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It's not even 10 am and yet the sun is high in the sky. Sweat slides down the side of Jisung's neck and down his back, beading on his forehead and over his upper lip, making him search inside his friend's bag for a water bottle.
"What do you want?" Renjun mumbles, his voice so low and muffled that Jisung almost can't understand what he's saying. "I don't have money if you're looking for that."
Renjun is too busy with his eyes closed, laying on his stomach and with his head pillowed on his arms, the sun hitting his back that's smeared with sunscreen — and still, he just seems to have a sixth sense and know that Jisung was looking into his bag.
Jisung huffs.
"I'm not looking for money," he says, "didn't you bring some water, though? I’m pretty sure you said you’d bring some to not spend money."
Renjun lazily blinks one eye open, the side of his face squished against his forearm, and he narrows his gaze as he tries to focus on Jisung with the bright sun shining down over them. "Yeah, but I think it's warm now, so if you want something cold you're gonna have to buy it." And then he goes back to his original position, closing his eyes as he adds, "And I'm not paying for it."
Jisung rolls his eyes. "You already said that."
He still goes through Renjun's beige reusable shopping bag (full of patches and pins) in case he was mistaken, but all that Jisung finds is a warm water bottle, a little prince wallet, spare coins, a small towel, sunscreen, and different sunglasses so Renjun could take pictures for his Instagram later on.
"There's some money on the side pocket," Renjun mumbles.
Jisung hums and zips open the small pocket on the side, fishing some notes. Jisung came to the beach only with the clothes on his body and a cap that had flown away the moment he stepped on the sand, leaving to Renjun the task of packing anything else they might need.
"I'll be back soon," Jisung says to Renjun's back. Renjun waves one hand in the air, eyes still closed.
With a groan, Jisung gets up, feeling his knees crack under his weight. He stumbles through the warm sand, avoiding a rolling ball that comes from a kid that's running as fast he can but still can't reach it as it goes and goes and goes together with the wind, an adult running after the kid and the ball.
Jisung is successful in acquiring a cold bottle of water and, because he had the money and a free hand, he also gets a popsicle, happily humming as he goes back towards Renjun.
There aren't that many people on the beach even though it's summer and a sunny day. He and Renjun had made sure to choose a location that wouldn't be too crowded, but there are still running and laughing children, people playing some football and frisbee at the edge of the water, entire families reunited under a beach umbrella and trying to protect from the sun.
The popsicle starts to melt as soon as he unwraps it and Jisung hurries to finish it, fingers quickly getting all sticky. The entire place looks beautiful that day — the sky is clear, the water looks inviting with the gentle waves, people are smiling and laughing, music playing in the background from all the different people with their sound systems blasting their preferences.
Jisung breathes in deeply, his lungs filling with the salty air and the sweet smell that comes from his pink popsicle, but before he can finish it and take the stick away from his mouth, Jisung chokes and bites down on it, coughing his lungs out as he turns his back and looks down at the sand. He throws the wrapper and the stick on the sand, hurriedly trying to open the water bottle and down its content, wetly coughing until he feels like he won't die in the next second he breathes in.
Lowering himself, Jisung quickly gathers the trash he'd thrown on the sand and glances up as fast as he can — but he's still there.
Fuck.
Look, Jisung had seen and met lots of attractive people during his whole life. He'd stared at them across the room, daydreamed and created entire scenarios that were fueled only because of a small interaction. And he isn't a stranger to any cute and handsome boys. But it's different when said boy is shirtless since they're at the beach and he's already looking at him.
Jisung is the one who does the staring. It's not the opposite — it's never that. Jisung looks and longs and imagines. He isn't the one people look at and think about.
And yet... Jisung looks down quickly, feeling his face warming up. He wishes he could play it off as a sunburn, but he used too much sunscreen and hasn't been under the sun enough for that to happen yet.
Shit. What's one even supposed to do when a good-looking person is looking at you? And you don't mind being the subject of their staring?
Renjun would know, Jisung is sure of that. His friend had had boyfriends before and liked to flirt with boys to get free drinks — so he'd know what to do. Renjun always had the answers he needed and Jisung's sure that he'll help him with... this. Whatever it was.
Jisung quickly goes back towards Renjun, the stick and popsicle wrapper inside his tight fist, the half-finished water bottle hanging from his other hand.
