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Satoru’s demise starts like this:

It’s a warm day and he and Suguru are sitting in the outer area of a convenience store. Condensation from their drinks wets their table and when Satoru takes a sip of his iced coffee he looks at the perfect mark his glass leaves behind. He could be one of those teenagers who work part time at stores just like this one – he looks over at the cute boy at the cashier, remembers the way he blushed when Satoru thanked him; maybe he could go back there and try his luck – but instead he’s coming back from fighting curses. Today’s mission was so easy it almost felt like an insult, so they decided to stop on the way back to school, the three of them not in a hurry to return.

“I can’t believe those girls still haven’t stopped looking at you two,” Shoko comes back from the smoking area with a frown on her face. “I thought they’d make a move once I left.” She sits beside Suguru and takes a sip of his drink.

“Maybe they are shy.” Suguru doesn’t even fight when his drink is stolen, there’s no point in doing so. “But they look like the type who would want a serious boyfriend.”

Satoru slides his glasses down the bridge of his nose and looks at the girls. There are three of them, dressed in high school uniforms, all hunched over the table, whispering as they look at Satoru and Suguru. They are cute, no doubt, especially the one on the left with long hair and bangs. Satoru winks at them and they giggle.

“Then we better leave before one of them decides to be brave,” Shoko is still drinking Suguru’s drink. She would definitely move to Satoru’s if it wasn’t so sugary. “Good girls like them shouldn’t mix with guys like you two, anyway.”

“You are mixing with us, Ieiri-chan.” Suguru points out.

“What do you mean guys like us, anyway?” Satoru asks, raising an eyebrow. “We’re very decent people. Boyfriend material, if I do say so.”

Shoko snorts. “Maybe Suguru, but you?” she raises an eyebrow back, unfazed. “You flirt with literally everyone, you forget everything…”

“Damn it Shoko, I already said I didn’t forget your birthday, I misunderstood the date!” Satoru tries, but Shoko brushes him off.

“You never take anything seriously and you’re kind of a dick.”

Satoru turns to Suguru. “Is it that time of the month?”

Suguru chuckles. “I mean, is she wrong, though?”

The truth is, Shoko is right. Satoru is irresponsible, lazy, prone to forget details about others because what’s the point, really? And maybe, maybe kind of a dick. This is not even the worst Shoko has said to and about him, but something in the situation, the way both his friends seem so ready to point out his flaws makes Satoru feel anger boiling under his skin.

It doesn’t happen usually, they all know their limits. It’s a bit strange, to have two people who know him this well, but sometimes it still happens, one of them getting pissed off for real. It never lasts for too long because they can’t afford to be mad at one another, they are always sent together on missions and have to trust the others will have their backs.

They always do, no matter what.

“Well, I’ll let you know that I’m a great boyfriend.” Satoru pushes his glasses back up, cute girls now forgotten.

“Says who?” Suguru retrieves his drink and takes a sip before passing it back to Shoko.

Later, when Satoru is alone, he’ll look back at this moment and know that this is where everything went to shit. He talks too much, people always tell him, and it’s true. Because any other person would drop the subject, would march over to those girls and get a phone number, do literally anything else. But Satoru, the genius, opens his mouth and what comes out is:

“My partner, of course.”

Shoko and Suguru both stare at him with wide eyes for a moment before Shoko scoffs again.

“Let me guess, someone who doesn’t go to our school but is one hundred percent real?” She asks, smirking.

“Of course not!” Satoru smiles easily. Now that he already started lying he might as well continue. “Actually, it’s someone you know.”

Suguru leans back on his chair and crosses his arms. “Who?”

Satoru thinks about his possibilities: Mei Mei would go along with it if he paid her, but would Suguru and Shoko believe it? Satoru always liked his partners strong, but not that terrifying. Utahime is cute enough, but she would never agree to it – even though Satoru is 85% sure she likes him. Maybe someone from the Zenin clan? He is sure there’s a guy around their age who he could talk to, but he would rather not deal with those bastards.

If Satoru believed in God he would say what happens next is divine intervention, but he doesn’t, so he sees it for what it is: a hell of a coincidence. On the other side of the street two boys walk, unaware of Satoru’s problem. He recognizes them right away, though, recognizes the jujutsu tech uniform, a dark spot on a bright day. One of the boys talks, moving his hands a lot as he does so, and the other listens, or pretends to. When they stop by some store one of them gets in and the other stays outside. He doesn’t turn to their side of the street, not entirely, but he moves his head and Satoru knows the boy spotted him staring.

Satoru looks back at his friends, smiles and doesn’t think twice before replying: “Nanami.” His smile grows wide at the surprise in their faces. “I’m dating Nanami.”

“The first year?” Suguru asks.

Shoko turns to him. “Which one is he again?” She asks.

“The blond one.” Suguru replies, amused.

“Bullshit.” Shoko looks at Satoru again. “There’s no way you’re dating that guy.”

“What?” Satoru asks, suddenly nervous. Does Shoko know something he doesn’t? Is she secretly dating Nanami? “Why not?”

“Don’t you remember the day we were introduced?” She is now holding the straw of Suguru’s drink as if it was a cigarette. “He looked at us like we were the dirt under his shoes. There’s no way you got anywhere near him.”

Satoru thinks back to the day Yaga-sensei introduced them to the first years. Haibara gave them a perfect ninety degree bow and smiled brightly. Nanami was discreet and polite, but in an impersonal way, not as if they were students in the same school, but some older distant relatives he couldn’t care less about. His eyes were so cold back then Satoru feels himself shivering at the memory of them.

“I mean, that was pretty sexy, don’t you think?” He asks, smile now turned into a smirk. “I knew I had to date that guy and now I’m dating him," he snaps his fingers for effect and because Shoko hates it. "Just like that.”

“Right.” Suguru deadpans. “And you didn’t tell us right away because…?”

“Nanami is shy!” The lie comes easy to him, almost like breathing. “But you know what? I’ll talk to him and tomorrow he’ll tell you how much of an amazing boyfriend I am, just so you wait!”

Shoko and Suguru exchange another look, the one they always do when they are sure Satoru is bullshitting his way through a situation, but Satoru keeps smiling. He is bullshitting his way through this, but there’s no way he won’t turn the lie into the most pristine truth they have ever seen.

Satoru is going to prove to his friends that he is the perfect boyfriend and if that means he has to date Nanami, then so be it.

✦

Much like its owner, Nanami’s room is plain. There are no framed pictures over his desk, no posters on the walls. His bed is well made and there’s nothing out of place. If it wasn’t for the clothes inside the closet – what kind of psycho folds his own underwear? – Satoru would believe that he got the wrong room.

He looks under the bed, inside pockets, on every corner he can think of, but there’s nothing incriminating. He expected to find at least a porn stash or maybe cigarettes, but Nanami seems to be clean of those too. There’s no indication that Nanami is a human being, let alone a teenage boy, but Satoru is not giving up that easily. Sure, he hadn’t taken into consideration that Nanami may be dating someone already or may not like boys, but Satoru trusts his negotiation skills enough to believe they can reach an agreement.

“Senpai.” Nanami is at the door, staring at Satoru. If he’s surprised he doesn’t show. Instead, he closes the door and leans against it.

Satoru turns around, the brightest smile he can muster on his lips. “Nanami, just the man I wanted to see!”

“You’re in my room.” Nanami points out.

“Right. Right.” Satoru turns serious. It’s obvious a charming approach won’t work on Nanami. “I need to ask you for a favor.”

“Yes?” Nanami walks over and sits on his bed, gesturing for Satoru to sit on the chair close to his study desk in a strangely formal gesture.

Satoru sits down, looking at Nanami. His eyes are lighter than Satoru thought, and his hair looks better from up close. His expression is serious, but it only makes him even more handsome. Yes, Satoru thinks, I chose the right guy.

“Earlier today I was talking to my friends and they were led to believe you were my boyfriend.” Satoru says it right away, and tries to smile again. “So… I need you to confirm it. Not only confirm it, but tell them that I’m a great boyfriend.”

“They were… led to believe?” Nanami repeats. His voice is strained now. “You mean you lied to them.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“Why me?”

Because you seemed like the best option I could come up with at the last minute doesn’t seem like a good answer, so Satoru decides to go with the next: “Because you’re my type.” He shrugs, hoping it looks casual and not nervous. It’s not a lie, Nanami is very much his type, but that’s not the point here.

Nanami remains quiet, his eyes ice cold. There’s something about his stare, Satoru thinks, something that doesn’t make him uncomfortable, but that makes him feel something. Like his skin is itching or maybe like he needs to leave. It’s the first time Satoru had someone look directly at him with such intensity.

“Now,” Satoru continues when Nanami doesn’t speak. “Of course, I don’t expect you to do it out of the goodness of your heart, but I guessed that even someone as boring as you would want something. Whatever it is, I can give it to you. Do you need money? I have a lot. Or maybe help with a cursed technique? I am very good at it–”

“Geto-senpai’s phone number.” Nanami says.

“What?”

“The price for my cooperation with your stupidity.” Nanami is staring right at him, expression serious. “Is Geto-senpai’s phone number.”

Satoru stares at him, eyes wide in shock. He waits for Nanami to say something else, but he remains quiet. He is not joking, Satoru realizes. Nanami really wants Suguru’s phone number.

Satoru throws his head back, laughing.

This will be easier than he thought.

✦

Satoru was ready for something big, maybe a huge amount of money or anything humiliating, but Nanami’s price seems to be so juvenile it’s actually funny. Nanami has a crush on Suguru, who would have thought? He tries to remember any time the two of them may have interacted or how this crush came to be, but his mind is empty. He could tell Nanami that it won’t work, he is not Suguru’s type. Suguru likes people with sweeter personalities, who will smile easily and be impressed by whatever bullshit he says and Satoru may not know Nanami that well, but he can see that it's not his personality at all.

Still, that would ruin his plan and Satoru would rather not go through the humiliation of admitting he was lying to his friends. Unless Nanami is a master in hiding things, there’s no Suguru shrine in his room, no indication that he is a creep. And if he is, Suguru can deal with him. If all he does is send lovey dovey messages to Suguru then Suguru will show them to Satoru and they’ll laugh at them. Either way, it’s a win-win for Satoru.

