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Oh no. No. This was all wrong. This could not be happening.
Romantic comedies do not end with Meg Ryan being knocked up with the bastard child of an old, sweaty Italian guy who lives 3000 miles away.
They end with big romantic gestures and the promise of happily ever after. The heroine is not supposed to find out a big life changing thing just hours after realizing that she and her love interest have no idea how to proceed when they want totally different things.
And a baby? Mindy had always pictures finding out would be a big magical moment with her rich hot husband where he'd immediately book the suite that Beyonce gave birth in and discussing what a good push present would be.
More recently - it would have been her and Danny and the seventeen puddles of sweat he left while they waited for the test results. They'd be married and happy and certainly not living 3000 miles away.
Because being a bicoastal babe was awesome - but a bicoastal baby was a little harder to wrap her head around. Do they even let infants fly alone? She would have to google it.
She would also need to google where Blue Ivy got all her clothing, and where Gwen Stefani found her maternity clothes and what kind of furniture Kim Kardashian got for North. Actually, she should probably get in touch with Kourtney first. Because that girl knew something about getting knocked up accidentally by a boyfriend you have a huge age difference with and who can sometimes be a huge asshole. And they had three cute children together.
Though they would have nothing on the beautiful mixed race baby that she and Danny are gonna have. That kid is destined to be a reality star who wins oscars and cures cancer. She felt a surge of love for this baby - this unexpected surprise - that would be so loved by both her and Danny.
Shit. Danny. How in the world was she going to tell him?? Her Italian stallion had just said he wanted to live together - and that was months away if the rats and construction meant anything. Also, it had taken her moving 3000 miles away for him to want it.
What would she have to do to make him want this baby? Maybe she'd have to fake her own death. It would be nice to be able to attend the glamorous funeral she had planned for herself.
She was going to have to go back to New York. She couldn't drop this bomb over the phone - she'd almost passed out when Peter had told her and she was afraid Danny's old heart might actually give out.
Also, she needs to see his facial expression. Because she can only read him so well when they're not together - and she's afraid of everything she might not be able to see. She expects some fear, a ton of shock and maybe a little excitement. But there's also a chance that she'll see something else - the look in his eyes she saw the night he broke up with her. The flight response kicking in as he attempts to do what he thinks is best.
And Danny is terrified of being his own father. And she knows without a doubt that he's going to be nothing like that - but he has always been less sure of himself.
And she has to prepare herself for what happens if that's what she sees. Yeah, she's a romantic - a strong believer in true love - but she's also an awesome hot successful doctor. If nothing else, these last few months have proven that she can survive on her own. In fact, she can thrive.
So if it ends up that she's all alone with her lil meatball - she'll be okay. They'll be okay. MTV will probably contact her and ask if she wants to be on 16 and Pregnant. She'll try to tell them that she's actually in her early twenties - but they won't believe her so she'll have to agree to be on it. It will probably lead her to having amazing success while launching her own line of baby clothing and diet burritos.
But she was already two steps ahead of herself. First she needed to book the first flight back to New York. Because Peter was not to be trusted with a secret.
***********
She was nauseous the entire plane ride. It was possible that this was morning sickness kicking in - but it also could be due to the four slices of pizza she'd consumed on the way to the airport. She was eating for two now - so she would have to make sure the baby didn't go hungry.
She told the flight attendant it was due to morning sickness - and she'd been given unlimited ginger ale and snacks. The flight attendant had raised an eyebrow about chocolate chip cookies helping nausea - but after she'd proven that she was a successful baby doctor, she'd been given as many as she wanted. It was the best flight of her life. Though if Danny asked, she'd say it was second best to the time he kissed her and then flushed her hair.
She hadn't told anyone that she was coming. So there was no Danny waiting with a warm car and a hot chocolate. Instead, she gave Danny's address to a cab driver who grunted in response. He also refused to turn off the radio and spent the entire time on the phone. Probably talking about her and how hot she looks - but she didn't recognize the language so she just smiled prettily.
