Work Text:
When it comes to the people he likes, Brendon is a very tactile person. He likes hugging them, he likes giving them back rubs and he likes having his arm over someone’s shoulder. It makes him feel closer to the person, like it allows him to get a feeling of what they’re feeling. But at the end of the day, it’s just Brendon being Brendon.
Mikey on the other hand, he does not like taking part in any physical contact unless he’s the one who initiates it. And he almost never initiates it. He’d rather have a short conversation than be hugged or kissed or fist-bumped with or be given a high-five … or whatever. Talking from afar is his perfect contact, nothing more is needed. It’s just Mikey being Mikey.
But Mikey allows anything when it comes to Brendon. He allows to be hugged; he allows to be given a back rub, even while standing in the kitchen, while he’s making himself a sandwich. He even allows Brendon to big-spoon him every night. But weirdest of all, with Brendon he does ask for some physical contact. Every once in a while he leans over and rests his head on Brendon’s shoulder, catching a glimpse of whatever Brendon’s reading, working on, updating or just generally doing.
And when that happens Brendon can feel his heart almost jumping out of his chest ’cause he knows that it takes Mikey all the energy he has not to back away, a reflex he’s always had.
Mikey’s changing for Brendon and before today, he only allowed himself to be that changed person around Brendon.
*
“Chinese sounds great,” Mikey answers Brendon over the phone, raising his eyes from the ground and erasing the cheesy smirk from his face as soon as he meets Gerard’s judgmental stare.
“Since when does it sound great?” Gerard questions his little brother, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s still staring at Mikey, the both of them standing in Gerard’s hallway. Mikey hasn’t had the chance to take his jacket off, talking to Brendon about what they can do tonight since the car ride over.
“I’ll see you home,” Mikey says into the phone again and turns away from his brother “Bye Bren,” he adds and hangs up, mentally preparing himself for whatever monologue Gerard has in store. He slides his phone into his pocket and slowly rotates towards Gerard whose still standing in the same place, in the same position “Brendon says hi.”
“Thanks,” Gerard shrugs, starting to move and covering the space between him and his brother in just a few pads on the hardwood floor, “Whose place do you call home?” he asks another question.
“We’re staying at Brendon’s this month,” Mikey answers, reminding his brother of the arrangement he mentioned, about taking turns. It was Brendon’s idea, of course. Mikey wouldn’t even suggest anything close to it, all that packing and moving around. But for Brendon… he’s willing to do it.
“And what’s with the Chinese food?” Gerard asks again.
“Better than sushi,” Mikey says and Gerard laughs at his response, leaving Mikey stunned by his reaction, “What?”
“Nothing,” Gerard shrugs, continuing to laugh as he walks past Mikey on his way to the couch.
“No, you obviously want to say something,” Mikey insists as he follows Gerard’s steps.
“Nothing, it’s just…” Gerard hesitates, sitting down on the couch; his arms still crossed over his chest “I wasn’t surprised when you came out,” Gerard recalls the event that took place few months ago, when Mikey had all of his band mates gathered at one place to share the news. No one took it as a shock; there always were some little hints with Mikey “I was surprised when Brendon was the one you came out for.”
“I did not come out for Brendon, we started dating long after that” Mikey says “And I don’t see how anything has to do with him,” he adds, ready to defend his boyfriend with every part of his being.
“You two are so different, I don’t see it going places,” Gerard finally speaks is mind “I only see you dreaming.”
“You obviously don’t know shit about me and Brendon,” Mikey states, his voice on the verge of yelling.
“Mikey, don’t overreact,” Gerard warns him.
“You think this is overreacting? This is under-reacting G. This is not even close to how I’m feeling right now,” Mikey shouts this time, “You know what? I will overreact.”
“Are you telling me that you see this relationship of yours ending up in marriage?”
“Matter of fact, I do.”
“You’re nothing but a pit-stop on his way to the person he’s supposed to marry, Mikey. How don’t you see this?” Gerard insists, just continuing to piss Mikey off even more.