“Fine,” he says at last. “You can have Suguru’s number if you help me with it.”

Satoru half expected Nanami to pull one of his notebooks and start writing rules, but all he does is sit straight on his bed and look at Satoru like they are about to discuss Estate secrets.

“What exactly do you want me to do, senpai?”

“Just tell my friends that we've been dating for a while and that I’m a great boyfriend.” Satoru rolls from side to side on Nanami’s chair. “I said you’re shy, that’s why I didn’t tell them about it sooner.”

Nanami sighs again.

“How long have we been dating?” He asks.

“I don’t know, a month or so?” Satoru had no idea he would have to come up with a whole story, but it makes sense now that he thinks about it. Suguru and Shoko will want to know everything. “I think it’s enough time for you to see that I’m the best boyfriend ever.”

“I sincerely doubt that.”

“Why, your last boyfriend was that great?” Satoru asks, eyebrow raised just to tease.

Nanami tenses. “That’s not the point.” He sighs yet again. Then his voice turns uncertain when he asks: “Do we need to do… anything?”

Satoru stops rolling the chair and looks at him. Despite his voice Nanami is not blushing nor looking away from him. What an interesting boy, that one.

“If you don’t like guys that’s fine, it’s not like they’ll want to watch us have sex or anything.”

“That… is not the problem.” Nanami’s voice is low and Satoru chuckles. Interesting, indeed. “But I’m not kissing you during school hours.”

“Oh, so you are kissing me outside of school hours?” Satoru asks, smirking. Before Nanami can answer, however, he adds: “Just give me a kiss on the cheek. I already told them you’re shy, remember?”

“Another blatant lie. Those seem to come easily to you, senpai.”

“So you like boys and you’re not shy? Nanami, you really are my type!” Satoru laughs as he gets up. “Don’t worry, my friends won’t give you a hard time.” He stretches a bit, aware that Nanami is still staring at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, boyfriend.”

Satoru leaves before Nanami can find more things for them to discuss. It’s high school dating, it can’t be that difficult.

✦

When the three of them arrive at the cafeteria for lunch Nanami and Haibara are already there. Satoru smiles, waving at Nanami as if they hadn’t seen each other in weeks. There’s no need to, it’s not like jujutsu tech is full of students, but Satoru knows he needs to seem enthusiastic to sell this whole thing.

Nanami looks at him with the happiness of a man walking the death row when Satoru takes a seat by his side, but Satoru ignores it and wraps an arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer. He then turns to Suguru and Shoko.

“Mom, dad,” Satoru says, voice stretching the vowels. “Meet my boyfriend, Nanami Kento.”

“Geto-senpai,” Nanami’s voice is serious. “Ieiri-senpai.”

“No way.” Shoko whispers as she sits in front of them. “No fucking way.”

“Nanami,” Suguru leans forward a bit on the table. “If Satoru threatened you just know that he won’t actually harm you. He’s annoying, but he’s not a bad person. You can tell us if he did it.”

“Your faith in me is touching.” Satoru rolls his eyes and squeezes Nanami’s shoulder a bit. “Go on baby, tell them. Tell them we’re dating.”

“That’s very nice of you, senpai,” Nanami is serious again, body tense. “But it’s true, I’m dating Gojo-senpai. He’s an… adequate boyfriend.”

“I need a cigarette,” Shoko pulls a packet out of her pocket, lightening a cigarette. Yaga-sensei will surely yell at her later, but she doesn’t seem to care. “How? Since when? I mean, why?”

“Well, dear Shoko–” Satoru begins.

“We’ve been dating for a month.” Nanami replies. “I’m sorry Gojo-senpai didn’t tell you earlier, but I wanted to keep it a secret for a bit, to focus on school.” Then, he sighs again, as if his next words are the hardest he has ever had to say in his life. “I really like Gojo-senpai.”

Satoru has to give it to Nanami, if he wasn’t training to be a sorcerer he sure could be an actor. A gasp comes from somewhere and Satoru turns to look at Haibara.

Suguru turns to the other boy. “You knew about this?”

Haibara nods. “Kento-kun told me a few days ago.” The tip of his ears are red and he seems to look everywhere but at Suguru. He’s either a terrible liar or afraid of Suguru, the poor kid.

“We should go, we’re going to practice now.” Nanami says, pulling away from Satoru’s embrace.

“Right, see you later, baby.” Satoru’s smile is wide, but Nanami doesn’t smile back. He’s about to go when Satoru holds him by the wrist. “Where’s my goodbye kiss?” He asks, just to be annoying.

“I told you I’m not kissing you during school hours.”

“Come on Nanami,” Satoru turns his face and pokes his own cheek. “Just one.”

Nanami sighs again and kisses Satoru’s cheek, so soft that Satoru barely feels his lips. “I’ll… see you later.” Nanami waves to Shoko and Suguru and all but drags Haibara away while the other boy waves them goodbye.

Satoru sits down again, smiling impossibly large when he looks at his friends. “See? I told you we were dating.” Now that everything has worked in his favor he allows himself to relax.

Suguru stares at him, expression contemplative. Then he relaxes and smiles. “I can see why you’re dating Nanami.”

“What?” Satoru asks. “Why?”

“He’s the perfect type for you.” Suguru laughs. “I knew you weren’t lying yesterday. You’re always staring at him, there had to be a reason for it.”

“I don’t–”

“Now Shoko, pay up.” Suguru extends his palm to her and Shoko groans, fishing her pocket for a bill.

“Fuck you Satoru, there goes my next cigarette pack.” She complains as she hands Suguru the bill. There’s not much heat on her words, though. She knows Satoru and Suguru will end up buying her more packs anyway.

“You two bet on what exactly?”

“That you were lying.” Suguru explains. “Shoko thought you were bullshitting. I thought you were telling the truth.”

Satoru can’t help but smile. Leave it to Suguru to believe him no matter what. He thinks about Nanami and his serious expression. Poor guy is in for the biggest heartbreak of his life.

✦

You’re always staring at him.

Suguru’s words echo through his mind throughout the day and for once Satoru allows himself to be introspective about something. It’s not like there’s many people to look at, anyway; Mei Mei and Utahime have different schedules and Suguru and Shoko are always by his side, Satoru is so used to their presence they almost feel like extra limbs. So that leaves the first years as the one difference in the boring routine that is his life.

Haibara is sickenly sweet with his neverending smiles and overall positive energy. Satoru wonders how much that will last, what will take for him to break. It’s a terrible thing to think about a kouhai, but he knows enough about the jujutsu world to know that type of personality never lasts. Still, he’s a good kid. Maybe too good, not the type Satoru can deal with for too long. He needs some bite.

That’s where Nanami comes in, he thinks. He never smiles, never looks to be happy or at least content. It’s his lack of emotions that gets to Satoru, he thinks, the way Nanami seems to have the soul of an old man trapped on that pretty body of a teenage boy. So maybe Satoru spent too much time looking at him, maybe hoping to catch him off guard, maybe hoping to see what he hides behind his mask of indifference – because Satoru knows there’s something in there, he recognizes the signs.

You are my type, Satoru had told him, but maybe that was not entirely true. Maybe Satoru was only seeing someone who is so much like himself he can’t help but to be intrigued, to wonder how to bring someone like that down. If he knows then he will be ready when someone tries it on him, and isn’t that why he’s at this godforsaken school? To learn how to be even more powerful than he already is? And what’s more powerful than to know how to manipulate emotions? To learn how to guard himself so well no one will be able to touch him?

That’s it, Satoru thinks. Nanami is like him and he’s curious, but it’s superficial and it will pass once he’s learned everything he can. There’s no need to expect much out of the other boy other than this, no need to dig deeper. Satoru will use this little agreement and once it’s done he won’t think about Nanami again. He has always been volatile with his interests, there’s no reason things will be different this time.

✦

Nanami and Haibara eat lunch with them now. Nanami sits by his side, but most of his time is spent in silence or in conversation with Suguru, who seems to think he’s very interesting – though he always leans closer to Haibara, who nods at everything he says. Nanami must be using this too, Satoru thinks, to get closer to Suguru. Satoru still doesn’t think he has a chance, but won’t stop him from trying, Suguru is not that difficult to please, anyway.

Still, it does something to his pride that here is this guy, dating the Gojo Satoru and he shows zero enthusiasm. Even when Satoru wraps an arm around his shoulder and brings him closer – because he’s supposed to be the best boyfriend ever and Shoko still doesn’t seem very convinced of the veracity of their relationship – Nanami doesn’t react. His body doesn’t even tense anymore like the first time. It’s almost as if Satoru is not there.

But the thing is, Satoru can deal with all emotions except indifference. This one always eats away his pride in a way it shouldn’t, but it’s not his fault. He’s been famous since birth, a big shot in the jujutsu world since day one, no one can expect him to be humble. So Satoru doesn’t really like Nanami, but he needs his attention.

He rests his head on Nanami’s shoulder and the angle is a bit awkward because he’s taller, but he doesn’t care, if Nanami won’t look at him then Satoru will force him to. “So baby, what are you doing after lunch?” Satoru asks, interrupting whatever conversation Nanami and Suguru are having.

Nanami turns slightly to look at him, eyes still ice cold, though he doesn’t look annoyed. “We have afternoon class.” He replies like the obvious information it is. Students don’t do much in their first months in the school, boys like Nanami and Haibara, who don’t come from sorcerer families learn the theory and how to develop their techniques before they are sent into missions.

“Right, right,” Satoru rubs his forehead against his shoulder and Suguru chuckles, looking at them amused. “But we’ll see each other tonight, right?”

“I don’t think–”

“Ah Nanami, you’ve been a good boy, I still have to give you your prize, remember?” Satoru asks, voice sultry. Suguru cackles and on their left Shoko whispers something like disgusting, but Satoru is focused on Nanami’s reaction.

He doesn’t blush and surprisingly doesn’t push Satoru away, and even though he sighs Satoru can see the way his eyes linger on Satoru’s pouting lips. There it is, a sample of the attention Satoru has been craving for so long.

