Chapter Text
"Two tricorders, one-nineteenth of the rations, three phasers, a conduit shield..." Wearing something close to a frown, Tuvok rattled off the equipment Voyager had lost, but Chakotay could see that Janeway wasn't overly concerned. She was barely listening, in fact. They'd gotten back the computer processor, the holo-emitter, the site-to-site transporter, the photon casings, and most of what had been taken from storage--plus that flying contraption which she'd stored in the cargo bay, then beamed to the holodeck when she thought nobody was paying attention. Not a bad price to see her smiling, Chakotay admitted to himself, though he still wished he could lecture her about taking unnecessary risks. Well, Tuvok had undoubtedly taken care of that for him. He flashed the Vulcan a smile, and received a raised brow in turn. "You do not seem troubled by the supply loss, Commander."
The captain answered for him. "It's hardly consequential, Tuvok, the only real problem's going to be the coolant fusion coupling to the warp plasma emitter, and B'Elanna's already taking care of that. I'd say we're in pretty good shape." Janeway's body language shifted subtly towards her first officer. "Now, am I to understand that I missed a fight between Torres and Seven in the mess hall?" She looked expectantly at Chakotay while the Vulcan's expression settled into resigned displeasure.
Chakotay grinned back. "I don't think it came to blows, Captain."
"I shall have to have a little talk with that protege of mine...both of them. Not right now, though. I've got the holodeck reserved. So if you'll excuse me, gentlemen?" A hand on his shoulder as she passed, then she was headed out the door and towards the turbolift.
****
Half an hour later, Torres was having more trouble than any of them expected with the coolant system. Paris offered to go down to engineering to help, but Chakotay merely lowered his brows and pointed at the lieutenant's seat. "Well, it was worth a try," Tom muttered, and Chakotay swallowed a smile in spite of himself. He decided it was worth interrupting Janeway to inform her that they'd be dropping out of warp--she'd know anyway, she could feel such changes in her ship, but she usually liked the courtesy of being informed so she didn't have to contact the bridge herself, usually in more annoyance than if they simply broke the news to her.
But when he tried to contact her on the holodeck, he received no response, either over the general comm system or his own communicator. Tuvok had no luck either. The holodeck wasn't locked and her life signs were stable. Maybe, Chakotay thought, she'd managed to fall really deeply asleep.
"Shall I use emergency communications override?" Tuvok was asking.
"No. I'll get her."
When he found the captain on the holodeck, he discovered the reason for her silence: she had engaged the privacy override for the general comm system, but her communicator pin had fallen between two rocks, and she was trying to retrieve it when he spotted her, several dozen meters above him. She was scaling a high cliff. He murmured a command to the holographic controls, instantly placing him mere meters away from her. Kathryn's eyes widened when she saw him, and he wondered who stared more intensely. She was panting from exertion, wearing a tight red and black climbing suit; the sleek material clung to her chest as it moved, it was streaked with moisture across her back, under her arms, and in the creases where her legs met her torso. He had to drop his gaze as he approached her.
She leaned back against a jutting rock, pushing her hair back from her eyes, as he explained the problem with the coolant system generator. He looked at the cliff face rather than directly at her, avoiding her eyes and especially glancing at her body, so perhaps he merely imagined the slow amusement which crept across her features. When he finished, she began a lengthy explanation of what she wanted done.
"...so if we feed the binary coupling through the fusion chamber, it should be possible to keep the temperatures down until the coolant drains." He nodded, and she stepped forward abruptly. "You haven't been paying attention to a word I've said."
He turned his face to her slightly, keeping his body tilted away. "If we feed the binary coupling through the fusion chamber, it should be possible to keep the temperatures down until the coolant drains. Was that it?" She nodded. "Captain, I assure you, I was paying attention to you." She shook her hair back again and waited, hands on her hips, which curved much more dramatically in the climbing suit...
He slapped his communicator pin. "Chakotay to Torres. The captain suggests that if you unlock the primary coolant storage unit..."
"Working on it, Commander, we've already reinitialized the system," B'Elanna's voice came through, reporting on their progress. He reported Janeway's orders verbatim, watching as she shook her head.
"This might take a couple of hours," Torres reported. "We can't go to warp."
"Notify Tuvok. And let me know when you've finished."
