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It was late in the night when Penelope heard the knock on her door, and pulled her cardigan closer around her body. Her breath hitched when she saw the person standing there through the peephole. She leaned into the door, trying to collect herself.
"It is me," she heard Colin say softly, hearing the soft thud of his head as he rested a couple of inches above her head. She sighed, knowing she would rest just above his head if not for the door separating them, "Please, Pen," he said, "I need to see you, please," he said, voice gentler than she had ever seen.
"Colin," she sighed, but her heart hurting too much not to open the door to see him. She took a deeper breath as she opened the door, coming face to face with a dishevelled Colin Bridgerton. His tall figure was covered in a black tux with top buttons of his crisp white shirt unbuttoned.
"Hi," he said, taking in the shorter girl standing in front of him, a worn-out cardigan and a pyjama dress, her feet bare and hair in a messy bun, some curls falling all over.
"Hello," she said, trying to smile but not able to.
"I know I shouldn't have come," he said, "I know you are tired, probably. But, it got too much Pen. Everything got too much without you by my side."
"We can't, Col," she breathed, "You know we can't."
"It was a mistake, Pen," he said, "I love you. Every breath I take is for you. I need you, please."
"We broke up, Colin."
"But, I love you," he said, his eyes damp with tears, "I love you so much."
"In secret," Penelope scoffed, "You don't want your family to know; you don't want anyone else to know. I can't do that, Colin. I am sorry, but no. I won't be your secret just because having a fat girlfriend in public damages your image. I am done pretending for you, and this is over, Colin. You have to go."
"It wasn't about that!" he said, his tears now falling down his sculpted cheeks, "I love you, I love your body, and being with a woman like you, smart, brilliant, gorgeous, could only improve my image of being the useless Bridgerton. Fat or not, Penelope, you are a beautiful woman, and god knows how much I love and enjoy your body, especially in its current form."
"You don't make sense," she said.
"Can we, can we talk inside?" he begged, eyes tinted red, hands shaking. Penelope sighed but stepped back to let him in. She watched as he hesitantly made his way to her sofa, dropping his jacket by his side. She curled on the single armchair in front of him. She could feel his heavy gaze taking her in, looking at her with a broken heart.
"We are inside," she said, colder than she intended, but if she went any warmer, she knew she would let herself feel and will be the one getting her all over again, "And I am listening."
"I didn't insist on hiding our relationship, my affection and love for you out of a worry about how I would look or what people would say," he said, "I love you too much, Pen."
"You make no sense," she said, feeling tired, exhausted even as if she had not slept for weeks.
"You are my life, Pen," he tried to explain, knowing well he wasn't making sense, his feelings too much to be put into words, no language rich enough to allow him to tell what he was feeling, the storm raging inside his heart, clouding his mind, "Romantically involved or not, you are my life, and I was afraid to lose you. Before that, before we began seeing each other, you were my closest friend. And, I never had something real, Pen. I never had a girlfriend that wasn't a regular hookup. I never looked at someone, and my heart just beats faster, every fucking time, and even after almost 20 years, Pen. I met you when you were barely walking, and even then, just to see your crimson curls bouncing as you played with Eloise, I got excited. My excitement, fascination of seeing you, of being by your side, only grew as we did. And at some point, I got terrified of not having you in my life. I got terrified of the day that I would wake up, and you wouldn't be in my reach anymore."
"And your solution was to hide me from everyone? Feel me like a dirty secret? Make me feel worthless?" She asked, hating how her voice was shaking.
"I know I don't make sense, Pen," he begged, "but it is just," he took a deep breath, trying to put his thoughts in order to help her understand what his reasons was, why he was an idiot, "I never, never had a real relationship. I never had someone who I loved, darling. And you, even before I knew I was in love with you, I knew I loved you deeply. And for a while, having you as a close friend was enough because I knew if I fucked up, I would lose you totally. I know I am rambling," he said, looking at her with big eyes, "I just," he took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts, his emotions, "I love you, and I want you back, even though I know I don't deserve you, but I cannot survive without you, Pen."
