Chapter Text
Jason would have never imagined that the next time he’d meet his ex-boyfriend it would be on the ER, bloodied and bruised in a hospital bed. And he had come up with some pretty crazy scenarios, like ‘randomly meets the other in a café’ or ‘ex turns up to be your blind date’. But here he was, just starting his night shift, with a 20 year old Nico di Angelo who seemed to have received the beating of his life.
He nearly didn’t recognize him. Almost completely shed were the wild, dark locks Jason used to pass his fingers through, the guy sporting an undercut that was now clamped with dried blood. His left eye was swollen and he had several cuts on his face and arms. His ears where full of silver piercings and his hands were bloodied and bruised.
But those dark-as-the-night eyes, that long and soft nose and those strong and expressive eyebrows.
That was Nico, alright.
“I’ll need to take your piercings off, will that be a problem?”, Jason asked, four years of nursing kicking in unconsciously. Nico seemed to retreat a little into himself, but he couldn’t read his expression with his face so badly hurt. He disinfected his hands in the nearest sink on the ward, put his gloves on and returned to the bed. No one said a thing while the blond’s deft and careful fingers gently stripped Nico’s ears bare.
“Why?”
Jason heart stopped.
“Why do you have to take them off?”
“They could get infected. And the doctor wants to take a CT scan to rule out a concussion so you’ll have to take them off anyway”, he explained while he moved a tray with the medical kit to the table next to Nico. He took a wet cloth and cleaned the 20 year old face, careful of taking all the dirt and blood off his features.
“Are the painkillers kicking in?”
He was quiet for a moment and then: “Are you asking me if I’m high?”
Jason chuckled. The Italian’s eyes widened.
“Not exactly, but I’ll take that as a yes”, Jason said, laughter still on his voice. “I was asking because I need to stitch up the wound on your forehead and you don’t want to be sober for this.”
Nico uttered a quiet grunt and the nurse went on with his work. After a few stiches he noticed the he was squirming under his hands.
“Oh, right, you’re ticklish. Sorry”
Nico gave him another unreadable look but said nothing. Jason wondered briefly how he looked, towering over him, his gloved hands never leaving Nico’s skin. He finished up, blinking at his meticulous work. He hadn’t taken his time quite like that since they taught them their first stitches in nursing school.
Well, he was kind of biased.
He cut the thread, trying to not let his touch linger. He bit his lip.
“Do you feel dizzy?”
“No”
“Do you know what day it is?”
“The other nurse already asked me this, Jason”, he felt a soft shiver at his name on Nico’s lip once again. Shit, he was a sap.
“Sorry”, he went to the closet in the hall and then returned to the bed. “So, I’m gonna need you to put one of these”
“A hospital gown? Seriously?”
He shrugged, just one shoulder going up. “I don’t make the rules and I need to take you to the CT scanner”, he couldn’t control the slight quirk of his mouth. “No combat boots allowed”
Nico narrowed his eyes at him, the familiar expression making his smile wider.
“Do you need any help?”
“What? No”, he looked paler. Jason was going to ask for a bag of O positive on his way to the scanner. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Front of this room, a bit to the left. I’m gonna go fetch some stuff, okay?”
Nico nodded and Jason started walking away, his head turning to him when he sat down in the rim of the mattress. He must have felt his eyes over him because he looked up, frowned again and mouthed ‘go’ at him. Jason felt a warm blush heating up his cheeks. He willed himself not to follow Nico with his gaze and left the room.
He felt jittery, his heart erratic and his breathing shaky as he walked to the blood bank. He gulped and straightened his shoulders, and by the time he leaned over the blood bank counter he flashed a smile at Troy.
“Hey man, can I get an O positive?”
The medical technologist smiled back, his white teeth a nice contrast to his brown cheeks. “Would you like it with a straw on it?”
Jason huffed. “You know that no matter how many times you tell that joke it won’t get funnier, right?”
“Come on, Grace, give me a break”, Troy went to one of the aisles, rummaged for a bit, and returned to the counter. “Especially in such a dead night like this one”
“Don’t jinx it”, Jason replied automatically before taking the bag and returning to the room.