"Understood, Commander," the engineer said. Chakotay broke the link, turning back to Janeway.
"You want to go back to scaling that mountain, Captain?"
She smiled enigmatically. "Want to come with me?"
"I don't know. What's up there?"
"A flying machine," she grinned, and took his arm. "Come on. The cliff levels off after this next outcropping. And I brought spare rope."
****
He was elated at the invitation, though he couldn't quite think why. This was as close as they ever got--these rare occasions when she let him into her private sanctuary, rather than a hologram or a crewmember who was so clearly a subordinate that there was no risk of her authority being questioned. When he was here with her, in the middle of the experience, it was enough. Later, when he was alone in his quarters, remembering what she had looked like in these clothes, wind blowing her hair about her face, squinting into the artificial sun, relaxed and captivating, then he would ache for more.
"What exactly are we climbing to?" he asked her, and she smiled mischievously. "Not that thing you and your hologram took off the side of the cliff on that planet...?"
"The very same. Well, not the very same. I've made a couple of structural improvements on Maestro Da Vinci's model. Scared, Chakotay?" she teased.
"'Captain and First Officer Die In Tragic Holodeck Accident,'" he mused. "It would make an interesting broadcast for Neelix's briefing. I don't think I'd want to hear my eulogy--Tuvok would probably give it."
"He'd be too busy with mine," she laughed. "Warning everyone to let it be a lesson about not taking unnecessary risks." He considered whether to echo the sentiment, remind her that she was the captain and therefore irreplaceable. He could see the glider outlined against the false sky of the holodeck, mere meters above their heads despite the illusion. "I bet Tom would give your eulogy," Kathryn mused, interrupting his thoughts.
"Tom Paris?" He made a face at her. "Why him of all people?"
"He's known you the longest of any of the main crew, hasn't he?" she guessed, correctly. "And B'Elanna would be too broken up by your death..." A shadow passed across Kathryn's face. "Or maybe not. This is too serious a conversation to be having on a day like this." She resumed the climb to the summit.
After a few moments of silence, he asked, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"What you were saying about Tom and B'Elanna."
A few feet from the glider, she stopped and turned to face him. "I heard B'Elanna give a eulogy once."
He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Anyone I know?"
"Yes, in fact. Me." At his reaction, she continued, "You remember that shuttle crash...the one where that alien..."
"Where I tried to revive you, and you had a vision of dying. I remember." It wasn't likely he would ever forget that experience, though it had occupied less than an hour of his life. Again he considered echoing Tuvok's warnings to her, though on that day when they had almost lost her, it could have applied to himself as well. Tuvok had lectured both of them afterwards--the two command officers taking a shuttle together into an unknown environment--the loss could have been devastating for the ship. They hadn't been alone together on a mission since the away mission on which they'd both been infected with the virus that almost stranded them permanently.
He wondered whether that recognition had played any role in Kathryn's mostly unilateral decision to promote the Vulcan. She had not been alone on a mission with her first officer since. Tuvok had gotten to accompany her on this latest away team, where she had found Da Vinci wearing the holo-emitter. Curious, he thought, that Torres rather than himself had given her eulogy in her vision.
"What did B'Elanna say?" he asked.
"Nothing important...what I'd hoped she'd say, I guess. That I made her recognize her own strengths and that sort of thing." She averted her face, embarrassed.
"What did I say?"
"You didn't say much, then--you were being the captain. Being strong for the crew." Turning, she resumed her approach to the craft.
He followed, watching the wind lift her hair from her neck and swirl it around her face. "She would say that, you know. That you taught her to take different kinds of risks." Kathryn looked startled.
"If you want to put it that way. Here we are." She pointed, directing his gaze out over the side of the cliff into the unknown.
****
The drop looked impressive. Though he knew it could be no more than twenty meters at maximum based on the holodeck specifications, Chakotay experienced vertigo looking down from the edge. Far below, a river coursed lazily between the hills, but there were many steep cliffs jutting between their present location and that sylvan scene. Even Kathryn seemed a bit taken aback as she glanced down.
"Sure you want to do this?" he asked.
"The safeties are on."
"We could turn them off, if it would make this more exciting for you." He was mostly kidding, but he wasn't sure what to make of her expression. "Or maybe not. It would be a faster ride if you clipped in this fabric," he noted, changing the subject.
