Chapter Text
As Azula looked down at her half-eaten bowl of miso soup, she felt her mind wandering uncomfortably. It was not an unfamiliar type of irritation, but it was certainly unwelcome.
I suppose I should try to… talk about it...
“You know,” she sighed, looking up at Mori and Officer Line, “I’m getting the strangest sense of deja vu from this whole situation, and I don’t like it.”
Line raised his eyebrows, and put down his slice of very meaty pizza. “I mean, you are in the same bed, kid.”
“I did notice that.”
“Wait, really?” It seemed that Mori found this fact really funny - a lot more so than the princess did, that was for certain. “So this is your second time just waking up in this bed?”
“Well, yes,” Azula said quietly. “And I can’t help but feel like nothing has changed.”
That got her a couple of concerned looks - both of her companions were completely ignoring their pizza now, which was not helpful. The soup was nice, but her inner fire was increasingly demanding some solid food - and Agni, I could go for something really hot right now, I should have asked if I could get some of those scorching noodles - and the growing hunger was simply adding to her mental fatigue.
Has anything even changed?
“Lack of progress?” Line asked, obviously confused - a feeling that Azula could relate to.
“Well…” The thoughts in her head were hard to form into a coherent explanation, especially with the voice that sounded like Father trying to stop her from speaking at all, but the thought of getting help pushed her on. “The thing is… well…”
Why is it so hard to say this?
“I feel trapped,” Azula finally determined, sighing. “I mean, I escaped the absolute mess that I was in before, and I got a job here, and I tried to become… well, a better person?” Something about that last part felt wrong, but she continued. “And then all of it fell apart instantly, and the voices that I managed to push away for a while returned, and I nearly died. And now it feels like I’m… right back at the beginning.”
Mori nodded in understanding - the look on her face said, very clearly, that she knew what Azula was talking about. “So you feel like you’re trapped in a cycle?”
“That’s… yes, that’s what it is.” The princess wondered how Mori was so skilled at putting her thoughts into words - maybe she has past experiences with this kind of thing? That must be it - but it certainly wasn’t unwelcome. “But does it ever end? Or is it just… a permanent cycle?”
The mothperson smiled sadly. “You have help, Azula. That’s really important.”
I… well…
“I think what Mori is tastefully omitting is that no, it doesn’t stop.”
A deep, resigned exhale shuddered through Azula’s chest. She had feared that this would be the case, even expected it, but hearing Line say it out loud was different. It made it real.
“Like… phantom limb pain?”
I think that’s a good analogy...
“Well, yeah,” Mori responded, moving on from her earlier evasiveness. “Mental illness isn’t something that just goes away.”
“So I’m just going to be...like this for the rest of my life?” The princess didn’t know why she was so worried - she should be used to the idea, she had been assailed by her own mind for two years, it was really something that she expected at-
Line coughed. “I think what the two of us are trying to say is that it has to be managed. That’s what therapists and medication are for.”
Really?
“Oh yes, like the mind healers from that asylum,” Azula said dryly. “I don’t think-”
“No, not like that!” Mori’s interruption was surprisingly vehement, even considering her typical temperament. “That’s not accepted medical practice anymore. I mean, like, they have institutions for people who are in imminent danger of committing suicide, or-”
The geneticist stopped talking, apparently picking up the context of what she had just said, and Azula shivered.
Do they want to institutionalize me?
Instinctively, she tried to stand, hot soup spilling into her lap - she hadn’t been fully strapped into the stasis bed, it was too restraining for her liking, in a way that brought back bad memories, and she didn’t need it anyway - but before she could really move, Line spoke, slowly and reassuringly.
“Azula, we’re not going to do anything you don’t want us to.”
The princess shivered, then sat down again, her medical gown now covered in broth. She knew, on some level, that she shouldn’t trust them, but at the same time… they still hadn’t done anything, and she could tell they wanted to help…
Zuko wanted to help, didn’t he?
“Why,” Azula hissed furiously, “is this so Agni-damned difficult?”
Officer Line shrugged ambivalently, taking another bite of his pizza before talking again. “I mean, the fact that Nanotrasen never bothered to send a therapist to replace the one we lost-”
“And no one remembered their name anyway for some reason-”
Now, Azula was just confused - they weren’t really answering her question, and that was aggravating, but something told her that there might not in fact be a real answer.
“And Rick is incredibly jaded, and Sandoval is… well, he’s Sandoval, he’s some kind of martial arts expert, not an ‘emotional intelligence’ sort of person.” The lizardman completely ignored Mori’s interruption. “No one on this station is equipped to be a proper psychologist.”