Nico was nowhere in sight and he started setting the things up for when they came back. He looked over to the chair near the bed, most of Nico’s personal belongings neatly folded over it. His fingertips itched, suddenly on fire. He straightened the blankets instead. He worried his lip, feeling silly and out of place. Shaking his head, he went back to the hall to wait.
When he came out of the bathroom he seemed smaller, leaner. Jason wondered if he would ever forget the image of his ex-boyfriend in fluffy slippers.
“Come on”, he let Nico set the pace while he guided him through the corridors. “Let’s take a look at that brain of yours”
As they started the journey down the corridors, Jason was careful to let his pace fall along Nico's. He thought he heard a soft noise, like an aggravated sigh coming from him but when he turned his head around his face remained impassible. They walked in silence, Nico's movements way more loaded than words. Even hurt, he seemed to take more of a presence than before, his shoulders straight, his strides long and purposeful. There was a tilt to his chin, a harshness in his eyes, maybe the slight frown of his lips. Jason swallowed, his throat caging up on him, and he tried not to twist his hands in the fabric of his scrubs.
"So, uh—"
"How long have you been working here?"
Jason blinked, a little out of balance. "Umh, a few months. I finished college this year"
"You attended college here?"
"Yeah, in—", he stopped mid-step, narrowed his eyes, and then suddenly his eyebrows fell. He tried not to let his voice crack. "I didn't tell you—?"
Nico's response betrayed him, too quick and a little too clipped. "No, you didn't", but Jason didn't notice, his face crestfallen a heartbeat too long.
"Come on, it's just down this hall", he said, swallowing down guilt. He ushered Nico inside one of the doors where the CT scan greeted them like some kind of alien machinery. He made sure everything was in order before walking to the observation deck. There was only Dakota inside and the fact that Nico couldn't see him made his knees weak in a manner that felt akin to relief.
"Hey, man", Dakota took a sip of his Kool Aid and just then really noticed him. "Are you okay, Jay? You look like you've seen a ghost"
He laughed, high and out of breath. He walked to the desk.
"Just stay very still", Jason instructed over the microphone. He heard a huff inside the structure.
"This is not the first time I get a CT scan, remember?"
"Oh", he blinked. "Right, sorry"
"Do you know him?", Dakota asked just as he muted the intercom.
"Yeah, we were--", Jason felt his throat suddenly dry and closed his mouth, pursing his lips to the left. "We grew up together"
Dakota frowned. "I thought you weren't from here"
"I'm not, we grew up in a town close to Berkeley"
"What, and you just got assigned to him here in San Francisco?", the images of Nico's brain started to charge in the screen and Dakota whistled. "What are the odds, dude"
"Yeah", Jason let out a strained chuckle, his chest just too tight in a laugh that left him pained. "What are the odds"
"Well, his head looks fine", Dakota said, balancing in the back legs of the chair. "No blood, no swelling"
He nodded, taking the pictures to add them to the chart. "Thanks, Dakota"
He grabbed the doorknob, inhaled and in one swift motion, opened it. The room blinded him for a second, specks of light shimmering in front of his eyes. "You can get out now"
"No funny business, I take it"
"Your skull is too thick", Jason thought that maybe he saw a bit of laughter in those dark eyes. He smiled. "Come on, let's get you settled"
They headed back, Jason getting caught up with the Head Nurse. Nico made some kind of "shooing" motion with his hands and kept on going, maybe his pace a bit sluggish. Jason tried not to think too much of it.
“I really like it—your hair”, he blurted out before he could stop himself when he caught up to him. Nico flinched, neck stiff and shoulders up. Damn.
“Thanks”, it was barely over a breath but he caught it. He tilted his head towards his ex-boyfriend. “You look exactly like in high school”
Jason smiled, tight lips and a soft crease between his eyebrows. “Yeah—“, his voice broke and he cleared his throat, his hand fisted over his mouth. He touched his nose with his index finger before hiding his hand inside his pockets again. “Yeah, I guess I do”
He felt Nico’s eyes over him but when he finally gathered the courage to look him again he was glancing at the door of his shared room, just a few steps ahead. He felt cold sweat prickling his neck and his chest constricting.
