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My dearest Jo, - First, I hope this finds you in good health and better spirits.
Life had a way of moving unpredictably. Perhaps it was a test but Jo felt that she was failing miserably. She was having a hard time adjusting.
First there was the long awaited trip to Europe only now it was bittersweet. Aunt March had grown concerned at Jo's despondency over the passing of Beth and decided that a change of scenery might help.
Then there was the letter from Beth, written a few weeks before she had died, when she still had the strength to hold the pen. Beth's specific instructions were that Jo not be given the letter until she was on a ship for Europe.
Apparently Beth had been quite the busybody arranging everyone's life just so. She did like to have everything neatly tied up and with a happy ending.
Jo's latest failure involved Teddy.
She had arrived in Paris a month ago with her Aunt March to stay with Aunt Carrol and Amy. Amy had tried to cheer her up but Jo found that nothing about herself felt quite settled. She was completely out of sorts, irritable, and at loose ends.
And that's when Amy sprung her surprise. She told Jo that they needed to visit Mr. Laurence who was also renting a townhouse a few streets over. He apparently was a bit under the weather and a visit from the two of them would surely be just the thing to cheer him up.
Jo entered the Laurence home in high spirits which immediately plummeted moments later when she heard the piano music coming from upstairs.
"Amy March!" Jo hissed. "Tell me that is someone else. Someone I have never met in my life who is currently playing for Mr. Laurence."
Amy linked her arm through Jo's and led her up the stairs. "Ah. But then I would be telling a fib. And I don't fib."
Jo snorted in disbelief but then found she couldn't walk through the door into the music room. What if Teddy hated her? Sure, he had written but there was always a bit of forced jovialness to his letters. And it had been months since they'd seen each other, their final parting being so awkward and painful.
Amy opened the door slowly and the beautiful music spilled into the hallways to wash over Jo. Beth's last months had truly given Jo a stronger appreciation of music and she closed her eyes a moment to savor the notes that moved through her.When she opened her eyes she saw Mr. Laurence beckon to her. Laurie must have seen it as well because the music abruptly stopped and he had turned slightly on the bench to see who was behind him. His expression froze and he looked momentarily pale but then his eyes brightened and a look of happiness settled in place.
"Jo." He moved from the bench and walked quickly towards her to take both of her hands in his.
"Teddy." She smiled at him, searching his eyes and not finding the pain of their last parting within. He genuinely seemed pleased to see her.
Then he pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. "I am so sorry about Beth."
And with those words and his familiar embrace Jo burst into deep, wracking sobs, shocking herself. All of the heartache of losing her sister and the anxiety of losing Teddy's friendship came upon her at once. Laurie wrapped his arms about her more securely, murmuring soothing words as she clung to him, weeping into the side of his warm neck.
Amy and Mr. Laurence quietly left the music room.
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I am sure that by now you are living your dream. And if you are not then you only have yourself to blame.
"I can't go to a...a party like that."
Amy quirked an eyebrow at her older sister. "Is it too juvenile? Too silly? Where's your sense of fun and adventure?"
"I still have fun and-" Jo broke off at Amy's inelegant snort of disbelief. "What!"
"Here you are in the center of it all." Amy spread her arms in an unconsciously graceful motion. "Art. Literature. Some of the greatest minds in the world all willing to engage in lively conversation with you if only you would show some interest. It's your dream come true, no? And yet you would rather sit in this room. I never thought it would come to this."
Jo stiffened. "Come to what."
"You're afraid."
"I most certainly am not!"
Amy crossed her slender arms and cocked her head to the side, a smirk on her lips. "You are. You're afraid of being a woman. Correction. Of being recognized as a woman. A smart and attractive woman."
"I am perfectly happy with myself." Jo stated firmly.
Amy shook her head. "I think you decided long ago that you if you couldn't be the beauty in the family or the one with nice manners then you would just be the awkward one and to the devil with what anyone else thinks. So now you won't even try to be a lady. There's nothing wrong with it Jo. You can be a woman and smart."
Jo's mouth opened to argue but no sound came out. A hot flush colored her pale skin and she was mortified by the sting of hot tears in her eyes. How could Amy humiliate her so? Was there any truth to what she said?
Jo wanted to run from the room but felt rooted to her chair, pinned there by Amy's piercing blue eyes. No wonder the two of them clashed. Amy had a will of steel as well; only hers was encased in silks and smiles.
Amy crossed the room to kneel in front of Jo in a graceful whisper of silks and petticoats. She held Jo's cold hands in hers, and turned to hold her older sister's startled gaze firmly.
"I've lost one beloved sister. I watched her waste away with illness and there was nothing I could do to make her better. I will not stand by and watch another sister do the same."
Jo gently removed a hand and placed it on Amy's cheek, her thumb smoothing away a tear that had fallen. "Oh, love. There's nothing wrong with me-"
Amy stood abruptly. "Yes there is. Your spirit is wasting away. Your soul is starving. And I know all about that."
Amy smoothed her skirts, a twitch causing the fabric to fall perfectly. Jo found herself marveling at how such a feminine move still managed to convey such conviction and strength.
"We will look through some pattern books today and see how we can go about feeding your soul." Amy quirked an eyebrow. "Rather, I will go through the patterns and come up with something tres magnifique. You are excused to enjoy the sunshine and write."
