Work Text:
Erik couldn’t feel anything and, somehow, that was all too much. The news had gotten back to him of what had happened. Charles, his Charles, was dead.
And it was all his fault. He was the one that sent the bullet into his back in Cuba, he was the one that left him there, taking the one way they could have easily gotten him off that beach, Azazel, and they had just left.
While it should just be more blood on his hands, it was so much more. It was Charles , how could it not be? The anger and fear and hurt build in him as he sits in the middle of the safe house. It feels like it’s been hours of him not moving, sitting and staring in the same position he had been in when Emma had told him what she had found out when he sent her to the mansion.
According to her the grief, hurt, and pain were everywhere, almost too much for her to handle and she quickly returned. She had said she told Erik first so he can then help her tell Raven but, even now, Erik knows he’s not going to be any help with telling Mystique?
He stands, a little shakily, but trying to, mostly, seem unaffected. “Thank you, Emma. Now, if you don’t mind, I have some things to be taking care of.”
She looks at him, as uncertain as he feels unsteady, but then shrugs and walks out of what he’s declared to be his office. And then he allows the feelings to hit, now that he’s alone, now that there’s no one trying to see him and his feelings.
He wants to scream but the others would definitely notice that. The tears flow down his cheeks as he bites back a sob, running his hands through his hair repeatedly. He killed him, Charles is dead and it’s his fault. He breaks everything and everyone he loves, they always end up dead. He should have just stayed, he should have taken care of him but he had thought he would be in better hands with the others. The only thing Erik brings is pain and he thought Charles didn’t need any more of that. If he had just known, he would have stayed with him. He should have stayed anyway.
There’s no stopping the anger raging in him, the metal starting to vibrate and then fly around the room. Then he’s pushing over the large bookshelf with ease, the papers on his desk are next to go along with the scream that rips its way from his throat.
Looking up at the door, he sees the metal in the room has melted and covered it over, ensuring that no one is going to be walking in on him. With that reassurance, another scream rips from him as he drives his hand into the metal over the door, over and over again, the anger coming out, the frustration. The pain seems to calm him, help him feel something different and it feels like something he deserves to be feeling.
“Erik,” He hears, accompanied by the sound of someone pounding on the door. Raven. He doesn’t want to talk to her, and doesn't want to face her. But, at the same time, he knows she might almost understand. She would be the closest, at least. Opening the door doesn’t sound like something he wants to do, worried that the other would come in then, that he would no longer be alone, that they would all invade and see him. The sound of talking is heard through the door and then, a second later, in a cloud of smoke, Azazel appears with Raven and, before Erik is even sure the man had a glimpse of him, he’s off in a second cloud of smoke.
For a moment, Erik looks up at Raven, just seeming to realize he’s sitting on the floor, the blood on his hands, dripping off onto the floor and his pants, but the pain is back and the hurt in his hands is nothing in comparison.
“Emma wouldn’t tell me what happened, she said that was on you,” Raven explains, staring at him after taking a look around the room. Erik can tell the point where she realizes that this has something to do with Charles and she looks only a fraction as broken as he feels.
“It is on me,” He replies, not knowing what else to say. Of course, Emma put it that way, because it is on him. Charles’s death is on Erik’s hands; he did it, Charles had said so himself. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, at least a little, “I killed him. He’s dead, and it’s all because of me. I shot him and we left him on that fucking beach and now he’s dead. I break everyone I love and of course, he was on that list, he just had to be, and I had to break him. I put a bullet in his spine. I pulled it out. I should have left it, at least then it would have slowed the blood, maybe then he would have survived.” He started out talking slow, but by the end he’s talking much more rapidly, struggling against the urge to slip into German. The only thing that stops him at all is Raven’s fist is landing on his jaw and the crack that accompanies it.
“Shut the hell up,” She warns, angrily, “Shut up and let me out of here.”
“He’s dead, Mystique, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about that now.”
“He’s my brother and, if it’s true, the least I can do is go and see him. I need to know where he’s buried, where they put him. I-I…” She calms, seeming to run out of steam as tears start to fall, “I just need to see the proof, Erik.”
With a deep breath, he nods and pushes himself to his feet, and pulls the metal from the door with his powers. “Okay, get Azazel. I want to go too. You can go in and do the talking, I imagine they would do better seeing you than they would me. I just need to know where he is.” It seems foolish, he thinks, that he would be looking for a place on earth where he can see a rock with a name in it. He’s never thought much about that before. With his parents it was never like that, people were burned, taken, there wasn’t a place to go where he felt that connection. Occasionally a dream or thought, maybe a smell that reminded him of being a little boy but nothing like a place. But now, for some reason, this was different. He wants to see, to be close with Charles even if he’s dead, nothing more than a decomposing body in a box in the dirt.
