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Fei knows this place well; it's a place where many things had occurred. Confusion, strife, recollections, acceptance… the list goes on. Needless to say, he had a lot of thoughts about his headspace, but in recent times, it wasn’t necessarily a place he disliked any more.
“What do you think of them?” A voice calls out to Fei, and he has no need to look for the source. It is obvious.
“Them? Ah… you mean Elly, Bart, Doc, and everyone else.” Fei replies.
“Of course. Who else would I mean?” The voice has a strong hint of snide in it. But Fei knows better. Fei knows Id now. And Fei knows that’s just how he is…
“Well… they are all so dear to me. We’ve been through hell and back. Maybe further than that…” Fei doesn’t want to trail off, so he stops there. Id doesn’t respond, and Fei worries he said something wrong, but a quiet voice interjects before he could add anything. The voice is soft, but not meek.
“If you want to know about them, Id… I think the best thing to do would be to meet them yourself…”
“Coward…” Id looks at the ground, if it even qualifies as that—there isn’t much ‘ground’ inside your mind after all. He didn’t say it, and yet the Coward knew what he wanted, anyway. “You know very well I only showed up to destroy things in the past. It may be different now, but how will they know that? Why should they care?”
“Id, I have talked to them. Some might not get it, or rather—‘us’—but if they hated you, they’d hate me too. And none of them hate me.” Fei raises a fair point. Id merely sighs; it is not a sigh of aggravation, but rather one of relief.
“I’m not keen on the idea of being buddy-buddy with your friends, Fei. But… I don’t want to be their enemy either. I want to believe I can make connections with others without the need for destruction. Would you be willing to let me attempt?” Queries Id, despite knowing the answer already. Fei was too kind a person, and the Coward, their mediator, was a whole different story. But both still weren’t unexposed to the dark side of the earth. Fei smiles.
“Yeah. But… tell me how it goes. I don’t want to wake up in Taura’s house without any explanation.” Fei jokes.
“Go to sleep.”
Id lets out a noise akin to a growl. Waking up in Fei’s clothes is always so jarring. Even if they were on normal—perhaps even brotherly—terms now, Id could not stand wearing cream coloured things. There is no point in manifesting his ether armour right now, but he still needs something to wear that isn’t Fei’s normal attire. Looking around at his surroundings, it was easy to place where he was—the Yggdrasil. Fei was never one to take much with him, so Id grumpily rummages through his belongings until he settles on a black turtleneck and Fei’s normal green pants. It’d have to do, green isn’t too bad, he supposes.
Id takes a glance at his reflection in the mirror. It is definitely him; dishevelled red hair, eyebags, sharp nails, and of course, those sinister yellow eyes… Id could consider not manipulating ether to change his appearance—as he did in his younger days—but it’d leave him with a bitter taste in his mouth. It’d be unfair to Fei as well if he did that, not that Id would admit it outwardly. He is done thinking about what-ifs and what-nots though, and decides his next course of action would be to track down someone associated with Fei. If he is to be honest with himself, he hardly has a clue on how to navigate the Yggdrasil—only vague hints—but that is yet another item on his list of things he’d never admit.
It is his first time fronting since Deus knows when, and hell, it is not going to be easy. Id considers fricking off and leaving the scene completely, but that is not in his nature. The Demon of Elru did not turn away from his goals, period. So with a huff, he is off, hoping subtly that this wouldn’t be something he regretted later. Leaving a dent in the Yggdrasil was something he could definitely go for a third time, but that would upset Fei, so only as a last resort, Id thinks.
The most obvious place to look for Fei’s lackeys is definitely the gun room. The hallway has three exit points: one leading to the hangar (which Id had been to before), the elevator that led to the Yggdrasil’s bridge, and finally Id’s target. Given that he knew where the hangar was, and that the elevator’s door is different from the other exits, this was going to be a piece of Chiffon Nisan for him.
Or so he thought.