“Come to my room after dinner, then.” Nanami says. He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t shy. He gently nudges Satoru before getting up and Satoru is surprised by the gesture, he thought Nanami couldn’t wait to drop him. He places a hand on Satoru’s shoulder, cold fingertips against the skin of the crook of Satoru’s neck and it’s not the type of gesture anyone would expect from a high schooler, but it makes Satoru’s skin warm. “Let’s go, Yu.” He squeezes Satoru’s shoulder with perhaps more strength than necessary, but it still makes Satoru shiver. “See you later, senpai.”

Haibara gets up, face red as he bows. “Bye, senpai,” he says, focused on Suguru, who smiles and waves.

Once they are gone Suguru is laughing and Shoko is complaining about something, but Satoru can’t focus on their words. All he thinks about is Nanami’s fingers on his skin, his strong touch, the way Nanami looked at him. Satoru didn’t get his full attention, not yet, but it was enough to get him hooked.

It should be worrying, that he already feels this addicted to Nanami’s attention, but much like Suguru, Satoru has never been particularly difficult to please.

✦

This time, Satoru knocks on Nanami’s door and when he enters he finds Nanami in his bed, reading. He raises his eyes to Satoru and for a moment it’s like when they first met, Nanami looking at him like he can’t wait for Satoru to leave, even though he just arrived. If only Nanami was a bit different then Satoru wouldn’t feel the deep need to mess with him, but he is not and Satoru loves a challenge.

“Hi there, lover,” Satoru closes the door behind himself and sits on the end of Nanami’s bed. He takes his phone out of his pocket, opens it on Suguru’s contact info and tosses it to Nanami. “There you go, your payment.”

Nanami does everything with such calm, Satoru notices now. He looks at Satoru, at the phone that landed in between them and sighs. He closes his book – his bookmark seems to be an old receipt – and reaches for his own phone that is on the bedside table. Then he takes Satoru’s phone and starts copying Suguru’s number to his.

( Only then Satoru realizes he could have asked for Nanami’s number and texted him Suguru’s, but he doubts Nanami would give his number away easily. And maybe, just maybe, Satoru was looking for an excuse to be alone with Nanami again, to find a way under his skin. Curiosity truly is a curse. )

The whole act must not last more than a minute, but for Satoru it all feels like an eternity. He’s used to moving fast, to only allowing himself time to breathe and rest when Suguru and Shoko are by his side – and even then he’s always busy with something, teeth gnawing at a straw, hands playing with loose threads of his shirts, taking his glasses off and cleaning them even though it’s not necessary. Nanami, however, acts as if he’s a normal teenager, as if this is a boarding school and not a place where people go to learn how not to die so quickly.

He slides Satoru’s phone back over the mattress. “Thank you, senpai.”

Satoru reaches for his phone, hand so close to Nanami’s leg he wonders how it would be to touch him. Most of Satoru’s impulsive thoughts are like this, they come and go so fast he doesn’t even have time to register them, but this one stays; how it would be to touch Nanami’s leg, his thigh, his waist, how it would be to drape himself over Nanami and kiss him.

Satoru holds his phone with both hands.

“Hey, I’m a man of my word.” He says, looking away from Nanami. “But I gotta tell you, Nanami, I don’t think you’re Suguru’s type. Just saying.”

“Is that so?” Nanami doesn’t seem sad or angry or anything when Satoru takes a glance at him again. His face is the perfect mask of indifference.

“Yeah, he likes cutesy people.” Satoru is half recovered from his thoughts and smiles. Maybe it’s a bit too charming and bright, but he doesn’t care. “Unless you’re secretly like this.”

“I’m not.” Nanami is now looking at his phone and Satoru wonders if he’s already texting Suguru, what kind of excuse he’s going to use for it. Maybe, if Satoru was a different person, he would help. He would tell Suguru that it’s a lie and set the two up, but he isn’t a different person and Nanami only asked for the number, not for anything else, so that’s what he’ll get. Satoru hates giving more than what is necessary.

They fall silent and Satoru watches Nanami close his phone and pick his book up again as if he’s alone in the room.

“What are you reading?” Satoru asks, even though he can see the name of the book on the cover and even though he doesn’t care, not really. But he refuses to leave until Nanami tells him to, refuses to let a kouhai treat him with such indifference.

“Battle Royale.” Nanami replies, eyes still on the page.

“What’s it about?”

“A high school class is forced to go to an island and participate in a game where they have to kill each other until only one is left.” He flips the page and Satoru fixes his stare on Nanami’s fingers, on how slender and delicate they are.

“Oh Nanami, I didn’t take you for this type of reader.”

Nanami raises his eyes from his novel, staring at Satoru. “Did you take me for anything at all?”

Satoru laughs, delighted. This, he thinks, is what he wanted from Nanami. Maybe later he should try to understand why it makes him feel so good when the other boy looks at him like this or why he likes this type of dry answers so much, but for now he smiles and lies down on the bed, head closer to Nanami’s thigh, feet dangling from the end.

“Read it for me?” Satoru asks, blinking fast.

Nanami stares at him for a moment too long, but Satoru doesn’t look away. Nanami then sighs again, looks back at his book and starts reading. His voice is soft and surprisingly emotive when he reads, his diction perfect. The story is gruesome and sad, but Satoru finds himself unable to stop paying attention, hung on every word Nanami speaks.

It’s the first time he has spent so much time silent and Satoru finds that he doesn’t hate the calm that much, not if Nanami is there.

✦

It becomes a sort of routine between them. Satoru goes to Nanami’s room after dinner, sits on his bed and listens to Nanami reading. He doesn’t care much about the book – they finished Battle Royale and moved on to Kafka on the shore – and maybe he would like more if Nanani read mangas instead of books, but there’s something about Nanami’s voice, the calmness of it, that puts Satoru at peace.

He can close his eyes and let Nanami’s voice make him feel at ease, relax in ways that he never allowed himself to before. He, who grew up only learning how to speed up, how to train himself to keep his status as the best sorcerer to ever live, can stop. When Nanami reads, Satoru can, for the first time maybe ever, just be.

If Nanami ever feels inconvenienced by him, he doesn’t say anything. Satoru notices that Nanami only grabs his book after Satoru has arrived and it makes him feel some type of way he doesn’t want to analyze. It’s almost like they are friends – a friendship born out of silence and a strange mutual agreement, but it’s still something. It’s better than nothing.

The thing is, Satoru isn’t sure he wants to be just Nanami’s friend. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t stare at Nanami when he reads, doesn’t focus on Nanami’s lips and wonders how they would feel against his. He relaxes and tries to pay attention to Nanami’s words instead of his voice, tries to focus on the plot instead of letting his mind wander and imagine how Nanami would moan his name.

One night Nanami stops reading and Satoru opens his eyes, finding the other boy staring at him.

“What?” he asks, feeling pinned under Nanami’s stare. “Got tired already?”

Nanami looks away and Satoru feels satisfied. “No, I just thought you were sleeping, senpai.”

Satoru turns to lie on his belly, rests his face on his palm and smiles at Nanami, using all his charm. “You’re not that boring, Nanami.” he says. “I like listening to you read.” he adds, voice lower. It’s not the way Satoru usually speaks and somehow it feels like a confession, even if it’s such a simple statement.

He thinks about Suguru, then. Wonders if in the future, when Nanami dates Suguru – because Satoru knows Nanami enough now to know that the boy will always get whatever he wants, he’s too headstrong not to – his friend will lie down and ask Nanami to read for him too.

The thought of anyone seeing Nanami like this, listening to his calm voice as he practices his favorite hobby makes Satoru’s chest ache. He doesn’t want anyone else to have this privilege, even if it’s Suguru. It’s petty and selfish, but Satoru has never been noble. He wants to have this part of Nanami only for himself – it might be the only one he can hold on to, after all.

Nanami flips through the pages of the book and looks at Satoru. “One more chapter and we’re done for tonight.”

“Alright,” Satoru lies his head down, closes his eyes and tries not to think about how close to Nanami’s thigh his hand is, how easy it would be to reach out and touch it.

It’s unlike him to hesitate, not when Satoru trusts himself so much he can imagine seducing any person he wants. But what would be the point of it, anyway? Nanami is not the type that would be swayed by him easily, would not give in to any attempt of seduction. He already decided to go for Suguru, didn’t he?

Satoru takes a deep breath as Nanami restarts the reading, the clean scent of Nanami’s bed helping him calm down. At least he has Nanami’s attention in these moments, it has to count for something.

✦

“It doesn’t sit right with me,” Shoko says, waving her hand as if she’s holding a cigarette. She does it a lot, her hands moving by sheer muscle memory. “That out of the three of us you are the first to actually date someone.” She looks at Satoru and he smiles, both arms wrapped around one of Nanami’s. Shoko then leans forward on the table so she can look at Nanami. “Are you sure you are not being coerced into this relationship?”

“Shoko, I’m sure if you just smiled more–” Satoru begins, but Nanami cuts him.

“I’m sorry senpai, I truly am not being coerced.” He sighs, looking at Satoru in a way that is not disgusted, but it’s not loving either. “Don’t tell girls to smile, Gojo-senpai.” He picks a takoyaki from his plate and Satoru opens his mouth right away. Nanami stares at him and eats his takoyaki before continuing. “I just like Gojo-senpai.”

Suguru, sitting in front of them, snorts. Haibara giggles and focuses on his own food. Satoru closes his mouth, pressing his lips tightly against each other. Nanami says it like it’s so easy, admitting his feelings. Like he’s talking about the weather or whatever he learned about curses this morning.

He wonders if Nanami will be like this with Suguru too. If one day in the future the five of them will be sitting like this, Suguru’s arm around Nanami’s shoulder, the two of them sharing smiles and looks. If Nanami will look at Suguru and say I just like Geto-senpai with the same ease. Satoru wonders if he will ever be able to sit there and be happy for his friend, listen to it and chuckle.

