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Kate changed her hair.
It’s the first thing Max notices as she steps into the classroom, and it’s dumb, but she stops in her tracks. She’s so used to seeing that familiar blonde bun, right next to her seat, at the front of Soc 101. Today, it’s down, and she’s dyed the tips lilac, and it’s really pretty, and Max feels that tiny crush she’s been nursing flare up in her chest for a moment. But there’s people coming in behind her, so she does have to move.
As she sits down beside Kate at the table, she clears her throat, tries to be cool and normal and not weird. Not something Max has ever been particularly good at. Kate looks up from her sketchbook, her glasses flashing with the movement, and gives her a smile. “Hey, Max!” she says cheerily, setting down her pen. “How was your weekend?”
“Oh, nothing happened, as usual,” Max sighs, grateful that she’s talking first because it gives her an opening. “You apparently did something exciting, though.”
Kate laughs, taking some of her dyed hair between her thumb and forefinger. “Oh, this? It’s not...too exciting. My — my roommate has purple hair, she was dyeing already, and she asked if I wanted some too.” She nervously clutches the cross necklace she always wears. “It — it looks good, right?”
“Kate, it looks great,” Max answers. “I love it, I just didn’t expect it!”
Kate blushes and looks down at her sketchbook. “Yeah, she’s great,” she mumbles. “She always pushes me a bit out of my comfort zone — in a good way.”
Max peers over at her sketchbook, and sees that she’s drawn a girl with a ponytail over an undercut, wearing a tank top that shows off muscled, tattooed arms. The sketch is a little messy, just the girl sitting down, but something about her looks familiar — and then, Max realizes, it’s because Kate’s drawn this girl before, and a light goes on in her brain. “Is that her?” Max asks, poking the sketch.
Kate nods. “Yeah. Sometimes she poses for me.” She’s still blushing, nervously brushing hair behind her ear.
The light in Max’s brain feels like it’s about to outshine the sun. Max has hoped, before, that Kate could be interested in women, but that ever-present cross necklace always felt like a big don’t-get-your-hopes-up signal. But Kate’s being incredibly cute right now, and while Max has never had the best gaydar in the world (one memorable rejection in senior year proved that), it’s still pinging.
“I’ve clearly got to meet this girl sometime,” Max says, as boldly as she can, and Kate breaks out in a smile.
“I’d love to have you over! Lord knows I’ve spent enough time in your dorm,” she says, lightly elbowing Max.
“I can’t help it if you bring the best leftovers and are also way smarter than me!”
“You’re perfectly smart, Max,” Kate chides. “Besides, we all need study buddies.”
Max is about to argue that she is demonstrably not smart because she got held back a year in high school and has to use Adderall if she wants to get anything done, but the professor’s walking up to the front and Kate would definitely not let her get away with being down on herself, anyway. Kate’s good at that, at being an uplifting person, someone you always want in your corner, and Max’s crush may not be that small after all. So sue her. It’s not like she’ll do anything about it anyway.
As class wraps up, Max and Kate walk out together, waiting until they’re outside on campus before being able to talk among the din. “So, would this weekend work?” Kate asks, and Max has to take a moment to remember their first conversation before she understands what Kate’s asking.
“Oh, yeah, sure!” Max says. “Saturday? Maybe your roommate can cook for us. She basically does anyway since I eat half your lunches.”
“She works late Saturdays,” Kate says. “But we can get a pizza! Didn’t you say you wanted to watch a show with me?”
“Oh, yeah, Madoka!” Max smiles. She keeps hearing about it from her friends back home, but she’s not great at watching stuff by herself. “If you’re cool with anime, anyway.”
“We watched Korra last year and that’s close enough for me to give it a shot,” Kate says with a smile. “I’ll text you my address — wait, do you have a car?”
“I can take the bus,” Max says with a shrug as Kate pulls her phone out and starts texting. “Let’s say around sixish?”
“Sounds great.” Kate finishes off her text, then squints at her phone. “Oh! She’s here. Apparently she got off early today and she wants to give me a ride back home.”
“Well, don’t let me keep you, I still have another class today,” Max says, waving her off. “See you Saturday!”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Kate says, and that little blush is back. She stuffs her phone back into her purse and looks around, then bolts towards the parking lot with a speed that surprises Max. Max takes a few steps forward, just to see the mysterious roommate’s car, and then she discovers that Kate’s heading for a motorcycle. The roommate, clad in leather with her face obscured by her helmet, hands Kate her own helmet as soon as she arrives, and Kate crawls onto the back and holds on tight before they squeal out.
