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As someone friendly with the Vehicons, they often spoke with Breakdown openly with a lack of formality reserved for the bridge.
The subject of Knock Out never failed to amuse the bruiser. None of the foot soldiers could really complain about the medic. After all, before he arrived on Nemesis injury meant find someone who knows at least a little first aid and hope they could patch you up, or, should the injury debilitate enough, get scraped. Not to mention Knock Out was good at his job, but he still instilled some discomfort in a handful or more of the Vehicons.
“I don’t know what it is,” one explained during a refueling period. “I mean, I trust him to fix me, but there’s always been something…off. I don’t know how to describe it, oh and no offense, big guy.”
Breakdown just nodded considerately with his mouth pressed into a line that struggled to keep back laughter. Knock Out had a certain way of acting around the rest of the crew. A Vague Sense of Threat he’d called it, which Breakdown told him it sounded like the name of an Earth perfume. And Breakdown didn’t want to give away that particular mask to the Vehicons, nor did he want to embarrass anyone who had been intimidated by the good doctor, so he just kept his mouth shut and his faceplate sympathetic.
Unbeknownst to most, the Decepticon medic actually had to be the biggest-what was the word?-dork, he had ever had the pleasure to meet, and better yet, the pleasure to call conjunx.
Even less known to the Vehicons, a good portion of the dorkiness happened while patients healed in stasis.
—
Breakdown stared down at the tray of medical tools with boredom. Knock Out hadn’t asked for a new tool in a while, and the assistant had already organized the instruments in order of height.
To be perfectly honest, Breakdown became a little squeamish about these sort of things. Sure he could deal with the gore of an opponent torn apart, but that was messy and violent and just part of his life. The clean, careful, and methodical process that made up surgical procedures easily made Breakdown advert his optics. The few times he’d stared down past the peeled back layers of plating into another mech’s chest always left him feeling queasy and itchy.
Knock Out reveled in it. He loved to point out the minute twitching of cables as energon pulsed through a compressing and expanding fuel pump. He’d lazily drag a claw along T-cogs and wires to teach Breakdown the finer details of Cybertronian anatomy and how each system, coupling, bearing, and thread of copper all worked as one in a delicate balance to sustain a spark. And he waxed just as poetic about how easily it all could destabilize and crumble in a domino effect not even the deftest hands could stop.
Breakdown preferred to work with lighter injuries that he could fix on his own without having to think about the collapsing of stars and how they resembled the chaos inside a graying body. He more that happily let Knock Out handled the more serious cases.
“Hey, Breakdown,” Knock Out said, jarring the other out of his thoughts.
“Hm?” He looked up.
“I know it’s a human custom, but would you-“ the medic turned to show a spark chamber-still attached to the patient on the medical berth-held in a servo “-be my valentine?”
Breakdown ran a servo down his faceplate. “Please put that back.”
Knock Out did so, and Breakdown couldn’t help but grin at the gross laughter coming from the other mech.
“Only because you asked so nicely, though I am hurt you didn’t accept such a lavish gift. Sparks don’t grow on trees, you know,” he said with a pout after subsiding his giggles.
“Maybe you could give me your’s instead.” Breakdown winked, his other eye twitching. He’d never been good at it.
“Oh, sweetspark,” Knock Out drawled, buried up to his elbows in the Vehicon’s chest, “you’re making me blush, and at work no less!”
—
The duo had also formed a nasty habit of canoodling without bothering to leave the medbay. Originally, they’d kept their relationship on the down low just to make things easier, but that had all but disappeared after how many times they’d ended up like caught in literal headlights.
Vehicons usually gawked for a few moments before closing the door again and hurrying away. Dreadwing pulled a complete 180 and left as soon as he’d shown up. Starscream usually sputtered and waved his arms around-Breakdown and Knock Out agreed he was trying to communicate something but what? Only Primus knew-and was possibly more embarrassed than the pair. Arachnid always had some smart comment which ranged from amusing to glare worthy. Soundwave simply stood in the doorway in silence, to no one’s surprise, which led to an awkward length of quietude until one of the grounders seemed to remember how to use their limbs, broke away, and tried to muster up an air of professionalism. And Megatron, much to their surprise, would shake his head an sigh at them, highly exasperated, sometimes muttering “Primus give me the strength.”
