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A couple of days have passed since his visit to the dentist, or Bean's visit, he supposes.
He feels horrible for that, not only did he slip and leave his little self to deal with it alone, but he also made Dream buy him things.
He was probably such a brat.
Both big him and little him are terrified of the dentist, and yet he still let his little self deal with it instead.
He's a horrible person.
Why couldn't he have just stayed big? Deal with it himself instead of Bean.
He knows he caused a problem, a screaming fit; they'll never be able to show their faces there again.
He's caused such a mess, a mess that Dream's going to have to do damage control for because he'll just fuck everything up worse. That's all he does anyway isn't it? Fuck everything up.
He's selfish, horrible, a brat, and he hates himself.
He's a horrible protector for little him, always has been.
Little him has never been in dangerous situations, but he's never treated himself right, not even when he excepted who he was.
Can you truly love yourself if you don't care for yourself when you know you should?
His first slip happened during his first year of Uni.
He had a major breakdown after bombing a huge test - a course he'd later fail out of because of it.
He held the paper with trembling hands, tears flooding his vision. His legs gave out, falling down in the middle of his room, scare and alone.
He remembers an unfamiliar fog taking over, then nothing else from that night.
He woke up with the paper torn to shreds, dried tearstains, a far too foggy head, and unmovable legs.
He managed to sit up, his back pressed against the cold wall as he could only stare at his hands pitifully. He balled his tiny hands into fist, beating them against his legs to try to get them to move, but they wouldn't. It was almost like he forgotten how to walk.
His stomach growled with anger, painfully gnawing at itself. More tears flooded his eyes, confused why he couldn't just eat. Why he couldn't move his legs, unable to even crawl across his floor.
His palms pushed against the ground, pushing himself onto his knees. He managed to press his foot against the ground, standing atop shaky legs, then he toppled back down.
He yelped in pain, slamming his leg against the hard floor. Even more tears flooded his vision, clothes becoming messy as he was completely helpless.
He cried himself to sleep like that; hand holding his leg, tears and snot covering his face, and uncomfortable clothing.
His mind wasn't foggy when he woke up again; he felt horrible, and disgusting, hating whatever caused him to be the way he was.
He burnt with embarrassment as he stripped away his uncomfortable clothing, showering away all the dirt he felt clinging to his body.
Once he felt clean, his stomach full, and less like a failure, he pulled out his old laptop.
The first thing he did was turn on incognito, feeling the tips of his ears burn in embarrassment as he typed every word he could think to describe what happened.
He filtered out many unwanted results - some he wanted to pour bleach into his eyes after seeing - until he stumbled across the words age regression. It perfectly captured exactly how he was feeling, what had happened to him, and he hated it.
He didn't want to be small, he didn't want this reason, and he didn't want to feel that way ever again.
He slammed his laptop shut, almost too roughly, and pushed away the thought of it. That night long forgotten from his brain, until it happened again.
It was another bad grade, his hands shook again, head became foggy, and he couldn't stop himself from slipping. Hours missing from his brain, once again the paper torn up and spread out in his room.
All the stress of Uni was getting to him and fast. He spent the next couple days - could've been weeks and he wouldn't have noticed - doing copious amounts of research. He wanted to learn everything on the existence of it on the internet. Slowly, he learnt how to better care for himself.
He ran out to the store later that night, buying easy to open snacks for when he's little. He also bought small drinks, nothing too heavy to hold, and just as easy to open. At least he could eat if he slipped again.
He knew that slipping after built up stress was what was doing the damage, instead when he began feeling the least bit stressed, he tried to regress. It took a few tries until he got it down, one successful slip by himself. One that he didn't end up in tears after, his stomach full, and happy.
Regression wasn't so bad after that, of course he still had bad days, but his hatred of his little self after that stopped.
Just because his self-hatred stopped, didn't mean he was any better at taking care of himself. Sure, he used it for stress relief and to be mentally healthier, but he refused buying comfort items.
It was the embarrassment that got to him on that front, knowing that friends were constantly in and out of his room, and he didn't want any of them stumbling across little gear.
It might've been inside his own head, but he knew they'd think he's weird. He'd lose all his friends from it, and what he had without comfort items was good enough for him.
As his years in Uni came to a close, his regression changed from the limit to stress to fun. He loved being little, it was freeing the time he spent in little space instead of stuck big. But his years of Uni came to an end and his stress lessened, so his need to regress, just seemed to stop. The familiar call with Dreamie and Sapnap was the last time he regressed in that way.
However, with keeping comfort away from little him for so long, seeing Sapnap hold that pacifier, caused him to drop and quickly. His headspace an instant cloud above his head, little him finally getting the exact comfort he'd been craving for so long.
His mean and scary thoughts begin to cloud his mind, heavy fog setting into the once clear space. His trembly fingers pick and pull at the threads on the bottom of his sweater, messing around with the fabric of it.
Where Papa?
He frowns to himself as he pulls harder on the string, yanking it out of his sweater. His tired, heavy eyes scan the room trying to find something. His blue bear sits under his bed, sadly glancing at him.
Tears begin to weld up as he moves to grab it, clutching it tight in his arms.
"I sorry," he whispered tearfully.
He didn't mean to make his bear sad by shoving it under the bed. He was supposed to be taking good care of it, keeping it happy.
He wants his paci.
Where paci?
Papa have it?
He pushes himself back up to stand on wobbly legs, carefully placing one foot in front of the other as he walks into the dimly lit hallway, bear left behind tucked into his bed. Tears fall from his eyes, a tiny fist wiping them away as he steps farther in search for his Papa.
"Papa?" he called out, head peeking into his bedroom.
Bean's met with an empty room, lip jutting out. More careful steps take his back down the hall, stopping at the top of the stairs. The steps are ginormous, scary. He falls into his butt with a loud thump, too little to remember how they work, loudly sobbing his heart out.
