Work Text:
It was another day in heaven for General Ming Guang; dreary meetings dragging on, mundane prayers being answered, the world turning at a pace that could hardly rival the most geriatric of tortoises. It was really the perfect picture of monotony. Stifling a yawn, the tall man strode into his chambers, face planting into the soft bed.
Mentally sorting through his contacts for some form of entertainment, the god thought of how unfortunate his social life had been lately. Pei Xiu was constantly hanging around that little ghost girl, who in turn was often flitting about in the Rain Master’s home, which he didn’t want to go near any time soon if he could avoid it. Ling Wen was never available, as her punishment left her working every second of the day. Not to mention, just the thought of them made him think of Shi Wudu, which only served to fill him with bitter regret. Love, no matter what form, made people (and gods!) foolish.
If Shui Shixiong hadn’t loved his sibling so dearly, he would have had a fortuitous and prosperous life. If Pei Xiu hadn’t loved Banyue, there would have never been any evidence of his misdeeds and he would have become a powerful god one day, perhaps as powerful as Pei Ming himself. If General Xuan Ji hadn’t loved Pei Ming like they agreed not to, she wouldn’t have caused so much suffering to others. If Xie Lian hadn’t loved his country to a fault, he wouldn’t have suffered for nearly a millennium alone. If Pei Ming hadn’t loved being a general... The list went on. However, if Crimson Rain Sought Flower hadn’t loved the Crown Prince of Xianle, the heavens would still be ruled by an abhorrent tyrant masquerading as a being of celestial righteousness.
Maybe love was necessary to keep the world running, but Pei Ming had no interest in partaking. In all his years he had never known the ache of romance that everyone around him described. No lingering attachment after a good fuck, no desire to spend his life dedicated to someone else. It wasn’t like love was completely absent from his life. He loved his family, he loved his friends, loathe as he was to admit it out loud. He loved his believers, though on a less personal scale. It just wasn’t the love he was expected to feel.
When he was younger it didn’t matter. Battles and strategizing took up nearly every waking moment, and twenty minutes was all he could hardly spare for a rough tryst behind the tents. As he got older all he heard about was marriage this, marriage that. “Don’t you have anyone in mind you’d like to spend your life with?” Rong Guang would nag at him, listing off name after name of some well-to-do women and a small handful of men, all of which he’d slept with. Not a single name tugged on his heartstrings.
No matter what, Pei Ming treated his affairs with kindness, making sure they were safe and happy. He never wanted anyone to feel as though they were disposable and meant nothing. Many of his sexual partners he also considered close friends. People he was able to drink with, spar with, and talk to. All of it was enjoyable, but he never wanted more.
While he eventually grew numb to the pressing questions of monogamy, they had stung at one point. Was there something wrong with him? Why didn’t he want what everyone else said was the “best thing about being alive”? Secretly, he yearned to know what it felt like.
Pei Ming found himself feeling like a broken cup, unable to be filled no matter how much love was poured into him.
Even so, time went on and he found himself thinking only of the present, taking what was given and earned. Making his way into the heavens, he became the third of the Four Famous Tales, the world echoing the praises of General Ming Guang, the General Who Broke His Sword. He was proud of his life and everything after. There was no “hole” in his heart, nothing that needed to be fixed. Pei Ming was just himself, with or without romantic love, and that was more than enough.
It turned out that he wasn’t a cup at all, but a plate. His needs were different, but he wasn’t broken.
Raising his head up from the pillow to shake his hair back, Pei Ming took a deep breath. That was a lot of existential reflection, and he was ready to continue his search for something a little more fun.