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Wylan shivered from the cool night air as he set out his bedroll. They had no choice but to camp outside tonight and sleep on the ground. It was bound to be uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t complain out loud.
Yet Jesper still popped up in his vision as if by magic. “Cold, merchling?”
“No.”
“It’s going to be a chilly night.” Jesper unrolled his own bedroll with a smirk. “You could join me if you want.” He spread out his arms. “I promise to keep you warm all night long.”
“I’ll be fine,” Wylan said, cheeks aflame with embarrassment.
“Don’t say I didn’t offer.” Jesper winked. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Wylan rolled his eyes and did his best to ignore the other boy as he settled down for the night.
Sleeping on the ground here was as uncomfortable as he expected. As darkness fell around them, he found himself unable to sleep. That was never good. If he didn’t have something to keep his mind occupied with, he couldn’t keep darker thoughts from pressing in on him.
Thoughts about how he was lying to the others; he was no use as a hostage and never would be.
Thoughts about how his father tried to kill him.
Thoughts about how it was only a matter of time before everyone—including Jesper, with his inviting smile and teasing comments—would find out that he was even more useless than they thought.
Wylan shuddered. Once the thoughts started flooding in on him like this, it was hard to stop them. Maybe he should have accepted Jesper’s offer. The other boy’s flirtation meant nothing, he didn’t want anything serious from Wylan—he couldn’t—but at least he’d be warm. He could have handled the wind and the cold ground beneath him, but not the deep chill that seeped into him from the past he couldn’t escape.
It almost felt like he was home, in his own room, crying after he disappointed his father yet again. Left alone with the shame at realizing his father had given him another chance, but Wylan let him down like he always did.
He bit back a whimper that threatened to escape, still dimly conscious of where he really was. He couldn’t let them see how weak he was. Weak and worthless. Then they wouldn’t want him around anymore. Not even Jesper. Jesper, with all his jokes and jabs, would probably be the first to discard him if he learned the truth. And it would happen eventually; it was inevitable. No matter how far he ran, he would never escape being Wylan Van Eck, that disappointment of a son his father tried to eliminate…
He wrapped his arms around himself as if to shield himself from the pain, but nothing could make it stop. He didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to always be alone…
#
Jesper woke up during the night, but that was nothing new. He could be a restless sleeper at times. He rolled over to get more comfortable, but paused. A quiet gasping sound came from nearby, too irregular to be snoring. He sat straight up and looked toward the source of the sound.
It was Wylan. He had his arms wrapped around himself, and his whole body was shaking.
Saints, it wasn’t that cold out, even for a pampered merchling. Something was wrong. It looked more like he was having a nightmare than struggling with the cold.
Jesper hesitated, but he couldn’t just pretend he didn’t notice. He got up and crept over to Wylan. “Merchling?” He touched the other boy’s trembling shoulder. “Wy, you okay?”
With a sharp gasp, Wylan rolled over to face him.
“It’s just me, merchling.” Jesper lifted his hands into the air. “Everything okay?”
Everything was not okay, judging by Wylan’s wide eyes and the way he kept shivering. “Jes… did you mean it?”
“Huh?”
“Did you mean it?”
Did he mean what? Was this his fault? Did he say something that hurt Wylan badly enough to put him in this state?
Or… was it something else entirely?
Jesper stared at him for a moment, then held out his arms the way he had earlier that night. Without another word, Wylan moved closer, his cheeks red and his eyes averted. Jesper pulled him into his arms and they settled down together, with Wylan’s head against his chest. The other boy let out a long breath, and his trembling finally started to ease.
Another slow exhale, and he relaxed. He breathed peacefully again, eyes closed as Jesper tightened his embrace and tried to figure out what just happened.
Despite his offer, he had not expected to share a bedroll with Wylan tonight. The merchling blushed often enough, but otherwise ignored all of his advances. Then again, he’d clearly been suffering from a panic attack or something, so this wasn’t exactly accepting his advances either.
That… almost made it more puzzling. Wylan not only asked him, but relaxed almost immediately once Jesper’s arms were around him. So… Wylan saw him as a source of safety? Something about that felt… nice.
Arms securely around the other boy, Jesper closed his eyes and drifted back into sleep.
#
Wylan woke up in Jesper’s arms. Heat rose to his face as he remembered what happened last night, but he was too comfortable to really regret it. He hadn’t slept that well in a long time. There were no nightmares once Jesper was with him.
He sighed. Being held by Jesper felt good. But Jesper didn’t mean anything by it. Even when he flirted, he didn’t mean anything by it.
Jesper stirred. His eyes opened, and he smiled. “Morning, merchling.”
Wylan blushed. “Good morning.” He disentangled himself from the other boy’s arms and looked away. “I’m sorry for troubling you last night.”
“I know, I had to cuddle a cute guy all night long!” Jesper put his hand over his heart and reeled backwards in mock horror.
Wylan blushed harder.
Jesper leaned close again and winked. “You can ‘trouble’ me any time you like, merchling.”
“I’m not weak,” Wylan said, and immediately regretted saying it out loud.
An unclear emotion flitted across Jesper’s face, but then he smiled. “Yeah, I know. Still, sometimes it can get pretty cold, and we all need someone to keep us warm.”
His smile was so kind, so inviting, so understanding, that it sent a thrill through Wylan. It surely didn’t mean anything.
But… maybe someday it could.