“So—do you live here now?”, he didn't sound like himself, his tone too high. "Or— uh, are you visiting someone?"
Nico said nothing while he got on the bed again, and Jason busied himself with the chart, scribbling almost mechanically.
"I live here", Jason almost dropped the chart. "I'm studying here"
"What— you mean", he frowned and Nico would not meet his eyes. "You've been living here for 4 years?"
"Yeah", Nico looked at him and his eyes were like coal, dark and sharp. "I guess it's kind of a miracle we didn't meet up before"
Jason blinked, his thoughts too muddled. "I guess"
He went on to connect Nico, the patient, Nico, to the blood bag and to the serum. He fisted his hand so he wouldn't straighten dark wild locks. He re-arranged the blankets instead.
"Tell me if you need anything, Dr. Ávila will come to check on you when she gets out of surgery"
Nico nodded and he left, not hearing his name on Nico's lips.
--
The bathroom door was blessedly cold, the hard surface like a lifeline that kept him upright. He felt raw and out of breath, like when the sea tossed you around and spit you out, leaving you motionless in the sand, trying to remember what's up and down.
He was studying here. He had been living here for at least 2 years. Jason bit his lip, letting his head rest in the door. Well, he couldn't really say anything about that, could he?
Had it been really that long? Had the years passed and erased any trace left on the skin of the other? Had time sculpted them, melted them and remade them so thoroughly that it was impossible to find their former selves in the person they were now?
Jason frowned and closed his eyes, his skin too tight over his body. No. It wasn't his right to complain, to lament over it. He had to be professional. He had to make sure Nico would recover, and would follow the prescriptions, and—
No. He had to do his job, and give an adequate care to his patient. He had to talk to Reyna and discuss the case. If he had learned anything in the last hours, it was that he no longer knew Nico di Angelo. He couldn’t let old habits cloud him into projecting into someone that was no longer there.
--
Jason sighed. His temples felt like a cage and his head was pounding, a headache that apparently no amount of coffee could quench. He ought to been sleeping in one of the lounge rooms, getting another cup of expresso or checking in troublesome patients but he hadn’t stop walking until he ended up in the wing of the ER where Nico slept. He felt dizzy, his fuzzy mind still reeling against the knowledge that yes, that was his childhood friend under the piercings and the combat boots. He was taller, almost as tall as Jason, but narrow, all sharp angles. He brought a chair over and sat at a safe distance, not by his head but by his middle, trying not to wake him up.
Yes, in the hospital gown he looked less severe and feral, his hair a tangled mess over the pillow. He had his face turned to Jason’s and he was unable to stop himself. He came over to his side. Nico’s cheeks were pale, a white-yellowish color that looked unhealthy in his tanned skin and his bandaged forehead made him look even more helpless than Jason would have liked. There were bags under his eyes, puffy and that same ochre color. He could see the tattoos more clearly now thanks to the cut of the clothes. They crept over his neck, taking up his shoulder and chest, white wings and words in something that must have been Italian. The black ink shrouded him like armor, like a well-earned scar. Jason bit his lips, his fingers itching to trace them, to wake Nico up and ask him what they meant, when did he got them, why he hadn’t told him.
His body froze, cold as winter, his neck stiff with his stupidity.
Well he knew the answer to the last one, didn’t he?
He exhaled again, wondering how long could he sit in silence with his own regrets. But he couldn't stop looking at him, eating up every new detail discovered in the unstirring figure of his ex-boyfriend. The label tasted foreign on his lips, the silhouette of Nico no longer matching the image his memories provided. He passed a hand through his hair, golden locks tangling. He wondered for a heartbeat if Nico had questions too, and if he would want to search for the answers.
He hoped he did.
He was terrified of giving them.
Because what could he possibly tell Nico di Angelo, here, at the edge of promises, of hushed plans of the future? At the culmination of his sole purpose during high school, at the trial of everything he learned in college.
What had Nico seen; the scrubs, the lack of a white coat, the fingertips red and raw from prepping for surgery? Dread leaked into his body, slow and cold, numbing his hands.
What had Nico seen?