Max blinks a few times. Maybe it’s good that the roommate’s coming home late on Saturday. She may be entirely too cool for Max to even stand next to.
It takes a little longer than Max wants it to to navigate the bus systems from the dorms to Kate’s apartment, and a little longer still to actually find her building in the complex, but by 6:30 she’s knocking on Kate’s door. She apologizes as soon as the door opens, but Kate just laughs.
“Relax, Max,” she says, stepping aside to let her through. “I set the pizza delivery for seven. I know you.”
“I can’t decide whether that’s insulting or sweet,” Max sighs as she comes in, looking all around the apartment just to take it in. Directly in front of the door, the room splits down the middle with a kitchen counter, one side housing the kitchen and dining areas, the other a cramped living room with a thrifted couch before their TV. The split continues until it narrows into a hallway, where Max assumes the bathrooms and bedrooms must be.
There’s decoration everywhere — succulents on flat surfaces, a large med-school skeleton in the corner by the TV, little porcelain animals above the fireplace that’s blocked by the television. The roommate’s touches are obvious, a free-weight set by the balcony door, punk bands and scifi movies adorning the walls beside some of Kate’s illustrations — some beautiful pastoral landscapes, others complex icons made of black-and-white flowers. Max has seen those before as Kate did her own homework in Max’s dorm, but they still take her breath away. Kate can draw cute animals better than anyone she’s ever known, but her monochrome work always has this sad quality that draws her eye.
“Oh, you haven’t met Alice yet!” Kate cries, taking Max’s hand and breaking her out of her reverie.
“You’ve shown me plenty of pictures!” Max objects, though she lets Kate drag her down the hall anyway. She brings her into a bedroom, a large rainbow flag covering its main window, LED light strings along the tops of the walls. A massive cage covers most of the floor in front of the neatly-made bed, filled with little furniture and Kate’s black-and-white bunny, dozing peacefully on her bed.
Max laughs as she takes in the scene. “How does your roommate live in here? There’s hardly room for Alice’s stuff!”
Kate pauses as she leans down to open the cage. She clears her throat. “Um, well…” She looks back at Max with a guilty expression. “Chloe’s not...really my roommate. She’s my girlfriend.”
The name catches Max offguard for a second, remembering a long-ago friend who shared it — but the girlfriend part breaks her out of that. “Oh,” Max breathes, recalibrating her entire knowledge of Kate Marsh.
“Sorry, I just — I just get nervous telling people that before I know them very well,” Kate admits, kneeling down in front of the cage, but no longer moving to open it. She takes her glasses off, cleaning them on her shirt with shaking fingers.
“No, no, it’s okay!” Max says, sitting down beside her. “...how come, though?”
“My family...doesn’t know about us. They wouldn’t understand, and — well, we’ve gone through a lot, and we don’t want to go through any more yet,” Kate says with a dry laugh, replacing her glasses on her face. “So I’m used to keeping it a secret, and it doesn’t feel safe to be open about it. But we do have a rule that if anyone comes over, I have to tell them. It makes her too uncomfortable otherwise.”
“It’s really okay, Kate,” Max promises, laying a hand on her shoulder. So she missed her chance, but… “I think it’s really sweet. I, um. I’m bi. By the way.”
“Bi the way?” Kate asks with a smile, and Max giggles.
“Exactly. So, of course I’m not gonna judge you, Kate.” Max pokes her in the side. “But you are gonna have to explain how you, the sweetest girl I’ve ever known, ended up living in sin with what appears to be the most punk-rock chick I’ve ever heard of.”
Kate laughs. “...maybe later. It’s a long story, and it was...it was a hard journey. But I love her, a lot. Thank you for being understanding, Max.”
“Of course,” Max says softly. “Now are you gonna show me that bunny, or what?”
Kate gives her a big, genuine smile, and then a quick hug, before they get back to the important business of waking up the rabbit so they can pet her. Pizza arrives a short while later, and with the help of Max’s external hard drive, they’re able to start their show, and no more surprising revelations come out of Kate for a time. The two of them ooh and aah once the weirder surreal imagery starts to show up, when the show is proving itself, and Max starts to understand why her Seattle friends were raving about it (they insisted on no spoilers.)
Just after the third episode throws them both for a loop and they’re in excited between-episodes geekout mode, the door opens behind them, Chloe calling out “What’s up, bitches!” as she appears. Max turns around in her seat, looking over the couch to see her — and freezes in place.
She’s familiar, achingly so, and it can’t be her, except Chloe’s frozen in place too, her blue eyes widening. Her helmet drops from beneath her arm.
