you and six times as single.”
Ruby shook her head, not trying to follow Emma’s math. There was a reason she always checked the change on Emma's table before she left the diner. “You’re not the one working at your grandma’s diner."
Emma shrugged. “Nothing wrong with taking over the family business.”
Ruby looked away. Of course not. But it wasn’t what she’d wanted. She had a real job once, nothing spectacular, but she'd been on the line, in a real restaurant kitchen. She had her chance to work hard, work her way up. She'd blown it. “Could be better though. Or at least… different.”
“You really hate it here?” Emma asked.
"No!" Ruby looked around at the diner, at the small town that was all she'd ever really had. She'd been happy here once. It wasn't the place that left her with that low level of sadness. It was the ghosts, of people, of dreams she used to have. Days like today, birthdays, holidays, they made her feet itch. She wasn't supposed to still be here. Everything wasn't supposed to still be the same. How was she supposed to live like this? Something had to change. She needed something to change. "It's just that being here reminds me of all the things I used to want, the things I'd planned on having by now, but don't."
Emma shrugged. “I mean, I can’t say the boyfriend pickings are great, for me, since you’ve got the only cute one, but it is a place to settle down. And we’re getting to be old enough to be thinking about settling down, aren’t we?”
She wasn’t wrong. But how could Ruby settle, when it felt like a huge piece of her life was missing, and all she wanted to do was go out in search of it.
But perhaps that was why it was called settling.
* * *
“Um,” Peter said. “So, Will you marry me?”
Inside the small velvet box was a ring, a ring with a diamond on it.
Ruby stepped back. "What?"
Peter's face, under it's scruff, reddened. The jaw twitch was back, even more fiercely. "What? Is it... is this really that much of a surprise?"
He stood up, pushing the box toward her. "Ruby… I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. And I know we haven't been together all that long. But for me, I just… I know, that you’re what I want. You’ve always been everything I want.”
Ruby stepped back again and hit the dresser. "You're naked," she said. It was a stupid thing to say. But all of this seemed stupid. Fine, they'd been dating for almost two years, moving out made sense, she wasn't planning on leaving him any time soon. But everything just felt upside down. What she was feeling was supposed to make sense. She should be joyously happy, or awkwardly resistant, or, maybe laugh in his face? But not just confused.
“Do you need time to think about it?” His brows were furrowed and he looked angry.
She'd embarrassed him. Of course he was angry.
But how could he think she was ready for this? Were they really in such different places that he was ready to make a decision that shaped his own future, and she was just treading water, hoping someone would throw her a rope eventually?
But this was her problem, wasn't it? She let her life go along, not making plans, not changing anything, not taking chances, and then she was upset about spending four years doing nothing. This wasn't nothing. This was a chance, a risk, a plan, a future.
Her hand rose up and pressed over her mouth, staring at him. She hadn't thought about a future like that. They'd get a house. They'd keep working. She'd take over for Granny eventually. He'd take over for his dad in the shop. They'd do what? Have kids? That's what happened, right? People got married and then slam-bang the girl was pregnant. And, god knew, that was something different.
Was it something she wanted?
But how do you ever know if it's something you want until you try it and see?
Peter's knuckles were white as they clenched around the box. Every muscle was tense. If she laughed in his face he'd probably punch the dresser. She was kind of terrified she was going to laugh in his face on accident.
It was something new. The itch in the bottoms of her feet said that it was time for something new. So why not?
“Yeah,” she said, then flushed slightly. “Yes, I mean yes.”
Peter's mouth opened, and then he swallowed, the tension leaving his body all in one go. He smiled. “Honestly, I’m good with yeah.”
She stepped in, the kiss was a little awkward, but it felt fresh, different this time. The thrill that ran through her was real. She felt him harden against her. He pulled back, fumbling with the ring to put it on her finger, his erection a comical interloper. The ring slid home and Ruby felt a constriction like someone had grabbed her by the diaphragm and wouldn't let her breathe properly. But she knew what to do to break tension. She reached out and pushed against his shoulders, sending him back down onto the bed.
"Huh?"
She shucked her underwear, and smiled at his wide eyes. Then she knelt over him and stroked him, feeling him harden. His stomach convulsed. "Let's celebrate."
"What? Don't you have to work?"
