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Day Six - Touch and Go
Touch-starved
Spencer hated being touched, which was a bit of a problem because his boyfriend was the most touch-starved person he’d ever met.
Most of Reid’s aversion to touch came from his hypersensitivity to… well, everything. Autistic Spectrum Disorder went hand in hand with Sensory Processing Disorder and for Spencer, his worst-affected sense was his sense of touch. When people touched him, they always touched him wrong. Handshakes never had the right amount of pressure, pats on shoulders felt like knives being driven into his flesh, and hugs from anyone who didn’t know that he liked to be squeezed were just uncomfortable to the point he wanted to claw at his own skin.
The team understood. They never bumped his shoulder without permission, nor did they hug him without checking it was okay first. When he did give hugs, Spencer always initiated the contact and was always the first to pull away, and no one said a word about it. They understood. The only time they ever touched him without his permission was when he was hurting himself and needed to be stopped, but even so they would apologise profusely afterwards.
Then, Spencer and Hotch had started dating. Hotch had always been one of the exceptions to his no-touch rule. Hotch’s touch didn’t make his skin crawl, it didn’t make him uncomfortable or sick. No, when Spencer held Hotch’s hand, Aaron linked their fingers together. When they sat next to each other on the jet, Hotch bumped their knees every now and again. When they hugged, Spencer buried his face in Aaron’s neck and relished that he got the perfect squeezy hug every time . When they kissed, it wasn’t a disgusting exchange of saliva and germs, it was an expression of just how much they loved one another whether it be in the early mornings or after a dangerous case.
Around the team, Hotch found every excuse he could to give Spencer any form of affectionate touch. At first, Spencer had thought it was just him but then… then he looked closely. He noticed that Hotch would bring Rossi coffee and their fingers brushed when it was handed over. He noticed that when Hotch came to check on them in the bullpen, he would pat Prentiss or Morgan or JJ’s shoulder as he passed. He noticed that Hotch let Garcia stand very close as she talked animatedly about whatever she was focused on that day, sometimes even letting her lean over his shoulder to type something into his computer. It wasn’t difficult for a profiler to piece things together.
Hotch was touch-starved.
Not surprising. Hotch’s father was a damned bastard Spencer wanted to resurrect just so he could shoot him in the head, and he never spoke of his mother so it was unclear if she was ever in the picture. It made sense that their unit chief would be hungry for human contact, especially since he always kept himself so distant whilst on the job. Things may have been different with Haley, she may have provided Hotch with the comfort he had desired so much in his childhood, but since Haley’s passing, the only one Hotch had to turn to for comfort had been Jack, but he was just a boy. He didn’t understand things in quite the same way Spencer did.
At first, Spencer had no idea what to do with such a realisation. He hated touch himself, but knowing that Hotch wanted nothing more than to be physically affectionate with those he cared about, it made him want to do something about it. The problem was… he didn’t know how.
Thursday had become their standing date night. If they weren’t on a case, they would finish work and then normally go to one of their apartments to have dinner and watch a movie. Sometimes Jack came along, other times he stayed with Jessica, but Thursday was date night. They were at Hotch’s apartment that night and had ordered take out because neither felt like cooking. After they ate, Aaron cleaned up their plates whilst Spencer chose a movie. He settled on some rom-com Garcia had suggested which actually looked pretty good, and when Aaron came back and sat down, Spencer took his chance and curled up next to him, head resting on his boyfriend’s chest. Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer and held him tightly, one hand getting tangled up in the doctor’s curls.
“I love your hugs,” Spencer said to Aaron.
“I love giving you hugs,” Aaron said, softly smiling. He leaned down and kissed Spencer, the genius humming contently as he kissed back.
“You can always give me hugs, y’know,” he told Aaron, lifting his head just the slightest so he could properly look the man in the eye, “even at work.”
“... what do you mean?” Well, now or never.
“You don’t always have to be so distant with the others. I know Garcia would adore getting hugs from you every day.”
“Spence-”
“It’s-... it’s just something to think about, okay?” Spencer laid his head back down, effectively ending their little discussion. They watched the rest of the movie in silence, aside from occasional comments, and the topic wasn’t brought up again. However, Spencer felt a bit better that he had been able to bring it up. He may not always believe it himself, but Hotch deserved love like the rest of them. He deserved to be told just how much he was loved, and not only by Spencer.
For a while, Reid feared his words had fallen onto deaf ears. Despite broaching the topic, Hotch remained very much the same and still kept his distance from the team, somehow even more so. He spent most of his time in his office already but seeing him retreat behind closed blinds for the entire work day, turning down offers to join the team for lunch, Spencer felt as though maybe he had done something wrong bringing it up. The others had noticed too, talking amongst themselves either at the round table or just openly in the bullpen.
Then, one ordinary Tuesday, as the team sat around the round table playing skittle poker, something changed. Hotch left his office and he looked awful. There was a frown on his face which Spencer wanted to kiss away so he never had to see it on his boyfriend ever again. Hotch joined them in the briefing room and when the team noticed, it was Garcia who stood up first.
“What’s wrong, sir?” she asked, but before she could ask more, Hotch pulled her into a tight hug, surprising everyone including Spencer. “Uh, sir?”
“I just... really need a hug right now,” Hotch admitted, eyes screwed shut.
“Oh, you can have as many hugs as you want from me, sir! I love giving hugs!” Garcia happily chirped as she hugged their boss back. Spencer got up, and one by one the others followed, all of them joining in to what became their first ever group hug. Spencer found himself squished between Aaron and Emily, and he found that he really did not mind the touch at all.
It seemed to be the first of many, because although it took a little while for Hotch to come to one of them asking for a hug, they began to grow more and more frequent. Still, no matter how openly affectionate their team leader became with them all, when it came to Spencer, he still gave the perfect squeezy hug every time.