It took a few minutes of preparation, sweating in the sun as they tightened connections and tested the controls. She would ride in front, the wind in her face, steering; he would be merely her passenger. Not an unaccustomed position. He was grateful that she was letting him come along for the ride. She waited for him to wrap his hands in the slender wires that connected the wings to the body, to fold his body inside the fragile-looking structure; he watched her watching him, studying the size of his hands, the breadth of his torso against the metal. Wondered what she was thinking. She swung herself easily into the machine as they took off.
****
And then they were flying.
****
He'd been hangliding before, and had paraskiied down some pretty tough mountains, but this was unlike either experience. The wind seemed to whip straight through the little plane, unexpectedly chilly in his face; he squinted against the glare to see her throw her head back, exhilarated. The tendons in her neck stood out, white-knuckled fingers gripped the metal; her mouth was slightly open, back arched. A wave of desire rolled over him, sending goosebumps along his arms even as he broke into a fresh sweat, and then a burst of fierce pleasure as the wind sent them soaring upward, floating suspended for a moment before they began to descend. He was surprised at how much power she had over the little craft, using her entire body to work the limited controls. He was breathing hard by the time they landed, gaping at her in uncontrolled adoration, his pupils dilated from the wind and sun and the sight of her perched on the edge of eternity.
The craft jolted hard as they set down, sending her sprawling in the grass. He leaped out after her, concerned, but the holographic ground cushioned her fall; she had already rolled to her knees by the time he squatted beside her in the field. He pulled her to her feet, both her hands in his.
"Thank you," he said. And drew her a little too close, almost reflexively from the momentum of stumbling upright with her, but the motion made it necessary for him to catch her, putting his hands on her shoulders as her lower body bumped his. And her hands landed on his chest, fumbling while she struggled for balance. He looked down at her at the precise moment she glanced up at him, their faces nearly colliding.
For five heartstopping seconds, he thought she wasn't going to turn away. Her heart was pounding against him, she was panting, maybe in delayed reaction to the flight and to falling. Or maybe not.
"Chakotay," she said. "You're, uh, you're welcome." Shaking her head as if to clear it, she pushed back from him, hands sliding slippery down his chest. He watched her wipe her fingers on her slick suit as she turned, looking back at the little craft. "I don't suppose it's practical to store this. It'll have to be dismantled."
"We have plenty of room. And plenty of time."
"We need the material in the struts. And it's not likely we'll have a chance to get back to it anytime soon." She looked a little regretful, and a little relieved, as she started walking across the grass away from the vehicle in what he supposed she knew to be the direction of the arch.
The end. Something had been decided too quickly, not just the fate of the little glider. It was enough to make him dizzy. He turned back to the machine, putting his hands on it.
"What are you doing?" he heard her ask from some distance away. Her voice grew stronger as she approached. "It's silly to get nostalgic about it, Chakotay. We can always create a holographic one."
"It won't be the same thing. You have less of a problem than I do replacing real life with holograms."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I think you like the safety protocols."
He was getting close to dangerous territory. They had an unspoken rule, or at least Kathryn did: they never discussed their relationship, not directly, not even in metaphor since that night on New Earth. A firewall. The distance meant that he could be forgiven for things like his affection for Riley Frasier and his lingering antipathy for Seven. She thought it was a fair balance.
"You're right. I do."
"But it's all right for you to lead an away mission where you might get killed. Sometimes I think you're very brave. But sometimes I think you like to pretend the safeties are always on."
"There's always some risk. Even the safeties can't account for all the variables."
"My point exactly." He turned to her, and she looked away, troubled. He wanted to put a hand on her shoulder, make her meet his eyes. He vaguely remembered doing that, once before...abruptly, he recalled something else from that day. Chakotay said nonchalantly, "I took a holorecording of Earhart and Noonan's plane."
Kathryn stared at him. "Could we recreate her Electra...?" Just then, her communicator chirped.
"Torres to Janeway. The coolant system is back online, Captain. We can go to warp at any time."
"I'm on my way to the bridge." The captain rolled her eyes, disconnecting. "Damn."
"Later?"
"Got any plans when you get off duty this evening?"
"I guess I do now. Do you know how to fly a biplane, Kathryn?"
"I guess I'm going to learn. With the safeties on," she admonished, wagging a finger at him. He grinned as he followed her.