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He's doing it again.
Sonic sits at the table, surrounded by friends as he tells them about his time in Camelot. It was a thrilling adventure, but Shadow is tired of hearing about it. Or rather, he's tired of one thing in particular.
Shadow is tired of hearing about Lancelot.
It's annoying. The fondness with which Sonic talks about Shadow's counterpart makes him feel something, a sting, in his heart. He hates it. Doesn't know what to call it, doesn't want to. Best to just avoid it.
So Shadow tries. Whenever the conversation turns to Sonic's beloved knight, Shadow leaves. He gets out of earshot, trying not to think about it. About why he hates this person.
Leaving mid conversation is nothing new for him, so when he rises from the table and leaves their lunch, no one but Sonic pays him any mind. Shadow leaves to cool off, to distract himself from whatever feeling is plaguing him.
But Sonic never lets Shadow get off easy. He manages to bring up Lancelot in their one-on-one conversations on occasion. On this day in particular, it's especially annoying.
"It's so funny how alike yet different you and Lance are!" Sonic says after a spar. "You have the same instincts, but totally different approaches."
"Is that so," Shadow responds dryly. "Let me guess, your friend fights with more 'honor' than I."
Sonic laughs. "You said it, not me." Shadow restrains himself from commenting. Whether he realizes or not, the hedgehog is constantly comparing Shadow to Lancelot, and vice versa. The hybrid is sick of it.
Sonic stands from where he's been sitting on the ground as Shadow had knocked him down just moments prior. "Lance never relied on dirty tricks."
Shadow rolls his eyes. "You call it dirty, I call it winning."
Sonic shrugs. "Whatever you say, cheater." Shadow grumbles at that and Sonic laughs again. "So what do you want to do next?" Shadow blinks. Usually after a spar or race they go their separate ways. But he supposes he can indulge Sonic this one time. "I'm hungry. Want to eat?"
"Not chili dogs," Shadow says after a pause. Sonic slumps.
"Sure, I guess." Sonic places his hands on his hips. "Where do you suggest, then?"
Shadow thinks on it. It's a cool autumn day, so he wants something warm. "Why don't we get some pho?"
Sonic's stomach growls and Shadow's mouth quirks into a smile. "I'll take that as a yes?"
Sonic grins and nods. "I haven't had pho in ages. Lead the way, partner!" Shadow rolls his eyes but does just that.
They have a late dinner, as the moon shines bright above. Sonic reminisces on a moonlit night with Lancelot, voice sad as he tells Shadow how much he misses the Round Table. Shadow sits in silence. He stays. He doesn't know why. But that ugly feeling in his heart festers, making it hard to stay still.
As if he notices what's going on, Sonic looks Shadow in the eye and apologizes. "I'm sorry. It must be weird to hear about another version of yourself."
Shadow nods. Sure, maybe that's why he's uncomfortable. The two spend the rest of the night people-watching and sharing stories. Sonic talks the most, but Shadow does have some rather impressive tales to share. When he heads home, Shadow finds that he had a good time.
After that day, grabbing a bite after their meetups becomes commonplace. They try a variety of foods and places, both adventurous when it comes to food. Shadow finds that he enjoys himself on their outings. He's always wanted to spend more time with Sonic, but never knew how.
It's something that has taken Shadow some time to accept. Rouge and Omega were the only people he could stand to be around for extended periods of time. Then at some point - Shadow isn't sure when - Sonic became one of those people too.
So when Sonic starts inviting Shadow out for more than races and fights, he accepts. He enjoys the movies they go to, wandering around the mall, hikes and rock climbing. Just to name a few activities. Shadow hasn't felt this… good in a long time.
It isn't long before he notices more about Sonic. The lingering looks, the light touches. Sonic grabs his hand more than once, and each time it makes Shadow's heart do flips. He doesn't know what to call it, doesn't want to. Rouge teases him about what it could be, and Shadow shrinks at the thought.
But more than anything, what Shadow notices is that Sonic has stopped talking about Lancelot.
The knight doesn't pop up in nearly every conversation anymore. Sonic has stopped comparing them every chance he gets. He's stopped that dreamy look he gets when he recalls his Camelot adventure, when he thinks of his knight. Sonic's eyes are on Shadow, his smile for Shadow.
Shadow finds satisfaction in that.
