Chapter Text
It's impossible to imagine how much can change in just a few short days.
Frigga, who's seen her life roll smoothly on for centuries, unfolding with simple predictability as she and Odin have watched her boys train and grow into men worthy of the throne of Asgard, is forced to live at a frantic, almost mortal, pace. Just one week before the palace had been busy and bustling and warmly awaiting the new king. Now one son is dead, the other withdrawn, her husband angry, and she's left trying to hold her head high amidst the swirling rumours, sideways stares, and heaviness in her heart.
She'd known Loki held more anger than he would ever let on, even before he discovered his heritage. She'd thought to wait, for him to speak to her or even to Thor. Now she knows she failed him.
The first time the remains of her family dine together, Thor asks why Loki denied their brotherhood when they fought. The adoption is simple enough to explain. The lies told less so. Her son accepts what he is told with perfect, bland equanimity.
'He was still my brother, whether he believed so in anger or not,' is all he says. Frigga wishes he'd get angry.
'Tell me,' says Odin, 'when you sought to journey to Jotunheim, what did he say?'
Frigga feels herself take a breath at his words. Must they return to that day?
'He said nothing.' Thor's words are calm, but there's a slight raise of his head and jutting out of his chin.
'Are you certain?'
'I am. My actions were my own. Loki, as my friends, joined me at my behest.'
Later, Frigga finds him at the end of the broken bridge, staring out across the splintered edge into the stars. He is alone, which she does not expect. She's never known the bridge to be unguarded by Heimdall.
He seems surprised to see her.
'I heard your approach, but I thought you were Heimdall,' he says, looking strangely sheepish at the admission. 'He must still be with the scholars. They hope to use his knowledge to help restore the Bifrost.'
'That would be a relief,' she says. 'He sent word to your father that already our enemies begin to notice our absence. It will not be long before the other realms need us.'
'It will not be that easy,' Thor replies. 'Heimdall believes the answers will not come from within Asgard.' He's looking out at the stars again.
Frigga ignores the stab of disappointment – without the Bifrost there seems little hope that the rest of the realms will remain at peace – and instead follows her son's gaze.
'Is that where he fell?' she asks.
Thor's head shifts a little and he gestures. Frigga realises his mind was not on his brother, but she can think of little else as she looks out into the void. It is cold and dark and would be quite empty but for the softly twinkling stars.
'It is a fitting place for him to rest,' she says. Beautiful, but distant.
Thor inclines his head to agree.
'What did your brother say to you when you proposed the visit to Jotunheim?' she asks him.
He starts, glances at her, and then looks away quickly. 'He said nothing.'
'Thor?'
'Mother, does it matter?' asks Thor, voice strained at last. 'It was my choice that led to this. Whatever Loki's counsel, the fact of that changes not.'
Frigga sighs. 'At first I hoped he was simply acting out of anger at the secrets kept from him,' she said. 'But more and more I wonder how long he had planned this. And then I wonder if his plans could have foreseen his death.'
Thor doesn't answer, returning his gaze to the stars. Frigga does the same, hoping that wherever her second son is now, he's at peace.
~*~
It takes some time for her and Odin to realise just how frequently Thor visits the broken bridge. He is old enough to keep his own company, but when he is the one who delivers Heimdall's reports of first a growing army near Alfheim, then a power struggle on Jotunheim, and then quiet mutterings of rebellion on Ria it becomes clear he must be there often.
'Thank you, my son,' says Odin after Thor has spoken of Ria. 'But you must surely know you do not have to stand and wait on Heimdall's word. Do not feel guilt for destroying the bridge, for you have saved the lives of many.'
Again, she sees the slight raising of Thor's head and jutting of chin, and thinks his expression is too deliberately blank as he replies.
'Thank you, Father,' he says. 'Perhaps you are correct. May I go? I would speak with my friends about this news.'
The next message from Heimdall is delivered by one of the guards: brigands are roaming on Vanaheim. Thor does not appear, but Frigga had seen him ride out to the Bifrost that morning and she begins to wonder just what it is he will not say.
