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Winter. A complex season Rutile seemed to wrestle with. It’s the busiest time right before the colony headed into hibernation.
Winter called for change. The intense snowstorms, the screeching of ice floes Antarcticite took care of, and the decrease in gem births. Red Beryl did design new sleepwear every winter season which also meant another one succumbed to being their model. Rutile didn't mind occasionally helping the fashion freak, but they’re preoccupied with other things at the moment. Or, someone.
The lustrous slept peacefully, tucked between several large blankets and sheets. Rutile wasn't sure if it’s nearing the end or the beginning of the recession. They rose from their slumber and didn't move immediately, instead opting to survey the dark room. No sleepwalkers. No gems sneaking off to do who knew what. They should go back to sleep. Sleep wasn’t granted to them enough during spring, summer, or fall so it’d be best if they took advantage and got a month’s worth in. If no one was taking care of the doctor, they must take care of themself.
Rutile sank back into the nest of sheets. They closed their eyes and attempted to fall asleep. Except, they can’t. Sleep didn't come back easily after the gem had woken up. It’s a personal issue for Rutile. However, it may take up to days for them to fully blackout. They turned onto their side. Perhaps changing positions would help?
Candescent yellow reflected out the corner of their eye and Rutile’s focus shifted. Yellow Diamond stirred, their back faced toward the doctor. Rutile's lips formed a thin line at the diamond’s unconscious action. Rutile wished they were awake although they have seen each other numerous times during fall. More of a need on Yellow’s part than Rutile. Yet, there’s a pull that Rutile wanted to enclose. They knew they shouldn’t escalate the situation or bother the elder. Their late night meetups, secret entanglements between operations and patrols had Rutile yearning for more. It’s never enough even if Rutile was a replacement for someone else.
Shaking away their heavy thoughts, Rutile crawled to where the diamond rested and carefully navigated the darkness. The two were the furthest from the entrance, hidden near mounds of coverings. Gems often moved in their sleep, going as far as the other side of the hibernation chamber. Privacy would not be an issue.
They’re suddenly nervous as they approached. Rutile wasn't aware of the cause. Should they wake them up? Sleep beside them? It’s not like they haven’t done this in the past, especially during winter. For some reason, this time, it felt new. Meticulously calculating and overthinking how they should immerse themselves with Yellow Diamond. Someone they couldn’t have. They couldn’t afford to fall into another trap.
But they’re already several feet deep, aren’t they? Rutile would never understand what this partnership truly was.
They reached over, gently tracing Yellow’s bare shoulder with their fingertips. The eldest was still faced away, unphased by the delicate touch. Rutile tried again, scooting closer and running their fingers on the side of their neck, up to their ear. They took this chance to admire Yellow from this angle. The downturn of their eyes to the way their hair falls around their neck. For once, Yellow seemed completely unburdened.
Rutile leaned further, placing their left hand over Yellow’s resting form, arms laying close to their serene face. Rutile used their right hand to brush the hair off and revealed the diamond’s neck and ear.
How divine, they thought. Only if it can last like this forever. It’d be easier to figure out what this was if they weren’t being hunted down constantly. All of them deserved tranquility.
Yellow hadn't moved despite Rutile’s hovering presence over them. They angled their face and kissed Yellow twice. Once under their eye and once on their jawline. Yellow’s hand twitched and Rutile heard them mumble.
“W...ho?”
They didn’t respond.
“If… that’s you, Bort…” Yellow stated, sleepily.
“Not quite.” Rutile spoke gruffly.
“Rutile…?”
They hummed softly and watched as Yellow sat up. Rutile took the chance to slide behind them, pressing against Yellow’s back and wrapped their arms around the slim waist. Somehow, Yellow’s sleepwear was intact, rivaling Rutile’s own loose, disordered nightclothes.
“Why are you awake?” The diamond yawned, stretching their arms above.
“Hard to fall back. Thought I would check up on you.”
“Mm, I see. You’re so considerate.”
They’re getting too close to the sun again. Rutile risked being burnt away and forgotten. The sun had no mercy and caught its victims in the scorching heat. Whoever dared to get close was a fool. But, Rutile would prefer to become one with the yellow surface and ingrain themselves into the diamond’s memory.
Yellow attempted to turn around. Rutile stopped them by pushing them on their back and settling between their legs. Not a surprising position for the duo to end up in.
“Easy there, doc.” Yellow tilted their head. Rutile immediately spotted the faint flush as Yellow moved their hand to cover their cheek. Rutile’s confidence surged a bit.
“Is there an issue?” Rutile asked as they intertwined their hand with Yellow's.
“No. You’re... being more forward than usual.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
A few beats. Their eyes met and Rutile wanted to recoil. Internally, they’d be unable to handle it if Yellow Diamond rejected their actions. They’re proved wrong when Yellow tightened their fingers around theirs, tugging at Rutile’s sleepwear.