Id briskly walks past the elevator hallway, only to find it opening and revealing a face that is extraordinarily familiar to Id. Yes, a face that belongs to someone that Id had previously said he thought fondly of. Citan Uzuki.
“...Id?” Citan doesn’t hesitate to run over to the former assassin, who does not do well with deviated plans and thus freezes in his tracks. Although Citan is about the only person Id has ever had an established conversation with, he does not approve of the methods Citan used in Solaris to speak with him. It reminds him of the past, and trauma does not just fade with the snap of a finger or the destruction of God.
“Doc,” Id sneers out of habit, “Are you here to psychoanalyse me again? While I would consider our previous discussion entertaining, I’m not interested in going through that shitfest again. You can find a different subject to put on your petri dish.” Id is defensive. More defensive than he should be, he realises. But if Id could count on anyone to see through his remarks, it’s definitely Citan. Maybe he’d even throw something nasty back at Id, that would be interesting.
“No, Id, that is not my intention. I apologise for riling you up. I have been thinking about when I first met you. I did what was necessary for the world, but not what was necessary for you and Fei, in a sense. I am Fei’s guardian, which means by following that same logic, I am yours as well. There are things I am free to do now, and you are free to do things as well,” Citan pauses, “So if you’ll allow it, I would like to oversee your growth and progress. Consider it sentimentality in my old age, perhaps I really am going senile, hahaha.” Remarks Citan, with a push of his glasses.
Id is dumbfounded, not really sure what to think. Familial bonds seemed to tie him down, but he couldn’t deny it was something he truly craved. Like any other person, he fears losing his loved ones. Magnify that by being a ‘cursed, untouchable one’, and you get something twisted. A mother who was once as brilliant as the sun, a father who became eclipsed, and then the shadow of said eclipse casting itself upon Id forevermore… it really was pathetic how terribly close yet far these things presented themselves. Things are different now… or at least, Id wants to believe that.
“I can’t guarantee how often I’ll stand on the stage of consciousness. My appearance here is a mere test...” Id plainly states as he stares off into the distance, trying to avoid eye contact with Citan. Talking things out is exhausting, he isn’t used to it, and he’s not sure if he wants to ever be used to it at this point.
“That is fine, Id. I do understand your concerns, but this humble country doctor can help you maintain the front longer, if that is something that interests you.”
“So you basically want to offer me therapy. I won’t lie, it’s an enticing proposal. If things go without incident with the others, I will seek you out, Citan.” Id retorts as he turns to leave.
“Blunt aren’t we!? Before you scurry off aimlessly, Id, Elly and Bart are in the gun room. Although I would gauge you were already heading there.” Id doesn’t respond, there’s no need to. Citan is seemingly omnipotent anyway.
As he makes his way to the gun room, Id reflects a bit. He had to encounter both Elly and Bart at the same time, two people he directly tried to murder in cold blood. Yeah, things were definitely looking grim for Id. But then again, ‘grim situations’ might as well be something he was chronically afflicted with. Nonetheless he opens the gun room's door and is greeted with the friendly bickering of the Antitype and the Aveh prince. They stop immediately as soon as they hear Id’s soft footsteps against the spiral staircase.
“Fei! It’s about time you got your butt down here!” Bart exclaims, a little too loud for Id’s ears. He scoffs. Fei, eh? Well this is going as well as an overly eager toddler with fingerpaint and a blank canvas. He continues walking though, not letting it bother him too much.
“Do you ever use your inside voice, Bart?” Elly spurts out with a giggle. Her glee is soon dispersed as soon as Id arrives at the bottom of the staircase, arms crossed.
“I’m acutely aware that I’m not who you were expecting, try not to rub it in. However, I am here to stay, so you’d best not do anything foolish.” Imposes Id. Another great start, he figures. But if they don’t accept the whole of his being, then there’s no point in trying any of this crap anyway. Id would always be snarky and a little harsh. You either like it or you get another hole blasted in the wall of the Yggdrasil.