“Please, don’t say this type of thing in public, you’ll make him even more full of himself.” Suguru comments, smiling. He picks one of his own takoyaki and holds it in front of Haibara, whose eyes grow wide before he leans forward and eats it. Suguru’s smiles even more, petting Haibara’s hair like a well behaved dog. “We won’t be able to handle him then.”

Nanami hums, seemingly considering the advice. “I think I can handle Gojo-senpai just fine.” He says then, voice flat.

Something in Satoru snaps, but not in a way he’s used to.

He knows violence, he knows anger and he knows annoyance. He knows showing off and making his opponents uncomfortable, but the way Nanami’s words make him feel are different; they make something inside him shake, make him feel warm and almost dizzy.

“Is that so?” Satoru asks, not moving from where he’s leaning against Nanami. His neck will hurt later, but he doesn’t care, the warmth from Nanami’s body is worth it.

Only then Nanami decides to turn and focus on him. The same thing snaps inside Satoru’s chest again, but clearer this time. He feels the weight of Nanami’s attention and his stare sends a shiver down Satoru’s spine.

This, he thinks, is something he doesn’t want Suguru to have. Nanami’s strong stare, how his attention feels like electricity. It’s selfish and ugly, but Satoru doesn’t care, he doesn’t want to be on the outside of a scene like this one between Nanami and Suguru, he knows he wouldn’t be able to see it and not feel jealous.

“I did just that last night, didn’t I, senpai?” Nanami asks back, voice still flat. Satoru wonders if he is even capable of emoting outside of reading, wonders if he would still sound this cold if Satoru kissed down his neck.

He thinks about the previous night, when Satoru went to his room for another reading night, just because he liked the way Nanami’s voice sounded when he read. And just like every night Nanami didn’t kick him out or complained. Instead, he sat on his bed, waited for Satoru to lie down and started reading, simple as that.

His friends don’t know that, of course. Whatever they’re thinking the two of them were doing, that’s Nanami’s intention. Satoru wonders if this is his strategy, if he plans on making Suguru jealous, if he thinks Suguru will care more about him then. Nanami, the brat tamer, has a nice ring to it.

Satoru wants to tell him once again that it won’t work. If anything Suguru won’t feel any more interested in him, seeing Nanami as Satoru’s slop seconds. It’s the wrong way to get to his heart and Satoru should tell Nanami, but he won’t. If Nanami wants to play this game, then they can play it together.

“Oh Nanami, don’t be so lewd!” Satoru giggles, high pitched and exaggerated. “Not in front of my poor innocent Shoko!”

“Please,” Shoko scoffs. “As if I’m not used to you flaunting everything you do, you pig.” She slaps Satoru’s shoulder without strength. “At least now you found your match.”

“I told you, didn’t I?” Suguru is resting his face on his palm, staring at them as if they are some interesting experiment. “You two are perfect for each other.” He turns to Haibara. “Don’t you think so, Yu-kun?”

“Absolutely!” Haibara beams at Suguru. “Match made in jujutsu heaven.”

Nanami doesn’t say anything, but Satoru knows he’s rolling his eyes at his friend. It’s not that difficult to predict what he’ll do, not with him being as emotionless as he is. Still, Satoru wonders if Suguru’s words had any impact on him, if Nanami is now cursing their stupid agreement for pushing him away from his true crush.

He feels a strange sense of satisfaction.

“I know how to pick ‘em.” Satoru says, squeezing Nanami’s arm. “Maybe you should learn from me, Suguru.” He adds just for good measure, just because he can.

Suguru, who has been picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of Haibara’s uniform nods. “Maybe I should.” He doesn’t seem very interested in doing anything else and Satoru wonders if it pains Nanami, if he feels the sting of rejection. Maybe he should continue, he thinks, probing and probing until Nanami feels hurt enough to give in to him.

It is ridiculous, Satoru knows he should feel pathetic, to want someone’s attention so much that he’s willing to hurt them for it, to become a rebound. But he doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t know what more he can say to make Nanami understand. He has never been the most honorable person around and he won’t start now.

Nanami looks at him, eyes unreadable. He picks a takoyaki and offers it to Satoru. It’s something simple, but that gives Satoru pause.

It hits him then. He wants Nanami. Not only his attention, not only the nights they read together. He doesn’t want this thing between them to end because he wants all of Nanami Kento for himself, no matter how emotionless and boring he might seem.

It shouldn’t be fun, but Satoru wants to laugh. It shouldn’t take him a few nights reading together and the knowledge a boy likes his best friend for him to start liking someone, but Satoru has never been too good with doing things the right way.

“I like you too,” Satoru whispers to Nanami’s shoulder, clinging to him so no one will notice that his hands started trembling.

“It would be weird if you didn’t, senpai, since we’re dating.” Nanami doesn’t even look at him and his voice seems distant. “A month, remember?”

He wants to say something else, explain to Nanami that he means it, but then he looks at Suguru on the other side of the table, at the way he smiles, and pauses. This moment doesn’t belong to Satoru, not really. He looks at Nanami again and wonders if he’s ready to end it, if he wants to move on to Suguru already.

“Right.” Satoru replies at last, mouth dry and voice low. “A month, of course.”

✦

Yaga puts them through a training session that is so tiring – “You’re too distracted lately,” he said, the inflection of his voice signaling he wouldn’t accept any complaining from the three of them – that by the time he drags himself to Nanami’s room he collapses face first into the bed, almost knocking his face on Nanami’s knee.

“I thought the best jujutsu sorcerer in the world didn’t feel tired,” Nanami says in lieu of greeting, voice with a hint of amusement. It’s the first time he showed any sort of emotion in front of Satoru and he can’t even savor it properly.

“Shut up, you wouldn’t last a second on that training.” Satoru complains, not bothering to raise his head and look at Nanami.

“What are you doing here, then?” Nanami asks. “You could’ve gone to your room to sleep, Gojo-senpai.” He adds, voice tinged with something, softer somehow.

Maybe, Satoru allows himself this indulgence, that something is worrying.

“I wanted to know what happens next in the story,” Satoru lies because the truth seems too much for that moment. He wanted to see Nanami, wanted to hear his voice.

It’s concerning how much he dreams of Nanami when they are not together. During his daily missions around the city, when he’s training, when Nanami is in class. Satoru finds that his days are filled with thoughts of the other boy – what he is doing, what he’s thinking about, if he ever laughs when he’s alone with Haibara, how he looks when he fights.

He thinks of Nanami texting Suguru too. Thinks if the two of them talk, if they are friends, what they would talk about. He thinks about how Nanami would confess to liking his friend and how Suguru would accept it – because he would, because Nanami is too pretty and Suguru wouldn’t be able to resist.

He thinks about all the ways he will never have Nanami.

Satoru closes his eyes and Nanami hums and starts reading.

✦

Satoru wakes up with a hand on his shoulder.

The tiredness of a training day can’t overcome a lifetime of conditioning, so as soon as he feels the touch he gets up, finding himself staring at Nanami. He blinks a few times, remembering where he is. He must have fallen asleep while Nanami read.

Satoru relaxes. “How long did I sleep?”

“You started snoring as soon as I started reading.” Nanami replies. His eyes are wide and alert and he stares at Satoru as if trying to solve a puzzle.

“I don’t snore.” Satoru looks away, suddenly embarrassed. It’s so strange, to feel like the teenager he is. He’s usually so confident, so certain of the things he wants, but Nanami makes him feel, not small, but seen. Human.

“You do.” Nanami is wearing his pajamas now, Satoru notices. The shirt is larger and stretches enough that Satoru can see Nanami’s collarbone. He feels his cheeks heating and focuses on the way Nanami pulls the comforter away.

“Well, I suppose I should be going.” Satoru says, voice too loud. It echoes through the room and makes him grimace.

“You can sleep here if you want.” Nanami’s voice is the same as always, but he’s looking away, hiding behind his hair.

Satoru smiles wide. “Oh my, Nanami! I never thought you would be so straightforward!” It’s impossible not to tease, not when Nanami looks at him and Satoru notices the blush on his cheeks. “I’ll let you know that I’m not that easy.”

Nanami raises an eyebrow when he looks at Satoru again. “Aren’t you?” He asks and it’s a challenge, Satoru knows. The moment to reply seems to come and go when Nanami speaks again. “You can go, then.”

Satoru chuckles, delighted by the way Nanami seems to be showing a bit of personality. Instead of going back to his room as he should, he motions for Nanami to lie down. He turns the light off and slips into the bed by Nanami’s side.

It’s not a large bed by any means, not large enough for two tall boys like them, but Satoru still makes a conscious effort to keep his distance, unsure of what would happen if he touched Nanami.

Nanami breaks the silence with a whisper: “I have a mission tomorrow.” He says. Satoru can’t quite see him in the dark, only the contours of his face. He wonders if Nanami is afraid, wonders if that’s why he asked Satoru to sleep with him. Should he give any advice? Satoru feels out of his depth, afraid of speaking. It’s the first time in his life that words fail him.

“Don’t die.” Is the first thing he manages to say. “I mean, it would reflect badly on me if my boyfriend was weak enough to die on his first mission.”

Nanami snorts. “I don’t intend on dying, don’t worry, Gojo-senpai.” His voice is so close and the bed feels so warm. Satoru wishes they would get closer to each other. “I’m just saying so you don’t come here tomorrow night. It’s supposed to be a two day trip.”

Satoru doesn’t know if Nanami is telling the truth, doesn’t know if he’s scared. He’s so different from Suguru and Shoko, whose emotions Satoru can always read on their faces. Never, not even once, he had to make any effort to understand the intentions behind their words and stares. Nanami, however, is as closed off as Satoru himself, never offering anything beyond face value. Now Satoru understands how frustrating it must be for others to deal with him.

“Are you going to miss reading for me, Nanami?” Satoru asks, teasing. He wants to know the answer, though.

Nanami seems to be waiting for that question, because what he replies is: “I’ll read for Yu instead.”

Satoru chuckles. Never giving anything, indeed. He rests a hand on Nanami’s shoulder, hoping the gesture comes off more as camaraderie than intimate. They are friends, aren’t they? Colleagues, at least.

“I’m serious, though,” Satoru whispers. “Don’t die.”

