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Aziraphale and Crowley were walking in the St. James Park as they used to every Saturday evening before going at the Ritz to enjoy a dinner together. After Non-maggedon it happened to be their tradition. Although, that was about to be their first time waiting there as an official couple. Although, the demon was more confident about seeing this out loud, Aziraphale still tried his best to give Crowley the affection he needed.
Unfortunately, the angel hadn’t been ready to hold Crowley’s hand in public but the demon remained as close to him as possible. Even brushed their shoulders from time to time. Walking down the alley, the demon spotted some disgust looks from strangers and he just hoped that they went unnoticed for Aziraphale because that would make him even more insecure.
“What would you say for a night trip after the dinner?” Crowley asked, knowing that his angel loved to watch the starry night when nobody else was around them.
“That would be quite lovely, dear boy.” Aziraphale smiled to himself and felt the urge to hug his lover right at that moment. But those all people surrounding them were too distracting.
Finally, when they made it at the Ritz, they were greeted by a kind woman.
“Oh, yes, the reservation under the name Crowley, please follow me.”
The lady led both of them to their table and waited until they sat down. Crowley, being a good boyfriend, pulled the chair out for Aziraphale who shyly accepted that gesture.
“A waiter should approach you in a minute, sirs,” the lady said and just when she was about to leave, she added, “Excuse me, but both of you look so wonderful with each other, are you perhaps-”
“Friends!” Aziraphale interrupted her. “We’re just friends.”
Even from behind his glasses it was obvious that the demon was taken aback. He kept looking at the angel even when the lady left them with a confused face. Aziraphale only turned away his look and suddenly got so interested in the menu that he in fact knew by heart.
“What was that, angel?” Crowley asked finally with an irritation in his voice.
“What do you-”
“Oh, don’t give me that, Aziraphale!” The demon raised his voice. “Just friends? That’s what I’m to you? After all we’ve told each other? A friend?!”
The angel looked at his partner with worry. He hadn’t wanted to make Crowley feel angry. It wasn’t that he had been ashamed of their relationship. It all was just so new to Zira that he got scared.
“No, Crowley, you know it’s not-” he tried to explain himself but the waiter interrupted him.
“Good evening, sirs, can I take your orders?”
“You can take an order from this man here, but I’m leaving.” The demon stood up, not even looking at the angel. He rushed to the exits and didn’t stop when he heard Aziraphale’s asks for stay.
Crowley was too angry with him to listen to him any more. Outside, he looked around and when he didn’t notice anybody, with a snap of his fingers, the Bentley appeared right in front of him, ready to be driven. He was just about to get into the car when a tight grip appeared on his wrist.
"Please, Crowley, stay," the angel said with worry and waited for any reaction. But the demon only took his hand away and opened the car's door.
"I'm going on a trip. Alone," Crowley snapped, getting into the car and slamming the door. He drove, screeching away. The angel was left alone on the street, regretting everything he had said.
The demon was driving his car, not really knowing where he wanted to go. He didn't want to go back to the bookshop, where he had been practically living for the last week, in order not to meet Aziraphale. He also didn't want to go to his flat because he felt too many emotions right now to be locked in one place. The Bentley was speeding on the London's streets, but fortunately they were almost empty, due to the late hour. Crowley turned on the radio and soon he heard Love of My Life filling the car. The only damn Queen's song that his angel actually liked... The demon tossed his glasses on the passenger's seat and wiped off the forming tears. Unfortunately, it didn't help much since with every line, he was getting more and more emotional. Eventually, he stopped trying to stop crying and just let them fall down his cheeks. Deep down he knew that Aziraphale was still ashamed of the love he felt towards Crowley. And Crowley blamed Heaven for that. They made the angel believe that he would have never been able to love a demon. They made him underestimate himself. Crowley knew all of that but it still hurt when he had heard Zira's words. He hit the wheel several times, bumping almost into a street lamp. He had already felt so tired and helpless that he just drove where the Bently led him.
Aziraphale didn't stay on that street for long. He apologized to the waitress and left the restaurant. He thought about a night walk to calm his thoughts but without Crowley by his side, he felt too scared to do that. Even being an angel, he still wasn't so brave to walk alone in the dark. With his demon it was always safer. He wished he hadn't said those words out loud. How could he have been so reckless? He had hurt the love of his life and now wasn't sure whether he would forgive him. Aziraphale had known that it had taken over 6000 years for the demon to finally speak about his feelings.The angel still remembered the stress and anxiety that the demon had felt. In fact, they had been much happier together. But it was still so new to Aziraphale. Crowley was far more fluent with that, more confident. And the angel was still afraid of what people would say. It was a pathetic worry. One way or the other, Aziraphale knew that he must have found a way to apologize to Crowley.