“Looks like someone never changes!” Bart says with… a smile? “...I hope that doesn’t mean you intend to destroy my Yggdrasil again.”
“That depends on you, my prince.” Id is extra brazen and dry with that last bit. Stealing Fei’s nicknames for people was becoming a hobby of Id’s at this point.
“Right…” sighs Bart. It’s obvious he’s trying to be kind to Id, but the tension in the room is extreme, to say the least.
“Is Fei…” Elly starts, unsure whether to continue. Id answers her anyway.
“He’s asleep. Willingly. I’m not sure how much you know about us reconciling, but he did say you were at least informed.” Id gets to the point quickly. “I realised… connecting with others via destruction may not be feasible,” admitting this outloud stings his tongue, “and a certain someone convinced me that I should make amends. In person.”
“That makes sense, Id. To be honest, though, I think the one who needs to make amends is me. When we fought, I called out to you. But my assumptions about your connection to Fei, they were very misinformed. I’m ashamed. I already apologised to Fei, but you deserve it too. You’re very different people, and I understand that now.” Elly explains, resulting in an awestruck Id. He turns away in an attempt to hide his flusteredness, but Bart’s eye is keener than one would assume, and he immediately sees the chance to lightly provoke the Contact. Payback as one might call it.
“Of all the things I expected you to be, shy was not one of them. I guess I know where Fei got that from now! It’s kinda charming.” Bart is definitely winking underneath that eyepatch.
“I’ll give you the honour of deciding which piece of your beloved ship gets ripped off in the next twenty minutes. Think about it, but don’t hurt your pretty little head now.” Id teases. He is still facing away, cleverly hiding the tiniest of smiles. Bart responds by giving him a thumbs up; if Id took notice of it, he did not comment, and he soon is out of sight as he ascends the staircase.
Along the way, Id passes by Maison’s cafe bar. The aforementioned man gives a small nod towards Id, who mirrors the gesture.
“Stop by later if you would like to enjoy a cup of my famous tea. It should do you wonders, Master Id.” Maison bows. Id figures it wouldn’t hurt—if he was still around by then—and he was on his debatably merry way. There is still one more person he hoped to encounter… He only had a few guesses as to where she could be, but Id figured it was better than nothing.
“Don’t open the hatch while in motion my ass.” Declares Id as he promptly opens the hatch and settles on the exterior of the Yggdrasil. It isn’t even cruising at a ridiculous pace, nor is its altitude high enough to cause underlying issues. But sure enough, the girl he is looking for has her eyes scanning the sky above, gracefully perched atop the ship. She is quick to notice him though, and she ushers for him to sit next to her. Id complies immediately. Out of all the damned people he had encountered today, this is going to be the deal breaker or maker.
“Been a while since last saw Id,” the nanomachine colony speaks in a concerned tone, “Id make up with Fei. Family now.”
“Yeah. That’s correct.” Id turns to look at Emeralda, her hair and scarf blowing in the wind. He pauses, thinking about what he wants to say, but eventually he gets it. “Back when Solaris seized you, I tried to get their hands off you, I’m sure you remember. Ultimately you were safe, but I thought a lot about the worst case scenario. It was idiotic of me to fight against Citan and the others instead of helping you… It’s the only thing I truly regret. Perhaps it’s Kim’s feelings, but I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you.”
“Caring difficult for Id. But Id does well. I understand. Fei understand too. Id not Fei, but he possess Kim’s heart still. So it’s okay.” Gleams Emeralda. Id reaches for Emeralda’s head and gently pats her. It’s an awkward motion, but Emeralda smiles and leans into Id’s touch. He isn’t keen on applying paternal concepts just yet to himself, but it’s a start. Their moment is short yet sweet, as not much needs to be communicated with words between the duo. They sit for a while watching the clouds pass by. It’s so stupidly simple that Id finds himself laughing internally.
He had made his choice on what to do, and the Demon of Elru always follows through.
...Therapy once a week, with a side of headpats.