When they find them on a grassy knoll at sundown in the spring, Shadow finds himself thinking about it. He can't place why he wants to be the only man Sonic looks at. Why he needs to be the one Sonic brags about. Why he needs to be the one by Sonic's side. Sonic grabs his hand, pulling him back down to reality.
"You're brooding again," Sonic says quietly. Shadow turns to him, growling but face warm. He's been caught.
"And why do you say that?"
Sonic shrugs. "I know you well, I guess."
Shadow scoffs, but doesn't say anything. Sonic does know him well. Which is a surprise. He always knows what to do, what to say. Especially lately. It's as if the hero knows exactly how to make Shadow's heart race, how to climb past carefully built walls.
"Hey, look at me," Sonic whispers. Shadow's ears flick and he does so. Sonic has this look, intense and hot and enough to make Shadow gulp. "Stop me if I'm moving too fast, but can I kiss you?"
Shadow nods before he can think about it.
Sonic leans forward, grip on Shadow's hand tightening when he presses their lips together. Shadow's eyes flutter close and he does his best to mimic Sonic's movements, lips dancing. Sonic's lips are so soft, so right against his.
Sonic pulls away only to shift, pushing Shadow to lay on the grass. He crawls over the hybrid and brings their lips together with more urgency. Shadow moans when Sonic slips his tongue inside his mouth, arms wrapping around a blue neck. Then Sonic sucks on Shadow's tongue, before leaving his mouth all together. Sonic kisses Shadow's neck, lips touching all the right spots, as if he knows exactly where Shadow wants him to be--
Shadow's eyes shoot open and he pushes Sonic off of him forcefully.
Sonic falls onto his side with a grunt. "Sorry, Shads, was I moving too fast? You could have told me, I'm sorry if--"
"You were with him, weren't you?" Shadow cuts Sonic off. He scrambles to get up, shaking in rage. Sonic looks up at him in confusion, so he repeats himself. "You were with him . Am I right?"
Sonic's face flits from confusion to realization then shame. That's all the answer Shadow needs.
Shadow laughs, a broken thing. "This explains so much. So this whole time, that's why you got me to fall for you? For him?" Sonic looks pained and he stands to step closer to Shadow.
"No! It's not like that, Shads, I swear."
"You don't get to call me that," Shadow snaps. "This whole time you knew just what to say and do because you've done it before, isn't that right?"
"No!" Sonic tries to grab Shadow but the hybrid slaps his hand away. "I swear it's not like that, please just let me explain!"
"It's not like what?" Shadow steps back and growls. "It seems to me that I'm just a replacement for your beloved knight."
"I like you , Shadow." Sonic tears up, and Shadow hates that it makes his heart hurt even with all his rage. "It's always been you."
Shadow shakes his head. "I think not. How could it have 'always been me' when you had a whole relationship with that person?" Sonic's mouth opens then shuts. Shadow chuckles, a hollow thing. "I thought so." He looks away, tears stinging in his eyes. When he turns back to Sonic he refuses to let them spill. "You took advantage of me."
Sonic breaks. "I didn't mean to, Shadow. Please just listen! I can explain!" He reaches out once more, but Shadow pushes him away.
"Just fuck off. Leave me alone. Don't contact me."
Shadow turns and skates away as fast as he can. He doesn't let himself feel until he gets to the safety of his room. He collapses onto his bed, a sob shaking his body.
He should have known better. Shadow had his suspicions. He knew there was more to the story when Sonic would pause and cut out the details of a story with him and Lancelot alone. When the hero would sigh thinking about him. When the hero would compare Lancelot to Shadow.
It's bullshit.
Shadow should have known. He's not as noble as, not as kind. He's not honorable and formal. He's none of the things Sonic admires about Lancelot. And even so the hero thought to replace him with Shadow. As if it would be so easy. As if it would work without a hitch. Sonic had the nerve, the duplicity, to do such a thing.
Shadow grits his teeth, sits up and wipes away his tears. It's bullshit, and he hates being used. Again . But he's not going to let it bring him down. He was dumb enough to ignore the signs. He was dumb enough to fall. But he's not going to be dumb enough to let this break him.
Shadow copes the best he can. He ignores Sonic's attempts to contact him. He avoids the hero at all times, distancing himself from Sonic's friends and refusing their help when they offer it. He throws himself into his work and hobbies, days and nights running long as he gets the bare minimum amount of sleep. After a few weeks he talks to Rouge and Omega about it. He feels validated by their anger for him.
