Work Text:
can you meet me at sidhe meadow please?
Avenir stared at the text message, brows raising curiously as the read it once and then again. They had just finished reviewing their last exam with their professor, so they had nothing but time to spare.
We will be there in a moment, they texted back.
They lowered their hand to their side as they began walking to the campus parking lot. It only took a few steps before Aisling responded back with a lovely ♡! Avenir gave a huff of laughter and pocketed the device. It didn’t take them long to find their motorcycle, load their messenger bag into the back storage, and then ready themself for the drive. Sidhe Meadow wasn’t far from their university, though it was a twenty minute drive away from Aisling’s place.
Avenir wondered if she was already there, basking in the sun as she waited. They could picture her relaxing under the thick ash tree closest to the road, a serene smile on her face as she watched the clouds with barely opened eyes. Avenir preferred to relax in the willow tree closest to the river, but sitting with her and listening to the infrequent passing of cars as a breeze rolled through was always nice.
After about ten minutes, Avenir pulled off the main road and drove down a grainy side road that ran along the meadow. They could see Aisling’s car parked in the grass. Looking up to the left, just under the ash tree, they spotted her standing against it. Her head was bowed, but as they passed by, she looked up and gave a little wave of her fingers. Avenir nodded their head to her. They pulled up in front of her car and looked over their shoulder towards her as they turned off their engine. Aisling pushed away from the tree and began walking forward, her hands clasped behind her back.
Avenir dismounted from their bike, stowing the key in their pocket as they followed after Aisling. She stopped when she heard them approach. When she looked up to them with a smile, Avenir felt… something was wrong. The smile she wore was sad, her look too contemplative to be anything good, they thought. She reached her hand out for them. Avenir went to her quietly, wrapping their fingers around her own. Aisling gave a soft laugh. The noise was bittersweet. Avenir felt cold inside.
“Avenir, my Moon…” Aisling started. She looked down at her feet before glancing up to them. “I… I don’t know how else to say this…”
“What is it…” Avenir asked slowly, wondering if they wanted to hear what was to follow.
Aisling searched their face, and her expression changed suddenly. She huffed a sob before bringing her free hand to her mouth. She shook her head, staring up at Avenir with teary eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she choked, her voice heavy with tears. “I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about it all day. I’ve been trying to think… of how to say this.”
“Aisling…” Avenir breathed, quietly drawing her closer with a tug of their hand.
Aisling took a step but not another. She stayed fixed in place before her voice shuddered with a held back sob. “I can’t,” she whispered.
Avenir looked at her, feeling distressed though barely showing it externally. “Aisling, what is it…?”
“Avenir,” Aisling began. She ducked her head and closed her eyes, tears falling freely from her eyes now. After a tense moment of silence, she looked up and finally delivered the news. “I don’t… I don’t love you anymore.”
A freezing bolt raced through Avenir’s body. They stared down at her with wide eyes, processing the words over and over hurriedly as the meaning quickly and dreadfully set in. I don’t love you anymore.
I don’t love you anymore.
Their hand loosened around hers, and Aisling shook her head, moving closer to them now. “Avenir, Avenir– I’m sorry,” she said hastily.
“Ah… We…” Avenir looked up and away from her, feeling too much of nothing.
Aisling squeezed their hand, trying to coax them to look at her again. They could hear her voice, but each word, each syllable, each intonation just brought back the past six years in full force. They had been together throughout high school and in the early stages of college. Avenir… never suspected that they would get attached to someone, and then when it happened, they never thought that it would end. They never entertained the thought. Aisling was a strange opposite in their life. She wasn’t exactly wanted at first. She was open and honest and oh so empathetic. She could laugh off most situations, but when she was serious, her words were worth listening to.
She changed Avenir in subtle ways. She made them better at communicating; she made them okay with feeling more. Loving her was like having a best friend; she was honest with things she wanted and expected and still respected each other’s spaces. Together, they had… something Avenir had grown rather accustomed to. Once they had it, it always made them wonder how they had gone without someone– platonically or not– that they vibed with so well. They were used to being alone.