“Hey, Chloe,” Kate says, turning around a moment later. She looks back and forth between them, her brow furrowing. “Is something—”
“What the fuck is she doing here?” Chloe demands, her hands curling up tight in fists.
“Wha — Chloe, I told you I’d be having a friend over — “ Kate stammers, but Chloe’s fuming.
“I can’t believe you’d just sneak around on me like this, how—”
“What are you talking about, Chloe?” Kate asks, starting to shake, and Max can’t breathe. She can’t think. Chloe recognized Max on sight, and she hates her. It was so long ago now, but that anger feels raw and fresh and she knows she totally deserves it, but—
“Really? Kate, I just — how could — “ Chloe clutches at her hair.
“Chloe, wait!” Max blurts out, finally. “I don’t think — she didn’t know! I didn’t know!”
“Fucking bullshit,” Chloe seethes. “I told you her name was Max—”
“Oh my God,” Kate breathes. “Oh, oh Chloe, I — you never told me her last name, I thought it was just a — a coincidence — “
“Please don’t blame her for anything, Chloe—” Max begins.
“Will you shut the fuck up?!” Chloe snaps. “It’s what you’re good at.”
It hits Max like a bullet to the chest, and tears well up in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, turning around and getting up. She’s not welcome here. She hurries out, brushing past Chloe, who yells out “Oh, yeah, run away again!” as the door closes behind her.
She’s not sure what to do now.
She can hear them through the door, raised voices quieting down as she heads over to the stairs and sits down on the top step, shivering and hugging herself. She has to go home, but she doesn’t have a car, and her head’s spinning so she can’t remember the bus schedule. She has to take her phone out, struggling to type in her search with unsteady thumbs. Her chest is tight.
How’d she manage to do this? How did she turn a simple evening with a friend into this nightmare? Just by being herself? It sure feels that way. She closes her eyes, tries to get her breath back before she looks at the page again. She can freak out later, she just needs —
The sound of a sliding door opening jolts her out of her thoughts, and she realizes she hasn’t heard anything from Kate and Chloe’s apartment for a time. She hears a heavy sigh, the click-click of a lighter. Then Kate’s door opens again, the girl herself stepping out gingerly, as though there are mines on the landing.
“I’m so sorry about this,” she says quietly, cradling Max’s external in her hands as she pads over to where she’s sitting. “I really...I really had no idea you were that Max.”
“...and what did you hear about that Max?” Max asks quietly as Kate sits down beside her.
“That you were her best friend for a long time, and...and that you moved away right after her dad died. And you never talked to her again.”
Max shakes her head. “I was...I was young, and I was stupid and scared and...and she has every right to hate me—”
“No,” Kate says firmly. “She doesn’t. She knows that, she just — she didn’t expect to see you here, and a lot of old feelings came up. We talked it out...mostly. She’s taking a break.” She looks over to her apartment and sighs. “It’s been good for us, being out of Arcadia Bay, but...I know how she is. She can still get angry, and sad. But I love her so much, and...and I know she doesn’t want to be mad at you anymore.”
“Did she say that to you?” Max asks, wiping at her eyes. “Really?”
“Not in so many words,” Kate says with a smile, “But I don’t like to swear.”
Max giggles guiltily. “You do have the cleanest mouth of anyone I know.” She gulps, feeling some of her shakes subside. “I...I know I screwed up. I was a dumb, anxious kid, but I still wasn’t there for here when she needed me. I want to tell her I’m sorry.”
Kate puts a hand on her shoulder. “You can do that, if you want. You don’t have to leave.”
Max shakes her head. “Maybe...maybe if she agrees, we can talk alone, okay? I...would it be okay if you gave me her number?”
“I don’t know,” Kate admits. “I didn’t ask. She’s still cooling off. I can ask her later, if you want.”
“I...yeah. Thanks, Kate. I’m sorry I — I hope I didn’t cause problems for you guys.”
“We’ve been through a lot worse,” Kate murmurs, her eyes looking downcast. “We’ll be okay, Max. I hope you’re okay, too. Here.” She hands Max her external, and Max tucks it into her bag with a sniff. “Have a safe ride home, okay?”
Max nods. “You’re the best, Kate,” she says, and Kate hugs her again as they stand up. “I’ll see you in class?”
“Of course.” Kate gives her a wave as she steps back into her apartment, and Max lets loose a long sigh. Maybe things can be okay.
God, Chloe is so lucky to have her.
She heads down the stairs, out to the front of the apartment building. Once she’s on the sidewalk, she hears Chloe’s voice.