“Fuck you!” Mikey yells before he heads towards the door. Looks like, there was no need for him to take that jacket off anyway.
*
Mikey isn’t really sure how he drove home and arrived safely. He is not sure how he climbed up the stairs to their floor, how he let himself into the apartment. Everything he’s aware of is that he is angry, that he feels so much anger he might burst.
Two hours later Brendon finds him sitting on the floor and rocking back and forth. Everything Brendon dares himself to do is wrap his arms around Mikey, to at least try to calm him down. Mikey shakes his head, the rocking he’s been doing slowly coming to a stop as Brendon moves his hands to Mikey’s cheeks, forcing Mikey to finally look at him.
Mikey breathes in deeply, discussing if he should say something, if he should talk to his boyfriend or keep that one thing that might hurt him to himself. But secretly, he doubts if what Gerard said might be true. And what would make Gerard think of such thing anyway? Is there something he doesn’t see?
All the information Brendon has at the moment is that Mikey went to see Gerard. He doesn’t have the slightest clue of what’s wrong with Mikey. What happened in the meantime? Did something happen at Gerard’s? He’s clueless. He wants to know.
“Mikey, what’s wrong?” Brendon asks with evident fear in his voice. “Mikes, you can tell me anything,” Brendon begs for an answer.
“I love you,” Mikey blurts.
“I love you,” Brendon returns, a quirk of the lips turning into a cheesy smile as he pulls Mikey in for a kiss.
This helps Mikey slowly calm down, the moment that causes a tiny shortage of air pulls him back from the longest panic attack he’s had. It helps him push any hesitation away… for today.
*
Mikey doesn’t say anything to Brendon about Gerard and what he said. It keeps weighing on him, just looking at Brendon, knowing that he’s hiding something so important.
It isn’t till a week later when Brendon finds out, in a way that is the-most-Mikey approach: without any of Mikey’s involvement, whatsoever.
They are at a party with the rest of their band mates and friends, at the annual get-together that Pete started years ago: a party with many bands, meant so everyone can drink and hang out and be their normal selves at the same time as they’re building bridges and making friends.
But this time, instead of being his normal self, Mikey spends way more time at the bar, making Brendon worry, making Brendon act like the responsible adult that he isn’t. There obviously has to be a reason for this. In the little time they have been dating, Brendon has learned that Mikey isn’t very good at keeping anything to himself. He either says it, or he lets it eat him up on the inside. And the way he’s been acting… something is slowly nibbling and it’s only becoming worse.
Brendon can’t stop Mikey this time, there’s no one that can control how much he drinks. The ‘slow down’ suggestion doesn’t slow him down. Brendon can try all night but in the end all he is able to do is to get Mikey home just as he’s approaching the part of the drunkenness that is labeled as ‘overboard’. And worst of all, it’s not even midnight.
Brendon gets Gerard and Frank to drive them to the apartment, the most sober people he could find. Brendon is sitting in the back seat with Mikey’s clenched body next to him and Mikey’s head in his lap. Brendon runs his fingers through Mikey’s hair, sweet caresses to soften his sleep and minimize the pain he must be feeling. He feels useless, like this is all he can do.
“There obviously is something wrong with him,” Frank says to Gerard. Gerard who is driving and trying to keep his eyes on the road, checks on Brendon and his little brother in the rearview mirror, frequently. Gerard is just now realizing how wrong he was about what he said to his brother just a week ago.
“No shit,” Gerard hisses, focusing his eyes on the road as he curses himself for saying anything. He knows whose fault it is that Mikey is acting up.