And Jisung has barely sat back on the towel, his hand still in their air to touch his friend's shoulder and get his attention, when Renjun starts to talk, "Got a pretty boy on your sight, huh?"
Jisung has no idea how Renjun even knows that when it looks like he hasn't moved a single muscle since he left him. So Jisung lets out a wheeze and drinks the rest of the cold water, feeling sweat sliding down from his forehead to the side of his face.
"W-what?" He says, trying to play it cool. "Ha ha... What?"
Renjun chuckles and slowly raises his head, resting the side of his face on the palm of his hand as he stares at Jisung and lifts one eyebrow. "Do not lie to me, Park Jisung. We've been friends for years and I've heard you choking on food too many times by now to be able to recognize you. Besides, I saw how he was staring at you, so..."
Renjun starts to move his head, making it as if he's going to look over his shoulder, and in a desperate move Jisung puts his hand on Renjun's shoulder and holds him in place. "Don't. Don't look at him right now and make it obvious we're talking about him."
"I think it's too obvious by now, Sung. But I don't think he minds it too much, you see?"
Renjun looks over his shoulder and Jisung follows his line of vision, gulping as it spreads over the sand until it hits the figure standing at the edge of the water with a group of friends surrounding him. Jisung snaps his gaze up and meets the eyes of the guy.
And, as the only reaction possible for that situation, Jisung lets out another high-pitched noise before he puts his hand on the side of Renjun's face and forces his friend to look at him, breaking away any eye-contact with the hot guy.
"He's fucking looking," Jisung says in distress. "Oh my god, we need to leave now. We need to go back quickly."
"Why would you run away from him?" Renjun asks. "Let him come and introduce himself. Maybe you can even get his phone number or a kiss."
Jisung doesn't die on the spot because it would be something difficult to explain to his parents and he's a dutiful son. "What? No. I can't—I can't talk with him. I'll say something stupid and it'll be bad and terrible and I'll never stop thinking about it. So we need to go back to your home now and pretend nothing ever happened."
"I'm not moving," Renjun says, resuming his original position and resting his face on his arms, his eyes closing. "I still need to turn and tan on the other side too. We can't leave for a few more hours yet, so maybe you should take this opportunity to get to know him. See if he's nice and all—but if he turns out to be an asshole I'll kick his ass for you. Don't worry."
"Are you really abandoning me here?" Jisung whines, not looking ahead and only focusing on the back of his friend. Fucking hell. "Leaving me to deal with all of this by myself? This isn't very supportive of you."
Renjun snorts and doesn't move. "Good luck, Sungie, I'll be here snooping in any conversation and listening. But I'm not getting you a date—you need to work for this by yourself."
"I don't want a date! I just want to leave and not have to—"
Jisung makes the mistake of looking away from Renjun, his eyes automatically snapping forward, and he loses his trail of thoughts, any words and complaints dying upon his tongue as he swallows hard, mind going blank.
The guy is unquestionably hot.
He has the body of a model with his amazing proportions and muscles that flex with his every move, black hair brushed back and with a few strands that are stuck to his forehead because of the salty water; he laughs at something one of his friends say and his eyes scrunch up in delight, forming half-moons, and Jisung is captivated by the sight of him.
Oh.
Well… Jisung wouldn’t get a crush on the pretty boy at the beach. He would not. He refused to sink so low to get to the point; he had had a bad experience before when he met a nice and kind boy in the line of a ride of an amusement park and they shared a cart together, laughing and giggling, but then went on their own ways and Jisung thought about him for days after. And he refused to let this happen. Not again. He’d learned his lesson — no more daydreams and crushes on good-looking boys.
But… The boy looks at him and smiles. He smiles so damn wide and says something to his friend, the blue plastic ball rolling across the sand until it reaches his foot and the guy gets ready to kick it, quickly looking down at the ball before he catches Jisung’s eyes again and smirks, just to completely miss his step and slip, the ball remaining on its place as the guy falls from the floor, the laughter of his friends echoing hard and reaching where Jisung’s sitting.
And Jisung’s fucked. Having crushes on unknown boys aren’t a good idea at all, and yet Jisung can’t fight the smile that spreads across his lips at seeing the boy quickly get up from the ground and dust sand away from his legs, an embarrassed grin forming on his face.