No occasion would ever stand out in their memory as much as what they commonly referred to as “The Kissing Incident.” This coming from the pair who had almost knocked a stasis laden Starscream off a medical berth due to their public displays of affection.
Breakdown had snickered the whole way back to the medbay after the cycle’s mission. He couldn’t help it, Knock Out just looked so annoyed and angry like some kind of Earth cat after having been dropped in water. Knock Out shoved Breakdown sideways a few times in retaliation which only made him laugh more. Luckily they’d succeeded in securing the Energon deposit, or he probably wouldn’t have that smirk on his faceplate, but for the red grounder, the mission couldn’t have gone worse. He’d have to serve Bulkhead some revenge after the wrecker had thrown him straight into an enormous mud puddle.
After helping the medic thoroughly wash off and making his finish glossy once more, Breakdown found himself sitting in medbay with Knock Out who still glared at his dopy grin.
“You didn’t have to laugh.” Knock Out crossed his arms.
“Aw c'mon, Knocks, it was pretty funny. I mean, if you saw your face you would have laughed too. And you’re good as new now, no harm done, right?” Breakdown grabbed the other’s chin between his thumb and first digit and shook Knock Out’s helm lightly.
The medic pushed the servo away with an optic roll. “I suppose not, and this is some of your best buffing work, so I guess I have that to say thank you for that.”
“And you look so pretty, I could just kiss you.” Breakdown tapped his cheek thoughtfully with an exaggerated expression.
“Then why don’t you?”
Breakdown smiled and leaned forward, but Knock Out lifted a servo in front of his faceplate. “Just don’t ruin your fine work, alright?”
He smirked and took the servo away, immediately scooping his conjunx into an embrace and kissed all over his faceplate. The metal was always soft and smooth, unlike the scuffs of Breakdown’s own, and tasted of polish.
The two moved over towards the center of the room where a Vehicon rested on a medical berth still in stasis to help the recovery process. Knock Out had pulled Breakdown down to his level to smoother his mouth while Breakdown idly spun the wheels on his partner’s back when a soft groan of pain stopped them in their tracks.
Looking over, they watched the Vehicon rub his helm that tilted at the pair.
“What…?”
Knock Out pushed Breakdown back with a graceful servo and addressed the patient. “Um, well this is dream, and you need to go back to recharge. You’re still healing, you know.”
“…Dream?” The Vehicon slurred, optics shifting lazily between the two of them.
“Yes, and I’m quite disturbed that you would dream this sort of thing between Breakdown and myself. This is a very rude dream to have about others. Tsk tsk. Let us have some privacy.”
“Sorry…” The Vehicon’s helm thunked back down.
The pair snuck out of the medbay as quietly as possible and retired to their quarters after that. As soon as the door slid shut they doubled over in a fit of laughter.
“You, ha, you didn’t have to mess with him like that,” Breakdown said, wiping coolant from the corner of his optic.
Knockout braced himself on Breakdown’s forearm. “Yeah, but it was more fun.” He gestured to his conjunx. “Obviously you agree.”
Breakdown snorted, “Yeah, you got me. It was pretty funny.”
A furious banging on their door caught their attention.
“Do you mind?!” Starscream’s muffled voice screeched from the other side. “Some of us are TRYING to RECHARGE!”
This only made the two grounders laugh harder, and they laughed even louder when Starscream made a frustrated sound and stomped away.
—
One cycle, Knock Out had come up to Breakdown with a manic grin, practically bounced on his pedes.
“Got something to share with the class?” Breakdown raised an optic ridge.
“I’ve just discovered something amazing,” Knock Out said, pulling at Breakdown’s arm. “You have to come see it.”
Breakdown let himself be dragged down the halls of the Nemesis. “What’d you find? The cure to Cybercrosis?”
“You’ll find out.”