“He’s been this way since he paid you a visit last week,” Brendon finally speaks, just proving Gerard’s suspicions right, “When I got home he was having a panic attack,” he adds. Brendon knows all about Mikey’s problems, the panic, the anxiety, he just never had the chance to see him in such a position, “He won’t tell me anything. I tried to find out what’s wrong and he changed the subject. I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong or… He’s keeping something.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Gerard replies, preparing himself to tell Brendon the truth when he realizes that Mikey has been protecting them both from each other. Gerard is the villain, alarming when he’s not even close to the truth. Brendon on the other hand, he has been protected from knowing that Gerard has something against their relationship. One cannot pin-point who Mikey cares more about, “I said something I shouldn’t have and now I see that I was mistaken.”
“What did you say?” Frank asks. It’s the perfect time for his natural curiosity to cause Gerard a headache.
Should he give an honest response, or should he make a circle around the actual truth. What seems less upsetting? Gerard takes a few moments to consider his options: A circle it is.
“I wanted to express some issues with the way Brendon acts when I’m around and Mikey overreacted,” Gerard answers, taking a peek of Brendon’s shocked facial expression in the rearview mirror. And he is so glad that Mikey isn’t awake, because he obviously didn’t want Brendon to know anything.
“How does he act?” Frank requests more information.
Oh, Frank; poor, curious, innocent Frank, causing trouble where it’s not to be caused.
“He acts weird,” Gerard states and Brendon almost chokes on air. Is he that obvious when he doesn’t feel comfortable around someone, he thinks to himself. Maybe he should be a bit more subtle next time, “Like he’s jealous, like Mikey is his now, like he doesn’t trust me, like he’s hiding something. He acts like I’m not supposed to find something out.”
“Next time, express the issues you have with me, to me,” Brendon speaks, trying to hide the strand of anger behind the quietness meant to keep Mikey asleep. Too many people already are involved, a drunk and grumpy Mikey won’t help in this situation “The only reason I act weird around you is because you’re always with Frank and Frank is who Mikey came out for,” he explains, looking at Frank and expecting any gesture, any reaction. He’s expecting Frank to do anything that will make him regret sharing the truth or make him glad it’s finally out and there’s one less thing to be secretive about “I’m sorry Frank; I just don’t want to lose him.”
“Brendon, it’s nothing to be sorry for,” Frank says to him, turning his whole body to see if Brendon is upset, to make sure he’s okay and to make sure everything is out on the clear, “I never felt anything more than a brotherly love.”
*
The conversation Mikey was supposed to have with Brendon days ago is finally had the following morning, while they’re still in bed. Brendon gives Mikey an aspirin and a glass of water and climbs back in to make sure that he’s okay.
“Who drove us home?” Mikey asks, swallowing another sip of the water to minimize the scratchiness in his voice. Mikey slides down an inch at a time, till he’s lying under the covers again.
“Your brother and Frank were kind enough,” Brendon says as he snuggles against Mikey, his head on Mikey’s chest “I finally know why you were spacey whole week; Gerard told me that he said something mean. And I had to tell them both about Frank.”
“Brendon, I just…” Mikey tries to explain, but fails miserably as the words just don’t come out of his mouth.
“You need to tell me these things Mikes,” Brendon insists. He doesn’t move, hoping that they can keep this conversation as a civil discussion instead of letting it turn into an argument. Brendon is angry that Mikey kept something from him, but yelling won’t help at all. It’s just going to make Brendon feel guilty about yelling at the person he loves “I’m not going to run away just because your brother disagrees. I’m just going to impose and make him like me, as hard as that may be. I’ll send him food, fruit baskets, instruments, kegs,” he lists all he can think of at the moment “I know how to force people to like me.”
“I’m sorry,” Mikey whispers softly, kissing the top of Brendon’s head as he lets his arm entrap Brendon next to him at the same time as he makes sure that the blanket covers his waist. The last thing Mikey wants is Brendon catching a cold.
“I know you are. Just promise me that you will talk to me about anything that pisses you off, okay?” Brendon insists.
“I promise Bren. And I am sorry” Mikey stares at him, Brendon’s eyes inspecting every line on Mikey’s face “He just said something that got me thinking and for a moment I thought he was right.”
