Work Text:
2006
Dominique had called him yesterday. She wanted to put together a photo album for Rory’s twentieth birthday. And she was missing that one picture she just couldn’t find. That meant Roger must have it, and so, could he please look for it.
That’s why he was sitting cross-legged in one of his storage rooms, surrounded by boxes full of photos. He had one for each of his kids of course. Then there were the boxes labelled “Freddie”, “Brian” and “John” still up on the shelf alongside “Queen”, “on tour”, and “in the studio”. The box labelled “parties” contained mostly Polaroid photos, and oh, wouldn’t their fans kill to get their hands on those.
But of course this orderliness regarding his photographic treasures must forever remain a secret. Wouldn’t do his rock star image any good if people knew what a sentimental fool he was. But then again, screw them. And if he spends some hours in here from time to time going through memories of his past (and maybe shedding a tear here or there) so what.
But back to the task at hand: finding that photo of Rory and her mum. Roger knew exactly what photo Dominique had been talking about, and he was sure he had seen it not long ago. But when he looked at the clock, he couldn’t believe that an hour had gone by already, and he still hadn’t found it (he did find something to tease Felix and to blackmail Brian, so he had not been completely unsuccessful). Roger grabbed another pile of photos and started to go through them.
But after about ten photos, Roger suddenly stopped. He had found a picture of Freddie - and how had that gotten in there anyway? The Polaroid must have been from around 1988. His dear friend had given Felix a slot racetrack for his birthday. Both of them were sitting on the floor, racing against each other. It seemed as if Freddie’s yellow car had just beat Felix’ red one. The boy looked a little unhappy, while Freddie had a huge grin on his face, gently ruffling Felix’s hair. In the background, Roger could make out Jim, smiling at the scene in front of him.
“Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you”
The line of one of his old songs rang through Roger’s head. Both things unfortunately true: those glorious days with Freddie long gone, but his heart still so full of love for his old friend.
Roger smiled fondly at the photo, then put it to the side and went on searching.
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2020/ 2021
Roger had been going stir-crazy these last couple of weeks. There were only so many walks you could take around your own estate (well, two estates to be fair) before you knew every tree, bush or flower. Even the squirrels had started to recognize him, although that might have been the nuts Sarina had given them every single time they passed this particular tree.
To see some different colours than green, green and even more green, he had decided to sort out his wardrobe. Roger had just thrown everything on his huge bed (very rockstar-ish) and then started to sort the clothes into five piles (not very rockstar-ish).
One pile for each of his kids. They, especially Tigerlily and Lola, seem to adore his clothes and so could do with them whatever they liked: sell them, wear them, burn them – well, maybe not that red velvet jacket, which Roger promptly hung back into the closet.
He had worked his way so deep into the wardrobe that he suddenly found his hands full of that stupid, ugly Hawaiian shirt - and before he could even understand why, his eyes were prickling with tears.
It all came back to him in that moment. Freddie had given him that shirt decades ago. He could remember that day so very clearly: Freddie’s huge grin when he presented his gift. The twinkle in his eye when he made him promise to wear the shirt in his next video for The Cross. The teasing when the video was aired (“You’re acting as if you’ve got a stick up your arse, Rog!”).
Roger couldn’t stop the tears. God, he didn’t even know why he was so emotional about all of this. Wasn’t that Brian’s forte?
A shower might do him some good, he thought, and so Roger just left his clothes strewn across the bedroom, mentally preparing for a tongue-lashing from Sarina later. After that, he felt much better and decided to head down to the studio. Besides his daily walking regime, he had also had a creative spurt, which had surprised him quite a bit. He had spent hours in the studio and written so many songs that he suddenly found himself with an album. It still needed fiddling and tweaking and probably some re-recording before he could even consider releasing it. But he enjoyed working on it.
Roger picked a love song he had written for Sarina called “Only You”. Sarina didn’t know Freddie personally. Apart from all the things he had told her, which was admittedly a lot. But she had never experienced his extraordinary, wonderful friend in the flesh. There were no shared memories. Yes, that song would be perfect for taking his mind off of Freddie.
But when Roger pressed the play button and heard himself sing the lyrics, he had to stop the tape. It all sounded wrong. Somehow, the lyrics weren’t about Sarina any more. His own voice didn’t fit the song at all. A song he had considered almost finished had turned into something else entirely.
All Roger could hear was Freddie’s voice singing the lyrics. Freddie’s voice singing his song perfectly. It was as if his friend was standing right there in front of him at the microphone, turning dust into gold. Owning the song, like he did with every single one he had ever sung.
Suddenly the tears were back. Roger let out a loud groan. He put his head in his hands and just sat there at the mixing table. Freddie’s voice wouldn’t leave his head. It washed over him in that soothing way it always had done. And Roger revelled in that feeling, glad he still had such a deep connection with his friend. He would never, ever admit it, but it felt as if Freddie was speaking to him.
“Oh alright darling. I’ll sing your silly little song,” he would nonchalantly say, only to produce one of the best vocals ever heard.
Roger decided there and then to leave the song off the album. It was a good song, that’s why he didn’t delete it completely; but in his head, only Freddie could do the song justice. It didn’t belong on the album or to the public or even to Sarina. It belonged to Freddie, and it would only ever be heard in Roger’s head and stay in his heart.