Jo sketched a salute. "Oui, mon general."
Amy winked and spun on her heel, off to battle. Jo smiled to herself. She liked this grown up sassy sister. Even if the sassiness was matched with a piercing acuity that made an older sister incredibly uncomfortable.
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Two weeks had passed. It felt like a month. In the mornings Jo had been pushed, pinned, and prodded as dresses were modified and brought up to the latest fashion with clever tweaking and a masterful use of lace and ribbon under the combined direction of the two aunts and Amy. The afternoons saw Amy and Jo attending teas, taking afternoon strolls, and attending lectures. The evenings were filled with theater, musicales, often with Mr. Laurence and Teddy in attendance.
Throughout it all the aunts smiled and nodded approvingly and Jo found that instead of feeling irritated and defensive she was truly enjoying herself.
"That's because you're growing up," Aunt March said decisively.
Jo opened her mouth to reflexively dispute it but abruptly closed her lips. She took a sip of tea and for once took a moment to think before replying. "Perhaps you are right, Aunt March."
The stunned look on her aunts' faces was worth it.
And now it was the night of the masquerade. Amy seemed unusually nervous to Jo as they stood in front of the upstairs hall glass taking a final inventory of their appearance.
"I'm sure Fred will have eyes for no one else," Jo said to Amy with a gentle smile. "You look beautiful."
"Oh, I'm not - um...thank you, Jo."
"I won't embarrass you."
Amy looked appalled. "Of course you won't. It never crossed my mind. I just...I don't know what's wrong with me."
Jo would have pursued it further but the maid appeared announcing that the coach was ready and Amy pinned a bright smile on her face and headed down the stairs to join the aunts.
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I can only imagine the wonderful experiences that await you.
Wicked.
That was the right word. Jo felt positively wicked. Deliciously so. The mask made a person feel completely free. Free to dance. To converse.
To flirt.
Never had she felt more witty, more charming...more beautiful. Amy was right. Her aunts, God help her, were right as well. She was enjoying herself immensely.
So much so that she had snuck away to step outside on the veranda overlooking the gardens in the back. The warm breeze was refreshing after the stillness of the air inside. It carried the scent of roses and freshly cut grass and Jo felt a sudden pang of homesickness. Tears sprang to her eyes.
What was she doing here? Not just at this party but in Paris? The tears started to fall and with it came such an overwhelming wave of sorrow. "Oh Beth," she whispered softly. "Help me."
The sorrow threatened to engulf her. She struggled to catch a breath, feeling suffocated. Jo tugged at the ribbons of her mask and only succeeded in knotting it tighter. She was about to yank the mask and with it the pins of her hair when a deep male voice spoke from behind.
**Non, non, cherie! Gently.**
Jo whirled around to find a tall gentleman leaning a shoulder against the stone wall of the house. His posture spoke of a wealthy ease. He had obviously been watching her. He was well dressed with broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist. His build was athletic, strong, and confident. His dark wavy hair was tousled and slightly longer than most men's hair since it brushed his collar. If only she could see his face. But the mask and the light behind him cast his features in shadow. And yet it was enough to see that he had a pleasing structure and would no doubt turn out to be quite handsome.
How many of her stories had just such a man?
"I beg your pardon sir." Her words were polite but her tone was clearly uninviting.
She sniffed and tried to wipe the tears from her face but the mask was still in the way.
The tall man gave a low chuckle and walked towards her with a slow, animal like grace. He reached into his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes and nose.
"Merci."
When he spoke it was in French. The most languid, enticing timbre to ever caress the language. Jo was quite sure of it.
In fact, she was sure his voice was caressing her.
**You wish to remove your mask, yes?**
"Oui."
**Allow me to assist, cherie.**
Jo hesitated but then gave a short, sharp nod of agreement. It would do no good to mess up the elaborate arrangement of her hair. She had no hope of replicating it before heading back inside.
She turned her head as he stepped close and deftly began to untangle the knot. "You shouldn't call me that. It's not proper."
**Cherie?** Jo could hear the smile in his voice. **But being proper is so...boring.**
He took another step closer and Jo could swear she felt the heat from his body. She stiffened but the movement caused a sharp pain in her head as her hair was still tangled in the ribbon. The gentleman gave a soft laugh.
**I make you nervous?**
"Of course not! It's only...well, my sister must be wondering where I am."
**Ah. The golden haired angel with the sapphire eyes.**
Jo found herself annoyed. She wasn't sure if it was because his words implied that he already knew who she was, if it was the warm way he described Amy, or something else that was pricking Jo's vanity.
"How unoriginal," Jo muttered instead.
**Originality is important to you?** His deep velvety voice spoke close to her ear, stirring the curls on her neck and sending shivers down her spine. Jo closed her eyes momentarily, shocked to be reveling in the sensations of his voice, his body heat and...scent. The same as on his handkerchief.
"Yes. No. I mean...," she trailed off losing the order of her thoughts. She'd never felt like this before. There was such a...physical awareness of the man behind her. As if her body had a mind of its own. He really needed to stop...speaking softly in her ear.
How long could it possibly take to untie a knot, she wondered breathlessly.
She snapped her eyes open and realized that her mask had been off for some time. How long had she been standing there for no reason at all? Spinning around she saw her mask dangling by the ribbons from his long artist's fingers. She couldn't explain to herself why this observation caused a rush of heat throughout her body.
