Chapter Text
Launch, bad ass robber of banks and scourge to police the world over, scowled as she took stock of her surroundings. Somehow she had gone from the mountains of Brown County to a small tropical atoll. Warm sun, crystal blue waters. Gulls squawking in the background. Last she remembered she had been chased by those corrupt cop hicks from Brown County with her freshly gotten loot. Now she was somehow south east in the tropics by the look of things.
"Where the hell am I?" She muttered, shoulders tense. "Doesn't look like any jail I've ever seen..."
It was then that something caught her attention: An old man and two rugrats, both of whom were short and stocky little shits.
Looks like Brown County has gotten desperate if they've resulted in bringing brats and old-timers after my 2 million zeni butt. Lunch thought as she reached for the capsule where she kept her submachine gun.
"You brought me here!" Lunch's finger was already on the trigger when one of the boys, the bald one, frantically spoke up, dot-like eyes quivering in fear.
"W-We're doing martial arts training!"
What Krillin had said surprised even the monk (ex-monk? He still wasn’t entirely sure where he stood on that front considering he had left Orin Temple on his own accord) but it seemed to keep the strange, crazy changing girl they had accidentally brought back with them preoccupied for the moment.
Launch blinked, her submachine gun lowered a fraction of an inch. "What?"
The old-timer quickly spoke up, a fearful expression as he eyed Launch’s submachine gun uneasily. "I am Master Roshi, the Turtle Hermit, and I've taken you all on as my disciples."
Lunch looked at the three with a deeply suspicious gaze before realizing that she was wearing women's linage, as were the boys. Something then clicked in her mind.
"Hold up, your Master Roshi. The martial arts god?" Launch was more a brawler than a trained fighter but even she had heard of the famous martial arts master of myth. Like most, she had expected someone taller.
Roshi, feeling that the danger had passed, puffed out his chest. "The one and only."
"We brought you back so the old man would teach us," A spiky black haired boy with a country accent and a monkey's tail said, a broad smile on his dumb face. "He wanted a pretty young girl before he'd take us on."
Launch glared her green eyes at Roshi. "And what the hell did you have in mind for me? Weird bedroom shit and the like?"
"J-Just cooking and cleaning and adding an f-feminine touch around the place, mostly," Roshi said, still eyeing the gun uneasily. He could take the bullets, now that he had his wits about him, naturally, but there was no telling what this strange girl had on her beside a mere submachine gun.
Besides, what he said was the truth; he hadn’t really planned on much with the girl in question so long as she was pretty and a decent cook. Anything of the more hanky/panky side of things would be a nice bonus, but it’d be something he’d have to try once the boys had finished up their training, what with Kame House being as small as it was in size.
Launch's glare intensified. "Is that right? And a wise old master of martial arts like yourself didn't have any plans for a girl with my figure and my other self's nativity?"
"J-Just what are you implying, Missy?" Roshi glared from under his sunglasses. "I am the mighty Turtle Hermit, not some low down violator of women." That much was true, Roshi may have had a pretty woman as a requirement for his training but he was a gentleman; you wined and dined a lady first before you convinced them to hop in the sack with you (at least that's what his book 'how to get laid in a thousand ways' said on the subject).
Launch remained skeptical. As far as places to be stuck went, a tropical island wasn't the worst. Plus if even half of what she had heard about Roshi was true (and she had heard very little) training to know how to properly punch a copper in the face could come in handy. Anyways, it would give her time to lie low before she did her next solo score which given the cool two million on her head at the moment, was probably for the best if she stayed outside of Brown County and the like for a while before then.
"Sorry about that." Launch grunted as she put the submachine gun away. "Name's Launch."
"I thought it was Lunch?" Goku asked, confused.
"Lunch is... her name. Cuz she's a domestic little thing. I'm Launch cuz I deal with guns and explosives and shit."
A thought then occurred to the blonde criminal. "And why the hell are we all wearing women's underwear? I mean, I can get why I'm wearing it and I ain’t complaining since it’s pretty comfortable n all." She shot another glare at Roshi. "But what's with the rest of you?"