The first night after Loki's death and Thor's return, Sif had made a small number of curious comments about his time on Midgard. Ordinarily Frigga might have questioned her further, but instead she'd dismissed them out of hand, her focus on the loss of Loki. Now, though, she starts to think maybe she was a fool to do so. Could Thor's attention really be still focussed toward Midgard?
Sif is in her rooms in the palace. She's covered with the dust and grime of a hard day's work for a warrior. There's blood on her knuckles but no cuts to be seen, meaning it's not likely to be her own. She apologises for her state, and invites her Queen to take a drink with her, which Frigga gladly accepts.
'You've been fighting?' asks Frigga.
'Nothing serious,' says Sif, with a wave of one hand. 'There are always new soldiers in need of training, and there are always men amongst them who think a woman will be an easy sparring partner.'
At that, they exchange a smile.
'You've heard the news of Vanaheim?'
Sif's smile vanishes and she nods. 'Thor spoke to us and to Hogun,' she says. 'So far Heimdall says his family are removed from the danger, but we do not know for how long that will remain the case.'
'There will be war when the Bifrost is returned to us,' says Frigga, thinking of her tired husband and one remaining son.
Sif nods again, this time with all the eagerness and determination of youth. 'That is why we keep our swords sharp, and wits even sharper,' she says. 'I only hope that until then Hogun's family are safe.'
Frigga has seen too many wars, but smiles all the same. 'I know you will fight when the time comes,' she says. 'It would be better if it did not have to come to that.'
She looks at the woman she still hopes to one day call 'Daughter' and wonders if, given that, the main purpose of her visit might not be insensitive. However, Sif has never displayed any concern about the other women in Thor's life, enough that Frigga has wondered if she might have imagined the Lady's good feelings. She certainly isn't sure of her son's. She hopes one day they might find each other, if the time is right, but as yet it does not seem to be so.
'Sif, when Thor returned from Midgard... you spoke of a mortal woman?'
Sif starts and then hesitates. 'My Queen, I fear I may have spoken out of turn,' she says. 'And in truth there was nothing to say.'
'I do not ask you to break my son's confidences,' she replies with a kind smile. 'But I know he spends too long at the bridge, and I know it is neither thoughts of his brother nor the outbreak of war which draws him there. Will you tell me what you know of her?'
After a moment, Sif speaks again. 'I know very little,' she admits. 'She took him in on Midgard without knowing who he was, and had him fed and clothed. The Destroyer was only a short while behind our arrival, so I barely spoke with her. But she is brave: when we were attacked she insisted on remaining to help the people of the town even when Thor sought to protect her.'
Frigga nods, feeling at last that she might be able to begin to understand. The women in her son's past have inevitably been as brave and stubborn as he – in no small part why she has such hopes for Sif. Why, months later, he seems to continue to ask Heimdall after this mortal woman is less understandable, but she doesn't think Sif will be able or willing to answer that.
'Thank you, Lady Sif,' she says, then hesitates for a second before putting one final question. 'What is her name?'
'Jane,' says Sif at last. 'Jane Foster, I think.'
~*~
She is quietly and carefully rebuffed by Thor when she broaches the subject of his continued visits to the Bifrost. Somewhere in the past few months he has learned a thing or two of Loki's slipperiness, and this makes her heart ache for both of her sons. In the end, she decides to leave him his privacy. No young man could wish to share all of his feelings with his mother, after all, but she hopes eventually he will speak with her.
It is too much to hope for Odin to do the same once he realises the situation, and one day she walks in on the tail end of an argument in her husband's rooms.
'-not see that it is your business,' Thor is insisting.
'It is very much my business,' snaps Odin. 'When my only son-' Frigga flinches '-should be readying himself for war and then the throne of Asgard, instead he spends hours staring at nothingness, distracting our guard with irrelevancies.'
'I assure you I am as ready for war as I need to be,' growls Thor. 'And Heimdall is too good a guard to be distracted by my irrelevancies.'
'You cannot think there is a future in this?'