He shudders, pushing that thought from his head.
Good idea , He hears and growls quietly.
I thought I told you to stay out of my head, Emma? He returns, considering grabbing his helmet but it would be useless. He’s not going to wear it when he leaves, he’s already decided that.
Telling me to do something doesn’t mean I’m going to do it, She replies and he just rolls his eyes, glad when Raven comes back in with Azazel and, before long, they are out of the range of Emma. One less thing to have to worry about for now.
As soon as the mansion comes into view, they both pause. He and Raven, that is, Azazel wastes no time in informing them that, “I’ll be back in two hours in this spot. Not here, not going back.” Before disappearing once again.
Erik and Raven exchange looks before he motions for her to go on. He’s planning to wait until she has an answer or at least until he hears it’s okay for him to join her.
With that in mind and a breath to ready herself, Raven walks up the grounds to the house.
It seems to Erik that she’s been gone for hours when, in fact, he knows it couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes, before she walks back towards him and then gives a nod back towards the house, motioning for him to follow.
He nods and walks closer towards her, hands flexing, breathing deeply and slowly to remain calm. He doesn’t want to face them but, at the same time, he’s not going to let them know that. No one can know that he's capable of emotions other than anger and rage. Fear, hurt, sadness, they’re just off the table.
When he reaches Raven, he just keeps going and she falls into line behind him. “They said they would tell us both at the same time. There’s something they’re keeping from us, but I can’t tell what. Everything just feels weird in there. I only asked where he was and they wouldn’t even tell me that. They definitely weren’t going to tell me he’s dead.”
Erik clenches his fists tighter, fighting the urge to tell her to shut up and stop rambling, but he doesn’t. The pain in his hands and the throbbing in his jaw from the earlier punch are enough to ground him until they reach the door and he doesn’t even bother knocking.
Seeming to anticipate this, there’s a group gathered in the front room. Hank, Alex, Sean, he looks around at them all with cold indifference on his face and anger boiling inside him, trying not to seem any different than normal.
“Where is he?” He growls, glaring at them challengingly.
“You think you have the right to come in here and make demands like that? You’re nothing but a fucking magnet!” Alex retorts, standing, originally his arms crossed but now he seems to be mocking Erik’s stance, hands by his sides clenched into fists, face set in anger.
“Where is he?” Erik asks again, looking at the other two, “I need to know where he is.”
“Why? So you can put another hole in him?” Hank asks, and Erik can see he’s close to anger as well, annoyance and hurt covering it for now.
A hollow laugh leaves Erik. “I just need to know where he is now. It’s not like I could hurt him anymore if I wanted to and I didn’t even want to at that time.”
“Then who is to say you won’t, or couldn’t, hurt him again?” Alex asks.
What the bloody hell is going on down there? Is projected out to them all and the arguments stop, everything stops and Erik feels his knees buckle beneath him as he falls to the floor, his mind open and it seems to only take a moment for the familiar brush to reach his mind, going deeper.
In response, Erik does the only thing he can. He opens his mind more, showing that he wants to know where Charles is, the anger at himself, the pain he’s been feeling, his remorse for what he had done. What he keeps to himself is that he thought Charles was dead. He would rather save that for explaining in person, but only if the other asked.
Oh, my friend. I’m in my bedroom, Charles replies, I’ll tell the boys to let you through here.
Erik is confused about just why Charles is letting him in there. It’s not the time of day the other man would normally be in bed and it’s strange that he would prefer to let him through than to just move to another room or come to meet him. But he doesn’t ask any questions and goes along with it as he and Raven are let go through the hallway and the two of them find the room they know to be Charles’s with ease and he pushes open the door.
“Erik, Raven,” Charles says with a smile that is forced and it doesn’t pass either of them as they make their way into the room, looking at him. For some reason, he’s laying in bed and it seems that’s where he has been for quite a while if the state of the room is anything to go by.
There are empty cups and plates on the bedside table, a stack of books next to the bed and one laid open on his covered lap. Pill bottles seem to litter the table with the empty dishes. The blankets on the bed are messed up and the pillows moved around in what seems to be a strange arrangement.
“What’s going on, Charles?” Erik asks, being the first to speak up.
“I could ask you the same thing, my friend. I could feel the pain in your mind, that wasn’t just a normal concern,” He returns, watching the two of them.
“We just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Raven replies, “We needed to see you and make sure. They wouldn’t just tell us and we had heard some stuff.”
“Stuff?” Charles asks, looking from one of them to the other.
Erik sighs, “I sent Emma here to check up on you and she came back with some news that seems to not be true,” He replies, “You scared us both to death.”
“I’m sorry. If you had just come yourselves though, I would have told you the truth. All is well,” He insists.