So when Sonic stops by Team Dark's shared condo three months later, he feels like he can handle it. Shadow is sitting in his room, on his bed, when it happens. He can hear as Rouge opens the front door and snaps at Sonic, telling him to fuck off. Omega agrees, telling the hedgehog to leave the premises or he'll use force. Shadow smiles at their support.
"It's ok," Shadow yells through his bedroom door. "Let him in. I'll speak to him."
Rouge grumbles, telling Sonic to watch his back. She says she'll give them some privacy. She and Omega leave, slamming the door shut behind them. Sonic knocks on Shadow's door. "Can we speak face to face?" He asks meekly.
"No," Shadow says firmly. "Whatever you have to say can be said like this. I don't want to see you."
Sonic sighs. "I guess I deserve that."
"You guess?" Shadow deadpans.
"Look, I'm sorry. I should have told you about Lance and me before I pursued you." Shadow hears quills scratching at his door. The hedgehog must have sat down, back to the door. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Shadow asks calmly. He has a few things he wants to know, and he knows he has to keep a cool head in order to get those answers.
"I don't know. I guess I was worried about what you would think."
"Yeah, you fucking my interdimensional counterpart doesn't sit right with me."
Sonic sputters. "We didn't do more than kiss! If that makes you feel better."
"It doesn't." Shadow sighs and rubs his temple. "It's not that you had a relationship before me. Not that you had intimate experiences with someone before me. It bothers me on some level, yes, but that's not why I'm angry."
"Then why are you angry?"
Shadow shakes his head. "You used me, Sonic." He stands from where he's been sitting criss crossed on the bed. He walks over to the door, voice raising. "You lost your boyfriend and decided to replace him with me. You don't want me , not really. Yeah, you may like me as an individual and feel attraction, but at the end of the day you're imagining that it's him who is by your side. And I can't live like that."
There's a pause. A long one. Shadow turns away from the door, planning to lay down and take a nap after Sonic leaves. He said what he needed to, and nicer than he meant to be. It would seem he isn't quite over the hedgehog yet. He hates how soft he's gotten.
"It's the opposite, really," Sonic finally says. Shadow turns back, curious. He doesn't say anything, but Sonic must know that he wants to hear more. "It's as you said, but I was using him to replace you ."
Shadow stills. "Liar."
"It's true!" Sonic cries desperately. "And he was doing the same. That's why we broke it off."
Shadow's eyes narrow. Sonic sounds nothing but sincere. The hedgehog has never lied to Shadow before either. "Say I believe you, when did you break it off? And why, exactly?"
"We agreed to just be friends a few days before I came back home. I just told you why."
"Tell me how it happened."
"I'd rather not." Sonic sounds embarrassed and Shadow has a feeling he knows where this is going.
"If you're not going to tell me you can leave right now." Shadow crosses his arms. "Even if what you say is true, about using him as a placeholder for me, how am I supposed to believe that you really broke things off? Seems awfully convenient for that to happen just before you left."
Sonic groans. "Fine." He shifts from what Shadow can hear. "It was when we were doing… things."
"So you were fucking," Shadow deduces.
"No!" Sonic sounds mortified.
"So I'm guessing you just used your hands? Or mouths? For your information, that's still sex. Just because there is no penetration, doesn't mean it isn't sex."
"Ok, first of all, not a good enough reason to use the word penetration. Second, we were getting to that but hadn't actually done anything. Ok?"
"Ok. So you got handsy. Continue."
Sonic groans again. "I thought this didn't matter."
"It doesn't. I may be upset about it, but that's a personal problem. But you're the one who brought it up. I just wanted the specifics." Shadow knows it's selfish and another way to hurt himself, but that's something he can unpack later.
"Right. I did." Sonic sighs, resigned. "So as I was saying, we were doing... some stuff. Making out and getting to the next step if you know what I mean." Shadow nods though Sonic can't see him. "Well things were getting kinda heavy and, well… I kinda moaned out your name."
Shadow blinks in surprise. "You what?"
"I called out your name when he was sucking on my neck. There! Are you happy now?"
Shadow smiles wide for a reason other than his crew for the first time in three months. "Yes, actually." He hears Sonic squeak in surprise. He thinks of what to ask next. There's a lot more he wants to know, but he should really focus on the important stuff. "And how did you figure he was using you?"
"He called me Arthur a moment later, before he realized what I had done." Sonic sounds distraught. "Let me tell you, it did not feel good. So I sort of know what you're going through."