He got up, too quickly that his body had to catch up to his brain for a few seconds. He put the chair back and closed to curtain to Nico's bed. He went to the hallway, started skimming the charts that were tucked in the counter by the right. He inhaled slowly, trying to focus in the meningitis case he had took over that morning. He didn't hear her footsteps approaching.
"Hey", Jason turned to find Reyna, little locks of hair falling from her french braid and a speck of blood on her shoes.
"Hey, how did the surgery go?"
"She's gonna make it", Reyna shrugged noncommittally; in that way she did when she was too busy being critical to herself. "How's our punk doing?"
Jason had to catch the negative on his lips. "He's stable, got him an O positive and stitched him up"
She nodded, looking over the charts of her other patients. "And his CT scan?"
"All clear, no concussion and no sign of internal bleeding"
"Great", she scribbled something down and maybe he was still a little pale because her frown deepened. "Are you okay?"
Jason looked at her brown, warm eyes and felt the story a breath from spilling from his lips. He smiled instead. "I'm just tired"
"What time do you get off?"
He looked at the clock in the wall. "In an hour"
"Wanna get some coffee?"
Reyna's mouth was slightly curled up, and her intelligent eyes seemed to bore into his brain. She always had a way to find the truth between his words. Jason shook his head.
"No thanks, if I drink some now I won’t be able to sleep when I get home"
--
“Darling wife? Is that you?”
Jason grumbled something incoherent and locked the door behind him. The apartment was a tad humid and smelled like melon scented shampoo. He walked down to his room, shuffling all the way to his bed. He heard footsteps approaching as he fell face first to the mattress, unable to even take his shoes off.
“How was your shift? Yesterday’s lunch was heavenly, I must say. Five of my guys have already asked for your hand in marriage”
In the 4 years apart after Thalia left the house Jason had forgotten her sister’s streak for the dramatic. He fully regretted it now, even with his face completely buried in his pillow. He groaned. He felt the bed dip and not before long a hand was messing his hair.
“Do you want some hot cocoa, big guy?”
He turned his face to her voice and tried to frown. “Thal, I’m not six”
“You reject your sister’s offer of hot chocolate? You wound me, darling wife”, her eyebrows furrowed impossibly close and her lips puckered. Jason wished he had the strength to push her over the edge of the mattress. Sadly, he didn’t.
“Alright, alright. Give me a cup but only because even you can’t mess that up” He conceded, not even wincing when his sister whacked him over the head. Slowly, he took off his sneakers and wriggled his way under the covers, some cursing and dubious noises coming from the kitchen as his background noise.
“Here” Thalia sat on the bed again and waited for her little brother to receive the steaming mug. She frowned. “Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened” Jason mumbled against the rim of the cup, the hot chocolate slowly but steadily warming up his body.
“You look pale. I mean, paler.” Thalia grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eye. “Did something happen last night?”
Jason closed his eyes. “Later, please”
Thalia let go of him and closed her mouth. Jason finished his cup and his sister still hadn’t uttered a single word.
“Thalia?” Jason’s voice sounded weary and a little hoarse.
“Do you have another shift today?”
“Thalia, it’s not really necessary—“
“Do you have another shift today?” She repeated her voice an octave lower. Jason remembered when she used to scold him every time he tried to reach the cookie jar. He shook his head, defeated.
“You are gonna sleep now, and then come have lunch with me and Leo, alright?” Thalia ruffled his hair again, softer this time. “Our treat”
Jason chuckled weakly. “Okay. Good night”
Thalia smiled, that sad smile she had sometimes. “Good night, big guy”
--
Jason was toweling his hair, his muscles just starting to complain about that 4 hour long surgery he had to assist the day before when the phone rang.
"Jason?", Reyna's voice went a bit higher at the last syllable of his name and he frowned.
"Yeah, hey", he left the towel on the bed. "What's up?"
"Did you discharge the Italian guy?"
"What? No—"
"Did you tell him he could leave?"
Jason felt the back of his neck suddenly cold. "No, of course not"
"Sorry, Jay, it's just that, we had a pretty hectic morning today with a car crash", he could picture Reyna worrying her lip, her fingers tugging at the end of her braid. "And he's not here anymore, he left"