Penelope watched Colin for a couple of seconds, trying to understand what he was feeling, what he meant, through all the chaos he was at this moment. She looked at his reddened eyes, bitten lips. She took in his handsome face that was covered in a solemn expression, in a pain she never witnessed on him ever before. She wanted to hug him, pull his trembling from to her chest, and kiss his hair until the turmoil in him went out and left its place to peace.
"Are you drunk?" she asked to make sure all he said was not confessions of alcohol.
"No," he said, not tearing his gaze away from her soft form. His hands shaking to hold hers, his lips cold from not being on hers, his arms empty, chest hollow.
"I don't understand, Colin," she said, hearing all he said, she understood what he wanted, what he needed, but she didn't understand why. What changed? Why now? And would he put her through all the same again and get her heart broken beyond repair, "What changed?"
"I was at the dinner tonight," he said, trying to order his story, his feelings, his words. Put them in somewhat of an order to avoid getting her even more confused, "With all family, all special ones. And you weren't there, Pen. Whenever I saw my siblings smiling at their partners, touching them, kissing them, all I could think of was you. How sweet you smell, how elating you taste, how good you felt in my arms, how I loved kissing you, holding you. And how I lost you. I hated every second I spent there, and you weren't by my side."
"So you are here because you felt alone," she said, still not trusting him, her heart too sore from trusting him as she did previously.
"I am here because I missed you," he said, "because I realised not having you is much worse than living with the fear of losing you. I realised I need you too much."
"I can't, Colin," she said, "I can't get my heart broken by you again; I won't endure it."
"I won't, I swear," he said, "Give me one more change, Pen. Please, darling. I need you to trust me once more, and you can even kill me if I ever hurt you ever again. I beg you, darling."
"I think you should go," she said, "I think you should go home and rest. You are confused."
"I am not," he said, "I am not, I swear. I was an idiot; I probably am still an idiot, but I learned my lesson, Pen. I learned what it was to live without my sun and goddess. Please."
Before Penelope could answer, her phone rang, Anthony Bridgerton's name flashing on the screen.
"Hi, Anthony," she said, "Yes, he is here. No, he is alright. Of course, you can drop by," she said before hanging up. She looked at the broken man sitting in front of him, "Anthony and Kate are coming to take you home. They said they were worried when you disappeared."
"So it is a no?" Colin asked voice defeated, shoulders hanging, "You don't want me back. It really is over."
"It was over the moment you decided our relationship was a secret to hide," she said, feeling a headache coming from all the emotions spilt today.
***
The following day, Penelope woke up to knocks on her door and sighed, knowing it surely was one Bridgerton or other. She expected Eloise the most; it also could be Colin. But when she opened the door, she met with Benedict Bridgerton's clear blue eyes. He held a take out back and two cups of coffee in his hands, looking at the shorter girl with an apologetic smile, noticing he woke her up.
"Good morning, Pen," he said, stepping inside. Penelope took one of the bags from his hands, and two set the table together, not talking much. Penelope knows why he was here; all probably were curious what was happening with their brother and why he ended up in Penelope's flat last night. And Eloise would be too invasive and probably would do more bad than good, especially if the situation was a vulnerable one and did involve her closest friend and her brother. Eloise, no matter how good of a friend she was, was too passionate and loved Penelope too much to stay cool-headed in most of the possible scenarios.
"How is Sophie?" the redhead tried to start a small talk, hoping to ease the topic or maybe distract Benedict if she was lucky.
"She is doing great, so does my mother," Benedict answered her second question with the first one, even before she could ask it, "I am more worried about how you are," he said, giving her a kind look. The kind of look Penelope was jealous of whenever one of the older Bridgerton brothers would throw at their sisters or little Gregory. The kind of look that she always wanted to receive from an older sibling, the warmth, the support, the safety it provided. Yet, she was so busy longing for that kind of an older sibling figure in her life that she missed when Benedict became that sibling for her after countless hours she spent with Eloise and him. That relationship she shared with Benedict was the only thing holding her together at this moment. That and the knowledge that Benedict was not pushy or invasive, he was calm and understanding. And even if it was his own blood in this mess with Penelope, she knew he wouldn't let her go just because she was not a Bridgerton.
"I am alright," she said softly, biting onto the breakfast scone he brought, "How are you?"