"It's the Kame school uniform!" Goku explained.
"Bullshit." Lunch snorted, crossing her arms under her breasts as blood began dripping from Roshi's nose. "I don't know much about martial arts but even I know this ain't a proper martial arts uniform. The old man probably just made that up to trick Blue and she was too stupid to put the pieces together."
Roshi frowned hard. So far the day just hadn't gone right. First Goku had brought home one disappointment after the other as far as hot young babes went and now that he and Krillin had finally landed one, she had a split personality to boot.
Still, he wasn't the Turtle Hermit for nothing, he could still salvage this (he hoped).
Roshi laughed. "Alright, you got me. This was a test."
Goku and baldy blinked.
"It was?" Baldy asked.
"Indeed. And you passed! Unfortunately, I don't give out my uniform unless you've completed my advance training." Roshi said. "Which for you two should take around eight months."
"And what about me, old man?" Launch growled. "Am I chopped liver?"
"You did say she was a student too, gramps." The Goku said helpfully.
"W-Well, yes." Roshi admitted. "But I was referring more to my basic course vs the advance training I had in mind for the boys here."
Launch looked the two brats over. "How old are you two? And what's yer names for that matter?"
"Oh! I'm Son Goku!" Goku said. "I'm 14, I think.
"I-I'm Krillin, formerly of the Orin Temple in East City. I'm 13."
"Good to know." Launch's glare snapped back to the old man. "So what, you're saying I can't handle some training you were going to put some kids through? I'm 17 and I've lived on the streets, old-timer. Anything these kids can handle, I can."
Launch's tone told Roshi that there was no room for discussion about it.
"Alright." He sighed. "But I should warn you, my training isn't for the faint of heart. Men much stronger than you have tried it and failed."
Launch smirked. "Then it's a good thing I ain't a man, isn't it?"
A thought occurred to her.
"One sec, gonna take some paper, a pen, and some pepper if you've got any."
A few moments later, Lunch blinked her dark blue orbs as she took the strange room around her. Looking about, she could see that she was inside the house that the old man's little brothers had brought her to, but hadn't they been about to start training?
She glanced down at the kitchen table and saw a letter written in her hand writing. Lunch read it and frowned. A part of her should have known better about the martial arts uniform happening to be the same as women's underwear but Lunch was still disappointed that she'd needed her ruder self's help to see through the old man's lies. Again.
Still, if we're going to go through advanced martial arts training it is probably for the best if she's in the driver's seat. Lunch thought unhappily. I suppose it beats waking up in jail for the third time this month.
Sighing to herself, she wandered upstairs and changed back to her original clothes before returning to the kitchen and picking up a pepper shaker. A moment later, another sneeze echoed throughout Kame House, and Launch walked out back onto the soft sands of the atoll, the old man and the kids having changed back into more sensible clothing in her absence.
"Needed to let Blue know what was up." Launch explained. "We're both onto you, old timer, so if you try anything to either of us..."
"I am the Turtle Hermit," Roshi snapped. "Not a rapist!"
"What's a rapist?" Goku asked in genuine curiosity. "Is that a type of food like marriage?"
"You think marriage is a food?" Krillin asked him. He made a mental note to explain the concept to the bumpkin boy later. "Wait, never mind. A rapist is a bad guy who does bad things to women against their will. Only the lowest of the low are rapists."
"Oh!" Goku smiled. "That's not the old man at all, then. He's just a pervert!"
"Shut up, boy." Roshi grunted.
Launch rolled her green eyes as she flicked her blonde locks out of her way to prevent herself from sneezing. "So what sort of training are we doin’, old man?"
Launch didn't get her answer for some time as Roshi and the group had to move Kame House to a more suitable location by boat. It was only some hours later that the three's training could begin in earnest.
"So." Roshi declared as the sun was a low, intense orange in the horizon. "Training. Krillin, do you have any knowledge of the martial arts? Goku I know was already trained by my late disciple Son Gohan so I'm curious as to what you know, my boy."
