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Blues is... pretty, Shadow Man decides one day. It's a thought that bubbles up from the way Blues cradles his teacup in both hands, an amusing little touch of traditionalism that Shadow Man finds himself appreciating greatly.
Yes, Blues is pretty; he's pretty in a rather refined way, in the delicate angle of his jaw, his slender build and the curve of his shoulder (which Shadow Man had only seen once, when they got caught in a sudden rainstorm during the wet season), even the self-assured curl of his lips when he smirks and his perpetual bedhead exude some semblance of daintiness, though it's oft accompanied by a wild air that absolutely drives Shadow Man up the walls in exasperation.
Damn you, Dr. Light, for making your first son so conventionally attractive.
The Thirds have picked up on his contemplative mood; they chitter about on the network - he's thinking again, is he going to go off and travel like last time, wonder what's gotten him now - before Magnet Man shoos them all away to give Shadow Man some peace. Mags does not, Shadow Man notes, bother to hide his own curiosity regardless, but he at least leaves Shadow Man alone.
Blues is spending time outside of a café with Kalinka Cossack; they are good friends, despite what Blues has done in the past. Shadow Man thinks it’s good that Kalinka has forgiven him. He’s a man who isn’t easy to forgive, and even Shadow Man has only recently begun to understand him better, despite knowing Blues for longer than the young woman has.
Blues laughs, then, the all too familiar teasing lilt to his voice immediately drawing Shadow Man’s attention. Kalinka flusters; she’s telling Blues about a girl she has met back in Russia, an intern at Dr. Cossack’s laboratory. The prototype clearly is delighting in the news.
“Much better a girl than a boy, no?” Blues’ voice is a purr, and Shadow Man is certain that if he had a tail, it would be swishing about lazily in amusement. “I remember last time – Ring Man and the others nearly took his head.”
“Blues!” Kalinka whines, and Blues laughs again, though it’s not unkind.
He tilts his head in that curious manner of his; the Wilybot network is relatively quiet, and Shadow Man can feel his metaphorical gaze pass absently over it in favor of listening in on one of the other factions. It’s at this point that Shadow can’t help but wonder what might be going on in the Lightbot and Cossackbot networks, that little pinprick of wanting to know gnawing at him from within. He stuffs it down. Perhaps he’s been spending too much time with Snake Man.
“Does Roll know yet?” Blues asks. It’s obvious that he knows the answer already; she doesn’t know, or she’d be bouncing all over the network in excitement, but he still wants the human to say it herself.
Blues is unexpectedly considerate in that way.
“Ah- no, not yet.” Kalinka answers. “I’m planning to tell her tomorrow; I have to attend that meeting with Papa today, after all…”
Blues nods in understanding. Shadow Man realizes with a start that he had completely missed that part of the conversation. How…? He’s been here the whole time. Surely, he hadn’t zoned out that much? He’s supposed to stay vigilant!
“I’d love to hear all about this charming woman you met, Kali, but…” Blues taps on his wrist. Though he does not have a watch – robots do not need one, after all – Kalinka gets the message, standing up abruptly.
“Oh, goodness – I lost track of time! I need to go get ready.” Kalinka smiles, clasping Blues’ hands in her own. “It was good to see you again, Blues. Thank you for making time for me.”
“Anything for you, princess,” Blues raises one of Kalinka’s hands to his lips for a kiss, the grin on his face oozing cheekiness. Such a gesture earns him a harsh flick on the forehead (which leaves Kalinka shaking out her hand) and he laughs once more, light and lively.
“Would you drop it!?” Kalinka hisses, face red. “I’m not nine years old anymore!”
“Probably not,” Blues returns, still grinning, though the smirk soon becomes something softer, something fond. “Good luck with your meeting, Kali. I’ll pay you a visit before you head back to Russia.”
The woman huffs, but she cannot hide the affectionate smile on her face mirroring Blues’ own. “Thank you, Blues. I’ll see you soon.”
Blues is silent for several heartbeats when Kalinka leaves. “You really don’t know when to keep your nose out of my business, do you?” He says once she’s out of earshot, tilting his head back to glance at the shadow of his chair where Shadow Man is hiding. Right at him, Shadow Man realizes with a start.
“Shadow Man.”
The ninja Wilybot grumbles as he begrudgingly slides out of Blues’ shadow; childish, he knows, but for once he allows his displeasure to be known. Doubly so when he sees Blues has turned around to sit improperly in his chair, straddling the seat and propping his arms up on the backrest to simply… watch Shadow Man. Ugh.
“She’s grown into a fine woman,” he comments instead of addressing Blues’ question, and for once Blues does not bother pursuing an answer.
“She has.”
The First falls into silence again, swirling his tea in his cup with a pensive expression. The shades hide his gaze – a pretty shade of green, blinding and unnaturally bright even for a robot – but Shadow knows that Blues is observing him, just as he is observing Blues.
“You sure worry a lot for someone who claims to not care whether I live or die,” Blues comments drily and quite suddenly.
Shadow Man fumbles for a response. “I – I do not worry! Particularly not for the likes of you!”
Blues does not react with his trademark smirk and laugh. “Why are you here, then?”
