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Inhaling the thick, pungent smoke, I held it for a moment, let it burn in my lungs before I slowly, steadily let it out, coughing at the end. Amaryllis giggled beside me, nearly dropping the rolled elfroot onto the rooftop we laid on as I handed it to her. “I wouldn’t worry about it,” I said with a general gesture as she took her turn. “You’re not the only one in the clan to fancy a shemlen, after all.”
She coughed with her own drag, sputtering for a good few minutes before she could get out, in between the gasps, “Oh? Who else?” I simply fixed her with a stare until it sank in. “Wait, you? Really?” I giggled in response as she asked, dumbfounded, “Who?”
Pursing my lips to hide the half-smile, I admitted, “Blackwall.”
At that, Amaryllis descended into her own fit of giggles. “Blackwall?” she exclaimed, holding her sides as she handed the elfroot back. “But he’s so big! And so hairy!”
I playfully smacked her arm, but laughed along with her. “He just has a certain charm about him.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Amaryllis conceded, looking up at the sky, already fading into light pinks and reds as the sun began to set. I looked, instead, at her, at how different she looked already, changed from everything that had happened since she and Ellana had gone to the Conclave. What they’d gone through, what she’d gone through, it would have been enough to drive anyone mad. And I noticed it, I noticed her quiet, her tight expressions and posture, the way that, at times, her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. She was hiding, as she always did, from what she truly felt, from things she wanted to say or do but couldn’t. I wanted so badly to reach out, to tell her it was alright, to let it all out and feel, feel everything. The ocean could be scary when a storm hit, but once it passed, all was calmer for it.
But I simply laid there, instead, letting the peaceful quiet envelop us. She didn’t need anyone pushing or prodding - Creators knew she probably had enough of that, already. Instead, I gave her what I could … some elfroot, some relaxation, and the space to unwind. There wasn’t much time for that these days, for anyone, and I knew she wouldn’t take it on herself. That was precisely why we found ourselves atop the mage tower in Skyhold, close enough to not be isolated but far enough away from the hustle and bustle of the fortress to do her some good. The crows in an adjacent tower cawed, their echo carrying over the battlements, but that was otherwise the only sound that reached us.
If this peace, if this quiet was the only way I could help Amaryllis, then I would do so, for as much and as long as she needed. This freedom, in these little increments, was far better than none.