Work Text:
i like for you to be still
s0ulconnection | Free! | Nanase Haruka/Matsuoka Rin, Tachibana Makoto | character death
我喜歡你是寂静的，仿佛你消失了樣。
I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
I hate your silence, because it’s me who has disappeared.
你從遠處聆聽我，我的聲音卻無法觸及你。
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
You never hear me, is that why my voice never reaches you?
好像你的雙眼已經飛離去，如同一個吻，封緘了你的嘴。
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
But your eyes have never seen me, how could they fly away like a kiss? A kiss that has never sealed your lips, your mouth, your teeth.
你聽起來像在悲嘆，一隻如鴿悲鳴的蝴蝶。
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
I imagine your sighs, soft as a dying butterfly. Do you sigh when he kisses you, his mouth tinged with the scent of the pool, of water molecules clinging desperately onto his shoulders yet failing to – dripping onto the vast expense of blue like a sad lover?
彼時，一個字，一個微笑，已經足夠。
One word then,
One smile is enough
And I'm happy;
Happy that it's not true
But I would not. I would not be satisfied with just a word, just a smile. I would not be satisfied with just a glance from your eyes, your eyes – your unseeing eyes. I would not be satisfied with being his best friend and your friend and their brother and their captain and just being Makoto. Just Makoto, not Haru. Haru, who took you for granted. Haru, always being chased and never chased. Haru, who doesn’t understand what it feels to be second best and never wanted. Carelessly flung away, ceasing to exist when Haru dives in or rises from the water. Haru, who is so beautiful that I cannot look away – that you cannot look away.
Does he dream of kissing you all over, leaving bruised skin the size of little plums and tangerines as his lips map all over your cooled skin? From your neck to your chest to the small of your back. Does he worship you like I would have worshipped you? As if you were the temple and I was a sinner, begging for forgiveness when it’s too late. Does he read you poetry like I would have for you? Because you are meant to be read to.
Because you are not meant to have silence as your background.
遙遠而且哀傷，彷彿你已經死了。
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would've died
You, who I would die all over – or maybe live all over – to hear your lips gasping my name. My name. forced out between your lips with countless breaths and sighs and pulses and life.
I cannot. I cannot do all of that for you.
And that is the difference between the dead and the living.