The geneticist chuckled. “It’s like we’re all each others’ therapists, except no one knows what they’re doing, and everyone has their own problems.”
“Is that supposed to be funny? Because I find it funny, and that isn’t a good sign.”
“Not really,” Line responded, shrugging - Azula’s comment didn’t seem to faze him. “But at some point you find these things hilarious, if you’re exposed to them enough.”
“So you find it amusing that I’m insane?” The princess wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about their laughter - it didn’t seem malicious, but it was always so hard to tell with these things, and she was worried-
I don’t think they would make fun of me, but-
“No!” Mori sounded terrified at the thought that she might be mocking her, and it seemed genuine, at least. “I mean - I don’t know why-”
Azula rolled her eyes. “Didn’t Line just say that these things weren’t supposed to be funny, but they are?”
Her two companions looked at each other, and the xenobiologist chuckled at their confusion - she hadn’t taken them seriously, of course, she knew when people weren’t trying to hurt her…
Right?
Before anyone else could say something, there was a loud, sludgy noise from the room’s center vent, and the grate rattled a bit, as though something was pushing up against it. The three of them all stood nearly simultaneously - what soup was left in Azula’s bowl ending up on the floor, or further soaking her clothing - as a shimmery polychromatic entity flowed out. Before Azula could lay down again, the slime flowed on top of her excitedly, promptly causing her to fall back onto the stasis bed, the lingering soreness in her chest instantly becoming more noticeable.
“Ayane, get off!”
Fortunately, the rainbow slime understood her - it immediately slid to the floor, almost before she had spoken, and came to rest under a table. Azula did not fail to notice that it was significantly larger than before.
What have you been getting into, Ayane?
And Officer Line noticed it, too. “Was it always that big?”
“No,” Azula responded slowly, paying careful attention to her chest - fortunately, it didn’t seem to be injured. “And I certainly wasn’t aware they could crawl through vents, either - I suppose I underestimated their flexibility.”
The three of them looked at the polychromatic slime warily. It seemed perfectly content to linger under the table at the moment, but its increasing size was undoubtedly a sign that it had been sneaking out of the xenobiology lab through the vents and feeding on… something. Perhaps monkeys from Virology, or mice in the maintenance shafts.
And I don’t doubt some of Ayane’s new bulk came from when it attacked Katara, as well…
The officer huffed, concern of a different kind showing on his face. “Well, I think it would be prudent to keep your pet in the lab from now on, kid.”
“Imagine Ayane crawling out of a vent in someone’s dorm room in the middle of the night!” Mori said, laughing even more. “That would be really funny!”
Azula chuckled herself at that - it would be hilarious to have someone get woken up in a panic by the slime in the middle of the night, maybe one of the Avatar’s annoying friends. It would probably also get her in trouble, as well, but the thought was entertaining, and distracted her from their unresolved conversation.
I should probably think about that...
Breathing deeply, the princess decided to restart the conversation. “So earlier, you were saying…”
“Oh.” After a little bit, Officer Line seemed to think of what he was going to say. “Well, I think what I was going to say is that this stuff never really stops, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m assuming you’re referring to the hallucinations?”
The geneticist winced, nearly dropping her pizza. “I mean, I hope not, Azula.”
Then why did Line say that?
Apparently the lizardman noticed her confusion, because he moved to clarify. “Misunderstandings never really stop, Azula. Obviously I don’t know about the hallucinations, and I really hope that they stop for your sake, kid, but people always miscommunicate.”
“We do,” Mori agreed. “I know I definitely didn’t intend to laugh at the fact that you’re hurt, Azula.”
Miscommunications...
Officer Line coughed - apparently he had heard what the geneticist said, and remembered something else, because he looked at the princess sheepishly. “Yeah, kid, that was never my intention.”
“Don’t worry,” Azula responded, smiling a bit. “I knew. I am pretty good at reading people.”
At least when I’m not incredibly paranoid, which seems to be all the time now.
And I still don’t have a good answer...
There was still a chilly, heavy feeling all over her body - a very unpleasant one - but she didn’t feel terribly unsettled. Then the princess laughed, because suddenly she realized exactly what the sensation was from.
“Could one of you get me a new gown? I need to change out of this one, it’s covered in soup.”
Before she or either of her friends could stand up, Azula was interrupted by Ayane impatiently sliding up the side of the bed and onto her thighs - the slime was courteous enough to avoid her injured chest this time, at least, even if the combination of the chilly broth and the gelatinous coat was rather unpleasant.