"You finished," she said stupidly, then abruptly snapped her mouth shut and glared up at him. How annoying that he was still in shadow. "Thank you for your assistance. It was quite...gallant." Her hesitation before the last word made it sound as if it was anything but.
**The pleasure was all mine of course, Miss...Josephine March.**
That did it! The sound of her name on his lips was terrifying...and exciting. She snatched her mask from his fingers and stalked back indoors, her skirts angrily brushing against him as he refused to move aside.
His warm laughter followed her into the brightly lit and less intimate ballroom.
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"That was truly awful of you."
The tall gentleman turned to face his accuser and grinned charmingly. "I couldn't help myself."
Amy stepped closer and poked a finger in his chest. "Theodore Laurence! You deliberately misled Jo. Now she's all flustered and ornery and after I'd worked so hard to get her to be social and nice. I doubt there's a gentleman who'll go within ten feet of her now."
"Oh I don't know about that," he answered darkly. He looked through the French doors into the ballroom where Jo's hand was being solicited for the next dance.
Amy crowded close to him, anxious to see what he was talking about. She saw Jo hesitate and then nod, gracing the gentleman with a small smile as he led her to the dance floor. Amy sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. You didn't ruin her."
"No," Laurie remarked quietly. "It would take much more than me to ruin Jo."
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A week later Laurie was still trying to figure out why he had teased Jo on the terrace. He thought it would be a great joke at first but then when he realized that the shadows and mask hid his face he decided to push and see how far it would go. At any moment he expected Jo to burst into laughter at how he had tried to pull the wool over her eyes.
Instead he saw a completely different side of Jo and he wasn't sure what to make of it.
Oh who was he kidding. He knew *exactly* what to make of it. And he was furious. Furious because Miss Josephine March had stated unequivocally that she could never feel anything for him but friendship.
Yet all it had taken was some French words whispered in her ear and she was suddenly soft and pliant. Perhaps not willing initially but it wouldn't have taken much more and she undoubtedly would have given up a kiss.
Is this what she had been like in New York? Is this what her precious professor had seen? This womanly side of Jo? Had she given him kisses? Her heart?
But if so then what was she doing responding to a total stranger? Who was this new Jo?
Laurie stalked off to the music room, his angry thoughts swirling with the revelations that both he and Jo had grown and changed.
He dreaded their next encounter. It would be in a few hours.
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There is a depth and passion to him...
Laurie was the final performance at the evening's private musicale in the home of Lord and Lady Hayward. Jo sat towards the back with Amy and her aunts and Mr. Laurence. They had been offered closer seats but Jo was too nervous for Laurie and didn't want him to see. He might interpret it as a lack of faith in his abilities. She realized that he had quite a following as he was extremely talented and highly sought after.
It wasn't until after his performance that she realized just how sought after he was.
From across the room Jo watched as one young woman after another vied for his attention. Fans fluttered almost as fiercely as eyelashes did. And in the center of it all Laurie stood tall with a charming ease, his dark locks falling across his brow. No doubt many fingers itched to reach up and tame those curls.
A greek god being worshipped by his temple virgins.
Jo smirked at the thought.
Laurie caught her eye at that moment and arched a brow. Then his mouth twitched with a smile and he gave her a quick wink. Jo's eyes widened when she realized his admirers were all turning to see who had caught his eye. She abruptly spun around and walked in the opposite direction.
The flush of pleasure she felt at his wink didn't bear thinking on.
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It was later that same evening after the performances. The ballroom had been transformed during the late supper and now the chairs were against the wall to provide ample room for dancing. Laurie and his friends were off to the side discussing his passion rousing performance and the effect it was bound to have on the fairer sex.
"Come now Laurence. You can't have all the ladies."
"He doesn't," another one said. "Only the good looking ones."
Laurie grinned at his friends. "Well, one must have standards."
His friends roared with laughter. "But you can't have them all at the same time," Michael Stone, Lord Barrymore continued.
"Not for lack of trying."
Michael put an arm about Laurie's shoulder and turned him slightly to direct his attention. "What about that dark haired beauty? I saw you speaking with her earlier."
The champagne in Laurie's mouth suddenly tasted flat. "Miss March?"
Michael's eyes widened. "Two of them?"
"Sisters," Laurie answered shortly.
"But stay away from the blond one Michael, "another friend chimed in. "Spoken for by Fred."
Michael waved a hand dismissively. "Too short for my taste. Now Laurie, let us *march* on over and introduce me to your friend." He was already guiding Laurie towards Jo who was apparently holding court with several new acquaintances.
"Miss March, " Laurie greeted with a bow. Jo arched an elegant brow in an unconscious imitation of Amy at Laurie's formality. "May I introduce Lord Barrymore? Lord Barrymore, Miss March."
Jo extended her hand and smiled politely at Michael. "A pleasure, Lord Barrymore," she spoke softly.
"Enchante, cheri," Michael spoke smoothly as he bowed over her hand, and winked up at her.
Laurie watched Jo's smile freeze momentarily and her head cocked slightly to the side as she considered Michael. Yes, Michael was quite the flirt but what was causing Jo to hesitate?
"Have we met?" she asked Michael.