Both of them spent their nights barely sleeping. Crowley stayed in Bentley, somewhere outside London and Zira slept on his couch in the bookshop since he hadn't had enough strength and willingness to go to his bedroom. The next day, they woke up reluctantly. Neither of them wanted to remember the past night. Crowley decided to come back to his flat and he purposefully took the road next to the angel's bookshop to notice that it was in fact closed. It took the demon by surprise since he knew that Aziraphale would have overwhelmed himself with work after a stressful situation. But that time was different. However, he didn't think about that much and just drove to his flat. Inside, he shouted at his plants which trembled with fear. Crowley was walking around the room and eventually, sat in his armchair with a loud huff. He still felt so tired that after some time he fell asleep right there only to be woken up several hours later to a sound of knocking at the door.
The demon reluctantly got up since he felt the familiar aura spreading around his flat. He didn't even need to open the door to know who was standing in front of him.
"What do you-"
"Come with me, Crowley," said the angel, dragging him by his wrist.
The demon tried to pull away but the strong grip didn't let go. He knew that Aziraphale must have been using his celestial powers to hold him properly. When they went downstairs, there was a cab waiting for them with an open door. The angel let Crowley get into first which the demon obediently did. Although, he wasn't really happy with that. On their way, he had been asking Aziraphale about their destination and occasionally reminding him of them being 'just friends'. But the angel seemed not to be disturbed by it. He just kept looking through the window.
Finally, the cab stopped in from of the Ritz and Crowley immediately knew what was going to happen.
"Oh no, angel," he protested. "I'm not going there. I'm done with you. You spoke your mind." Aziraphale looked at him with serious look and said a quiet 'trust me'.
"Good evening, dear," the angel greeted a young woman. Fortunately, it wasn't the same one from the previous night. "I had a reservation for me and my boyfriend under the name Fell." When Crowley heard him saying that, he stood there with his mouth slightly opened.
The lady asked them to follow her, just like that poor night, and showed them their table. For the whole time, the angel had been holding Crowley by his hand. He looked completely confident with such behaviour and when they found the table, he moved the chair for Crowley and also sat on his seat. He still hadn't said a word and just carefully studied Aziraphale's moves who seemed a little stressed. The waiter gave them the menus but the angel could order their meals right away.
"I'll take the second position and for, my boyfriend, I'll take the fourth one," he said, smiling at Crowley who was still surprised by the angel's confidence. Although, he could see small blushes on Aziraphale's cheeks. "We'd like Chateauneuf de Pas too."
When the waiter walked away, the angel withdrew his hand and grabbed the demon's one that was laying on the table. At first, Crowley looked at it with cautious but eventually, he let Aziraphale rub the palm of it with his thumb.
"I'm really sorry, Crowley," the angel spoke, looking directly into his lover's eyes. He wished, he could have put of those damn sunglasses. He loved the demon's eyes.
"Just let that dinner last peacefully," the demon answered and immediately changed the subject. He didn't want to talk about what had happened in public. In fact, he didn't want to talk about that at all.
Aziraphale reluctantly carried on the conversation with Crowley, avoiding that one topic. Fortunately, the evening went really well. None of them felt uncomfortable or anxious. They just enjoyed their tasty meals and tried to keep on talking. Once, when the waiter came to them, asking how was the food, the demon happily complemented it which relaxed the angel. At least his lover was in a good mood. When they finished eating, Aziraphale paid and they headed to the door, thanking the waiter for his service.
Outside, they stood in front of each other in silence.
"So," the angel scratched the back of his neck. "Would you like to come with me to the bookshop?"
Crowley bit his lip but eventually he agreed and was about to snap his fingers, wanting to summon the Bentlay, when Aziraphale stopped him and asked for a cab instead. The demon quickly understood that decision, when he felt Aziraphale's hand on his thigh, moving in a soothing gesture.. The ride was rather quiet but fortunately fast. Soon, they found themselves in the bookshop where both of them took off their jackets and hung them. When the angel wanted to ask Crowley to sit, he felt his thin arms, wrapping around his waist and making him sit himself. Then, the demon sat on his lap and suddenly burrowed his face in the crook of Aziraphale's neck.
"Crowley, dear, what happened?"
He sniffed, "I thought you had stopped loving me." His voice was so quiet that Aziraphale had barely heard him. But he quickly grabbed the demon by his chin and lifted his head up. He then gently took his glasses and tossed them on the table, revealing the worried eyes.
"Of course not. I would never stop loving you," he said, carresing Crowley's cheek. "I was just so patheticly afraid of Heaven. I still am."
"Why?"
Aziraphale gasped, "Because I'm worried they would hurt you." The angel kissed Crowley's nose. "And I wouldn't survive if something happened to you, my love."
The demon was studying his lover's face and felt so much better. Suddenly, the feeling of being loved overwhelmed him so much that he felt a tear falling down his cheek. Fortuantely, it was quickly wiped off my another angelic kiss.
"In fact, we've never been just friends, Crowley. I've always known that you were somebody more for me." Aziraphale moved his face closer and finally connected his lips with Crowley's. He hugged the demon tightly to his chest and started moving his hands up and down Crowley's back. He felt how every single muscle of his relaxed under his touch.
When they pulled away from each other, Aziraphale let himself lie on the couch with the demon laying on his chest.
"You're the love of my life," he whispered, planting a kiss in the demon's hair.