Nanami relaxes and moves closer to Satoru. “I won’t, don’t worry.”

Satoru dares to move closer, wrapping his arm around Nanami’s shoulder. He shouldn’t do it, but Nanami doesn’t complain, so he pulls Nanami to him. “You can’t die before me.”

Nanami rests his head on Satoru’s chest, breathing tickling his neck. “That will be difficult, Gojo-senpai. You’re the strongest.”

Before, those words used to make him swell with pride. The strongest, untouchable. He used to think they were the best things anyone could ever say to him. Now all Satoru wants to do is to be like everyone else, not to be burdened by the knowledge that he won’t die as easily as the rest of them. As Nanami.

“Then you better work hard to get stronger, Nanami.” He feels more than hears Nanami’s dry chuckle. “Now, sleep.” He wants to kiss Nanami’s head, wants to brush his fingers through Nanami’s hair, but knows he’ll get addicted if he does it. So Satoru stays like this, holding Nanami as the other boy relaxes in his arms. “Goodnight, Nanami.”

“Goodnight, senpai.” Nanami whispers back.

Satoru is not sure he’ll be able to sleep tonight, not with the knowledge that Nanami won’t be there tomorrow. Something sets deep in his bones – worry. He knows that a first year’s first mission is nothing much, but still, anything can happen. A stronger curse can show up, they can be ambushed, they can get hurt and die.

It’s all Satoru can think about now, receiving the news that Nanami is dead. He closes his eyes, forcing his body to relax so as to not wake Nanami up. It won’t happen, it can’t happen.

I’ll protect you, Satoru thinks as he feels Nanami’s breathing, maybe not tomorrow, but I’ll protect you.

It’s the first time Gojo Satoru truly wants to protect someone.

✦

He wakes up to an empty room, the sun shining through the curtains.

The bed is still warm on Nanami’s side and Satoru rolls over, burying his face on the pillow and inhaling deeply. It smells like clean laundry and a hint of lilac. When Satoru rolls out of the bed he has already memorized Nanami’s smell, stored it in his mind together with the feeling of holding Nanami in his arms if –

No, he won’t think of it.

“Good morning, loverboy.” A voice sounds behind his back when Satoru leaves Nanami’s room. When he turns around Suguru is leaning against the wall, smirking at him. “Slept well?”

“Amazing.” Satoru replies, voice still hoarse with sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you, of course. Nanami told me you were still sleeping.”

So Suguru was already up when Nanami left. He wonders if that was on purpose, if he came to say goodbye, to give Nanami advice as a senpai. Suguru would know what to say, he thinks. He’s sweet, gentle and caring, unlike Satoru, who has to mask everything behind sarcasm. The day has just started and Satoru already wants it to be over.

“Come on,” Suguru slaps him gently on the shoulder to make Satoru move. If he notices everything wrong with Satoru he’s graceful enough not to say. “Let’s find something to distract you so you won’t think about your boyfriend.”

He is smiling, but Satoru knows Suguru better than anyone else. His voice is strained, his manners a bit forced. He’s worried about something, or someone. Satoru looks at him, wonders if he could be worried about Nanami, if they’re already talking, if they’re friends, if Suguru will fall for his charm the same way Satoru did.

Satoru thinks about Nanami’s face when told he wasn’t Suguru’s type, tries to find any clue of how he feels. Still, nothing comes to his mind because Nanami is a mystery – his beautiful face is always composed and calm, his eyes never give anything away. Satoru wishes Nanami was an open book to him like everyone else, that he could take one look at Nanami and know what the other boy is thinking about.

But he wouldn’t like Nanami then, would he? Nanami would be easy the way Suguru and Shoko were, like parts of himself that he didn’t need to inspect much. He wouldn’t be as fascinated with Nanami or feel the need to be Nanami’s center of gravity.

And how boring would his life be then.

✦

When Satoru was a child he was taught how to behave. Always be polite and respectful of your elders, don’t raise your voice, don’t run around the house, don’t be a nuisance. He was a child, but he was so much more. What all others had was denied to him – the freedom of childhood, the beautiful years in which one doesn’t need to worry about anything.

Gojo Satoru had many worries from the moment he was born. Curses and members of the other clans, all ready to take him down. He was powerful and dangerous, but also an easy target as a child. So they took that away from him, taught him how to control his cursed energy from a young age, how to fight and defend himself, how to present himself to the world as the strongest person alive.

And Satoru had always been good at it, even after he entered jujutsu tech. He could smile through any pain, could bow down if that was needed to get him out of trouble. It was easy to hide his feelings and thoughts when no one cared about them to begin with. Gojo Satoru was not a human being, he was a weapon, one for the clans to control and for the curses to destroy; no one ever cared to know what went on inside his head as long as he kept fighting.

No one until Suguru and Shoko, that is.

He tries to go on with his day, the three of them on their own mission. It’s just four medium level curses, the type Satoru could take care of alone – he guesses Yaga has also noticed something wrong with him, the old man is perceptive – but the three of them go together anyway. It’s good, because Satoru is distracted. His blows are half hearted and he dodges the curses without the usual enthusiasm he would have for a good cat and mouse game.

Shoko and Suguru finish their curses with ease, both watching as Satoru struggles against the other two. Still, they don’t move to help him, they know it’s not necessary. It’s the thing about them, they know Satoru is the strongest and they don’t always help, but it’s never out of spite. They know he is too prideful to accept help with curses as low graded as the ones they usually face. They know him too well, that’s the problem.

When he’s finally done and the three of them scan the area to make sure no other curse got away and no human got hurt they walk behind him, silent. Satoru doesn’t need to look at them to know they are exchanging looks. It’s always the same when one of them is not in a good mood, the other two always end up in a tug of war to decide who will speak first.

This time it is Shoko. She holds Satoru’s sleeve and gestures for them to sit down on a bench. He could refuse, could run back to the school, but he knows it won’t work. Suguru and Shoko would hunt him down and make him talk and the school seems oddly empty without the first years.

They sit, Satoru in the middle. Shoko reaches out and takes off his glasses, putting them on. She always does it when she’s tired, closing her eyes behind them.

“So,” she begins, “do you want to talk about why you were distracted back there?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Satoru replies right away, his first instinct is always to lie. “I was just playing with those two curses.”

Suguru snorts. “Please, don’t.” He looks at Satoru, his expression serious. He always looked older, but now he looks wise beyond his years. “It’s okay to be worried about your boyfriend. I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed when you two practically discussed your sex life in front of us.”

“That’s because little Satoru doesn’t want to show his feelings.” Shoko now has his glasses on the tip of her nose. She reaches out to her pocket, takes a pack of cigarettes and her lighter. “Which is stupid, by the way. They are right there, written on your face.”

Satoru watches as she lights the cigarette and inhales. There’s something intimate about it, watching Shoko relax in her favorite way.

“I thought you said we’d find something to distract me?” Satoru asks Suguru, deciding to ignore Shoko’s comment for now.

Suguru shrugs. “I thought this would be a good distraction. But I suppose you’re not in the mood to fight some curses.”

“I’m never in the mood to fight.” Satoru slides down the bench and rests his head on Shoko’s shoulder. She looks at him from the corner of her eye, but doesn’t say anything. “I’m just…”

“Worried.” Suguru says. They look at each other and Suguru raises an eyebrow, daring Satoru to contradict him.

“Yeah. Whatever.” He doesn’t look at either of his friends. Instead, Satoru closes his eyes and tries not to think about what Nanami is doing.

He realizes he doesn’t know Nanami’s cursed technique. He doesn’t know if Nanami is strong or if he’s struggling. That was part of the appeal, wasn’t it? That Nanami was such a mystery, that Satoru thought he could figure Nanami out, peel layer after layer until Nanami was laid bare to him. And then what? Then Satoru would get bored the way he always does, he would toss Nanami to the side and move on with his life. No time for getting attached when you’re the strongest one.

Instead, Nanami was the one who figured him out. Nanami, with his cold stares and blank expressions, was the one who understood how Satoru worked the quickest. Somehow, against all logic, Nanami created a space for himself inside Satoru’s mind and heart, making sure that Satoru wouldn’t be able to push him away.

It leaves a bad taste in his mouth, how this boy could do so much to him in so little time. Satoru is supposed to be better than this, he’s supposed to be above human emotions and wishes – he’s not a boy, he’s a weapon and weapons don’t waste their time thinking about their crushes.

“They’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Shoko says. She smells like cigarettes, but that is something Satoru learned to associate with comfort. “And Satoru? It’s okay to worry. I worry about you all the time.”

A joke comes to the tip of his tongue – it’s always better to diffuse any situation with humor – but Satoru refuses to say it. She’s trying to be a good friend, all he can do is extend her the same courtesy.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Shoko-chan,” he opens his eyes and looks up at her. “I’m the strongest sorcerer alive, remember? I’ll be fine no matter what.”

She scoffs. “I doubt that.” Shoko looks down at him, a smile on her lips. It’s one of those rare genuine smiles, one that Satoru treasures. “Don’t tell me what to do, I’ll worry all I want.”

“Look at the two of you, having a sweet moment.” Suguru smiles too, leaning his head on Satoru’s shoulders. Satoru wonders what they look like to outsiders, if anyone who looked at them could guess the extent of their problems. “They’ll be fine.” He repeats, though his voice is not so sure.

The bitterness inside Satoru grows, somehow. He thinks about Nanami’s face when he asked for Suguru’s phone, thinks about the two of them talking over lunch. They would be good for each other, he thinks. And for the first time in his life Satoru hates his best friend. Not much, and not for too long, but the feeling is there, eating his insides.

✦

The day was fine, but the night is terrible. Satoru hadn’t thought about how much he liked going to Nanami’s room and being with him. Now that he lies in his own bedroom he doesn’t know what to do with himself, doesn’t know how to keep his mind busy so he doesn’t think about Nanami, doesn’t think about the thousand ways he could die.

Satoru has never been able to master his impulse control, always too used to getting what he wanted one way or another. It’s easy to have all your wishes fulfilled when you’re the most important person in the world. So he gives up sleeping in his bedroom, walks over to Nanami’s and takes in the room he came to know so well.