The bottom dropped out of Laurie's stomach. Surely she didn't think *Michael* was the man on the terrace. But a glance out of the corner of his eye confirmed what he already knew. He and Michael were of similar build and hair coloring. Laurie had deliberately changed his tone that night to confuse Jo. A moment's lark and now this. He had just made life that much easier for his friend.
"Yes," he lied. "But I was unable to ask for a dance. Would you do me the honor?"
Jo smiled warmly this time. "I would be delighted."
Laurie felt rooted to the spot as Michael took her hand and led her to the dance floor.
That's how Amy found him a few minutes later, a dark look on his face as he watched the dancers. "Really Laurie. Lord Barrymore? You introduced her to Michael?"
"Sometimes, Amy, you're just not that charming."
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The next few days found Laurie practicing the piano with new determination. There was another performance, this time at a country home and he wanted it to be his best.
And practicing gave him a reason to excuse himself from the increasingly warm attentions that his friend Lord Barrymore was bestowing upon Jo. Apparently they had gone for a drive twice and he had accompanied them to the theater. Jo seemed to enjoy his company and was always laughing.
Laurie knew this because Amy had made it a point to drop by every afternoon for tea. She insisted that he needed a break and what could be more natural during tea than to discuss the activities of the previous day?
"She knows."
Laurie paused and set the tea cup down. "Knows what?"
"That Michael wasn't the Frenchman she met on the terrace." Amy sighed. "Leave it to Jo to ask in her typical forthright manner."
"Oh? She's still talking about this man?"
Laurie forced himself to lounge in that indolent manner that he knew tweaked Amy's sense of propriety. He didn't want her to know how important her next response would be.
"On occasion. When we go out I catch her looking about. Sometimes she'll hear a voice and look over but apparently it's not him. She gets all prickly and defensive when I ask her who she's looking for."
"Really," he drawled. "I didn't think there was a man on this earth who could pique Jo's interest."
"A woman doesn't forget the man who awakens her passion."
Laurie glanced away, confused by the warring feelings within. "How unfortunate for Jo that it was a total stranger. Perhaps it was the element of the unknown that appeals to her."
Amy cocked her head to the side and studied him for a moment. "She carries your handkerchief in her pocket. And I've even seen her hold it up to her nose, as if she's trying to catch a lingering scent." Amy set her cup down and stood up causing Laurie to automatically stand in response.
"It's been a lovely tea, dear," she continued seemingly oblivious to the stunned expression on his face. She gave him a sisterly peck on the cheek. "Don't practice too hard."
And as she turned, Laurie saw a familiar smirk cross Amy's lips.
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Don't give up the piano. I have enjoyed listening to you these last few months.
Jo stepped into the music room and slowly closed the door behind her. It felt wrong to be here. Perhaps not wrong so much as guilty. This was Laurie's private sanctuary when he was in residence. She really should only be here by invitation. But he was at a house party in the country, another performance request, so she didn't need to worry about him walking in on her.
She stepped further into the room and across to the one piece of furniture that dominated the space: the grand piano. Her hand reached out hesitantly to touch the cool ivory keys. It was here that he practiced, his long fingers effortlessly calling forth such beautiful music it made her heart ache. She saw that papers were strewn across the top of the piano with Laurie's handwriting. A new composition.
Jo pressed a few of the keys and smiled at the warm, clear tones of the piano. How much nicer even than the one at home or currently at the house they were renting in Paris. It must be a joy to play on such a fine instrument.
She glanced back at the door but it was still closed. She wouldn't be disturbed. Mr. Laurence had already assured her of that. Jo pulled out the large bench and sat down before her courage deserted her.
"For you Beth," she whispered, and began to play the one song she knew from memory. The one she had struggled to learn because her sister had wanted to play it but had been too ill to sit at the piano for any length of time. A mournful nocturne by Chopin.
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Laurie was halfway up the stairs when he heard his piano being played. He was about to throw the door open when the melody struck him hard. The sight that greeted him upon opening the door was an even greater shock.
Jo March was playing the piano...his piano.
He stood there listening to her pour her heart out through the music. Something he never would have thought possible. Suddenly the music stopped and Jo made an odd noise like a choked off sob. Laurie quickly crossed the room and sat on the bench next to her, his back to the keys.
"Teddy!"
"You play magnificently Jo."
She shook her head. "I don't...I mean...thank you."
"I sent that music to Beth months ago," he said quietly.
"I know," she whispered. "Beth asked me to learn it because she was unable to play. She so wanted to hear it." Jo looked up at Laurie and saw the quiet love and understanding gazing back at her. He placed his hand on the side of her face and brushed away a tear with his thumb. She closed her eyes and leaned into the warmth of his palm.
"Will you play it again?" he asked gently. "For me?"
Jo nodded and began again with Laurie sitting at her side, close but no longer touching. They sat like that for a long time.
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After that a new closeness developed between the two of them - fragile at first but gradually strengthening into a new and tighter bond. Neither one of them referred to the time Jo played for Laurie but others noticed the change it caused in their behavior.
Laurie was more gentle towards Jo, making himself more readily available for outings that would make her smile and laugh. Jo's defensiveness was no longer evident and she didn't seem quite so reserved when out in public. Michael no longer seemed to be a part of their outings as much and Jo apparently didn't miss him.
Laurie certainly didn't. He was grateful for his renewed friendship with Jo and resolved to go from there.