“I don’t think you should.”
Rutile’s chest burned at the response. Yellow invited them closer, shortening the gap between bodies and faces. This act never happened in the gem society. They’re already aware of the sort of contact between different hardness and classes that led to one or more broken persons’. Rutile had dealt with enough of that. Yet, they’ve engaged in this arrangement on several occasions and Rutile was unable to stop, no matter if they broke. Yellow Diamond was all that they have. Rutile didn’t want to think about how this 'partnership' could end. There’s no getting rid of this unconventional pattern they’ve come to drown in.
There’s a tiny clink as they threw themselves together. They’re kissing and it’s hypnotizing. Intoxicating. For now, Yellow was theirs. And theirs only. Even if they couldn't see Rutile for Rutile, they’ll take any moment they can get. Every kiss, every touch, every glance their way. It was all for them. No one else.
Rutile broke the kiss, noticing the powder had smeared off the edges of Yellow’s mouth. Their locks were spread messily around the blanket, brows slightly creased, and cheeks tinted pink. They’ve been staring enough. Until Yellow’s smirk formed, making Rutile blush.
“You’re mesmerizing as a decrepit. It’s infuriating how you’re able to do that.”
Yellow’s smirk turned into a genuine smile. “Imagine how I must feel with the most maddening doctor of all. I’m stuck with you.”
“Be grateful. Next time I won’t fix you up.” Rutile warned, taking hold of the side of Yellow’s face.
“A doctor wouldn’t dare.” Yellow nuzzled into Rutile’s palm.
“Don’t test me.”
“Talking a big game there. You should be quiet.”
Rutile narrowed their brows and fell right into the open trap. “Why should I?”
Yellow hummed before pulling Rutile by their garment. “Because I’d rather be kissing you.”
Their mouths touched once more and Rutile shivered at the sudden boldness. They just knew when to push the right buttons. Rutile ought to be in pieces about now. But, they’re in control. Their hand tightened around Yellow’s wrist as they left their lips and moved toward their jawline.
“H-hey, that feels weird.”
Rutile glanced, noticing their stiff smile. Like they’re holding back. Yet, Rutile doesn’t stop. One kiss on their neck. Yellow fists curled.
“Stop teasing.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.” A second kiss. Third. Fourth on their collar. Until Yellow burst out laughing, smacking their hand against their mouth. Rutile tipped their head in confusion.
Yellow relaxed and released their hand, breathing slowly. “That thing you’re doing. It’s funny. On my neck.”
Rutile nodded, taking note internally. That’s certainly was a thing Yellow hadn't done previously. “Hm. A sensation that I’ve never seen happen.”
“I’m sure it’s no big deal.” They shifted underneath Rutile, pushing them back to sit up. Yellow did the same, scooting closer toward Rutile. When they realized the powder missing from their lips and neck along with the rumpled sleepwear, Rutile couldn't help but become flustered again. It became harder to concentrate the more they pay attention to the glossy, uncovered amber spots that they were responsible for.
“Rutile.” Yellow’s tone changed. “Do you think… there were others before who had a partnership like we do?”
That’s unexpected. “I’m unsure what you mean.”
“Well. Do you wonder if they kept it away from the public? From Sensei? I don’t think this generation dabbles with one another as we do.” They sighed, falling back into the comfort of the softness. Rutile did the same, laying across.
“I can’t confirm. There may be a chance. They’d have their reasons just as you do.” They avoided Yellow’s gaze as they answered.
“What are we?”
“Whatever you’d like it to be.”
“We’re not partners.”
“We’re not strangers either.” Rutile observed Yellow’s hand clasped over theirs.
“It bothers me that I can’t put a name to it.” The diamond confessed, looking more lost than ever. “Studying the texts doesn’t bring me closer. Confiding in the gems is useless. And, I don’t think Sensei would give a satisfying answer.”
“It’s likely we’re never to know what it is. Perhaps, that is the best.” Rutile said, solemnly.
“Don’t you want to know? Or understand?”
“There are these strange feelings I have for you. But, the answer could never come to fruition. Just as this...partnership we have.”
Yellow’s face fell at the revelation. An answer they didn’t want to hear. They covered their expression by crawling onto Rutile’s chest as the mahogany gem rolled on their back. Yellow Diamond stared down at them, silently asking for what they wanted to hear. The doctor wanted to know as much as they did. It’s impossible for the ‘know’ to ever surface. So, Rutile decided to bury these feelings. They’ll never question it. As long as Yellow needed them to deal with their losses.
“I’ll pray for an answer.”
And Yellow kissed Rutile. But, not for the doctor. Rather, gifting it to someone else.