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Chen has been dreading this conversation.
He can handle many things- fights, riots, and even surly police officers that resent the Ranger’s presence. But he can’t handle a upset Ricardo.
It’s not even his crush on him that’s making it difficult (which he still damns himself for- Ricardo is his subordinate, never mind being one of his closest friends. It’s completely inappropriate.) No, it’s the sheer devastation that has been radiating off of Ricardo ever since the incident. Ricardo looks like the life has been drained out of him, like his entire world has been shattered and he doesn’t know how to pick up the pieces. He can put up a farce of his usual self, but it’s not fooling anyone.
It’s been a year since Anathema and Sidestep were killed.
He has to take care not to crush the photos in his grasp.
He still wonders about what happened to Sidestep, and spends even more time regretful of how things were between Sidestep. They weren’t friends by any means, but they were teammates, allies. And no one deserves the fate he saw in those pictures, not even them.
A deep breath, and he puts the pictures in his pants pocket. He can’t do it. Not today, at least.
He knocks on Ricardo’s office door. He hears a muffled curse, and several stomping noises before the door opens. The Ricardo that opens the door is a far sight from the Ranger that the public is used to seeing. Several empty bottles litter the small desk that Ric has been using for the past year- and even if he didn’t see the bottles, the stench of alcohol is clinging to Ricardo like a bad perfume.
As for Ricardo? Ricardo looks haggard, tired. He looks like he’s still trying to piece together his world again.
Chen isn’t a gentle person by any means- it’s hard to be gentle when you were repaired again and again to fight and destroy. But with Ricardo, he tries.
“You’ve been in there for the entire day,” he says in the gentlest tone he can muster. “At least eat something.”
If Ricardo wasn’t so tired, Chen imagines that he would have sent him a venomous look. But Ric knows that he can’t bullshit Chen, not today. So he meekly agrees with a nod.
He’s ready to walk away, to grab something for Ric- because god knows that he isn’t going to leave his office until Chen drags him out- but a quiet, tired voice stops him in his tracks.
“I miss them,” he says hoarsely. “More than I can breathe. I loved Servi, did you know that? And I never told them. Not once.”
Chen doesn’t speak. This is more than Ricardo has ever said about Sidestep in the past year, or at least, it’s the most he’s about them to him in the past year.
“I should have told them. They- they died without knowing that I loved them. How could I be so stupid?!” It’s the despair in his voice that finally spurs Chen into action. He places a hand on Ricardo’s shoulder, and Chen finally sees the full devastation break across Ricardo’s face as his expression crumples.
“I know,” he says, “I know.”