His growing irritation and frustration did not bear thinking on.
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The next time Laurie was asked to play it was at another country estate about an hour's ride from the city. There was to be an early afternoon picnic to be followed by the musical performances and more dancing in the evening. This time Laurie brought his grandfather, Jo, Amy, and the aunts.
The grounds were extensive and all of the guests were scattered about enjoying the sunshine and various lawn games. "Walk with me, Jo," Laurie asked. "Those trees over there look a bit like home."
Jo smiled up at him and linked her arm through his. They began a slow stroll. "Are you nervous about this evening?"
Laurie laughed. "I'm always nervous. It probably adds to the performance."
"It makes you magnificent. You must know that."
"Ah, Jo. A man needs to hear that every once in awhile."
"Surely your harem tells you constantly? If not I shall be sorely disappointed in them."
"Harem?" Laurie scoffed with humor. "Hardly. Perhaps a bevy of beauties. A legion of ladies. But harem implies liberties I am surely not permitted."
By now they were out of sight of the house near a small copse of trees. Jo undid the ties of her bonnet and removed it, turning her face to the sun. "Much better," she sighed.
"But enough about my ladies. Let us hear about your new lover."
Jo paused. "I have no lover."
"The mystery Frenchman on the terrace."
Amy March was a dead woman. Perhaps a bald one as well for Jo was going to pull each of her golden hairs from her head and relish every moment of Amy's agony.
Jo took a few more steps in an effort to buy time and compose herself. "Oh please Teddy." She tried to laugh it off but was unnerved by his unwavering look. "He was an obnoxious man who was deliberately provoking an unwanted...an unwelcome intimacy for his own amusement."
Her words tumbled in a rush and she gave her chin a little jerk for emphasis.
"My poor Jo," Laurie teased. "Whatever could he have done to cause such a strong...response?"
Jo actually stamped her foot. "I'll not have it Teddy. Don't tease. He offered to unknot the ribbons of my mask but then he was so very... French and...and standing entirely too close."
"You're attracted to him."
"Absolutely not! I don't even know him."
"It's like one of your stories," Laurie said, feeling a dark need to continue needling her. "A mysterious handsome stranger comes to the heroine's rescue. And she is overcome by a need to swoon at his very nearness."
"Swooning is ridiculous. Nobody actually does that."
"I've witnessed a swoon or two in my day."
"Really?" Jo suddenly looked amused.
"Well, perhaps a near swoon to be totally honest. Ladies it seems can be particularly silly."
Jo, who would normally agree, suddenly felt the need to defend her sex. Especially in light of the fact that she very nearly had gone a little lightheaded at the nearness of the mysterious gentleman.
"Careful Teddy. That sounds like a challenge."
Laurie grinned. "Excellent. I love a challenge."
Jo considered a moment and then announced the task. "Induce a swoon in a young lady."
Laurie snorted. "Hardly a challenge. I've already done such a thing."
"But I have not seen this."
"Fine. Who's it to be?"
"Me."
Laurie kept the smile on his face through sheer will alone. "Hardly fair." He tried for a light tone. "You're immune to my...charms."
"All the more reason it should be me. You'll not find me to be such an easy target."
Laurie hesitated and Jo gave him such a knowing look. That infuriating smirk.
"Those ladies don't know you as well as I do," Jo continued. "I'm...curious to see what they see in you."
"Very well."
So be it.
Laurie looked away and took a deep breath. As he slowly exhaled it seemed as if he was transforming into someone else before Jo's very eyes. He seemed taller, more imposing; his familiar visage becoming more handsome if that was possible. He did indeed seem like a dark, brooding and excitingly dangerous hero from a novel. His hooded gaze pinned her in place as he moved towards her with a smooth predatory grace. As if he was stalking her. Her palms grew damp, her mouth dry.
Laurie stopped until he was toe to toe with Jo. He braced himself with one hand on the tree above her head as his body leaned close but didn't touch, pressing her back. Part of her registered the rough bark against her palms but mainly it was the heat from cheek through thighs that he radiated that made her dizzy. He moved even closer and Jo found she couldn't take her eyes away from his lips. He lingered for a moment, and she could have sworn that her lips were tingling. Just when she thought he was going to close the distance he shifted slightly and then his mouth hovered over her ear, the warm moist breath sending shivers through her. The scent from Laurie's sun-warmed skin teased at her memory. The clean spicy smell was-
"Jo." Her eyes drifted shut at his low, sensual voice.
She tried to respond but her breath came in ragged hitches. "H-hmm?"
"Jo..." He whispered and paused again. She found she was holding her breath.
"Y-yes?"
She heard his lips part and the sound, the heat, so close, made her mouth part in response and...anticipation? A gentle exhalation against her ear...down her neck...sent a flash of desire through her core. She shuddered and a soft, low moan escaped her throat. Her body responded instantly to him and a dull ache made itself known. Her nails dug into the bark of the tree to keep from reaching for him. She wasn't sure how long they stood like that. It felt like an eternity of sensation she never wanted to end. It was most likely no longer than a moment.
And then suddenly the heat seemed to pull abruptly away. "Oh," she sighed as her body instinctively swayed forward to follow the source of heat. Jo suddenly felt bereft and her eyes flew open to stare in confusion at Laurie. He hadn't even touched her and yet...