"I was trained at Orin temple for eight years, sir."
"I see." Roshi looked at Launch. "And what about you, Launch? What’s your background as a fighter?"
"What? Can't ya tell, I'm a 100th dan black belt."
"Wow!" Goku stared up at Launch in awe. "That's amazing."
"She's being sarcastic, you bumpkin." Krillin hissed to the Goku. “There are only 10 dans in karate.”
"Oh.... Is sarcasm-"
"It's not a type of food." Roshi finished, blandly before glancing back up at Launch.
"Alright, fine. I don't have any fancy training or anything." Launch admitted. " I’ve been in my share of scraps over the years but when I don’t just shoot a bastard dead for lookin’ at me funny, I can throw a decent right hook and left jab… And I can be pretty damn dangerous with a broken beer bottle in hand when need be, but that's it. Guess if you had to put me into a fighting box I'm a brawler or whatever."
"I see, well, I'll have to work on your form and stance more compared to the boys in addition to the training but we can worry about that later. First let's see what you three got, eh?”
Roshi turned his three disciple's attention towards a tree some distance away. "I peg we have about 100 meters between this boulder." Roshi tapped a Goku-sized rock, "And that tree. How many seconds will it take you to run it?"
"Mind you," Roshi continued. "A fast runner doesn't automatically make a good martial artist but it's never a bad thing to have strong legs, you know?"
Krillin put his pulp hands on his hips and smirked. "Let me go first, you'll see legs good enough to qualify for the Olympics... if I wanted to."
Sure, short stack. Launch thought with a chuckle. And I'm the queen of an alien race of warriors.
A moment later Roshi was near the tree, stopwatch in hand.
"Ready... Set... Go!"
Krillin burst forward in a blast of speed that took Launch by surprise. "How the hell is a kid that fast?" She stared, eyes refusing to blink in case she missed something.
"Incredible. 10.4 seconds. What a feat! And what feet!"
In between his labored breaths, Krillin was proud with his results. All those years at the Temple, as bad as the bullying had been, hadn't been for naught it seemed.
"Well, my personal best is 10.1 but... I guess it's not too bad under the circumstances."
"Alright," Launch said. "I'm up." She didn't think she was good enough for the Olympics but with her long legs she could do damn well better than some baby-sized brat, anyways.
She took a track runner's stance and when the word go was delivered blasted forward with all of her speed she had gained from outrunning rent-a-cops and regular coppers alike.
"10 seconds flat." Roshi commented, stopping the watch. "Not bad, though I can't say I'm surprised given how... strong your legs are."
Launch glared at the old man but said nothing as she put her hands on her short-shorts, otherwise still proud with her results.
Krillin scowled up at her. "You only did as well as you did cuz you have longer legs."
"Jealous, cue ball?"
"N-No!" Krillin lied, badly.
"My turn, my turn!" Goku exclaimed.
Goku's first effort was 11 seconds even, a solid effort all around. Then he revealed that he had been running in bad shoes. After a change in footwear, his time went down to a staggering 8.5 seconds, causing Launch to stare at the Goku with a bamboozled expression.
The hell did this kid come from? She thought. Mars?
"Well, now." Roshi said, staff in hand. "You three are quite amazing. But you're all still within human limits! In order to become a martial arts master you must break that wall of humanity! That is the challenge of my training!"
Launch had met her fair share of kooks and criminals and kooky criminals in her time but the way the old man spoke now he actually seemed to live up to his title of martial arts god, almost.
Challenge accepted old-timer. The criminal thought to herself with a smirk.
When it came time for the old man to do the run, he had accomplished it in a mind-bogglingly fast 5.6 seconds.
Launch revised her opinion of the old man. She had thought he was just a dirty old man but it seemed that he was, indeed, the Turtle Hermit. The master of martial arts. If she could get through his training and break those 'human limits' he had been talking about, there wouldn't be a police force or army on Earth that could stop her from robbing whatever she damn well pleased.