“Hey!” she calls, and Max looks up and sees Chloe, still out on the balcony with a burning cigarette in her hand. Max cringes, waiting for the blow, but all she says is, “You be nice to Kate, okay? ‘s not her fault I’m a bitch.”
Oh. “You’re not a bitch, Chloe,” Max says, and Chloe chuckles.
“Don’t try that shit, I know what I am. Sorry. I’ll see you around, okay?”
“I — yeah. Okay.”
Chloe flicks her cigarette off the balcony before heading back inside. Max makes sure to locate it and stomp it out before she leaves, just in case.
Later that night, as Max is lying wide awake on her dorm room bed, her phone buzzes. It’s a text from an unknown number that just reads sorry i freaked.
Me: It’s okay. I’m sure it was a shock. It was sure a shock to me.
Chloe: yea i could tell. guess we both just went oh fuck and did the stupid shit we did last time huh?
Chloe: anyway we shouldnt talk 2 much ovr text. im bad at it and i owe u for that super aggro entrance
Me: I’d really like that.
Chloe: lol gay
Max lets out an involuntary snort. Some people never change. But she has, and she has a tool to fight back now.
Me: Maybe I am.
Chloe: ya kate told me ur bi. nice
Chloe: so srsly what u wanna do? lunch tomorrow maybe? its my day off
Max: I can definitely do that.
They meet up at an Atlanta Bread Company, and for once, Max isn’t the late one. Chloe strolls into the place fifteen minutes after they agreed with her helmet tucked under her arm and a guilty expression.
“Sorry,” she offers as she sits down in the booth. “Kate needed a ride to church. Totally spaced when we made plans. Thought I could swing it, but — “
“It’s okay,” Max says quietly. “I, uh, came early just in case, so…”
“We’ll get the time shit right some other day.” Chloe leans back, rubbing her face. “Sorry, again. For like, coming in and screaming at you like a lunatic last night.”
“I...I understand—”
“No, don’t,” Chloe warns. “Seriously, let me apologize for that, it was shitty. I know it was. Believe it or not, I raged at Kate like that once, and that was also shitty, and she also acted like it wasn’t a big deal, so.”
“All right,” Max says with a soft chuckle. “Yeah. I accept your apology, Chloe. And...and I’m sorry, too. For...leaving you like that, when we were kids.”
Chloe swallows. “Yeah, it, uh...it definitely wasn’t good there, for a while, you know?” Chloe starts to take her jacket off, laying it over her helmet beside her in the booth. Max spots scars on her wrists as she puts her hands back out on the table.
“I’m...I’m so sorry, Chloe.” Max reaches over, laying a hand over Chloe’s. It comes to her just as instinctually as when they were kids, and maybe she shouldn’t do it because Chloe is taken, but Chloe relaxes regardless, so maybe it’s okay. “I can’t imagine.”
“If you don’t mind me asking...why didn’t you call?” Chloe says.
“I...William’s death...it hit me too, Chloe. He was like my second dad,” Max explains, swallowing a lump in her throat. “I was doing really badly in school, and I was afraid that anything I said to you would...just make things worse for you. I really didn’t like myself back then, and I missed you like crazy, and I didn’t make a lot of friends...especially after I got held back.”
“Wait, you got held back?” Chloe asks, eyes widening.
Max nods miserably, cheeks flushing at the memory. “I couldn’t focus. I ended up with an ADHD diagnosis and some drugs, and then I finally got my shit together, but...by then, it’d been almost two years, and I figured you didn’t want to hear from me after that long.”
“Probably not, by then,” Chloe admits. “That’s around the time I met Rachel, and...well, Rachel was…” She pulls her hand back, slumping down. “Yeah.”
“...first girlfriend?” Max asks gently.
“I...sort of. It was complicated. I was in a bad place, too. My mom remarried this total fucking prick, I wasn’t exactly doing great in school either, I was angry all the fucking time...Rachel was the one who was there for me,” Chloe explains. “But...God, you probably heard, didn’t you? About Jefferson?”
Max’s blood freezes in her veins. “Oh my God. You — you were in Blackwell, weren’t you?”
Chloe shakes her head. “I wasn’t, not by the time he was caught, I got expelled, but...but Rachel was the one he…” She chokes, and all Max wants to do is leap over the table and hug her. She settles for taking Chloe’s other hand and squeezing.
“Jesus Christ,” Max whispers.