'I do not. She was kind to me. I wish to see she is not harmed by the instabilities in the realms.' He folds his arms, not even pretending that he is not lying, but clearly fed up of the argument. 'If you have tasks for me, then please speak of them, but my free time is still my own to do with as I choose.'
'Oh, do let him go, Odin,' says Frigga impatiently. 'Young men must follow their hearts, and Fandral and Volstagg were looking for him. They wished for a fight on the courts,' she explains to Thor, who gives a slight smile and a nod before turning back to his father.
'Very well,' says Odin abruptly. 'Go, train your men and yourself. Do not waste your hours on pointless daydreams.'
Thor looks set to argue again but Frigga clears her throat and raises an eyebrow. He very quickly shuts his mouth with a guilty look at her, and leaves the room.
'You knew of this?' Odin demands.
'I had a suspicion,' she admits. 'I do not think it worth fighting over.'
'He cannot possibly think-'
'Of course he does not,' says Frigga. 'He knows as well as we what mortal lives are.'
Odin sighs. 'If he had the Bifrost he could simply visit her, enjoy her company, and then grow bored of her, and that would be the end of that.'
'Indeed,' says Frigga, who remembers many Asgardians doing exactly that but does not like to think her son would ever number amongst them. 'He's grieving his brother, Odin, and he's uncertain of the throne where he never was before. A deserved uncertainty, and he will be a better king because of it, but I think he searches for comfort, and I think this is how. In a few months, all will be forgotten.'
Odin gives her a small smile and reaches forward to take her hand. 'In matters of the heart I must trust you,' he says.
She smiles in return.
Later she seeks out Thor in his rooms.
'You think I should apologise to Father?' he asks, immediately defensive.
Frigga laughs. 'Do you think you should?' she says, raising an eyebrow. He looks guilty. 'Thor, I cannot tell you how relieved I was to find you arguing. Since Midgard you've accepted your father's words with no hint of reproach. It worried me that you'd lost something of yourself in your banishment!'
At that he laughs too, gesturing for her to sit beside him. 'No, I have just learned to better pick my battles,' he says.
'And this is one that is important?' she asks, suddenly thinking of the 'few months' she'd earlier promised Odin.
He hesitates. 'I promised her I would return,' he admits at last. 'I should like to keep that promise.'
'I can understand that,' she assures him and reaches out to take one of his hands. 'Thor, I know you do not wish to hear this, but you should try to heed your father. Your time is your own, but if you spend it all beside the Bifrost, you'll never cease thinking of her. It would be better to stop now. The longer this goes on, the more painful it will become.'
Thor considers her words with a sigh. 'Perhaps you are right,' he admits. 'I should try- But she was- I'd like to see her.'
She thinks he does try.
She hopes he does, rather. He certainly seems to stop his overly frequent visits to the Bifrost, but she supposes he simply might be hiding them better. He does not, as far as she can tell, display interest in any other women, but he laughs with his friends and fights with his men and takes lessons from his father the same way he always has done (if with a slightly more even temper). Slowly their family is beginning to heal, and despite the constant reminder of wars they cannot help with, a normality returns.
Then she dreams that Loki is not dead and her world shatters once more.
When Odin sends a pale-faced Thor to Midgard – there's only energy for one, so it has to be their best – she retires to her rooms and weeps.
She remembers her youngest son as he was: a tiny babe in her arms, handed to her with hardly an explanation except that they hadn't been able to have a second child, and how he'd been crying and then he'd opened his eyes and smiled and she'd loved him; then as a young boy, running around after his older brother, desperate to keep up; then older, realising his magic was like her own, and their shared smiles as he learned something new. She remembers teaching him how to fight over many hours ('you and I, my son, will never be as strong as your brother, which simply means we have to be faster'); consoling him after his first love turned sour; and chasing him around the palace when he snuck away from meeting the ambassador from Alfheim.
Then she thinks of the face she saw in her visions: thin and drawn and anger in his eyes. He has an army at his command. He is not the boy he was.
She has to believe he could be, though. Without hope, what does she have?
