Chapter Text
One of the fundamentals of life is a good coffee. Dean has slept in cars on the side of the road, travelled around from state to state, been in and out of school. The one consent thing in Dean's life has been coffee. Sad to admit, but the closes thing to a home that Dean Winchester had was a crappy dinner nestled on the side of the road. Even sadder to admit was that the closes thing to a friend was whoever held that cup of coffee.
People had laughed at Dean’s declaration of love for the hot beverage. But after a long night or an early morning there was nothing he would rather. From the first sip to the last pull it had felt like almost being normal, liquid motivation.
When Dean was younger himself, his father John and his brother Sam were always on the road. John was an ex-marine who could never get comfortable and would move from state to state looking for something that he never seemed to find. As you could imagine it become very frustrating for John who would uproot his sons at a moments notice and drag them off to somewhere new.
Even after Dean went his separate way from John he stared to feel the same anxiousness that John had displayed. Spending a year on the road, with the one consistency being the road side dinners. He had spent long hours sitting ordering nothing but a black coffee and pie and watching the cars drive by wondering if the people in the cars had their lives together and how did they do it and why did he have to have a father like John.
Dean had been the one to raise Sam, teaching him the do's and don’ts even if Dean had only just learnt those things a moment before himself. He liked being a big brother having someone look up to him, someone beside the diners that could be consistent. Dean had done everything in my power to raise his brother right, keeping him from becoming his father or worse himself.
Sam received a full scholarship and Dean couldn’t be prouder. Their father had grunted his praise before returning to packing again. The small town they were staying in made John feel uneasy and had decided that it was best to leave. Dean rapped himself around Sam in a hug, smiling from ear to ear.
“I’m so proud of you Sammy”
Dean had muttered before letting go and messing his brothers hair up. Sam didn’t even seem bothered, his eyes were bright and he was glowing.
“What are you going to do? Will you try and get into a college too?”
Sam had asked with eagerness, probably hoping that this acceptances letter meant hope for both the boys. That after seeing this Dean would feel inspired to get his own life together. But no the thought had never crossed his mind he was just happy that Sam could leave this life, get his degree, find a girl settle down own his own house finally be happy. But Dean had not thought what that would mean for him.
“Ah, I don’t think so Sammy. That kinda thing is not really for me”
Dean started playing with his hands, hoping that his answer was enough and they could forget and go out to celebrate. But no dice, Sam seemed to deflate at his answer and Dean wished that he had lied.
“Come on man you don’t really want this” Sam gestured to the hotel room. They hadn’t even stayed long enough in this new town to rent a place.
Dean sighed pushing his fingers into the spot between his eyes walking past Sam into the small kitchenette, which isn’t as good escape as an actual kitchen would have been, only really allowing Dean to have his back to Sam.
“I don’t know, this is all I really know. What would I do? Do you really see me running to classes and cramming for exams? That’s not me”
Dean could hear Sam sigh behind him.
“Ok maybe not college. But maybe you could get a job find a place. Actually stay somewhere longer then 6 months”
Dean could feel Sam begging, he knew that Sam would want Dean to leave. Maybe not go with him, but be away from their father and away from whatever sickness John had lurking around him.
Dean knew Sam wouldn’t let this go and would probably threaten not to go to college unless Dean was leaving as well. And that had been the plan for Dean. Once Sam got into college then Dean would be free as well. He stayed with John because he couldn’t leave his brother with John, no Dean would stay till Sam left.
* * *
But now the day had come and Dean didn’t know what to do, maybe it was already to late for him.
Dean tried, he really did. When Sam left for school Dean had left John, who didn’t seem to care and only muttered that at least it would be easier to move around. Dean had found a job working in a small marketing firm, mostly admiration stuff data entry, answering phone calls and getting coffee. The firm had soon discovered that even though Dean was overly dependent on coffee he sure as hell couldn’t make the stuff.
Dean had tried dating, been in a semi stable relationship. Though he seemed to struggle a lot with relationships. People were hard, emotions were harder.
Dean felt that whatever he did was wrong or too late. Dean would always see the relationship ending before it did, saw it tearing and he would watch, watch it as it ripped and frayed yet doing nothing to stop it, leaving both Dean and his partner exhausted and broken.
By the time Sam had now finished his second year of college Dean had lived in three different apartments. Been in three different relationships and countless not relationships. Dean had stuck to staying in the one place trying to make Sam happy with not traveling around a lot like his father but Dean felt the uneasiness of staying in a place too long, he felt uneasy like a bad smell following you around.
Dean had also managed to keep his job at the marketing firm. Which Sam had been proud of, pushing Dean to try harder maybe get a promotion move up in the company. Dean had agreed and entertained Sam’s ideas but never followed through. Dean didn’t hate his job but he didn’t like it either. So when life eventually came around to bite him on the ass and make the company he was working for redundant he couldn’t pull himself to feel disappointment or panic he just felt relief.
Right where his brother life had been soaring his was drowning.
* * *
It was a Wednesday, Dean had been told on Monday that the company was bankrupt and everyone was being let go within the week. He had started looking for another job with the advice of his brother. Nothing, zip, zero nada looks like the rest of the world was also looking for work, and Dean didn’t have a lot of experience having only worked two years in the company and never moving up from errand boy, which didn’t look to good on a resume.
It looks like another move might be necessary, Dean had some savings in his bank account but felt it would be best to leave that until he was really desperate. Yes it looked like Dean was going back to the corner dinners drinking coffee at 3 in the morning and moving from hotel to hotel. Sam wouldn’t be happy about that. Yes just another day in the life of Dean Winchester.
Dean walked into his apartment pushing off his shoes and dumping the shopping bags on the counter top too tired to put them away probably. The light on the answering machine flashed, Dean wondering who would have called him, the only person Dean talked too was his brother and he would call Dean's mobile knowing that at this time of day he would be at the supermarket avoiding going home and aimlessly walking around. Dean grabbed a beer out of the fridge and pressed play sitting on the couch and putting my feet up on the coffee table. God Lisa used to hate that.
Lisa was the last relationship Dean had been in, and was the one that had lasted the longest, two years, two whole years Sam had even stared asking Dean when he was going to pop the question which made Dean panic he didn’t know if he wanted this for the rest of his life, yes it was comfortable but it wasn’t happy. Still Dean moved in and made it look like that was the road he was going down, and some days that’s what it felt like.
But when it eventually ended and it ended messy with Lisa feeling that Dean lead her on and Dean feeling that Lisa had pressured and forced him neither party’s parted happy. And it had started with Dean putting his feet on the coffee table, he knew she hated it and maybe that’s why he still does it.
The message stared to play after the usual spill, Dean repeating the answering machine before knocking his beer back. “One new message received at 5:30 17th September-“ Bobby’s gruff voice starts down the line.
“Hello Dean, it’s Bobby” A deep sigh pushes through the answering machine.
“Jesus Dean it’s John”
Dean had stopped calling John his father, after a huge fight in which Dean had refused to pay for John’s bail money after a drunken brawl. It was ridiculous John was suppose to be bailing him out of jail for stupid behaviour not the other way around. John had called Dean a disappointment and an embarrassment. John’s eldest son still a coffee boy with no wife, and clearing going nowhere. Yes that had been when Dean had realised that John wasn’t someone who got the honour of being called a Dad. Sam seemed to have never called John Dad guess he saw it from day one.
“Dean, John’s dead”
Dean didn’t-couldn’t hear the rest of the message, everything around him seemed to become white noise. He could feel every breath ripping through his chest and closing around him.
Dean Winchester’s father was dead.