“K-Kate and I, we met when I was stapling up missing person posters for her. Then she saved me from...from being another victim, and then she got caught, and it was...it was such a fucking nightmare,” Chloe says, sniffling. “But we managed to be there for each other, you know, eventually, and…”
“And now you’re together.” Max rubs her thumb over Chloe’s hand. “I’m so glad you had her, Chloe. She’s a great person. I’ve only known her a few months, but…”
“She’s a total saint,” Chloe says, a smile coming to her lips despite herself. “As you saw last night. I don’t know what the fuck I’d do without her.”
Max smiles, looking down at her lap. The warmth in Chloe’s voice feels contagious. And there’s something else she needs to confess, too. “There was...another reason I didn’t contact you,” she admits after a moment.
“Oh?”
“Well, I… You know, I was a kid,” Max begins, suddenly losing her courage in the face of Chloe’s confused expression. “And I didn’t know I was bi yet. And…”
“Oh.” Chloe blinks a few times. “Well. Uh.”
“Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“No, no, it’s fine, that actually, uh…” Chloe rubs the back of her neck. “Actually kinda makes me feel better, ‘cuz...I spent a while thinking that you, like, noticed that I liked you. And you thought it was gross, so you didn’t wanna talk to me anymore.”
Max balks. “Wait, you liked me?”
“Dude, I used to ask you to marry me like three times a day,” Chloe says with a growing grin. “Jesus, we were dumbasses.”
“Oh my God,” Max groans, throwing her head back against the seat. “You know, I’m so glad you texted me or we could’ve had another long, stupid thing like that here.”
“Yeah, Kate made me,” Chloe says with a laugh. “...thanks for coming, Max. I was a little afraid you’d bail, but...I’m glad we’re getting to talk. Also, I cannot believe you watched anime with Kate without me.”
“I didn’t know it was you!” Max exclaims. “Swear, if I’d met you before that, you totally would’ve been in on the watch party.”
“Well, how about next time?” Chloe asks carefully. “Next time you come over. All of us can hang.”
“You’re...really okay with that?”
“Dude, yes! Like...fuck, man, I don’t like holding grudges, it sucks. And this has been a good talk, and...you were my best friend. I don’t see why that can’t happen again.”
“...it’s a deal, Chloe. Now should we get up and actually order something?”
“Hell yes. I’m starving, but I figured we should get all the important talking out of the way before we have to chew shit.” Chloe stands up and stretches, Max following her motion.
“Your stomach always was a black hole,” she teases as they head up to the counter.
“Now that sounds like a challenge.”
Once they have food, the conversation turns to lighter topics, and it really starts to feel like home as Max finds out what Chloe’s been up to for the past few years. She’s a tattoo artist, so that’s another point in the cool column, and her motorcycle was a replacement for her old truck, which finally gave up the ghost a few months back after serving her well since she restored it herself when she was sixteen. Max tells Chloe about her own life, about how she got her schooling act together, discovering she was into girls in senior year and being the absolute worst at it, and her stories make Chloe spew crumbs across the table, and it’s a lovely thing to see.
They avoid talking about 2013 in Arcadia Bay, about Jefferson and Blackwell, but that knowledge sits in the back of Max’s mind the whole time. Chloe survived so much to get out here, but...but she looks great, and seems well, and Max knows Kate well enough to know that Chloe’s got the best backup in the world on her side.
Unfortunately, the afternoon does have to end, and Chloe’s gotta pick up Kate from church. As they leave the ABC and head out to the parking lot, Max follows Chloe to her bike. Chloe sits sideways on it as Max lingers.
“Hey, Max,” she says, running a hand through that gorgeous violet hair. “It was great to see you. You wanna come over next weekend? I’ll cook this time.”
“That sounds awesome,” Max replies, feeling a lightness in her chest. “Thanks for today, and...and for forgiving me.”
“Hey, man, we were just kids, you know? We were too young for all that shit,” Chloe says, laughing. “But hey, I’m twenty-one now, so at least I can buy us some beer.”
“Beer is gross, Chloe.”
“You really didn’t change a bit.” Chloe hops up off her seat. “C’mere,” she offers, holding her arms out, and though Max is blushing and stupid, she walks in and accepts that tight squeeze.
Chloe steps back and gets on her bike, strapping her helmet on and lifting the visor. “Oh, and you bring us some fucking photos, Miss Artsy!” she exclaims as she kicks the bike to life. “Catch you later!”
As Chloe revs off into the distance, Max stares at her retreating form. And she allows herself to think: God dammit, she’s so hot. But she puts the thought aside, without shame or reservation, because she’s just happy that Chloe’s back in her life, and that she has Kate as her support pillar.
She feels more than ready to face the world, knowing they’ll be there too.