Jisung exhales loudly, his cheeks hurting from all the smiling, and he looks down, biting on his lower lip hard.
“What?” Renjun mumbles groggily, not moving from his position and not even opening his eyes.
“Nothing,” Jisung answers.
When Jisung lifts his gaze, the boy is already doing something else, so Jisung feels brave enough to look for a little more, but when their eyes eventually cross again, the boy smiles and rubs the back of his neck, a sheepish look on his face, and Jisung grins back.
It’s a beautiful day and it’s peaceful. It’s also a very welcoming break from the chaos of the city and of packed schedules, of needing to be in three places at the same time and always late for another thing. To be able to just relax on the beach, to feel the warm sand in between his toes, the sun warming up his skin as the waves crashed in the background is priceless and Jisung makes sure to enjoy the experience as much as he can, to store it all in a place inside his mind — the feeling of freedom at seeing the sea spread on the horizon, at feeling the wind caress his face and ruffling his hair. There’s nothing that could compare to that.
Renjun eventually complains about being hungry and Jisung buys some snacks for them, sharing them under the hot sun because they didn’t have a beach umbrella, but Renjun was armed with two full bottles of sunscreen and caps so they were fine.
I want to get a nice glow, he had said when they first arrived at the beach, searching for a place in the sand to settle their things down, and not a sunburn. Protecting your skin is the most important thing.
They eat and hydrate themselves. Eventually, Renjun lies down on his back and puts his cap over his face, getting ready to start his next tanning session, and Jisung continues playing some games on his phone, squinting hard to see the screen under the bright sun, and stealing glances at the boy who seems to have never-ending energy.
Jeno is his name. Jisung heard it from his friends screaming it — screaming a lot louder than it was needed, actually; they’d all glance in his direction and push Jeno around, echoing his name over and over, but then they’d laugh and start playing football again or gang up to throw one of the boys into the water.
Jeno would also look at him and Jisung caught him doing that. Looking at him! Him! That was something he didn’t expect at all. Maybe Jeno had looked at him first because of some reason he didn’t know yet, but to continue doing that throughout the day?
Jisung could feel the delusion starting to invade his body and make butterflies appear inside his belly, his cheeks heating up whenever they looked at each other.
In one moment Jisung gets inside the water, abandoning Renjun behind and begging him to keep an eye on their things. He doesn’t walk next to Jeno because he’d left the edge of the water and vanished from Jisung’s view, and Jisung didn’t want to look too desperate and search for him, but while he’s swimming and enjoying the warm waters, he finds Jeno and his group of friends huddled under two beach umbrellas, sharing food and laughing together, one of his friends with dyed bright-red hair building a sandcastle with a small kid.
When Jisung gets back to Renjun, this time his friend is sitting and finishing an ice-cream, his hair pushed back from his face by a pair of sunglasses.
“Do you want some?” Renjun asks.
“Not now,” Jisung answers, sitting down on the beach towel and shaking his head, throwing water at Renjun who makes a distressed noise. “Are you gonna swim today or just gonna stay cooking under the sun here?”
“I’m too lazy to get into the water and all the sun made me sleepy,” Renjun says. “I feel like if I lie on a bed right now I’ll only wake up tomorrow.”
“Oh, do you… do you want to leave soon?”
Renjun raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to spend more time here? We can if you want. I was thinking of maybe going out to eat something before going home, you know? And order something to take home too because I don’t want to cook later today or tomorrow.”
Jisung gulps. He quickly spares a glance at Jeno, and Renjun doesn’t miss that action, his eyes zeroing in the exact direction Jisung quickly looked at.
“Did you talk with him?” Renjun asks, throwing his trash inside a small plastic bag he had inside his bigger shopping bag. “Honestly, I think I fell asleep for a moment there and I didn’t hear you at all. Did you guys exchange numbers or something?”
Jisung briefly thinks about lying but then he says, “No.”
“Why not?”
“Just… because. I don’t know.”
Renjun scrunches up his nose, his eyebrows furrowed in the middle of his forehead. “So he didn’t come here to talk with you?”
“Nope.”
“Uh… I guess I was wrong then, I really thought he’d be one of those guys who’d take the initiative. Well, anyway… But do you wanna go to him before we leave?”
