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It felt like a normal day for Beomgyu. Long hours of dance practice left him panting and sweating while his other members sat in the same state of exhaustion. Yep, just a normal day for him. Though it felt too normal; too normal where it felt like something was off, something wrong. But he had to dismiss that, as they were all too busy at the moment to think about what isn’t.
He turned to the others and frowned at their sweaty faces. They really looked tired and there were still 3 more hours until they got to go back to the dorms. Maybe it would be best if he were to go to the store down the street and get something to energize them. Water could only do much for their energy levels. Soda was too sugary, and he didn’t think any dairy would do better. Perhaps a few energy drinks would suffice. The energy was in the name, so Beomgyu decided that’s what he’ll get.
Up he stood on shaky legs that were slightly overworked and turned to the others.
“Hey, guys? I’m going to go to the store real quick to get us something. I’ll be back soon!”
Soobin wiped the water that he had finished downing off his mouth and looked up at the shorter man.
“Okay, just don’t get lost or seen. Be back within an hour and if something happens-“ he got cut off.
“Call you or the manager, or Yeonjun-hyung if all else fails. I know. I’m leaving now!”
They waved him off as he gathered his mask and wallet and, wobbly, walked out the door. When he got to the sidewalk outside the building, he stopped for a second to take in the bright, sunny rays. Beautiful, he thought. He looked around to see if there were people around. Surprisingly, not too many people. Made sense as it was the middle of the day and most people were either at work, school, or home. Such a shame for them not getting to enjoy the weather, but a win for Beomgyu as he doesn’t have to worry too much about being mobbed. Perfect.
Off he went down the street. He judged about a 15-minute walk from the building to the tiny store, no more than 5 minutes of looking around (even with a goal, browsing never hurt), and another 15 minutes of walking back. 35 minutes in total without factoring in crosswalks and any foot traffic that come around. But he was confident he would get back within the hour Soobin gave him.
The walk started pleasantly so far. A little under 10 minutes in, he felt great. Hardly anyone around to cause delay and barely any crosswalks to wait before moving forward. All going according to plan. Just a few more minutes and he could have in his hands the gifts of caffeine for his tired members. It was all going right.
It was going fine until it didn’t. After the last minute 10, something felt off. Like any unknown-cased feeling of fear began to brew inside him. He knew he struggled with the occasional anxiety, though sometimes overwhelmingly often, but this felt different. He got to a crosswalk and waited to be signaled to cross. He glanced across the street to see a random man standing by a pole. Beomgyu didn’t know why, but he got a bad feeling about him. A strange thought that he was dangerous or knew something about him. Like the guy was reading his thoughts and was prepared to attack him or something. As much Beomgyu knew reading minds was impossible, the thought didn’t go away.
He glanced back at the man, trying to get confirmation on if he could read into Beomgyu’s mind.
‘Is he reading my mind? Can he hear me? How do I know?’
Just then the man looked up, catching a glance at Beomgyu, before turning his head to the side. The frightened man, with no rational thoughts or hesitation, took it as confirmation. Now he knew his thoughts were being seen and heard. He quickly walked away from the random guy across the street, turning the corner. He didn’t see the city bus coming down to stop at the pole, nor did he see the man, who was waiting for the bus, getting on it. He saw only signs of danger. The bus rolled away, taking the man with it.
Beomgyu hurried down the ally way, getting as far as possible from where the guy was and getting closer to the store. The fast walking did him well as he saw the mini store just a few meters away. Relief passed over him as his goal wasn’t more than a few steps away, but dread tried drowning him at the thought of more people being around him. But he still continued forwards, he had a goal in mind and he wasn’t stopping because of some irrational thoughts.
When he got to the entrance of the store, he felt a little better. He arrived a few minutes earlier than he thought he would. He walked inside and was greeted with silence. It seemed like there was no one in the place at all. He assumed the person working the cash register was in the backroom counting inventory, or even using the bathroom. Well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about anyone around reading his mind.
After a minute he located the energy drinks and chose what brand to buy. There weren’t too many options, so he settled on the only brand he knew. He picked out five of them and walked around to see if there were any good snacks.
While he browsed, another wave of uneasiness brushed over him. The sneaking suspicion that he was being watched. He looked around but saw no one in the store. The cashier still wasn’t in the front and no one was in the store. Strange.
The more he walked around, the stronger the feeling became. Every turn it felt like eyes on him. Every step it felt like it was being broadcasted to where those make-believed eyes could hear him. No matter where in the shop he went, he was being watched.
There weren’t any signs of life nor any cameras as far as he could see. He’s been here many times, and everything is where it always was. But it all felt so different today. He knew he was thinking irrationally, but it felt so real. It had to be true, no other option.
Knowing he wanted to get back to the company building as fast as possible, he ditched the snacks and walked to the register. The minute he walked up, the little, old man that ran the shop waddled out.
“Hello. Sorry I was in the back. Did you find everything okay?”
Beomgyu’s mouth felt dry and wordless but began conversation nonetheless.
“I did. Just these drinks please.”
He brought the drinks onto the counter and paid what he owed. Bagging up the items, he bowed to the owner of the store and walked out.
Fresh air, all that he needed. The thoughts of the invisible eyes and ears slowly vanished as he walked along the pavement, bag of drinks swaying against him.
Just another 15-minute walk and he would be back with his members. Only 15 minutes, didn’t seem too long. It would be fine, he would be fine. 15 minutes. One foot in front of the other. 10 minutes now. 10 minutes…
Something in his mind told him to look around, take in his surroundings. He did so and saw a person walking on the other side of the street. They must’ve been a foreigner because they tipped their head, waved, and said hello to him in an almost correctly pronounced hello. Beomgyu, wanting to be polite, bowed his head and waved back. He looked forward again and continued his walk.