Where Papa?
He just want Papa!
Loud footsteps echoed through the house, Dream running towards the sound of crying fearful of what he might find. His heart races seeing his baby sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing his heart out, his feet moving faster than his body bounding up the stairs towards his little.
"What happened?" his voice frantic with worry.
"Papa!" Bean cried, making grabby hands wanting to be held.
Dream carefully scooped him up, holding him tight to his chest as they rock back and forth. Slowly inching themselves away from the top of the stairs and back into the hallway.
"What happened Bean?" his voice softly spoken in the little's ears.
Bean shook his head just as frantically as Dream had sound, clinging tighter onto the man.
Dream continues to back them down the hallway, pushing himself through his partially open door. His light flickers on, moving to open a drawer and pulling something out for the other. He holds it up for the little one to see, Bean opening his mouth in want.
The blue pacifier plops into his mouth, his arms tightening in apperaction for his Papa always knowing the right thing for him.
"Wove Papa," he whispered, pressing his face into his shoulder, and feeling his tears drying up.
"I love you too baby," Papa rubbed his large hand against the littles back, smoothing down the rest of his worries. "Can you tell Papa what happened?"
He shook his head again; those are big thoughts, not Bean's. He doesn't want to think about them.
"You don't gotta tell me baby," he calmed the others worries again, moving them out of the room and back towards the stairs.
Bean squeals as they move down them, Papa's big legs feel like they're descending Mount Everest.
Bean's head a little dizzy from the height.
"Do you wanna watch a movie baby?" he asked as they enter into the living room, tv paused from where he'd been watching a game.
He can't help but chuckle lightly when he feels the baby's head nod against his shoulder, fingers twisting into his shirt.
"Sap?" he whispered, wanting the third member there with them.
"You want Sapnap to join us?"
"Yes pease," he whispered sweetly, pulling his head away to look Papa in the face.
"We'll ask him, okay?"
"Otay."
The man himself walked into the living room, seeming to be headed towards the kitchen.
"Sap?" Dream called out after him.
"Yeah?" he asked stopping in his tracks, turning to meet the two standing there.
"Bean wants to know if you'll watch a movie with us."
Sap's face twist up playfully, finger tapping against his chin in faux thought.
"I don't know..." he teased, watching the babies face sadden the least bit.
"Pease Bubba?" he begged and who's heart wouldn't melt at his words.
Sapnap's face softens moving towards the baby with fondness, fingers pinching against his skin.
"I'm sorry Bean, was just teasing you. I'll join."
"Tank you!" he cheered, letting a smile replace the frown, turning back to his Papa.
"I'mma make popcorn," he smiled, turning back towards the kitchen again.
"Okay Bean, what you wanna watch?"
He shrugged his shoulders unsurely, letting himself be sat down in his Papa's lap as he switched over to Disney plus instead. They scrolled past many different options until one stuck out: Descendant's.
"That one," he pointed while Dream hovered over it.
"Descendant's baby?"
"Yes, pease."
Dream laughs to himself as he plays the movie, watching Sapnap walk back in with the popcorn.
He can't help but feel his chest swell with pride; his baby is so well mannered. He knows that he isn't the exact reason the baby is so polite, but he likes to think he's made an impact on the little one. That he's doing something right as a Papa.
The baby gasp at many different parts of the movie, head shaking when characters he doesn't like appear. His favorite seems to be Evie, bouncing cheerfully anytime she was on the screen.
Dream thinks it's the hair.
Bean hides behind his hand when they have to fight against the Evil Queen, scared by the dragon. He didn't fully cover his eyes however, leaving just enough of a gap to peek through and watch.
He squealed loudly when she was turnt into a lizard, picked up and put away by Mel.
The happy ending made him giddy, clapping as the movie finished and turning with a big smile hidden beneath his paci.
"Nother?" his word sweet, and who could resist such a sweet baby?
"Wanna watch something different or the second one?"
"Second pease."
"Okay baby," he chuckled, pressing play on the second.
The pretty pirates had his full attention, bouncing and singing along as they chanted 'Uma.' They'd just finished up the song when he turned to meet his eyes.
"Papa, gank?"
The word 'sure' was about to leave his mouth before he stopped himself short, remembering the things he bought for the little without telling him.
It's just a few things, like extra pacifiers, a stuffie or two, and sippy cups. Only things he thought that the baby might like, all in secret from the other two.
"How do you feel about trying something new?" he asked instead.
"New?"
"I might've bought you a sippy cup if you want to try it?" Bean's eyes grew twice as wide, gasping in surprise.
"Sippy cup?"
"Yeah baby, want to try?" he asked pushing Bean's hair out of his face.
"Want Papa, pease."
"You got it baby." He laugh, setting him off his lap and onto the couch instead. Pushing himself out of the room as the movie continued to play, both other boys consumed into it.
He filled up the clean cup with apple juice, taking it back over to his baby and letting the little one crawl back into his lap.
The cup itself is mainly green with blue handles to make it easier for the little to hold onto. It has a drawn blue dinosaur on its front. Bean's eyes grow with excitement again at the cup, hands reaching out to grab it from his Papa.
Dream laughs as he hands it over, watching how easily the little drinks from it, like the cup was meant to be his.
Bean whispered a small 'thank you' after drinking some, eyes turning back to the dancing on the screen.
Dream knows that a talk about everything is going to be needed soon, that they'll need to talk about everything that's happened. He only wants what's best for both George and Bean, and they need to talk to know what exactly that might be.
He pushes the hair back from George's eyes, eyes glued onto the screen contently drinking.
That talk doesn't need to happen tonight, it can wait until the morning light comes again. As for now, they can just rest and live in the moment.