How was it that Teddy was able to-.
No. Not Teddy anymore. Teddy would never have given her that knowing, mocking look. Teddy did not cause excitement. Teddy could never have caused this shocking rush of desire within her.
This man before her was no longer her Teddy.
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"Laurie?" A woman's voice called from a distance. It was the hostess of the party, Catherine DeVrie.
Laurie stared into Jo's bewildered eyes, pupils dilated with desire and felt a disgust with himself. He had just proven how easy it was to discompose her and yet all he wanted to do was press her against that tree and taste her. After all this time he still wanted Jo.
Only now they were both older. Now he knew about passion and where it could lead. His time in Europe had given him eye-opening experiences as well as different women, all of whom were more beautiful, more lively, more entertaining. All of those women wanted him. They did not find him lacking or unattractive.
And it all came crashing down the moment Jo came back in his life. The source of his irritation and frustration.
"Laurie?" The voice was closer.
Laurie raised a mocking brow at Jo. "I win." He spun on his heel to meet Catherine leaving his most recent conquest behind.
Damn Jo to hell.
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Jo watched Laurie's elegant ground eating stride until he disappeared from view at which point her knees promptly gave out and she collapsed at the base of the tree. The only thought in her mind was how close she had come to kissing Laurie. How desperately she had wanted him. In fact, still wanted him. Her whole body was humming and she wrapped her arms about herself tightly in an effort to make it stop.
Freiderich had never caused her to feel this way.
Professor Bhaer was comforting. Familiar.
And safe.
Beth's letter took on a new meaning. Is this what she had meant? If she married Freiderich they would most likely always be poor, something with which she was familiar and comfortable. They liked and respected each other greatly and would no doubt have a very good marriage. She would most likely live down the lane from her parents and -
And never do more.
You were never like the rest of us. How it pained me to watch you desperately try to fit into the mold of our family. Your spirit is too big to be contained by the quiet life we lead. Marmee should not have let you feel guilty for not being more like us. I was so afraid you would marry that nice professor in New York . I knew he was wrong for you. You would have settled. He was familiar with his quiet bookish ways and pockets to let. And with that sort of familiarity how is one to stretch and grow? How would he challenge you to bring forth your talent? Oh Jo. Go forth and live. There is no shame in being different. Your family will always love you. And we love you more for going forth where we fear to go.
You are a falcon and should be free to soar the sky. Only now you won't be able to return to perch on my arm. I can only hope that you will see how Laurie is also able to provide that safe haven for you to return. There is a depth and a passion to him that compliments your own exuberance for life.
Promise me you will live. Not exist. Not do what others think is best but rather that you will actively pursue your dreams. Go where I cannot. Taste what I am unable. Dance and live. Laugh and love. But never settle, my Jo. Never settle.
Jo wasn't sure how long she had sat at the base of the tree thinking over the past, the present, and what she wanted for herself. But by the time she had made her decision the sun had moved and whereas she had been in the warm sun she was now a bit chilled by the shade of the leaves.
"Alright Beth," she whispered. "I'm tired of being proper. I want to dance and laugh and live. Really live."
--------------
That night Jo drank champagne. She laughed. She danced. She flirted. She spoke about topics that interested her and no longer was shy about offering her opinion. She accepted compliments gracefully and stopped worrying about whether or not she was in fashion or elegant.
Jo fully enjoyed being herself with no reservations. And the world embraced her for it.
Across the room Laurie lounged indolently against the wall, a dark, brooding look on his face. He idly sipped champagne, seemingly oblivious to the conversation around him, but his focus was on the dark haired laughing woman holding court.
"Ignore him," a voice said. "He's in one of his moods."
Laurie looked to the speaker but didn't shift his stance. "One of my moods?"
Lord Barrymore grinned. "A mood that sends the ladies into a swoon. Look over there. I think three of them have just gone weak in the knees."
Laurie's eyes flashed at the word "swoon" but he forced a lazy smile to his lips. "You're just jealous."
"Perhaps."
Laurie's eyes narrowed slightly at Michael's serious tone. "I was joking."
Michael waved a hand dismissively but his eyes seemed to move to where Jo was laughing brightly. "She was never interested in me. Oh she was nice enough but I could see that I wasn't really holding her attention. Quite galling really."
"Don't take it personally."
"Oh I didn't. Especially not when I realized who it was she was really pining for." Michael paused, waiting for Laurie to ask but when he didn't he pushed on. "That Frenchman. She came right out and asked if I was the man on the terrace at the masked ball."
"Why would she think it was you?"
Michael shrugged. "Apparently it was my judicious use of a few French phrases."
"And it didn't work for you? I'm shocked. It always has in the past."
"I learned from the best. But we can't all have your knack with the language."
Laurie made a noncommittal sound and drained his glass. "Well blast, I'm out. Off to find some more. I'll talk with you later," and with that Laurie sauntered away from an uncomfortable conversation.
Michael caught Amy's eye across the room and gave her a wink.
--------------------------------
"Have you seen Laurie?"
Amy glanced up at Jo in surprise. "Laurie?" she repeated. Since when did Jo call him Laurie? It was always Teddy. Annoyingly so.
"Yes," Jo replied impatiently. "I've been trying to find him all evening but he keeps disappearing. I swear he's hiding from me."