The pair never discussed such matters with any of the other Decepticons, but they both appreciated what Earth had to offer. The stars in the sky weren’t their own, but they sparkled the same, and Earth had minuscule creatures that lit up as they flew through the air like groups of mini constellations. The roads were open and sprawling under open skies, and humans certainly had an eye for vehicle design. Knock Out had already decided to keep this alt mode when they returned to Cybertron after the war. So, Breakdown gladly humored Knock Out as he led them far out on the Earth roads, excited to know what odd gem the medic had discovered on the alien planet.
“I don’t get it…” Breakdown studied the giant white square and all the rows of Earth vehicles in front of him.
“It’s called a drive-in movie,” Knock Out explained through their private comm. “Humans come here and sit in their cars while they watch a film projected on that screen.”
“Uh-huh?”
“Yeah, and the best part is that it’s something we can do for fun on this planet. There’s new films all the time.”
“Benefits of being a grounder, eh?”
“Exactly!”
“So, what are we watching anyway?” Breakdown asked, pulling into a spot among the squishies.
“Guts, Gore, and Glory Part IV: The Zompocalypse.”
Breakdown’s engine revved. “That sounds awesome.”
“I know.”
They both came home with the confirmation that humans were disgusting, especially when cut open, they were just so mushy and gross and they bled red, who does that? If Breakdown was disturbed by the internal mechanisms of his own body, he couldn’t imagine what it must be like for humans. The idea of having those palpitating, wet, slimy organs inside him made him want to purge his tanks and run his brain module under hot solvent. But they also left with the satisfaction that only obtained through a highly violent and gory movie.
“Let’s do that again sometime!” Breakdown spun to face Knock Out and walked backwards on their way back to their quarters.
“My sentiments exactly,” Knock Out nodded.
Breakdown picked the movie on their next date to the drive-in. It was a purge inducing, sappy romance, at least in Knock Out’s opinion, but the light in Breakdown’s optics and the way he spun Knock Out around in his arms parroting the characters from the film made it totally worth it.
—
Knock Out’s affinity for Earth things such as the cars and movies had most recently expanded to the Internet. During downtime in the medbay, he could be found using the monitors to surf the web or play games.
Once Breakdown had watched over Knock Out’s shoulder as he played an online fighting game. When the opponent fell, Breakdown lightly smacked Knock Out’s shoulder and said, “I guess you really knocked that one out!” He made his servos resemble guns and wiggled them a bit.
Knock Out had tried to keep an annoyed expression, but couldn’t do it, the smile crept up anyway and he placed his forehelm against Breakdown’s chest plate with a soft thunk. “That was so stupid,” he said.
Breakdown patted Knock Out’s helm. “Come now, don’t have a breakdown over a simple joke.”
“Stop,” Knock Out groaned, drawing out the word.
He had a way at getting back at Breakdown though, through the use of something called memes. Breakdown didn’t understand why the phrase “internet joke” didn’t suffice. But the world of memes was an ever evolving abyss of nonsense better left to smarter mechs to untangle.
Receiving a data pack from Knock Out while on patrol that held some video Breakdown later learned was titled “Rick Astley- Never Gonna Give You Up” occurred often. At first he appreciated the sentiment assuming it was a sweet “thinking of you” kind of message considering the lyrics, but he soon discovered the act was called “Rick Rolling” and was some kind of prank. The responses to the video went from “Aw thanks, sweetspark” to “I’m very busy trying to help the Decepticon cause, can you not?” He then discovered he’d picked up “can you not?” off the internet and silently cursed himself.
One morning he’d woken to the message, “A mech like you is rarer than any Pepe,” which his only response was to burst into medbay demanding to know what the frag is a Pepe was.
Knock Out had just laughed in response and shown him a music video from a kids show called “You are a Pirate” instead.
“This song is about you,” Knock Out said.
“I don’t understand humans.” Breakdown decided shaking his helm.
Knock Out just giggled and kissed his eyepatch. A kiss there rarely happened, but whenever it did, Breakdown couldn’t help but melt.