“Why…?” Shadow Man would be lying if he said the prototype’s words did not catch him off guard. What a sudden shift from his attitude with Kalinka Cossack… It’s then that Shadow Man realizes how little he truly understands about the First. And here he thought he was finally getting a handle on the Lightbot’s erratic personality…
“Because – don’t look at me like that.” Shadow Man finds himself having to turn his head away from Blues, unable to bear the gravity of the prototype’s gaze. “I… I am here for the same reason that you allow me to call you by your name.”
Now this prompts a look of surprise from Blues.
“I know such privilege is rare, Blues. Even some members of your own family are not granted such permission.” The Wilybot chances a step closer. “I’m here because I want to be.”
Blues leans away from him ever so slightly but does not leave. A good sign. “I’ll die soon. It’s a miracle you were even able to bring me back after the Stardroid War.”
Ah. That’s what this was about… Realization dawns within Shadow Man. Of course, he would not want to stress Kalinka with such grave thoughts. Humans were fickle, fragile. Death was not a concept taken well by them, or anyone, really; not even Shadow was impervious to the effects of death. Kalinka would not do well knowing a close friend of hers was waltzing with death every single day.
“…All the better to make the most of the time you have left, isn’t it?” Shadow chances another step.
Blues shakes his head, standing and leaving the table swiftly. Shadow follows, his silent footsteps matching the way Blues’ polished shoes clack sharply against the pavement. Blues does not stop him.
Blues only slows when they hit a dead end; an alley, darkened by the shadows of the neighboring buildings even in broad daylight.
“…You’re here because you want to be?” Blues echoes after a long stretch of silence.
Shadow does not respond; as much as he wants to, it’s clear the prototype has more to say.
"For years… I was content to accept that I was unwanted. Destined to fail, to die, or otherwise become something that was no longer myself. I was happy to exist on the sidelines and fade away without another word, but then I was forced to continue existing with this damn thing in my chest. I wasn't even living, still technically am not, but then Wily built you, and…" Blues draws in a shaky breath.
“Blues…”
"You’ve ruined everything," he whispers. "You tore apart everything I thought I was content with. You can't possibly understand how terrifying it was to meet Rock and finally find a reason to exist after years of resignation and acceptance of my fate, only to meet you and find that flame fanned into an inferno. I want to be greedy. I want to be greedy in a way that the time I have left, if any, won’t allow.”
“Blues…” Shadow Man falters. “I –”
The prototype whirls around to face him, and he’s all at once struck by the way Blues’ eyes are glowing, even behind his shades. Even in his evident distress, he is pretty, the light from his eyes reflecting off his hair and the line of his cheek. It makes a darker part of Shadow want to smother him, to swallow him whole and keep that visage all to himself.
“You follow a dying man, Shadow,” Blues breathes. “Don’t cause yourself the extra grief.”
“You sound exactly like Dr. Light,” Shadow Man scoffs.
Blues jerks back as if burned, eyes wide and lips parted in an expression that just oozes insult; how dare he insinuate –?
“Altruistic to the point of selfishness.” Shadow crosses his arms, leans against the wall of the alleyway, and simply glares. Blues doesn’t respond. Good. He’s listening. “Why are you so worried about what I should want? I shall do as I please, but what do you want? You want to be greedy, but what for?”
“…Don’t enable me like this.”
“What do you want, Blues?”
Blues worries away at his lower lip with his teeth; Shadow Man has seen this behavior before in various Lightbots, especially Rock, but never from Blues.
It makes that dark little voice within him grow all the louder.
“I…” Blues is in a very compromised position, and Shadow Man is very well aware that he’s the one who put Blues into this situation. Still, Blues does not run away, despite the clear opening. Shadow Man would not stop him if he did, and yet he remains. After a heartbeat, Shadow closes the distance between them, daring to cup Blues’ face in his hands. Blues flinches, but does not stop him nor pull away, and even relaxes, just barely, when Shadow Man presses their foreheads together.
“What do you want, Blues?” Shadow Man asks again, gentler this time. “Look at me.”
“I…” Blues exhales a long and shuddering breath. Now that they’re alone, in the dark, Shadow Man can see the cracks in his image, the wide-eyed uncertainty that splinters his confidence like glass. “…I want you.” The confession is barely spoken, not even a whisper, and it’s only thanks to Shadow’s enhanced hearing that he’s able to pick it up in the first place. “…And it frightens me. I – I shouldn’t –”
“Say it again,” Shadow Man demands softly, and he doesn’t miss the way Blues’ throat bobs as he swallows.
“I want you.”
Shadow Man winds his arms around Blues’ fragile frame, pulls him up tight against his chest, and feels how Blues clings onto him like a lifeline.
“Again.”
“Shadow –”
“Say it.”
“I want you. I want you.”
“Then allow me to want to be with you.” Shadow Man angles his head to the left, pressing his nose against Blues’ cheek. It’s not quite a kiss, but this is as close as he’ll allow himself to be to satisfying that little voice within, even as it chants mine, mine, mine with increasing greed and impatience. This is enough. This will have to do.
Blues’ entire body shudders.
“…Okay.”