Before Thor returns, she leaves her rooms and orders a cell be prepared in the dungeons. The highest forms of protection against magic must be included, and she personally oversees them all. Odin tries to argue: Heimdall has been giving him constant updates of Loki's deeds on Earth and Thor's progress (Midgardian heroes... she'd not been expecting that) and inside she feels her resolve shake. What has her son become?
In the end she makes her decision, and sends Odin away with sharp words and an ultimatum. Loki's fate is sealed.
~*~
Loki's return changes everything and nothing. Once again Thor and Odin withdraw and once again, she grieves for her lost youngest son. The difference is that this time she knows for certain he is not at peace.
His actions are beyond redemption and even when she visits his cell in secret he insists he regrets only that he failed. He rails against his brother and father, recalling tiny incidents from childhood and insisting occasions she saw as brotherly bickering were grave and intentional injustices. She alternates between wishing to slap him and hug him, but the magic permits her to do neither: she is a mere bystander in his rants.
The Tesseract once more in their possession means they are but a few short weeks away from being connected to Yggdrasil once more, and the preparations for war begin in earnest. Thor, already physically healed from his fight on Midgard, spends every spare moment training himself and his warriors. Odin himself will not be fighting, much to her relief. He's still strong, but not so strong as he was, and for Thor to lead the battles will show once and for all he is ready to become king.
The last night of peace before the Bifrost is returned to them a great feast is thrown at the palace. It's a tradition that even most of the men, if pressed on the subject, would admit is somewhat foolish, but for some it will be their last night in Asgard before they travel on to Valhalla. The drink flows freely, the music loud, and Frigga passes through the crowds taking the hands of the warriors and wishing them good fortune.
It is to her relief when she spots her son in the company of Lady Sunnfríð, conversing in such a way that does not invite others to interrupt. Sunnfríð lives many miles away, but every five to ten years comes into the city for a gathering or celebration and briefly rekindles some small romance with Thor before returning home. Frigga knows the two have made no promises (and after this many years, clearly have no plans to do so), which in the past has prompted her to give Thor a gentle lecture, but they enjoy each other's company so today she's happy to let them be. Indeed, it doesn't take long before she looks around the room and can no longer see them.
What she does not expect is to run into Sunnfríð again, some half an hour later.
'My Queen, what a pleasure to see you,' she says. 'It's been too long.'
'Oh, I-' Frigga stops herself and regains control. 'Indeed, Lady Sunnfríð, the pleasure is my own. You really must visit the city more often.'
Sunnfríð is no fool and knows she is not Frigga's first choice of companion for Thor, but murmurs politely at the implied invitation.
'You've not seen my son, have you?' says Frigga.
She spots a flash of quickly-masked hurt and embarrassment in Sunnfríð's eyes. 'Not for some time,' she replies. 'I believe he said he was tired and wished to go to retire early.'
That Frigga does not believe. Thor is not a man who sleeps early the night before a battle. She slips away from the revellers and up to her son's rooms.
He's alone and in the darkness, using only the light from the night sky. In fact, he's shifted one of his seats over to the window itself and, despite the book he holds in one hand, is leaning out, back and up to stare up at the stars.
Frigga moves forward, and he jumps, dropping the book and sitting up with haste, embarrassment writ clear across his features.
She picks up the book and joins him on the seat, turning it to inspect the cover. It's a manual for star-gazing. It's so incongruous in her son's hands on the eve of war that her first comments die in her throat. Thor is waiting with bated breath, and in the end she returns the book to him before she speaks.
'Tomorrow will be a big day,' she says, picking the familiar and easy.
He inclines his head. 'We have the advantage of being unexpected,' he says, 'but Alfheim has suffered badly in our absence and our return to the realms will not go unnoticed for long. I only wish I could hurry straight to Vanaheim for Hogun's sake.'
'I know,' says Frigga, 'but the Elves need us more. Are you ready?'
'I hope so,' he says. 'I do worry for the men. In our isolation some are out of practice.'
'And you are not?'
He shrugs. 'The Chitauri were fearsome and yet here I am, although truly the success was due to my new friends. Humans are not as weak as some might believe.'
