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“I’m starting to think you’re a drama queen, Elrond. Or an angst queen. Can 'angst' be used this way, semantically speaking? We might want to look that up in that big, big library of yours.”
“I’m starting to think you’re a dominating, irreverent, impossibly smug son of an orc. No, not starting. You always were. Here you are, walking into my life after years of alienation like it’s nothing special, expecting me to revere to you and be grateful for your magnanimity?”
“Don’t hold back, Elrond, let it all flow freely.”
“You’re infuriating.”
“And you’ve become a rigid block of wood, utterly lacking a sense of humor, or, for that matter, human warmth.”
“Only because I’m not falling at your feet at your whim.”
“I never wanted you to fall at my feet. On your knees, maybe, sometimes. But I only want you to let me seduce you. You know it will be enjoyable. I’m quite good at it.”
“Ha! Untrue. Usually I seduced you to seduce me. You didn’t even notice.”
“I did. I seduced you to seduce me to seduce you. Did I ever put up a struggle? Well, there you have it.”
“But so much has happened…”
“Oh, piffle. “
“What? Did you just say ‘piffle’?”
“Yes. I don’t care, Elrond. See me not care? Also, I see you want me. And I promise I’m quite enjoyable to have.”
“You don’t care? From everything you’ve said so far…!”
“Well, I lie. I do care. But not right now. Right now I see your eyes shooting fire, and your body, and your delectably stern-looking face, and your body, and your lips… Oh wait, I see your nipples turned hard. And you’re shivering. Cold, Elrond?”
“We are four feet away from the fire. I hate you.”
“Mmm. I see. I think you lie too. I don’t mind, particularly, but… Hey, don’t pull away. I’m trying to be gentle here. You're not cold at all. Your ears are so soft. I think I need to touch them with my tongue.”
“…”
“See? That wasn’t so bad. I told you I’m enjoyable to have. You seem to enjoy yourself, at least.”
“I am not.”
“Bits of you are. Important bits. Turn off that magnificent brain of yours, Elrond, only for a moment. Currently it’s doing nothing but cause trouble.”
“That’s you, not my brain. Aaah stop it... No... don’t. I didn’t mean that. Do it again.”
“Gladly, block of wood of mine.”
“You don’t… take me… seriously. You… don’t listen to me. You’re doing just… as you like… And I… I always go… right along…“
“False, again.”
“Mmm... oh.”
“I remember every word you have ever said. I am doing exactly as I like. I couldn’t be more grateful when you go along. And I take you very, very seriously. Elrond, know this: I hold you dearer and love you more than anything in the world. This includes Lindon, trees, the Noldor, and roasted rabbit. Does that satisfy you?”
"No. You weren’t supposed to stop. You were seducing me to seduce you to seduce me, remember?"
"I love you."
“I heard you. ... thank you. Somewhere tonight, I think I will reciprocate the sentiment. But not yet. For now, I’m simply basking in the power I now hold over you.”
“... thank you. I think. Well, while I’m waiting for that memorable moment and you’re basking, which I would never want to interrupt, I am now going to take you very, very seriously. And long.”