"Don't swear Jo, it's not polite."
Jo rolled her eyes. "Well?"
"I think I saw him talking to Michael." Amy nodded in his direction and indeed Laurie was draining his glass and nodding to Michael before walking away.
"Thank you Amy." Jo practically picked up her skirts to stalk after him.
"Like a lady," Amy muttered under her breath.
Jo laughed brightly and kissed her sister on the cheek before chasing Laurie down.
Amy glanced over at Michael and gave him a regal nod in return to his wink.
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Jo caught up to Laurie as he had scooped up another glass of champagne from a servant's tray.
"There you are!"
"Here I am," he said with an insincere bow. His irritation grew at Jo's happiness. How could she possibly be so oblivious? This afternoon had shook him to the core. And here she was, completely unaffected.
It was enough to ruin a man's ego.
The beginning strains of the waltz came to them and Jo's eyes brightened. "May I have this dance?" Jo asked.
Laurie stared at her, stunned. "I haven't finished my drink," he said inanely.
Jo plucked the glass from his hand, drained it in a most unladylike and yet impressive manner and set the glass down on the table behind him. "Now you're done." She gave him a wicked grin.
"Apparently I am. Why yes. I would love to dance with you." He led her out to the floor and smoothly took up the pace of the dance. The music washed over them and Jo marveled at how aware she was of him. From the strength of his hands to the breadth of his shoulders, to how her eyes were level with his firm lips. And when he guided her about the floor in sweeping circles she wanted to laugh out loud in sheer delight.
Instead she closed her eyes and smiled. Dancing with Laurie was like...flying. Completely exhilerating.
"You know, it's customary for the man to ask the woman to dance," he murmured.
Jo's eyes opened and gazed into his laughing brown ones. "But I wanted to dance now."
"Ah, the impetuous Jo of old. I see she has returned."
"No," Jo answered seriously. "Not that Jo. She is gone for good." She smiled brilliantly at Laurie and he blinked.
Was she flirting with him? Jo?
He twirled her around in a quick, tight circle and this time Jo did laugh out loud.
----------------------------------------------
After the dance Jo found herself standing on another terrace, only this time with Laurie. "Walk with me in the garden."
Laurie quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you think you'll be missed?"
"Hardly. I think it's you who is more likely to be missed." She took several steps down the terrace and looked back over her shoulder at him. "Come. They wouldn't have lit the walk with lanterns if we weren't supposed to enjoy it."
Laurie shrugged and followed after her. "What are you up to Jo?"
"I...I want to check out something." A moment later she was out of sight as she ducked behind some tall shrubs that led into a private seating area.
Laurie paused, his curiosity piqued. "Really Jo," he drawled in that awful voice that reminded her just how different he'd become. "Are we spying on someone?"
Jo shook her head. "I didn't want to be interrupted. Everyone is always clamoring for your attention."
Laurie cocked his head to one side confused by Jo's nervousness. "You know-"
"Kiss me."
"What?"
Jo couldn't bring herself to ask again; instead she stepped forward and stood on tiptoe to press her lips against his. Laurie was utterly still and a moment later Jo stepped back, disappointed.
"How much champagne have you had tonight?" Laurie demanded.
"Not much." Jo felt herself flush a little but stamped hard on the feeling of embarrassment. What was wrong? She certainly hadn't imagined the earlier attraction, had she? "I'm sorry. I don't know -"
Her words were cut off as Laurie stepped in and kissed her hard, fast, and demanding. Jo opened her mouth to gasp and his tongue swept inside, shocking her in such a delicious way. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers twining, and clutching in his hair as she fought to get closer to him. She touched her tongue to his and pressed her aching breasts against his hard chest.
She followed instinct, sucking on his lower lip eliciting a low groan from him. His hands skimmed down her back, his long fingers encircling her ribcage just below her breasts. Laurie trailed kisses down her throat and Jo whimpered with longing and need.
It was when he found himself fumbling with the buttons of her dress that Laurie came back to himself and pulled back as if he'd been burned. She had that same bewildered expression only now her lips were plump and red from his kisses. Her heart was racing, her breathing much more ragged.
As was his.
"What the hell are you playing at Jo?"
Jo flinched at the anger in Laurie's voice. "I don't know," she whispered.
"Is this the new Jo you were talking about? Perhaps the one who's craving new experiences?" He seemed to loom before her, his tone accusing. To hell with being nice. "Was your precious professor not enough for you? How were his kisses? Or Michael's? Does that make me number three or have you just lost count?"
Jo inhaled sharply at the pain of his words and spun away from his piercing eyes.
"I...just...go away Laurie."
He stared at her straight back, the buttons he had been fumbling with only moments ago seeming to beckon to him still.
When Laurie next spoke his words were quiet and harsh with bitterness. "I did go away. I went across an ocean to get away from you and yet here you are wedging your way into my world. One I made without you. Now you're in my home. You're at my piano. Apparently there is no where left for me and what I want. So let us get on with it and make sure that *your* curiosity is satisfied. Come over here *Miss Josephine March*."
Jo's eyes widened as the last of Laurie's angry words was spoken - in the same French voice as the man on the terrace! Suddenly a flood of sensations, thoughts, and emotions flashed by too fast to name. The elusively familiar scent on the Frenchman's handkerchief; the same that Laurie wore when she'd first seen him in Paris and cried on his shoulder - sandalwood, soap, and whatever essence that was Laurie. Anger at the joke he had played, excitement at the remembered attraction, but most of all relief.