It’s still as plain as the first time he entered, but now something has shifted. Somehow that small bedroom now feels like a safe space, like a haven. He lies down on Nanami’s bed and thinks about the nights they spent there reading. Satoru closes his eyes and remembers Nanami’s voice, the cadence of it, the way Nanami slept close to him, breathing tickling Satoru’s neck.

He wonders if this is normal, if he should feel so much for a boy he barely knows. Satoru knows a lot about the jujutsu world, knows about curses and cursed techniques, but only now, lying on Nanami’s bed, he realizes he knows very little about the outside world.

It’s stressing, to realize that despite everything he’s still a teenager. He, who always saw himself as invencible, now feels defeated by something so trivial as the absence of another person.

Satoru sleeps and dreams of another world, one in which he and Nanami are normal teenagers, where worrying about death is something for old people, a world where their time feels infinite and they feel free.

✦

He sees Haibara first.

The boy is sitting close to Suguru, probably retelling his mission. His smile is as bright as ever and Satoru feels instant relief – no one would smile like that if their best friend had died. He doesn’t join them, has no intention of wasting his time.

Satoru all but runs to Nanami’s bedroom. When he turns the doorknob the door doesn’t move. He frowns at it and knocks. No reply. He knocks again and is met with silence. Panic starts to rise in his mind and Satoru thinks about checking Nanami’s window when a coughing fit comes from inside the room.

“Nanami?” Satoru leans close to the door. “It’s your boyfriend, Satoru!”

More coughs and the noise of footsteps coming closer, but the door doesn’t open.

“Gojo-senpai,” Nanami’s voice sounds raspy and tired. “I have the flu and don’t want anyone else to be sick, please leave.”

Satoru relaxes. Only the flu. Not a mortal injury or anything, just a normal, casual thing.

“Don’t worry about it, I never get sick.” Satoru says. “Come on, open up.” It’s almost a plea. He needs to see Nanami, needs to know everything is fine, or as fine as possible when the other boy is sick.

Nanami coughs again and opens the door, leaving it open as he returns to the bed. He is pale, eyelids drooping. He falls to the bed with a groan and stays there, not bothering to pick up the covers. His nightstand is cluttered with medicine, tissues, a glass of water, a discman and two books. It’s the most messy Nanami’s bedroom has ever looked.

Satoru drags the chair close to the bed, sitting on it. “You look like shit.” He says instead of what he truly wanted to say: I missed you, I worried about you, I can’t deal with the notion that you might die at any moment.

“I’m sick, what did you expect?” Nanami reaches for a tissue and blows his nose. “We had to run after that fucking curse under the rain. It sucked.”

Satoru laughs. “I can’t believe you just cursed!” He says, delighted. He feels light now that he is sure Nanami isn’t in danger. “Welcome to the world of sorcerers, Nanami: it’s shit.” He sees the way Nanami is sweating, how his hair is sticking to his forehead. It’s strange to see Nanami this vulnerable, and Satoru feels uncomfortable, unsure of what to do.

So he acts the way he would with Suguru and Shoko: he gets up, opens the window a bit more for fresh air, grabs the bin from under Nanami’s desk and throws the used tissues away, walks over to Nanami’s wardrobe, finds a towel and leans over him to wipe the sweat from his forehead and face.

If Nanami has anything against it he doesn’t say. Maybe he’s too weak from his flu, maybe he wants to save energy, whatever it is he only watches Satoru, eyes barely open.

“I didn’t know you were so caring, senpai.” Nanami whispers.

“I’m not.” Satoru sits by his side again. “You just look pretty pathetic like this.”

Nanami opens an eye and stares at him. They don’t speak, only look at each other. Satoru wonders what Nanami is looking for, what he is seeing. For someone so young he has a powerful stare, one that commands respect.

He reaches out for his discman and looks back at Satoru. “Want to listen to the last L’arc-en-ciel album?” He moves on the bed, making space for Satoru.

Satoru looks at the earbud he holds, at the look in his eyes. You’re still just a boy, he thinks, you’re still just a boy and this world hasn’t tainted you yet, Nanami. He knows the ugliness of what they do will catch up to Nanami eventually, that will turn Nanami bitter and erase that shine on his eyes the same way it did to Satoru.

But that is for the future. For now they are only two boys, they may not have all the time in the world, but they have enough time to listen to an album. Satoru takes off his glasses, lies by Nanami’s side, accepts the earbud and closes his eyes, taking in the comfort the moment gives him. They may not have a lot of time, but they have enough, for now.

✦

Satoru wakes up in the middle of the night, the room now dark, a soft breeze coming from the window. He looks over at Nanami, who sleeps soundly, earbud forgotten by his head on the pillow. Satoru places the discman back on the nightstand and lies down, staring at the ceiling.

He should go back to his room, give Nanami space to recover from his flu, but all he can do is risk glances at Nanami in the dim light of the room. Nanami looks younger when he sleeps, peaceful. Gone are the hard lines of his mouth and when his eyes are closed he looks soft, attainable in a way he would never be when awake as he guards himself so well.

Satoru places a hand on his forehead. He’s still warm, but not so much. Instead of dropping his hand he brushes his fingers through Nanami’s hair, caresses his cheek. Satoru doesn’t need to think much to know he has never touched anyone with this much gentleness. Shoko doesn’t like to be touched and everything between Suguru and him is playful and besides them there’s no one else Satoru cares about.

Or there wasn’t, until now.

He wants to know about Nanami’s mission, wants to know if he thought it was difficult or not, if Nanami is scared for his future. They’ll do this for the rest of their lives, the two of them. Fighting, killing curses, getting hurt, repeat. For years and years until they either get too old or die.

“You’re awake.” Nanami’s voice is soft in the darkness of the room and when Satoru turns around the other boy is looking at him.

“I don’t need a lot of sleep,” Satoru replies. “Go back to sleep, Nanami. You have to rest.”

“I’ve been awake for a while.”

Satoru turns to him. “I was just feeling your temperature. You still have a fever.”

Nanami hums. His eyes are closed when he feels over the covers for Satoru’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Senpai, will you stay with me tonight?”

Satoru can feel himself trembling. When was the last time someone wished for his presence? The Gojo clan would rather pass him around from member to member when they taught him about his powers, Yaga would rather not see him unless they are on class or mission, pretending Satoru is not his problem now. Even Shoko and Suguru get tired of him sometimes, as friends do. Nearly eighteen years in this world and this is the first time someone wants to be with Satoru.

He squeezes Nanami’s hand. “Sure, if that’s what you want.” His voice is shaking too and Satoru hates it, hates how vulnerable it makes him feel. “Were you scared?”

Nanami takes so long to answer that Satoru thinks he fell asleep again. When he does his voice also sounds different, uncertain, almost broken. “Yes.” Nanami admits. “We can really die at any moment, can’t we?”

Satoru feels something inside break. You’re just a boy, it shouldn’t be like this. Not for someone like you, he thinks. He lets go of Nanami’s hand just so he can pull Nanami closer, flu be damned.

“Yeah, we can.” Satoru answers, letting Nanami rest his head on his chest. His body is warm and he’s sticky with sweat, but Satoru doesn’t care. For once in his life he wants to be the solace to someone else. “But remember you promised me you wouldn’t die before me.”

Nanami chuckles weakly against his chest. “I didn’t think you’d take that seriously, senpai.”

Satoru flicks his fingers against Nanami’s earlobe. “I take all promises seriously, Nanami, especially those that involve life and death. So don’t you think about dying before me.”

“Fine.” Nanami seems to be falling asleep again, voice a whisper. “I won’t die before you.”

Satoru doesn’t sleep that night, mind racing. It’s easy to ignore the reality of their situation, it’s easy to think that things can’t be that bad when everyone around you is on your level. Never once did he need to worry about the other members of the Gojo clan, Yaga or Shoko and Suguru. Yet, now he has someone to protect, someone whose life could end in an instant.

“I’ll protect you,” Satoru whispers, lips brushing against Nanami’s hair. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

Satoru doesn’t sleep, but that doesn’t matter. He has Nanami in his arms and that is enough.

✦

“How are you feeling?” Shoko asks Nanami when he joins them for breakfast.

“Recovered,” Nanami sits beside Satoru on his usual spot. They seem to be closer, somehow, thighs and arms brushing all the time. It makes Satoru feel warmer. “Thank you for buying me medicine, senpai.” He bows lightly towards her.

“Don’t mention it,” Shoko dismisses it with her hand. “It was better to go to the pharmacy than to have to listen to Satoru whining.” She adds, sticking her tongue out at Satoru.

“Nanami, if you can, please don’t get sick again. I don’t think we can handle a worried Satoru anymore.” Suguru’s smile is knowing. Satoru looks at him, looks for any indication that he too was worried about Nanami, but Suguru doesn’t seem any different than before.

He doesn’t care, Satoru thinks, Nanami likes him and he doesn’t care at all. Again, even for a few seconds, Satoru hates his best friend. It’s not fair, he thinks, that Suguru could have Nanami at any moment and doesn’t want to. It’s not fair that Satoru is still by Nanami’s side and he’s not the one Nanami wants.

For the first time in his life Gojo Satoru learns what it’s like to be at a disadvantage.

“He didn’t even let me in the room!” Haibara complains, pouting. That seems to be forgotten when Suguru pats his hair.

“That’s because you talk too much,” Satoru shrugs, not regretful. “And Nanami needed silence to rest.”

Nanami looks at him, eyes serious. It’s the look he gives Satoru when he’s trying to puzzle together the intentions behind Satoru’s actions, although this time there’s not much about it; Satoru was worried and he acted accordingly. Whatever Nanami sees in him, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he decides to focus on his food.

“Thank you for taking care of me, senpai.” He whispers.

“Don’t thank him,” Shoko says, mouth full of rice. “It’s the least your boyfriend can do for you.”

Satoru freezes.

“Obviously.” He wraps an arm around Nanami, laughing in a way that sounds too fake to his own ears. “I’m the best boyfriend ever.”