“I still don’t know what he said,” Brendon complains as the only thing he’s still unsure of is what was so bad about Gerard’s statement.
“That I’m only dreaming,” Mikey allows himself to speak and right away he knows he shouldn’t have. Brendon backs away, knowing that the civilized conversation is about to turn into a major fall out “That I’m a pit-stop on your way to the person you’re supposed to marry.”
“And you thought that there was the slightest chance of that being true?” the surprise visible on Brendon’s face.
“Brendon!” Mikey tries to stop any reaction that might come.
“What? I don’t have the right to respond in any which way I want?” Brendon retorts.
“I’m sorry,” Mikey repeats a statement he previously gave. He knows that he’s wrong to even think that can be true. Screw that, he’s wrong to think about thinking about it. So he makes up his mind, he decides that he’ll say only things that will calm Brendon down.
“You already said that,” Brendon replies, the natural calmness back in his voice even though the redness on his face and the trembling lips suggest otherwise.
“I love you.” Mikey adds, moving towards Brendon as he tries to slowly win him over.
“I love you too… unbelievably a lot!” Brendon nods rapidly, just to make sure that Mikey knows he’s being serious, in a unique silly way.
“I’m an idiot for even thinking that,” Mikey lists another thing he knows Brendon would agree with.
“You’re the biggest moron that has ever walked this planet,” he rejoins, scooting towards his boyfriend “I don’t make pit-stops Mikey; I always go directly to the goal.”
“I’m the goal,” Mikey says the words quietly with unmistakable disbelief in his voice. How didn’t he know this?
“You’re the goal!”
“So?” Mikey looks at Brendon innocently, the only thought going through his head is how happy he feels that the row is over and Brendon is still sitting on the bed, right next to him. It could’ve gone in many other directions. Brendon could’ve stormed off. But he did not.
“What else are you hiding from me?” Brendon asks and Mikey takes a moment to think off everything he hasn’t been sharing with anyone.
“I hate my apartment, I want to move here,” Mikey admits, he shoots the words out with an incredible speed and Brendon laughs, “I don’t like Chinese food, Japanese either. No ramen, no sushi, no egg rolls, no dumplings.”
“Pizza forever it is,” Brendon rolls his eyes, pretending that he has too much against that idea when he’s just as big of a sucker for Italian food himself.
“You make me happy,” Mikey tells him, “Stupid happy, like I haven’t been before.”
“I figured that one out myself,” Brendon brags, making Mikey throw his head back in a laugh. This is what he loves the most, Mikey thinks, moments like these when he’s in the company of the only person that is important to him.
“Every once in a while, I want to watch a film that doesn’t make me Google things in order to understand it,” he adds another thing to the list as he stares at the blank wall in front of him.
“We can watch a romantic comedy if you want,” Brendon smiles and pecks Mikey’s cheek. Mikey takes that as an invite to wrap his arms around Brendon’s body, pulling him in “I can’t believe that you would think you’re a pit-stop.”
“To be fair, my brother did and I was afraid of him being right. He’s always right.”
“No, he’s ALMOST always right,” Brendon corrects him, grinning like an idiot “He can’t be more wrong about this.”
“Touché,” Mikey smiles as he tackles Brendon, pinning him to the mattress, sitting on him and holds his wrists above his head “You told Frank?”
“It kind of happened,” Brendon lazily shrugs with his shoulders, looking Mikey into the eye, “Shouldn’t have I?”
“No, it’s fine. That’s in the past it’s all.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Brendon smirks, trying to free himself from Mikey’s grip “Now get off me. I have to feed you.”
“Feed me?” Mikey laughs.
“Anything to make sure your hangover is gone babe.”
“I like babe!” Mikey announces, an amused expression forming on his face as he leaves a trail of kisses from Brendon’s neck towards his mouth.
“Let’s see how much you’ll like it tonight” Brendon teases as he lifts his hips and grinds up against Mikey.
“I can only imagine I will like it more,” Mikey chimes and captures Brendon’s mouth with his.