But after six years of being with her, it was a status they couldn’t stand to go back to.
Avenir looked down to Aisling once the shock and out of body analysis had passed. Feelings, awful and hot and ruinous, filled them all at once. Avenir blinked, and tears stung like acid before falling down their face. Aisling stared up at them in shock. Avenir pulled their hand free, staring at their ring laden digits in confusion, wondering if they were dying or disappearing because of what they were feeling.
Heartbreak… Avenir was completely heartbroken.
“Avenir…” Aisling said in a breath, crying at the sight of them breaking down, regardless of how quietly they fell.
Avenir’s orange eyes shone brilliantly with the tears. They took her hand in theirs and drew it over their heart. “Aisling…”
They leaned forward slightly, brought her palm to their mouth, and closed their eyes. What had they done? What changed? Was there a way to get her to stay…? Was there someone else? Avenir’s shoulders shuddered with a silent sob. They felt another hand go to their waist. Their mind raced with these questions and more, but they couldn’t find a way to ask what they wanted– what they so desperately needed to know.
But the time for them to be selfish had passed. They were not the type to change hearts, and with Aisling, as wonderfully true to herself as she was, there was no way to deny or question if what she said was true. They pressed a firm kiss to her palm and turned their head. Aisling cupped their cheek, drawing them closer.
The kiss was loving, soft, and final– Avenir could taste the good-bye without Aisling ever saying it.
“You will always be our Sun,” they said to her when the kiss broke.
Aisling smiled against their lips and rubbed a thumb over their cheek. “And you will always been my Moon.”
It hurt to hear that from her, everything considered, but not hearing it would be far worse. The name they had given her was precious, symbolic, and nothing more than the truest confession of their love that they were able to express. When she gave them a name that was matching and equally as meaningful, they were… truly happy.
Even if it was the last time they heard it, they were glad she said it now.
“We are always here for you… You’re still our best friend.”
“Of course you are,” Aisling laughed weakly. “And you’re always, always been mine, Avenir. Please know that.”
Avenir nodded and kissed her fingertips. “We do.”
Avenir pulled away from her, blinking away whatever tears still wanted to fall. She searched their face, wanting to understand them without speaking.
“Talk to me,” she requested, smoothing her hands over their waist.
Avenir reached down to take her wrists and gently guided her hands away. “We’re… I'm going to the willow tree,” they said. “I just need a moment to think. Can we talk later, Aisling?”
She flinched; they saw her flinch, but they weren’t entirely sure what brought it on. Maybe it was the reality of it all that this… was over…
“Of course,” she said, bringing her hands back to herself. She reached up to tuck her hair behind both ears. She gave a sweet smile. “I’ll be at home when you’re ready.”
“Of course.”
They bowed their head to her and stepped around to walk to the river. The Sun was beaming down flush against their skin. It was hot; it stung; but it was nowhere near as painful as what they felt inside. It was terribly cliché. They never thought they would be brought so low by something as imaginary and intangible as emotion, but here they were.
They crossed the meadow, staring ahead through barely opened eyes. They could see the willow tree at the riverside, but their vision blurred more and more with every step they took. With a sharp pang in their heart, Avenir staggered a step, but then they dropped down to one knee. And then the other.
Their eyes closed; they grit their teeth. No, no— they didn’t want to feel this. They didn’t… They couldn’t…
“Aisling–” they whispered brokenly, bringing their hands up to their eyes and sobbing quietly. Doubling forward, Avenir touched their forehead to the grass. They weren’t the type to cry, to break down, but it was one of the many things that Aisling taught them in their time together. Avenir allowed the moment of weakness, wishing, perhaps foolishly, that this wasn’t real. And even as they wept into the grass, letting go of themself, Avenir fought to come to terms that they would also, one day, have to let go of Aisling.
They dreaded the day that moment came.