The foreigner, now only to check their pockets, realized they forgot their bus card. Needing it later that day, they turned around to go back to their hotel and grab it. Going in the direction of Beomgyu.
Feeling like something was off, the young singer turned his head to see the stranger walking his way.
‘Oh my god… are they following me? They weren’t- they… they weren’t walking this way before. They know me, I just know it. They’re the ones watching me. They’ve been everywhere. I feel it. I know it. I’m going to be taken. They’re going to take me. I’m still far away from the building. I’m going to die.’
Beomgyu’s thoughts raced faster and faster until they were no longer coherent. Just loud buzzes in his head telling him he was in danger. His pace quickened as well as his heart rate. Moving his legs felt like walking with lead for limbs.
He walked through random streets. Right. Left. Left. Right. Another person passed him. They can hear him thinking. Right. Right. That person is still there. Right. Left. Left. He was alone. Standing in the alley, he caught the breath he had been chasing. Moments later he felt his legs starting to give out. He hastily sat down on the cold cement.
‘Why now? Why today and why so sudden?’
If Beomgyu had to admit in a more stable and rational mindset, this experience has happened more than once. Though not to this intensity. He never thought too much about the days he would sit next to Taehyun, wondering if he could hear his thoughts and then panic when he showed signs confirming it. Never thought too much of it when it happened again a few days later. Nothing to question. Everyone has had to experience that at some point… right?
Beomgyu took out his phone and checked for his location. He was still close to the building, but did he want to risk going back out? When that person can still be out there looking for him? Even if he had the strength to break throw the loop of his irrational thinking, and by now he was aware they were irrational, he didn’t think his legs could get him any further without collapsing under him. They were heavy already when leaving the company and they were putty now that he has been walking around so much with the adrenaline leaving his system.
He could call someone. What did his hyung say again before he left? Call Soobin or the manager. Well, who knew his hyung’s annoying and frankly repetitive words would be used. Grabbing his phone, he first dialed the manager. No answer. Soobin next. No answer.
The spike of adrenaline was starting to return as his attempts to reach his hyungs were failing. He tried again. And again. Again, again, again…
“Beomgyu?”
His call was finally answered.
“Hyung?” Beomgyu’s voice quivered.
“Yes, it’s hyung. What’s wrong? Sorry, I couldn’t get to the phone; the instructor was talking to me. But enough of that, are you okay?”
The younger man sniffled.
“Hyung… I can’t move my legs. I- I can’t move them. Hyung, I’m scared. Everything around me- I can’t be out here anymore. It’s terrifying out here. But I can’t move.”
His voice sounded forced as he choked out the words filled with the tears he hasn’t spilled yet. It felt like he was being watched again. It was terrifying him.
“Beomgyu. Beomgyu. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. I’ll go out right now and I find you, okay? It’s okay, hyung is coming to get you. Just stay right there and don’t move. Remember your breathing.”
“Don’t hang up, please. Please don’t.”
“Hey, hey I won’t. I promise I won’t hang up on you. I’m already heading out to go find you. Can you send me your location? Hyung needs it.”
Beomgyu quickly sends him his location.
“Thank you, Gyu. I’ll be there in few minutes. In the meantime, can you breathe for me? Remember the 5 in, 6 hold, 8 out. Do it with me. Okay, baby?”
He followed along with his hyung’s breathing, slowly bringing his breath back to normal. Minutes went by as he tried to talk to Soobin while waiting for him to find him.
“Beommie? Is that you?”
Beomgyu turned his head to see the figure of his hyung standing at the foot of the alleyway. He would’ve run to him but his legs were still too heavy to move.
“It’s me, hyung.”
“Oh, I’m so glad I found you! I was worried about you when I saw all the missed calls. Why are you all the way over here? Your location was in the exact opposite of the store.”
The tired boy opened his mouth to let out the shaky, stammering words.
“I don’t know what happened. I was walking there and I thought someone was reading my mind. Then I thought I was being watched. And then I could’ve sworn I was being followed. It was so scary, hyung! I thought I was going crazy. I… I- I thought-“
Soobin shushed him and kneeled in front of the man. He guided him into a hug, holding with strong, but comfortable, pressure. Allowing Soobin to run his fingers through his hair, and to rub his back, he settled into the hug and stopped his frantic speech. He was glad because he would’ve sent himself into another spiral of fear.
“It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re not crazy and I promise that. Now, let’s get you back to the company. I’ll ask the instructor if we can end a little bit early today and then maybe we can go back home. Sound good?”
Beomgyu smiled at him.
“Sounds good.”
“Great. We should get going before the others start to worry. I’m going to pick you now, okay?”
After a nod, Soobin got up and hoisted Beomgyu into his arms who held the bag of drinks. He stepped out of the alley and looked to find what street he would have to go down to get them back to the company building.
For most of the walk, it was quiet. Cars drove by as parents and their children made their way home after a long day of work and classes. Sidewalks filled with people that they tried to avoid being around. They were nearing the building a little while later when Beomgyu finally broke the silence.
“Thanks, hyung. For coming to get me. I- thank you. I really appreciated it.”
The dimpled man smiled at him, a tiny hum came from him.
“Of course, Beomgyu. I’d do anything for you. We’re roommates and bandmates after all. Not to mention we’re the greatest friends ever. I got your back and you got mine.”
“Yeah, yeah. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And finally, for what felt like a while, Beomgyu felt only one pair of eyes on him. Someone could hear him. This time those eyes and ears were real. He couldn’t be more glad.