She does not have to ask who he means by that.
'Did you see her, your mortal?'
The question takes him by surprise, although he must surely have realised it was coming. His breath catches for a second before he shakes his head. 'When Loki attacked he took prisoner Erik Selvig, a friend of Jane Foster's, and corrupted his mind. Their government knew she would be at risk and sent her to safety. I... was forced to return before I could see her.' He looks down at the book in his hands, gently smoothing the cover.
'You've not been able to forget her, then?' asks Frigga gently.
He laughs wryly. 'I tried, Mother, I promise you that,' he says. 'I know there is no chance for us, and I thought if I stopped asking Heimdall or spent more time with my friends then I would be able to move on. And then tonight I once again learned I had failed.'
Frigga does not need to know exactly what had happened with Sunnfríð to give her son a sympathetic smile.
'Will you tell me of her? Of the mortal woman?' she asks.
Thor hesitates.
'I will not repeat anything you say to your father if you'd rather I did not,' she assures him. 'Although I think I will have to tell him you still long for Midgard, if only so he does not find out from his own sources. I simply wish to know a little of the woman who has so captured your heart.'
Thor gives a slightly shy, embarrassed smile before looking once more at the book in his hands and speaking. 'She believed in me, when no one else would,' he says at last. 'I arrived on Midgard disorientated and angry and was injured in the process. She and her friends took me to a place of healing then provided for me. They thought me homeless and unhinged, and at the time both were close enough to truth. But Jane studies the Bifrost – has her own name for the bridge, even – and wished to know what I'd seen in the storm.'
'A scholar?' says Frigga, slightly surprised. Thor has a keen mind, although he sometimes used to forget that as a child when faced with Loki's easy capacity to learn, but he's no scholar. To her knowledge, none of his previous relationships had been with one either.
'A scientist,' says Thor, a tinge of pride in his voice. 'Heimdall says she's been trying to build her own Bifrost since then, to reunite with me.' His face darkens slightly. 'Since my promise to her remains broken and by now she must know of my return to Midgard, she may no longer wish to do so.'
Frigga sighs and reaches over to touch her son's arm gently. 'Perhaps it is better that way,' she says. 'She cannot give you a full life and you cannot give her a marriage or a child or whatever number of things a woman from Midgard might expect.'
'I know, Mother, I know,' he says, scrubbing his face with his hands. 'Please believe me that I understand well that whatever happens with Jane, it will end. But I cannot forget her. For such a short time it was perfect.' He smiles suddenly, face brightening, as he stares off into his own recollection. 'She assisted when I sought to reclaim Mjolnir from her government, risked her own freedom for her work even though she was no warrior. Then she helped me escape incarceration and promised to help me live on Midgard. We spoke of all manner of things for many hours well into the night: her work, my childhood, her father. She was wonderful... her smile, her eyes, her-'
He seems to remember where he is and stops speaking with a mortified look at his mother. Frigga can't help herself, and laughs fondly.
'My dear son,' she says, 'only you could describe an evening involving escaping incarceration at the hands of a foreign government as “perfect”. I begin to want to meet this woman who can make you speak so freely.'
He laughs too, running a hand through his hair, still with a trace of self-consciousness as he acknowledges the humour. He speaks like a boy in first love and it makes Frigga's heart ache for his youth and the apparently happy family she had then. She longs for that simplicity.
Her eldest son should now be allowed his happiness, she decides there and then. He is old enough to make his own decisions, even if he knows that heartbreak is inevitable. She has failed Loki, she will not do the same again for Thor.
The next morning he looks nothing like her little boy, his armour resplendent as he prepares to lead the armies of Asgard into wars across the Nine Realms. He wishes her and Odin farewell, face solemn, promising to honour Asgard and fight for its allies.
'Odin, my dear husband,' she murmurs as the Bifrost begins to shine for the first time in many months and Thor departs with his warriors, 'I do not think you'll like to hear this, but our son remains very much enamoured with the mortal woman, Jane Foster. And I think perhaps we should stop trying to counsel him otherwise.'
She is correct. Her husband does not like to hear it.