Mori giggled again, and Line smiled behind his slice of pizza. “Looks like someone really wants to cuddle, Azula!”
Azula glared at the overly enthusiastic blob. It had, as she expected, no effect.
Katara took a long, heavy drink of water from her glass, struggling not to gag. Despite being cold and very pure, the water felt thicker than it should, and slightly bitter, as she tried to swallow it.
Ugh…
The taste of blood in her mouth had been a constant since she had come back to herself. The waterbender had vainly hoped that the wine Alton had given her would soothe the irritation, but it made it so much worse - the stuff was blood red and bitter, and she had only taken a sip before nearly spitting it out in panic, which caused everyone to look at her. And then she had, quite promptly, started crying in front of all of them.
At least they had the decency to leave me be…
Now, after a small glass of sake - which tasted sweet, but still bitter, in that way all alcohol apparently had - Katara was drinking water. She didn’t want to get fully drunk, but as she felt another wave of nausea from her next sip, the idea was looking more and more appealing.
Everything feels bloody… nghh…
“Aren’t your friends probably worried about you, Katara? You’ve been in here for four hours.”
Dr. Thompson was looking at her again, his concern very evident on his face. She appreciated it, she really did, but their attempts to get her attention were just not working. Katara didn’t feel like going back and talking to her friends at the moment - she didn’t want to return to their room full of sleeping bags at the moment, or to the conversations they were no doubt having.
“I don’t think I want to talk to them right now,” the waterbender responded quietly. “I just… I don’t know…”
I can still feel it.
Even though she couldn’t consciously remember what she had done, the sensation of bloodbending - that cursed pulse-sight that she had learned to control, and even use for beneficial purposes, but that always haunted her - was still fresh in her mind, and in her nerves. And when she tried to heal, Katara simply couldn’t manage to soothe the disharmony.
I’m so messed up that I can’t even help anyone…
Her thoughts were interrupted as she noticed that some other people were arriving. The door of the bar had opened, revealing the roboticist and the metal-armed security officer - I was fighting her, I can feel where they’re metal - as well as a third person who Katara did not recognize at all. The officer, much to her confusion, was carrying a colorful cake.
What?
Rick Thompson seemed to know exactly what was going on, though. “Fine, fine, Wright, I’m coming. But I swear if you try to get her to eat that cake-”
“Oh, stop,” the officer said dryly. “It's a birthday cake, there’s nothing healthier.”
“I-” Now the doctor was simply perplexed, or perhaps frustrated - and as a healer, Katara couldn’t help but agree. “That’s not how it works! And I’ve already had to deal with Al giving alcohol to minors, giving cake to a recovering patient? I swear, I’m not paid to deal with you people’s shit!”
The woman in question simply rolled her eyes, while Erzor and the other lady looked at each other in exasperation. “If you’re done being justifiably aggravated, we have a new member of the Cybernetics Club to initiate.”
Cybernetics-
Oh.
“You’re going to visit Azula,” Katara blurted out. “Because she’s…”
“A new member of… well, it’s not really a club, but since the three of us and Thompson all have some kind of prosthetic we kind of consider it one.” The roboticist was the one to respond, talking very quickly like he really didn’t want to say anything. “So we’re… uhh… going to give her a cake? And talk to her?”
Talk to her…
It was obvious, really, what she needed to do, even if the thought of interacting with Azula stirred up a storm of confusing emotions in her mind. “Can I come with you?”
“Why?”
Katara looked up at Officer Wright, who was scrutinizing her warily. “I think I owe her an apology.”
Now everyone was looking at each other - and not looking at her, which was probably a good thing. The waterbender was sure she’d had enough of being looked at, and of being the center of attention. And she’d definitely had enough of being feared.
I… I hate this.
“I think that’s fine, Katara,” Dr. Thompson said slowly - it seemed that the silent conversation was over, and that they agreed with her idea. “As long as you stay out of the room for at least a little bit so we can talk to her first, all right?”
“That’s a good idea.” The waterbender nodded quickly. “I don’t want to scare her - I can’t-”
She was interrupted by a sharp cough from the metal-armed officer, who was still staring at her as she waited by the door with the cake. “We don’t need to self-reflect right now, we need to go. Azula could definitely use the company.”
As she lifted herself out of her chair, Katara sighed deeply. Hopefully an apology to Azula would help her get past her mental block - and even if she didn’t like the firebender, she could admit that one was probably deserved.