With that goal in mind, Launch was determined now more than ever to stick with this training no matter how hard or hellish it became.
A few weeks later
Goku and Krillin were studying their books (Launch had drawn the line at the Goku learning to read by way of porn and had picked up a beginner's book at the village library much to Roshi's annoyance) while Roshi was putting Launch through her stances.
The past few weeks had been almost as bad as any jail the criminal teenager had been in, though at least with those she could have bust some would-be asshole's skull in if he got too touchy-feely for her liking. Here it was the same old same ole: Wake up at 4:30AM, Jog for warm-up. Deliver milk across the entire island (what island had fucking quicksand on it?), plow the fields with your bare hands. Road work. Studying, rest, and then more training.
Launch's entire body felt like it was about to combust in a giant fireball of pain but the blonde criminal soldered on. She had only been at it a few weeks but she could already feel that she was getting stronger even if she still looked the same slender young thing as she always had.
"Your leg stances have gotten better, I see." Roshi said, nodding in approval.
Launch's dominant leg was bent, her sneaker-covered foot pointed straight head while her back leg was pointed to the left, the other foot standing horizontally.
"Now, raise your back arm like so," Roshi adjusted the back of Launch's tightened fist holding limb, her dominant hand jutting outward like a boxer's stance.
"And there you go. The Kame style of fighting."
"What about the kids?" Launch glanced over at Krillin and Goku, Krillin as usual was helping Goku with his reading. "They going to learn this stuff at some point?"
"Goku and Krillin have their own stances and styles of fighting," Roshi said, stroking his long white beard. "I live by what my master taught me. Roshi, he'd say. "Don’t become settled into one form, adapt and build your own, and let the form of fighting you develop grow. In short, be like water. Be formless, shapeless — like water. When you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot.'"
"Sounds like they were a wise person. Though, I gotta ask, was he as dirty as you are?" Launch had meant it as a joke but Roshi's somber face told her she had stepped over a line. “Sorry. Just kinda assumed he was.”
Roshi was silent for a moment.
"No. My Master was a far better man than I'll ever be." Roshi said with a deep sadness in his voice. He then smiled, the sadness vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
"In short, my style of martial arts isn't dependent on stances or katas like karate or kung fu. Mine is more the style of no style, a style of anything goes if you will, my own personally developed stances notwithstanding."
"And yet you're teaching them to me." Launch mused. "Still not going to sleep with ya, old timer."
Roshi's face flushed. "I-I wasn't thinking of that." He snapped.
"Unhuh. Sure ya weren't." Still, Launch had to admit that the old man's stance did give her a stronger center of gravity and let her punches and kicks snap out with that much more 'umph' to them.
"So what do we do once we've completed your training, old man?" Launch asked.
"Well, I think you three might just be ready for the World Martial Arts Tournament."
"Really, now?" Launch had heard of the tournament, of course, and had even bet on it in the past with that King Chappa guy.
"Indeed. Plus there's a prize for the winner. Enough to say, give up a life of crime, even."
Launch scowled. "I gave ya my word I wouldn't use yer training to go around killin’ pigs in uniform or robbin’ folks and I returned the bank’s money, didn’t I" Having to return the money still annoyed Launch, having robbed Brown Bank fair and square but the old man had insisted before she began training in earnest with him to do just that.
"You did, but I can tell that you are still a very... angry girl by nature, Launch."
"Yeah, well, you try sharing a body with a complete dumbass bitch of a personality and let's see if you aren't a bit quick on the trigger yourself old man." Launch shot back.
"Nonetheless," Roshi said. "I hope that my martial arts training can help you. Make no mistake, though, I may be a Hermit but I still have connections in this world. If I hear of a pretty young girl going around abusing my training for evil gains I will find you and I will stop you. I will teach you everything you know about martial arts, but not everything I know. Understand?"
Launch nodded without hesitation. "Crystal."
In truth, she had planned on doing just that; not so much going around murdering people like that Mercenary Tao prick did but robbing folks and knocking copper's about like the she-bitch from hell as she shrugged off everything she could throw at them. Even Blue would be able to mostly take care of herself if she- they- could see the training through to the end.