Nanami scoffs. “You’re adequate at best.” He doesn’t seem uncomfortable and stiff as he would before, but something about his posture seems different, something about the way he looks at Satoru from the corner of his eye.

“Nanami, after everything I did for you!” Satoru leans closer to him. “At least tell them I’m the best!” He likes these moments, when he can crowd Nanami’s personal space. It’s almost territorial, though he doesn’t think anyone else cares.

“You’re so needy,” is what Nanami tells him instead. He leans his head on Satoru’s shoulder, making himself comfortable. Satoru wonders if this has anything to do with the way Suguru smiles at them, satisfied. If Nanami is trying to make him jealous.

Later, when they finished their breakfast, Nanami tugs at the sleeve of his uniform before Satoru can follow Shoko and Suguru to class. He doesn’t say anything at first, only staring at Satoru. When he gets closer Satoru holds his breath. Yet, all Nanami does is stare at him and whisper:

“You’re the best, senpai.” He doesn’t smile, his voice doesn’t shift much, but something in the way he looks at Satoru is different. Nanami lets go of his uniform. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Satoru stays frozen on the spot, heart racing. A phrase as simple as that shouldn’t have such an impact on him, but it seems logic stops to exist when it comes to Nanami. He watches as Nanami follows Haibara to their class and thinks once again of how it would feel to kiss Nanami.

It’s only when Suguru calls him that Satoru remembers he can’t stay there daydreaming all day long. The world doesn’t stop because Satoru didn’t get something he wanted, another lesson that Nanami Kento manages to teach him.

✦

The usual tidiness of Nanami’s room was replaced by a permanent state of disarray, at least when it comes to his nightstand. There’s the book they are reading, a second one that has been sitting there for a while – not that Satoru has been keeping track of Nanami’s habits, he’s just a perceptive person – a notebook full of notes on jujutsu terms that Satoru hijacked to doodle on, a bottle of vitamins Satoru bought for Nanami and a couple of coins.

Now, however, there’s a box of pocky standing in the middle of the mess. Satoru’s eyes dart to it the second he crosses the door, looking back at Nanami, who is busy reading.

Nanami looks at him and then to the box. “Yu and I had to go downtown today and I got it for you, senpai.” He says, looking down at the book. “Do you like strawberry pocky?”

Satoru’s eyes grow wide. He stares at Nanami, afraid that if he opens his mouth he’ll say something stupid. It should worry him, Satoru thinks, that something as simple as that makes his heart beat faster and ache, that Nanami can make him feel so much with so little. It’s not even the first time someone has bought him candy. What kind of life was he living, Satoru wonders, that everything Nanami does seems to be so meaningful?

That’s why the Gojo clan always taught him to protect himself, Satoru thinks. Because somehow, in this tiny dorm room, he realizes that Nanami could be used to hurt him. It’s an opening to his power, a way of getting to him. As he looks at the way Nanami avoids his eyes Satoru realizes that he would do anything for Nanami. One word from him and Gojo Satoru, the most powerful person alive, would destroy the world.

“Of course I do!” Satoru doesn’t think twice about opening the box and picking one. Somehow it tastes better than any other pocky he has eaten before. “Look at you, Nanami, being good to your boyfriend for once.”

It’s only after a few beats of silence that Satoru realizes what he has said. Nanami looks at him, hard to read as always, and Satoru wants to say something to make it better, to backtrack. But, at the same time, he doesn’t. He wants to live in this fantasy land where Nanami is actually his boyfriend, not a kouhai who accepted to help him for his own reasons.

As if to remind Satoru of the whole reason he’s doing it, Nanami looks away and says: “We met Geto-senpai, by the way.” Satoru looks up for clues of what this meeting could have meant to Nanami, but his tone is as neutral as ever. “And he told us we’re all supposed to do something tomorrow night?”

“Ah,” The mention of his best friend’s name makes Satoru feel bitter. A first. “Yeah, we have a get together every other week to drink and relax. You know, act like real teenagers.” He doesn’t let his bitterness show. Instead, he turns to Nanami and smiles. “You are going too, since you’re my boyfriend and all that.”

“About that…” Nanami looks at his book again. Satoru stops breathing. “I…”

Satoru knows what’s coming. It makes sense, of course, that their farse would come to an end. He already lied to his friends and Nanami already got what he wanted, there’s no need for them to extend it. Still, Satoru doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to let Nanami go, and doesn't want to imagine a future where these nights are not part of his routine.

You’ll have to say it, he thinks, I won’t stop until you do. It’s childish, but Satoru never knew any better. If this was anyone else Satoru would end it right now, would smile and agree that they’ve gone too far, there’s no need to stay together on the lie. But this is Nanami, who talks back to Satoru, who isn’t impressed by his power, who still asks Satoru to sleep with him because he doesn’t want to be alone. Satoru can’t let go of him, won’t let it end this easily, even if what they have is not real.

So he doesn’t say anything. He stares at Nanami and waits for the end to come.

“Nevermind,” Nanami whispers. “Let’s read or else we won’t finish the book.”

Satoru smiles, though it’s short lived. Maybe Nanami didn’t have the courage to end it now, but now Satoru knows he’s thinking of it. The end is coming and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

✦

When Nanami and Haibara arrive they are already sitting on the stairs, Shoko smoking and Suguru talking about their latest mission, a can of beer in hand. He looks up, smiles and pats the space by his side and Haibara takes it, ears red – Satoru had no idea the kid was so nervous around Suguru.

Nanami is about to sit by Satoru’s side when Satoru shakes his head, a smirk dancing on his lips when he gestures for Nanami to sit in front of him between his legs. He’s sure Nanami is going to refuse or maybe pretend he didn’t understand it, but he sighs and sits down, leaning his back against Satoru’s body. Satoru would expect him to be tense, but he seems relaxed, reaching out when Suguru offers him a beer.

“I didn’t know you liked to drink, baby,” Satoru moves his head to look at Nanami, eyes unable to leave the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he takes a sip of the beer.

“Now you do.” Nanami answers, but his attention is on Suguru and Haibara, who is giggling at something, awkwardly holding a can.

Something stirs in Satoru’s stomach and he wishes he drank so he would drown it with beer. It’s easy to pretend in his mind that this thing they have is real when there’s no one else around. It’s easy to focus on Nanami’s voice when he reads, or the times they have slept together, or how happy he feels when they are alone. Yet, every time they are around Suguru he remembers that he is on borrowed time – Nanami is going to leave him eventually and this, however special it feels for Satoru, will be nothing but a memory.

A gasp pulls him away from his thoughts.

Utahime is standing behind all of them, eyes wide as she looks at Satoru and Nanami. “So it’s true, you two are dating.” She says when she approaches them, sitting next to Shoko.

Satoru grins, using the opportunity to wrap his arms around Nanami and lean his cheek against the top of his head. “What’s the problem? Are you mad I’m dating someone cuter than you?”

“I don’t–” Utahime starts, but Nanami cuts her off.

“Gojo-senpai,” he whispers, turning his head. Then Nanami, the little snake, kisses Satoru’s neck, a gesture that makes Satoru’s whole body become warmer. “Don’t be rude.” He then turns to Utahime. “I apologize for him, senpai.”

Utahime seems as shocked as Satoru. Probably for different reasons, though.

“I’m going to steal your boyfriend.” She tells Satoru.

Satoru holds Nanami closer, enjoying how cooperative he is tonight. “No way, go find yourself someone else. This one is mine.”

“Ah, look at you, so in love.” Shoko deadpans, voice raspy after almost an entire pack of cigarettes.

Satoru feels Nanami tensing in his arms and wants to smack Shoko for her comment, but instead he flips her off, wishing he could see Nanami’s face now. What kind of expression does he have? What is he thinking of?

Somewhere on their side Suguru cackles, but Satoru barely registers it.

In love, what a stupid thing to say about him.

✦

“You’re drunk.” Nanami’s voice sounds as serious and sober as when he first arrived. He’s looking at Haibara, Satoru knows. “We should go.”

“I’m not!” Haibara pouts and leans his head on Suguru’s shoulder. “Geto-senpai, tell him I’m not drunk.”

Suguru laughs. “You are drunk.” He gets up, pulling Haibara up with him. “I’ll take this one to his room, you two can go do whatever it is that you do when you’re alone.” He winks, cheeky, and wraps an arm around Haibara’s torso to prop him up. Before they go he turns to Satoru: “Don’t stay up until late, we got a mission tomorrow morning, remember?”

Satoru rolls his eyes. “Yeah, don’t worry, dad.”

They watch as Suguru drags Haibara to the dorms, Haibara giggling all the way. Shoko and Utahime had left after a few rounds and now silence extends between Satoru and Nanami, who gets up. He doesn’t sway like Haibara, doesn’t seem affected at all. Somehow it’s the most attractive thing Satoru has ever seen.

Satoru gets up as well. “I’ll walk you to your room.”

“No need to, senpai.” Nanami is not looking at him and Satoru wonders if he’s still thinking about Shoko’s comment, if he worries about how the two of them are perceived. “Shouldn’t you rest before a mission?”

“I’m the strongest sorcerer alive, I don’t need to rest, baby.” Satoru says, smiling at Nanami. It comes out a bit desperate, but he ignores it. “Come on, Nanami, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you to walk all the way in the dark alone?”

Nanami opens his mouth to say something, but instead closes it and nods, starting to walk.

They walk in silence, the kind Satoru already got used to when it comes to Nanami. The night is warm and when Satoru looks at Nanami, face lightened by the moonlight, his breath hitches. Objectively speaking he always knew Nanami was good looking with his light hair and eyes and serious expression. But now he looks different, expression softer, posture less defensive, relaxed in a way Satoru didn’t know he could get. He wonders if it’s the two beers he drank or something else, wants to believe that’s a side of Nanami that only he can see.

His heart aches at the idea of Suguru or anyone else seeing Nanami like this. No one should be allowed, Satoru thinks, no one but him. No one would appreciate Nanami the way he does, no one would understand the subtle changes of Nanami’s expressions or how his voice is not always monotone and what that means. Mostly, no one would love Nanami the way he does.