Relief that she had been responding to Laurie the whole time - and only Laurie.
No wonder she hadn't been able to get him out of her head. Why the scent had intrigued and teased at her. A part of her had already known who that mystery man was.
And with that knowledge came another stunning revelation.
I love him. The realization came at her with shocking clarity. I love Laurie.
Jo turned to him and stepped into his arms without hesitation. She kissed him with all of her newfound knowledge and willed him to kiss her back. His kisses were more punishing this time but she didn't care. She opened her mouth and tugged on his hair. She arched her back and pressed against him as if there were too many layers between them. He held her tightly, a groan escaping his lips as the kiss grew more frantic if possible. She would have climbed on top of him if she could.
I love you, she thought over and over. I love you, Laurie.
Laurie pulled away gently from Jo and set her at arm's length. Both were breathing in uneven hitches only this time Jo didn't look bewildered.
She looked absolutely radiant.
"I hate you, Jo." And with that Laurie turned and left her alone.
-------------------------
Oh Jo. Go forth and live.
She had cried that first night, hunched over herself, deep wracking sobs tearing through her as Amy stroked her hair.
The memory of that spring day at the gate had come back with startling clarity. It was easy to recall the pain in his eyes and the tears in his voice as he vented his broken heart when she turned down his marriage proposal.
One day you will meet a man. You will love him with everything you have to give. You will be loyal and passionate and he will have all of you. You'll live and die for him because that's your way. I hate him. I hope he breaks your heart Jo.
It had been a week since that awful night. Jo had spent it pretty much in her room, unwilling to go downstairs and see the concern in the eyes of her aunts.
Her face was blotchy, her eyes puffy and red. Her tray was returned after every meal, mostly uneaten.
I hate you, Jo.
Every time she replayed his words her heart felt as if it would stop. There was really no reason to stay in Paris any longer. Amy and the aunts were out tonight at a play. Tomorrow morning she would go downstairs and ask if they might leave Paris soon. Surely it was time to return home.
Promise me you will live.
I tried Beth, Jo thought. It hurts too much.
Laugh and love.
"Oh Laurie," Jo cried out into the silence. "Please..."
Love me.
Jo sat on the bed, clutching the pillow to her chest as if it would ward away the ache inside. This must have been how he felt all those months ago. To know that she had caused Laurie to hurt like this renewed the pain in her heart. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt utterly helpless and adrift.
Please, Laurie. Please love me back.
She gazed out the window and thought back to her earlier conversation with Amy. Rather, Amy talked and Jo didn't respond.
"So I'll be at the theater tonight with the aunts and Mr. Laurence. Unfortunately Laurie is staying at home. He's been working feverishly on some new composition and barely leaves the music room to eat. Apparently you have something else in common."
Everyone had left a little over an hour ago. They would be gone for several hours yet. Jo sat up straight, a fragile hope growing within.
But never settle, my Jo.
--------------------------------
Never settle.
In less than 30 minutes Jo had splashed some water on her face, brushed her hair and put on a cloak over her simple at home dress. She honestly didn't care how she was dressed. She just needed to see him again.
The coach deposited her on the front steps of the Laurence home. The door opened almost immediately to her smart rap on the knocker and she stepped inside. She removed her bonnet and cloak and grinned at the startled housekeeper who took them automatically.
"No need to announce me. I can hear the music."
"Miss...he's been in a terrible passion lately," the housekeeper offered by way of warning.
"I've braved it before," Jo said with false bravado that faded the moment she stood outside the music room, the crashing chords of a Beethoven sonata carrying down the hall.
Jo opened the door slowly and stepped through, closing it softly. She noticed the key in the door and decided to lock it for extra measure. He wasn't going to leave the room until she was good and ready. She pocketed the key and walked across the room sitting on the bench next to him in the same manner he had taken that fateful day, her back to the keys.
The music abruptly stopped and Laurie glared at her. Jo didn't hesitate.
"I love you."
Laurie inhaled sharply and momentarily closed his eyes. When he opened them Jo was still there watching him intensely. She placed her hand to his cheek the same way he had. When she spoke her words came out in a rush, heartfelt yet with a devastating power to the listener. "I love you, Laurie. I love you. And you were right. I did meet a man that I will live and die for. You. It was always you, only I didn't know it." Jo continued to speak low and desperately, Laurie's continued stricken silence beginning to unnerve her. "Please...," she whispered. "Please don't hate me. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry -"
Laurie placed a finger on her lips to stop her words and gazed deep into her eyes. "There has only ever been you, Jo," he replied, his voice cracking a bit at the end.
Jo nodded, her eyes bright with tears. "I love you Laurie. Desperately."
Laurie bent down with every intention of giving Jo a tender kiss but from the moment he tasted her lips the kiss changed. He scooped Jo onto his lap and plundered her mouth as she molded herself to him joy and desire making her lightheaded.
"Never leave me again, Laurie," she whispered between kisses. "I couldn't bear it."
"Never, cherie." He tightened his hold on her and kissed her temple. "I love you, my Jo."
Jo sighed happily. "Kiss me again."
Laurie didn't need to be told twice.
THE END