At that, Jisung widens his eyes, stuttering in place. “W-what? Me? Go there?”
“Yeah?”
“Me?”
“Yeah?” Renjun repeats. A smirk starts to form at the edge of his lips and Jisung fears for what might leave his friend’s mouth. “Well, he’s obviously into you and you into him and yet nothing happened, so you could always just get his number to make sure, you know? If he’s a bad texter and sucks you can just block him and forget about this.”
Jisung stares hard at Renjun. “Renjun, I’m not you—like, no, I don’t mean this as something bad,” he adds quickly, seeing Renjun opening his mouth to start talking, “I just mean that I don’t go at other people ask them for their number or start a conversation. I don’t do these kinds of things! You’re the one who’s forward and all! I don’t even call the waiter over when we’re eating out together! That’s your responsibility!”
Renjun rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic, Park Jisung. He’s just a random boy.”
They do end up standing at the beach for a long more, but the sun starts to go down on the sky and the exhaustion starts to settle into their bodies with every new popsicle or coconut water they have. They’d been at the beach since early morning and it’s way after lunch now; Jisung feels like he could sleep for 36 hours straight.
After sending messages on their group chats, Renjun locks his phone and throws it inside his bag, patting Jisung on his shoulder and speaking with a lower voice, his eyes searching for his after something. “Do you wanna try talking with that guy? I can go ask him for his number if you really, really want it but don’t wanna go over there.”
Renjun stands up and stretches his arms up in the sky, groaning when his back cracks. He ushers Jisung to get up from the towel and starts to pack up, shaking the towel around in hopes of getting rid of most of the sand before putting away inside his bag, and Jisung stands up as he quickly looks to the other side, catching the sight of a Jeno who’s up and talking fast with a friend, his hands moving around and his eyes darting to every direction until his gaze meets Jisung’s and he freezes in place.
Jisung looks over to Renjun, watching his friend play a losing battle against the strong wind and his towel, trying to weigh his feelings and what he should do. He knows what Renjun would do, of course he knows: Renjun would be unafraid and march towards the guy he likes and ask for his number without hesitation; but Jisung isn’t him and he’s not used to being the subject of someone’s attention.
Things would be a lot easier if only Jeno had taken the first step. God.
He can see, from the corner of his eyes, two friends of Jeno running behind the small kid and picking him up, their laughter being so loud it echoes as they run towards the water, shouts of “Daddy! Daddy” coming from the boy that clings to one of the guys and laughs. Jisung also sees Jeno observing the scene before he focuses again on Jisung and looks at the friend that’s with him, taking one unsure step forward before going back, pulling on his friend’s arm.
Jisung can almost see himself in Jeno’s actions and, for a second, Jisung feels brave.
He just knows that Jeno won’t take the first step and that the entire day will only become a memory that will fade with time if he doesn’t do a thing. He’ll probably think about it for a while, wondering about what-ifs, questioning if he had made the right choice.
Jisung had never been one to take the leap and be brave, to be forward and go after what he wants, but as he takes a deep breath in and fills his lungs with the scent of the sea and of sunscreen, Jisung thinks he might need to change that. At least for that day. For that specific moment.
Renjun loses the fight with the wind and he shoves the towel inside his bag, huffing and cursing under his breath.
“Hey, before we go can we stop next to those rocks so you can take some pictures of me for my Instagram?”
“Uhh, sure. Let me just… Let me just…” Jisung trails off, picking up his phone and unlocking it, opening his contacts. “I’ll just do something first, okay?”
Renjun starts to say something, but Jisung fails to hear it with his heart beating so fast and loud inside his chest. He crosses the distance between him and Jeno quickly, realizing they weren’t even that far apart and could’ve been talking a lot earlier if one had only taken the first step. Jeno watches him get closer without moving a muscle, frozen in place, his face slightly red from all the sun, his hair dry and hard.
Jisung watches as the top of Jeno’s cheek starts to get even more red when he arrives and clears his throat, a rush of feelings running through his body and making his head feel light, one thought echoing inside his mind: ‘Whoa. I’m taller than him.’
Pushing his phone in Jeno’s direction, he tries to give a small smile that comes out more wavery than what he wanted to.
“Hi, I’m Jisung. Can I have your number?”