When they arrive at Nanami’s dorm, Satoru leans against the wall next to the door, smiling at Nanami. His mind is still racing with the thought of loving Nanami. Don’t ever love anyone, it was the first thing he learned, love is not for you. Satoru was born for fighting, not for anything else, the Gojo clan always made it very clear.

And yet here he is, staring at a boy he’s willing to protect with everything in his body. One look at Nanami, the way he stops by the door, one hand on the doorknob, and Satoru knows that he will never feel like this for anyone else.

“Don’t I deserve a goodnight kiss for being a good boyfriend and walking you to your room?” He asks, more out of the habit of annoying Nanami than anything else. It’s always good to get a reaction out of him.

Nanami stares at him, seemingly pondering over something. He sighs again but takes a step forward and kisses Satoru. It’s not much, a mere brush of their lips, but it’s enough to make Satoru shiver. When Nanami pulls away he has a faint smile on his lips, so soft Satoru wonders if it’s a trick of the dim light of the hallway.

“Thank you for tonight, Gojo-senpai.” He says as he opens the door. “Goodnight.”

The door closes with a click, but Satoru doesn’t even notice it. He takes a deep breath and tries to center himself again. Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer alive, now reduced to a shocked mess because of a kiss.

✦

He doesn’t obsess over the kiss. He doesn’t.

Satoru likes to think of himself as a reasonable person, someone who can assess any situation and react accordingly – it’s just how he fights, by reading his opponent and making adjustments to the level of strength he has to use.

Except Nanami is not a curse, Satoru can’t judge him like one. It would be way easier if this was another fight and Satoru could see an ending in sight: to kill or to be killed. With Nanami there are too many variables, too many routes this can take. He tries to imagine a way of coming out of it unscathed, his self preservation instinct telling him to end it while he can, but Satoru can’t. It feels almost physically impossible to distance himself from Nanami.

He thinks about Nanami’s smile, how soft his lips were. After so long imagining how it would feel to kiss him, Satoru now knows he can’t accept it as the only time. He wonders if this is how it feels to drink or to do drugs, one time and you need more and more until you can’t think of anything else.

Shoko was right, he thinks bitterly, I’m in love. Now, in the silence of his own room, away from everyone else, Satoru can admit it. What was supposed to be a small lie to his friends turned into something completely different and now he’s in love with a boy he didn’t even know very well a couple of weeks ago.

Suguru and Shoko would laugh at him if they knew. They would chuckle and say it serves him right for lying and now he deserves to suffer for someone who doesn’t love him back.

But there’s the kiss.

Satoru realizes then that he’s a coward. He could ask Nanami what it meant, why he kissed Satoru when no one was looking, if it meant anything to him or if it was only to placate Satoru. Yet, he’s afraid of the answer. If it didn’t mean anything, then what? Satoru doesn’t think he can smile his way out of such an answer, the hurt would be easy to see on his face and this would be the worst of it all, to let Nanami know that he has so much power over Satoru.

So he doesn’t obsess over the kiss, he boxes the memory and pushes it to the back of his mind, to bring it back in the future, when Nanami has left him. It’s easier this way, to imagine it as if it happened to someone else, to pile information after information over it every time the memory tries to come back to the surface.

He’ll need it one day, he knows, to think of happy times, to remember that one day his life amounted to more than just being Gojo Satoru, but that’s for the future. For now Satoru closes his eyes and pretends he is not in love with Nanami Kento.

✦

“You know, at first I thought you were the most boring person alive.” Satoru tells Nanami one night. They haven’t started a new book yet and Nanami doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to do so. Instead, they listen to music and enjoy each other’s company. It’s a strange change of pace, but he likes the peace that comes with those moments, how there are no expectations about him when it comes to Nanami.

“Is that so?” Nanami sounds amused. “And what about now?”

Satoru ignores the way Nanami leans against him, how Nanami’s leg presses against his. “Now I think you’re very cool, Nanami.” He admits. “Of course, you could always smile a little more.”

“You need to stop telling people to smile, senpai. It’s creepy.”

“But you have such a pretty smile, Nanami.” It was supposed to be teasing, but the words come out of his mouth too real, laced with all the love he feels. “I mean–”

Nanami turns to him and Satoru forgets how to speak. There’s something in Nanami’s eyes, something that makes Satoru shake. If before he thought Nanami felt nothing but contempt towards him now Satoru can see there are good feelings there too. There’s care, worry and maybe…

His thoughts are interrupted when Nanami kisses him, soft and sweet. “You have a pretty smile too, Gojo-senpai.” Nanami whispers against his lips before kissing him again.

Satoru feels his cheeks and ears warm and knows he’s blushing. He looks down at his own lap. “There’s no one around, Nanami. You don’t need to act like my boyfriend now.”

He expects some sort of excuse – it only occurs to him now that Nanami could be cruel if he wanted, could play with him just because, just to say he could. The thought goes away as soon as it comes because Satoru knows that Nanami, albeit too serious and quiet, is not a bad person. He can be harsh and too straightforward, but he would never hurt anyone just for the sake of doing it. Somehow, despite how much Satoru always hated goodness in others, it makes him love Nanami even more.

“I never do anything I don’t want to.” Is all Nanami says before resting his head on Satoru’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “You do the reading tonight senpai, I’m tired.”

Satoru only stares at him, dumbfounded. “Alright, you brat.” He prays Nanami can’t feel how fast his heart is beating.

He should have known that Nanami would never make things easier for him. Still, Satoru wouldn’t have it any other way.

✦

Nanami is sitting under a tree, a book on his lap. It’s the kind of sight that must be normal in other schools, but looks jarring in jujutsu tech. Everything about the scene is too calm, too peaceful to belong in their world, Nanami doesn’t look like he belongs there. It’s why Satoru first noticed him, a boy who looked lost on his way to somewhere else. Though now he knows Nanami enough to know that the boy entered those gates by his own will, resoluted on fight curses.

Satoru walks over to him, sits down by his side and Nanami doesn’t acknowledge him. If first this would have annoyed Satoru, now he knows it’s due to their familiarity. Nanami doesn’t need to say anything because both know they can be together in silence. Satoru stays like that for a few minutes, enjoying Nanami’s presence.

He wonders what he’ll do if things don’t work out the way he wants. Wonders if he’ll be able to look at Nanami again.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he says. His palms feel clammy and Satoru presses them against his pants, trying to calm himself down. It’s a new feeling, this nervousness, and he is not sure how to respond to it.

Nanami closes his book and looks at him. “Yes?”

“You can’t date Suguru.” It feels selfish to say it, to take the chance of getting to know Nanami from his best friend. Suguru deserves someone like that, someone who is nice and sweet, but who hides it all under his strength. It feels selfish, but Satoru can’t stop himself. “I mean, I think I’ve told you that you’re not his type, Nanami.”

“Yes, multiple times.” Nanami is giving him a puzzled look, staring at Satoru as if he’s speaking another language.

“So, you shouldn’t try to date him. It’s a waste of your time.”

Nanami hums. “I never thought about trying to, but thank you for yet another unsolicited advice, senpai.” He looks back at his book, though his eyes have a glint of amusement.

Satoru stares at him, mouth agape. “What do you mean you never tried to? You asked for his number.”

Now Nanami seems to be elated in his own quiet way. “Yes, for Yu.”

“Haibara?”

“Senpai,” Nanami turns to him, his tone almost like the one of a disappointed parent. “Yu has had a crush on Geto-senpai ever since they first met,” then, Nanami speaks with the tiredness of a man who has had to repeat that same sentence countless times before: “And it’s very obvious that it’s mutual.”

“Oh.” Is all Satoru manages to say.

“Yeah. Oh.” Nanami chuckles now, and Satoru would find the sound charming if it wasn’t directed at his stupidity. “Geto-senpai is not my type, anyway.”

Satoru blinks, brain trying to catch up. The conversation is not going the way he thought it would and for the first time in his life he doesn’t mind it. “So… who is it?” He asks, mouth curving on a wide smile.

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely.” Satoru is sure his expression looks maniac. This has to be how euphoria feels like. “I already made a fool of myself here, you have to give me something in return. Go on Nanami, say it.”

Nanami smiles, genuine and soft. It’s a rare sight, one that now Satoru is sure Nanami saves only for him. “It’s you, of course.” He doesn’t sound embarrassed, but his cheeks are still flushed. “I like you, Gojo-senpai.”

Satoru laughs, hand reaching for Nanami’s. “Does that mean you’ll be my boyfriend for real?”

Nanami stares at him and the answer is obvious. He stares at Satoru as if he couldn’t want anything else in the world. “Don’t you think we’ve been dating for real for a while?”

Satoru nods, entranced by the way Nanami’s lips move. But there’s no reason for them to be apart now, is there? So he leans forward, hand on the back of Nanami’s neck, fingers brushing through his hair, and kisses Nanami.

It’s soft at first, their lips touching softly the way they did before. But now there’s no uncertainty, no gray area between them, so Satoru deepens the kiss and sighs into it when Nanami opens his mouth. He feels Nanami’s hand on his hair, tugging at it gently, and melts into Nanami’s body, pressing so close Nanami lies down, Satoru over him.

“For the record,” Satoru says when they break the kiss. “I like you too. A lot.”

“I know.” Smugness looks good on Nanami, Satoru thinks. Almost as good as the blush on his cheeks. “I don’t think you’d take care of a sick kouhai just out of the goodness of your heart.”

Satoru laughs. “You know, for a first year you’re very confident, Nanami Kento-kun.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Nanami pulls him down and kisses him again. “I’m dating the Gojo Satoru, I think I can be a bit confident.”

Satoru feels himself blush from his neck to the tip of his ears. It should be unfair, how Nanami knows exactly what he likes to hear. It should be scary too, that someone like this exists, someone who knows him this well. It should be a weakness, to let himself be seen like this, a point to explore, but Satoru doesn’t feel afraid. He feels excited in a way he never did before; life got a whole new meaning now.

In lieu of a reply he kisses Nanami again and again until they are both breathless, giggling against each other’s mouths, until Yaga finds them like this and yells at them about decency and they can’t even pretend to care.

Suguru was right, Nanami is the perfect type for him.