Still, Launch had no reason to doubt the old master, and as much as his old man lusts and his goofball demeanor said otherwise, she had no doubt that Master Roshi was all the stories said he was if not more. Plus, Launch had survived as long as she had by being able to tell when someone like Roshi was bullshitting her or shooting straight. Roshi just then had been shooting straight when he’d said that he’d stop her and Launch had no reason to doubt him on that.
"Wonderful!" Roshi smiled under his beard. "Now, onto the next stance, uncurl your fists and relax your fingers so that they're pointing to the ground like so..."
The next seven and a half months passed and by the time Goku, Launch, and Krillin took the shells off the fruits of their training had paid off. They could all manage to move the enormous boulder that Roshi had motioned to earlier in their training (a boulder Launch doubted even the old timer could move if he really wanted to) with Goku being able to push it the farthest, followed by Lunch, then Krillin.
In addition to the training that Roshi put them through, Launch had insisted on sparring against the boys and after seven months Krillin had only just now finally gotten into the habit of not holding back against her due to ‘her being a girl’ and all that.
Goku, whatever else Launch could say about the strange boy, never held back. Son Goku didn't care if you were a man or a woman, young or old. If you were looking for a fight and able he'd come at you with everything he had as Launch very quickly found out. It was only thanks to Roshi's training that she'd managed to stay conscious after the kid had gotten his first proper jump kick to her face, otherwise Launch was sure she'd had been knocked out cold if she had tried fighting Goku before her training.
Now, though? She could jump high into the air, she was stupidly strong and she knew how to better throw a punch and launch a kick with greater skill then she ever had as a pure brawler.
Martial arts, as Launch had learned, could be damn fun if you could tough it out.
When the day of the tournament finally came, Launch wore a stylish dress not dissimilar to the dark blue suits that Goku and Krillin wore as they boarded the plane toward Papaya island, home of the World Martial arts tournament. Turtle, a talking sea turtle that lived with the old man, said he would watch Kame House while they were away.
The dress wasn’t Launch’s thing, that was usually Blue’s, but it was clothes and it beat being naked at any rate.
Launch was so preoccupied with the past 8 months of her life that she didn't realize that she didn't even have the slightest desire to hijack the plane they were in like she would have in the past, at least not until some time later when she thought back to the plane ride in retrospect.
When they landed Roshi had given them official Kame-style uniforms and after Launch had changed from the others in a nearby restroom she looked herself in the mirror.
Her blond bangs and curly hair had been cut shorter, with more jagged spikes than before and although she looked the same as she had before 8 months prior she felt stronger, more confident than she had in her entire life. In truth, it was the most amount of time she had been in the driver's seat of the body she shared with Lunch and Launch had to admit, it was kinda nice being out in the open without some copper scum trying to arrest her or some horny asshole trying to fuck her over in every meaning of the word.
Now, looking at herself Launch found the idea of using her newly acquired strength and fighting know how to rob banks to be... petty.
Partly because she knew the old man wasn't kidding when he said he'd stop her if she tried it, but also because being around that Goku kid and his wide-eyed kindness was starting to rub off on her. Much as Launch was loathed to admit it; she had grown attached to the little kid, and Krillin and even the Old Man now that he'd finally learned to keep his hands to himself after six months of decking him when he got too handys for Launch's liking.
For the first time in her life, Launch felt like she belonged to a part of something bigger than herself and she didn't completely hate this weird, gooy, warm feeling in her stomach, either.
Her uniform was the same as Goku and Krillin's but made with her longer, more womanly proportions in mind; saffron orange pants and a matching shirt with the old man's symbol on the front and back, blue wrist band and blue shoes in her size that fit comfortably.
"Come on, Launch." Launch grunted as she returned to the others in the main building lobby. "Get yer shit together. You might be a martial artist now but yer still the baddest bitch this side of Brown County. Now let's crack some skulls!”