She wasn't prepared as she pulled up in front of Danny's building, starring up at the dark apartment. She hadn't even bothered to check if he was home. Maybe he was at the hospital or doing paperwork or working his dance moves at some awesome club.
She laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of the last idea.
"We're here," the cab driver interrupted her thought process as if she didn't look like a native New Yorker.
"Jeez. Impatient much? I'm pregnant sir," She threw some cash at him - leaving a very small tip - and stomped out of the cab. She felt only a little guilty at the fact that she had now told quite a few people before telling Danny.
It was his own fault for having super sperm. Also, Morgan's fault for not being around to crush up her birth control.
The apartment was dark and quiet as she crept towards the bedroom. She could make out Danny's figure sleeping in the bed - moonlight falling against his gorgeous face that looked as if it had been carved by Michelangelo himself. Maybe he would stay sleeping and she could crawl into the bed and be surrounded by his warmth for one last night before everything changed.
She slipped her purse and jacket to the floor, taking off her shoes and slowly lowering herself to the bed.
"Min?" Shit. She'd woken him up. He was blinking up at her with his beautiful pony eyelashes. "What -what are you doing here? Is everything ok?"
He sat up, grasping her hands in his.
"Min? Baby? You're freaking me out. Why are you here?"
"I - I missed you." Mindy stroked a hand across his face, feeling the stubble that had started to grow since she'd last seen him.
"You saw me 12 hours ago. What's going on?" His voice was low and concerned, she could hear how much he loved and cared about her and she couldn't help it - she felt tears spring to her eyes. Damn hormones. "Mindy?" He reached out and pulled her into a hug. "I love you but you're killing me here. You haven't been this quiet since that real housewife died."
"That was a tragic event, Daniel, we don't joke about that. It's sad when moms die!"
"Yeah but you didn't even know...never mind. Did you fly back to argue about this?"
"You were the one to bring it up. And honestly, old man, I'm pretty proud of you for being so aware of a true current event. Not just making up politicians,"
"Ok. You need to read a newspaper. Hilary is a real person. Even if she doesn't hang out with jay-c and beyonce."
"Z"
"What?"
"Never mind. Peter called me with my test results and I wanted to talk to you about them in person. Don't freak out - ok?"
"Oh god. What have you given me? I can live with Hep C - but I can't do HIV. I just can't Mindy! Also, you'll never survive. Your immune system is shot from lack of vitamin c!"
"What?! No! If anyone has AIDS its you mr. slept with every race of woman. Ya big perv."
"So...no aids..."
"No. Its better. I think. I don't know what you're gonna think. It's not great timing and I definitely wouldn't have planned it this way. But it could be good. I think I'm happy..."
"Mindy! You're rambling! Just tell me for gods sake!" Danny interrupted, starting to look annoyed. Any trace of worry was gone.
"I'm...pregnant,"
A thousand emotions passed so quickly on Danny's face she couldn't pick up on what they meant.
"What?" He asked finally - his voice quiet and full of amazement "with...what...its...its mine?"
"No. It's Morgan's. Of course it's yours, you idiot!!" She smacked him hard on the shoulder. He didn't even flinch, just stared at her, a huge smile spreading across his face.
"We're having a baby. I'm going to be a father! The future pope!"
"It's a girl. I can feel it. Mothers intuition."
"You didn't even know you were pregnant"
"Whatever, you dope." She grinned at him "so...you're ok with this? It's not great timing,"
"You're the mom. I'm the dad. Of course it isn't gonna be good timing. But yes...of course I'm ok with it." He slid a hand down to rest lightly on her stomach, his eyes filling up with tears. "I love you, Min, that's all that matters. Everything else - it's gonna figure itself out."
They laid there for a long time - way past sunrise - talking about the future. Nothing had been resolved - but Mindy had never been happier to be force fed fruit.
Danny didn't have to know about the bag of sour patch kids she ate when he went to shower.