Shadow raises an eye ridge. It's fucked up, but that does make him feel a bit better. If Sonic knows what it means to be used in such a way then it's possible he didn't mean to do the same to Shadow, not intentionally. He's too kind for that. "So what happened next?"
"We stopped and went our separate ways that night. We were both pretty embarrassed and hurt. The next morning I found him training in the countryside and we talked."
"About what?"
"How we felt. We did have feelings for each other, on some level. But it's as you said, we were both imagining we were with someone else. He lost Arthur, who was the love of his life. I was his crutch, a way to cope. I didn't know if I would ever see you again. So with him I could experience what could have been. I wanted you so bad that I was willing to jump into something with someone who looked like you. Someone who was but wasn't you. I was wrong for that. I hurt a good friend in the process. And unknowingly I hurt you too."
Shadow closes his eyes. He doesn't want to cry. Not now. He wants so desperately for Sonic to be telling the truth, for the words coming from his mouth to not be another trick. Hope worms it's way into Shadow's heart, and part of him hates it.
"Can I come in now?" Sonic asks softly. Shadow considers for a moment, then unlocks the door. Sonic steps inside, face remorseful. "Thanks."
"How did your relationship with him start?" Shadow asks as soon as Sonic steps in. Sonic may be telling the truth, but not all of it. Sonic blinks in surprise before answering.
"We were sparring. It turned into a brawl and we wrestled and then before I knew it he kissed me. And I kissed him back. We were involved for nearly two weeks, if that matters."
Shadow brings a hand to his hip. "So how did you know what to do to get me to like you then?"
Sonic smiles. "Well, I realized from watching Lance that you liked me back already. I just needed you to realize it too."
Shadow looks away, embarrassed. His face warms and he feels his ears press against his skull. Admitting his feelings has been a challenge. "And how did you do that? By wooing Lance?"
"I didn't woo him, remember? It just sorta happened, spontaneously. But Lance would talk about Arthur and how they got together and then when we would flirt and stuff I dunno... that all kinda showed me how you need to be loved."
Shadow glances at Sonic and sees that the hedgehog looks hopeful. "I believe you." Sonic's face brightens immediately. "But I'm going to need some time." His smile falters.
"I understand." Sonic rubs the back of his neck. "I'll wait as long as I need for ya. You know where to find me." He turns to leave but Shadow grabs his arm to stop him.
"I'm going to need some time, but we can start by taking things slow again." Shadow watches as Sonic lights up.
"We can do that. Definitely. We can go as slow as you want."
"Good." Shadow steps into Sonic's space, smirking when he hears the hero's breath hitch. "I want to go slow, but we can still do this."
Shadow kisses Sonic.
He moves his lips slowly, sighing when Sonic wraps peach arms around his torso. The hedgehog holds him close and he loves the feel of their bodies pressed together. Shadow hates to admit it, but he has been missing Sonic's taste. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about it since that night on the hill. If he's being honest, he wants to toss Sonic on the bed and show the hedgehog just what he's capable of.
But he said slow. So they'll go slow. Honestly, kissing Sonic probably wasn't a good move on his part. But hey, sometimes being a little reckless can feel good.
When he pulls away Shadow laughs at Sonic's flushed face. It's adorable, absolutely charming. He begins to think of how Lancelot has seen this same expression and has to squash the thought down. He doesn't want to ruin this moment for himself with petty jealousy.
Sonic pulls Shadow closer, and kisses his forehead. Without his skates, Shadow is noticeably shorter and Sonic can do such things with ease. Sonic then kisses his nose, cheeks, then lips once more. It's chaste but sweet.
"So when can I take you out again?" Sonic's voice is husky and Shadow likes that very much.
"Tomorrow night? Or maybe the day after. I need to explain a few things before we can go out."
"Rouge and Omega?" Sonic questions. Shadow nods and Sonic groans. "They hate me, don't they?"
"If that wasn't obvious in how they greeted you today, yes." Sonic looks dejected and Shadow reassures him. "Don't worry, I'll talk to them. Just expect to be interrogated next time you see them."
"I'll be ready," Sonic sighs out. Shadow pushes his chest lightly, so he lets the hybrid go. "I'll see you. Just keep me posted on what day works, ok?"
Shadow nods. He gives Sonic one last kiss, then watches the hedgehog leave. He sighs, emotionally exhausted. He didn't expect things to go this way, but truthfully? He's kinda glad they did.
Sonic better not blow this second chance.