"I will be better once you tell me how you really are and what the hell did Colin do," Benedict said honestly. He knew both Colin and Penelope very well, and even though he knew they both were good people, even better than himself. He knew when two were involved; it probably was Colin's fault that their hearts got broken. No matter how much he loved and admired his brother, he also knew he was not the smartest or most patient to wait and fully understand his emotions or the situations. Colin was known to be impulsive and impetuous, and it wouldn't be the first time that would leave him in his own mess. He just was worried about Penelope, who now seemed to be dragged into the same mess, as the girl long was like a fifth sister to him, and he would hate her to be hurt. Especially more than she already was by her own family.
Penelope sighed as Benedict held her hand in his, squeezing her chubby fingers.
"You know you can tell me, Pen," he said, "I know it is something to do with Colin, and I know he is my brother, but you know I am not biased. You know I will listen."
"I," Penelope took a deep breath, looking at him, "Colin and I, had a relationship. Kind of."
"What do you mean, kind of?"
"We had something; it was dates, kisses, you know all these things," she said.
"Wait a minute, Pen," Benedict said, interrupting her gently, "When did this exactly happen? Because I know I live a bit far than most of you, but I would have noticed if you and Colin were dating."
"Not too long ago," she shrugged.
"Pen?" Benedict asked, getting more confused with every answer.
"He wanted to keep it secret," she said, "at first, I didn't think much of it, but then it became too much. I started feeling like something he didn't want you guys to know, anyone, to know. As if he was ashamed of me, being with me. Being seen with me. And I ended things, and here we are."
"Oh, Pen," he said, moving to hug her to his chest. Penelope's insecurities, mixed with Colin's idiocy, was the perfect recipe for this disaster. He held the smaller girl longer in his arms, hoping to give her the support and love she needed to feel at least somewhat better, "He loves you," he promised, "he just doesn't know how to."
"I really don't think so, Ben," she said, her voice muffled by the soft material of his sweater, "And I have no idea what he wants. What he is trying to do."
"Listen to me," he said, holding her by her shoulders, looking into her eyes, "Colin does love you. He is in love with you. But, you know Colin, he is always running away from the ordinary, from daily routines. He always did. But, for the first time in his life, he wants to stay; he wants to have that routine. For the first time, he wants to stay, and for it is for you. He just doesn't know how."
"What do you want me to do, Ben," Penelope sighed, voice defeated, tired.
"Give him a chance?" he asked, "I know it is too much to ask. I know he probably does not deserve it after everything he made you feel, but I know my brother Pen. And I know his feelings about you. He loved you for a long time; we all kind of had an ongoing unofficial bet on when he would act on those feelings. But, to be honest, none of us expected him to be this bad at acting on those."
"I don't know if I can, Ben," she said, looking at him, "I can't survive another heartbreak."
"But you are getting your heart broken like this, too," he said, brushing her hair, tucking it behind her ear, "We took him to get drunk yesterday. And, he was miserable, too. He regrets everything he did, how he handled the situation. I cannot promise you he will handle things better. I cannot say he will make things better. He needs your guidance, your support, and most importantly, your love."
"And what happens when he decides he is done with me? That he wants someone better?"
"There is no one better for him," he said, rubbing her back, "I promise you, Pen, you two were made for each other. And I am sorry it took him so long to see it or get the guts to act on it. And once he did, he really fucked everything up. He needs to learn, Pen, to love, to be in a relationship. And we all agree you deserve much better than a man who is over 30 but acts like a teenager when it comes to serious relationships. But I also know you want him, too."
"I don't know, Ben," she sighed, and Benedict decided not to press further, and they finished breakfast. Benedict hung out with her a couple of hours more and left her promising that everything would get better.
***
Penelope was outside for a walk when she smelled the familiar cologne of the third Bridgerton, who ran up to her. Not too hard on his part, considering his steps were twice hers. He stopped both of them, pulling her to the river sidewalk.
"Hi, Pen," he said, a shy smile on his full lips, looking at her with eyes full of hope.
"Hello, Colin," she answered, unsure but a lot more welcoming than a couple of days ago. Talking with Benedict and texting with other Bridgertons, especially Kate and Daphne, and constant time spending with Eloise helped her ease some of her worries that were feeding on her insecurities. She still had no idea what the future held for her and Colin, but she wasn't as scared.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said, reaching for her hands and capturing them the moment she did not pull away. The chill of the weather had cooled her fingers; Colin's warm touch welcomed.