Erik looks at him, not fully believing that but there are things both seem to be holding back from each other. There’s a moment where they’re all silent before Raven walks around Erik and wraps her arm around her brother, whispering to him that she’s glad he’s okay.
“I’m fine, Raven,” He whispers back, giving her a smile, “Why don’t you go wait outside for a bit? I think Hank’s been looking for the chance to talk to you,” He suggests with a suggestive smile.
She smacks at his leg, rolling her eyes, “You want everything to have some deep love connection to it, don’t you?” She asks accusingly but, nevertheless, stands up and walks out of the room anyway, leaving Charles and Erik alone.
“Come, my friend, sit,” Charles says, patting the bed next to him.
Erik, with only a little hesitation, does as he’s told, walking over and sitting on the bed next to Charles.
“Now, tell me why you’re really here,” He suggests, looking up at him and Erik gets the feeling that he knows more than is being said.
With a breath, Erik reaches for Charles’s hand, bringing it up to touch the side of his head, “See for yourself.”
“Erik, I don’t-“
“I don’t want to have to say it, Charles, just look?” He tries again, looking at him with hope and pleading.
Charles sighs but nods and does as Erik says. Immediately the feelings and emotions are pushed forward, Emma telling him Charles is dead, the moment before he collects himself. The pain and anger and hurt that follows, the self-blame, finally being able to admit that it was, indeed, all his fault as Charles had told him. Then the pain as he drives his hands into the metal, Raven coming in, talking to her, Azazel bringing them. Everything right down until they are sitting in the room together and Erik and Charles are both pulling away at the same time.
“She said everyone was grieving and in pain and hurt and she couldn’t stand to be here. She didn’t make it to even ask. Charles, what’s going on? I know there’s something or you wouldn’t be in bed like this.”
He sighs, “I'm afraid the rumors of my death have been exaggerated. You’re going to have to explain it to Raven, or I will or something but I can’t just do that alone. I’m not sure I even want her to know.” He replies, breathing a little harder and Erik looks at him with concern.
“Erik, there’s a wheelchair over there,” He points to the corner of the room, “Can you bring it over here for me?” He asks.
Nodding, Erik does so easily with a wave of his hand the chair comes rolling over next to the bed.
“Now, if you’ll move for me?” Charles asks and, again, Erik does as he’s told, standing and walking a couple of steps away from the bed. He watches as Charles carefully arranges himself, moving the book off his lap to the bed beside him, and then swings his body over into the wheelchair. “I can no longer feel my legs,” He replies, pushing himself away from the bed. “I’m not fully healed yet and, technically, not supposed to be getting in the chair by myself, that’s why it was over there, but I do get so tired of staying in bed all day. Accompany me to tell Raven?” He asks.
“You should have told me,” Erik states but starts out of the room right behind Charles, who gives a humorless laugh.
“Told you I couldn’t feel my legs, give you something to blame yourself for?” Charles asks, looking back at him and shakes his head, “Never, my friend.”
“I meant that you weren’t supposed to get in the chair by yourself. I would have helped you.” Charles laughs at the words and shakes his head, letting Erik open the door with his powers, they both make their way back down the hall to meet with the others once again.
The look of hurt and shock on Raven’s face is one that Erik is sure neither of them are likely to forget anytime soon.
“I suspect you knew something was wrong, Raven,” he says, softly, looking up at her, “This is it. This is why Frost couldn’t stay here long. We've all been struggling and, I will admit I haven’t made things easy for these three lately, but I’ve been trying and wanting to do more than they would allow.” He holds up his hand to stop Hank from interjecting and the other closes his mouth.
“I’m afraid I can no longer feel my legs. A complete spinal cord fracture. I can’t feel anything below where the bullet hit. I’ve…not been doing well.” Before the words are even out, he has his sister’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close and crying. He sighs and rubs her back, a hand sliding into her hair.
It takes half an hour to calm her down and get her to believe that Charles really is okay and not just saying that for her sake. And then another fifteen to convince her that it’s okay and she could go back with Azazel so that, when the time comes, she turns and walks out of the mansion, believing that Erik is following right behind him when, actually, he’s paused in the door, looking at Charles. They’re just staring at each other, no matter how much the others might think they are talking.
“Go on, you’ll miss your ride,” Charles says, motioning to the door.
“In such a hurry to get rid of me, old friend?” Erik returns with a small smirk.
“I hate to interrupt,” Hank says, choosing to ignore Erik adding ‘then don’t’, “But Charles is going to need to get back to bed soon. He’s been sitting up for too long; it could make his back worse.”
You could always stay, my friend, Charles offers, sure it wouldn’t make any difference but Erik hesitates a moment too long and Raven is behind him calling his name.
“Go on, Raven. I have some things to sort out here,” He calls back, not moving from where he’s standing.
Do you mean that? He asks, looking back to Charles who, with a bright smile, nods.