"Granny will understand." She squeezed. He gaped. "I want sex. And if you're going to marry me you'd better get used to giving it to me when I want it."
Peter grinned and reached out, pushing her head down so her lips were nearly against his dick. "I can do that," he said.
And she took him in her mouth.
There was a little shame in it, in using the easy distraction of sex to not think about whether this was the right decision, or if she'd just made a promise that she couldn't back out of, even if it ended up being the worst decision of her life.
* * *
“Granny.” Ruby, flushed and happy, hurried down the stairs and into the diner's kitchen.
Her grandmother gave her a look. “You're late.”
"I'm sorry. It's my birthday, and Peter just—”
“You said you'd cover for Katrina not two days ago.” Granny scowled. “If you're going to be here, working for me, be here. If you want to head out into the wild blue yonder, fine. But tell me, so I can hire someone who won't just take a morning off whenever she feels like it.”
Ruby's orgasm-induced good mood dissipated and turned angry. This was supposed to be an announcement. It was supposed to be important. “I'm getting married,” she said. “Peter asked me to marry him. I said yes.”
Granny's face didn't change. If anything it grew harder and a little more dour. “You’ve always been a stupid girl,” she said.
Ruby froze. “What?”
Granny just shook her head and turned to flip the pancakes. “Now you’re turning into a stupid woman.”
"Granny!" Ruby's stomach felt like a rock, dropping heavily into her guts. "What do you mean?"
"Don't stand there gabbing. We've got customers, and my back's sore from having to open by myself!"
Ruby's nails dug into her hands as she snagged her orders book and headed out into the dining area. What if this really was a terrible idea?
* * *
“Oh my god!” Mary Margaret screamed her ear off and Ruby cringed. “You’re getting married!”
Ruby sighed and took the Long Island iced tea that Emma passed her. At least someone was properly excited. Her own excitement had died after her Granny's pronouncement. What was so wrong with the idea? What was stupid about it?
“Congrats girl,” Emma said. “We’re getting blitzed tonight.”
Ruby let the liquor wash over her, letting the others buy her both birthday and congratulation drinks and bring them over. She could see Killian at the bar, and didn’t really want to deal with him. There were only a few people she knew from high school who hadn’t left. And Killian was the only guy she’d slept with in high school who hadn’t left. Somehow, hearing what he’d say at the news of her engagement was not high on her list of things to do.
Emma was taking it easy, not Dding, because they’d all walked, but still, being the responsible one. Sheriff’s Deputies usually got even drunker and more rowdy than anyone else, but Emma was an exception to the rule, at least tonight.
It was Mary Margaret who got the drunkest quickest. She curled up on Ruby’s shoulder, drawling a whiny congratulation into her ear. “Rub–y. I’m so jea–lous. Peter’s wonderful.” She sighed, then searched around for her drink and took another swig. “I always wondered why you never dated him in high school. Too tame for you with Lacey around, I guess.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m so glad she’s gone.”
Ruby froze. She’d said the name. Emma looked over, her eyes just a little wide. That was a bad sign. That meant that she’d talked sometime when she was drunk. Ruby shoved out her chair and headed over to the bar. A young girl had replaced Killian as bartender, thankfully.”Hey,” she said. “Give me a couple of shots.”
Emma sidled up beside her. "You okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be okay?"
“You miss her, don’t you?”
Ruby went tense. She looked at Emma. “I don’t know who you're talking about.”
“I know you don’t say anything unless you’re drunk,” Emma said. “But you do, don’t you? Especially right now?”
Ruby swallowed hard. There was a reason she didn’t talk about it unless she was drunk. There was too much bitterness and jealously and self-hatred there to face it sober. She was drunk now, but she could be drunker. She needed to be drunker. “Maybe I miss her,” Ruby said and downed a shot. “Maybe I just wish I hadn’t ruined things, so when she got out, she might have taken me along.”
“You still feel that way? Even now you’re marrying Peter.”
Ruby slammed back the third shot and looked away. “She was my best friend, and I fucked everything up. Even if I still ended up like this, I wish…. I wish she were at my side. I wish I could just call her. I don’t know what she’d say. I don’t know anything anymore. But yeah, I miss her. Don’t you always miss the people you love?”
* * *