"We can talk," she said, trying to encourage her without seeming too eager. She loved Colin wholeheartedly, but she still needed to protect herself.
"Do you want to get a cup of hot chocolate with me?" he asked, "It is a bit chilly. I would hate for you to get cold, dearest," she nodded at him and took his arm when he offered. Colin took her into a small and cosy cafe, sitting together. Colin was looking at her with a loving look in his eyes.
"You wanted to talk," she said as their hot chocolate arrived.
"I wanted to apologise, once more," he said, "but that is not all. I, I talked with Benedict and then Anthony and Kate, and they kind of beat some sense in me."
"Colin," she sighed.
"No, please hear me out," he begged, "I know I did everything wrong, and I wish I could turn the time back and do everything right, date you properly, without the fear of losing you and ending up still without you. But, I learned my lesson. I still need to learn a lot, but I hope you'll be patient with me," he gave her a gentle smile.
"Colin," she sighed, "I just don't want to get hurt again. I don't want either of us to be hurt again."
"I know," he said, "so, let's get married," he said, making her choke on the chocolaty delight.
"What?" she asked when she came back to her senses, "Married?"
"Yes," he nodded, eyes brighter with the idea, "Let's get married. We have known each other for years. We have loved each other for years, and if I had not been an idiot, we would be married by now. So let's get married!"
"Just because you want to make up for the lost time and hiding our relationship?" she asked, not sure about the idea.
"No," he said, holding her hand in his, "these last weeks I had to spend without you were worse than hell, and I can't live further without you by my side. So let's get married if you want to have me."
"Maybe we should try a relationship first? A public one?"
"If you want to, sure," he said, "but you are my wife Pen. With or without a marriage license and a wedding, you are my wife. Why not make it official?"
And after hours of begging, holding her and kissing her chocolate-covered lips, Penelope found herself agreeing to get eloped, and after dropping at her place and finding a nice enough dress, texting Benedict and Eloise to be witnesses, she found herself as Mrs Bridgerton, a couple of hours later.
***
"You did what?" was the thing Penelope, Eloise, Colin and Benedict heard the moment they stepped inside Violet Bridgerton's house. Both Violet and Anthony were standing in the doorway, a moment later, Kate running in, popping an enormous bottle of champagne.
"Finally," she said, as both Colin and Penelope, who was right under his arm, were splashed with bubbles. Colin gave Kate a big smile, as it looked like she was the only one supporting their rash decision. Well, except Eloise and Benedict, who clearly supported, as they were the witnesses.
"We got eloped?" Penelope offered, looking at Violet's eyes with a sweet look.
"Oh, my God. Why didn't you invite us, darling?" she asked, moving to hold the shorter girl's hands in hers, "I have been waiting for you to join this family for years. I would give you the biggest wedding; you should know that."
"Thank you, Violet," she said, eyes tearing up. Violet gave her hands a gentle squeeze.
"You, young man," Violet turned to her son, patting his cheek with a little more force than she usually did, "You have a lot of explaining to do for kidnapping Penelope and eloping with her."
"Ben and El helped," he said, trying to share the blame. He knew Penelope was the family's favourite, so blaming her would backfire. Colin also didn't have it in his heart to blame his lovely wife. She was his wife now.
***
Half an hour later when Colin and Penelope told the whole story, leaving the sad parts out. A couple of bottles of champagne later, Penelope was curled on Colin's chest as his arm was wrapped strongly around her back. The sun had settled down not long ago, and Colin was eager to take his wife to his current home. He knew Eloise had keys to Penelope's, and only Anthony had his spare keys, so kidnapping her to his place was the best solution to make sure he would be able to worship her the whole weekend. Without any kind of interruption.
"Let's go home?" he asked, hoping she understood where he meant, and his heart skipped a beat when she nodded, giving him a sugary smile. He could spend the rest of his days like this, Penelope's plump body in his arms, her lovely eyes on his, her soft lips on his. And he was set to spend the rest of his days like this, making sure he fixed every heartbreak he caused for her. Make sure she was the happiest woman that ever existed.