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The first day Oikawa meets Kageyama, he decides he likes this year's group of freshmen. Kageyama catches his interest almost immediately, with the way his eyes are practically shining. They are an unusually vivid shade of blue, and in the middle of Oikawa's speech as a captain, he freezes when he makes eye contact. Iwaizumi takes over for his mistake, and it never gets brought up. Kageyama is just so excited to play volleyball that it brings a smile to Oikawa's lips. It reminds him a little of himself. When Kageyama stutters through his introduction and declares that he wants to be a setter, Oikawa thinks nothing of it.
Oikawa is chosen as captain and starting setter for a reason after all, and he knows that he's special even amongst his other teammates. He takes great pride in his ability to catch the slightest hint of nervousness, the smallest opening. Later, when discussing their team, he tells Iwaizumi that the blue-eyed one was exceptionally cute. He's met with a confused scowl, and a warning not to mess with their juniors. Oikawa laughs it off. He's already filled with the resolve to get along with all of their new members, to find what makes them tick, and create a well-oiled machine.
He asks each of the new members questions about their lives. He reassures them he'll be there for them, even for smaller things like homework or advice. He takes care to remember what they're uncomfortable with and what brings out the light in their eyes. When he talks to Kageyama, he finds that nothing brings out the shine in his eyes more than talking about volleyball. It's a little funny, how this kid doesn't seem to want to talk about anything else. But this endears Oikawa, and so he asks if he can call him "Tobio-chan". Tobio smiles at him and nods, still a little shy.
Growing into his new role as a captain, he vows he'll do his best to bring out the talent in his underclassmen. The new group is promising, and Oikawa is sure they can beat Ushiwaka this year.
Kageyama is a thorn at his side. Constantly poking at all of Oikawa's insecurities, endlessly begging to be taught how to serve. Oikawa dismisses him every single time with a well-placed jab. It's never effective because Tobio just looks up to him wide-eyed as ever. How a demon incarnate is also so infallibly cute is beyond him. Those innocent eyes may contain no hints of malice, but there's something in the way they drink up every little thing Oikawa does that puts him on edge. Even after Oikawa's best efforts to dissuade and divert, deflect and disengage, Tobio still steals the bits of himself that make him unique.
And despite this, Oikawa takes a secret pleasure in knowing that it is him who has caught his attention. This genius setter, who is running as fast as he can to overtake what should've been Oikawa's lead, gazes at him like Tooru had put the stars in the sky. After practice, Oikawa begins to expect his pleadings. When he's about to jump serve, he grits his teeth at the knowledge he's adding fodder to Tobio's victory, but these are the times where he brings out the most effort because if Tobio is going to worship the ground he walked on it might as well have been deserved.
He hears the rumours. He sees the calculating look on their coach's face every single time that Tobio receives a ball perfectly, every time he manages a complicated set seemingly effortlessly, or the way his stamina is leagues beyond what's expected of his age. Each look sents a jolt of anxiety down Oikawa's spine, and he pushes himself harder and harder. He has to do whatever it takes to stay on the court.
He learns his lesson a little too late. His knee is never going to be the same, and it hurts for such a long time Oikawa surprises even himself with the way he steels himself through the pain. Ushiwaka still wins in the end, and just as Oikawa thought, Tobio replaces him during one of their matches. The way everyone praises his junior makes him sick to his stomach. Years of work, just to be easily thrown away like that. It's terrifying.
And one day in the gym, when Oikawa is already practicing breathing exercises so that he doesn't lose it, he feels the expectant gaze on his back. The pin-prick stare of a predator fighting for its new place as head of the pack. Oikawa's hands start to shake, and when Tobio comes closer to him, all he can see is Ushiwaka's stoic face. All he can see is the reminder of his failure; as both a captain and a player.
He almost hits Tobio. Every single part of his body is ready to hurt and hurt and hurt. The only reason he doesn't is that Iwaizumi is there. Iwaizumi probably tells Kageyama to leave the gym, but Oikawa can barely understand what's going on. There's a buzzing in his head and a sickening sense of dread that he almost did something monstrous. Oikawa nearly throws up, half in shock, half in self-loathing. It takes him a long time to go to sleep, and when he does, he dreams of sapphire.
Tobio doesn't ask him for help after that. It disappoints Oikawa more than he cares to admit.
He sees Tobio's last match at Kitagawa Daiichi. It shocks him a little bit. Though the grapevine, he learns about the King of the Court, but it's still jarring to match eager-to-please Tobio-chan with this Kageyama whose face is so hard, whose voice is so harsh. He senses the incoming disaster before it happens, and Oikawa has always paid close attention to the way Tobio expresses himself. He sees the pinch in Kageyama's expression for what it is: he sees heartbreak. A part of Tobio will never be the same, Tooru thinks. Tobio is an outsider now, without a family to call his own. And Oikawa thinks that oblivious little Tobio probably didn't even see it coming.
He wonders if this is his fault. Tobio wasn't like this when he and Iwaizumi were both there to keep an eye on him (admittedly, they both kept eyes on him for very different reasons). There's a little tinge of something in his heart close to regret at the knowledge that maybe if Oikawa was a little bit more careful, a little more attentive, this could've been avoided. He turns away from the match quickly and makes some excuse of being bored. It feels disrespectful to gawk at Kageyama like this when he's at his lowest.
Oikawa knows that Kageyama was accepted into Aoba Jouhsai. He knows because he recommends Kageyama to the coach. He is looking forward to meeting Kageyama again. He is ready to take this King of the Court and show him what he's missing. Oikawa prides himself on dealing with difficult people, and he thinks that he can shape Kageyama into something salvageable. A part of him still loathes the idea that Kageyama will want to be a setter, but he is prepared to sort something out. Oikawa will rule the court and also prepare the next monarch.
Tobio Kageyama is not on the roster list. Oikawa double checks, triple checks, and even asks the coach. He is only met with a confused shrug. Iwaizumi sends him a concerned look when his serves that day hit the floors of the gym with a particularly vengeful force, but Oikawa ignores him.
Kageyama is supposed to fixate on him. Oikawa is the one with the jump serve, the ability to match his players perfectly. Kageyama can still learn from him, can still look at Oikawa like he means something.
So why isn't he here?
If Kageyama won't come to Oikawa, then Oikawa will have to remind him what he's missing. So he plans a practice match, after a particularly persuasive conversation with his coach.
It feels right to have Kageyama's eyes on him again. He looks at him half in trepidation, but Oikawa notices the admiration in the gaze still. Oikawa revels in the way that Kageyama tells his team to be wary of him, the way that Kageyama still considers him his greatest threat.
The other team-they're loud. They're loud, and abrasive. Still weak around the edges, these fallen crows have so much room for improvement. Anyone can tell that right now, Kageyama is keeping their team together.
And yet. And yet, Kageyama is changing. He sees it in the shock of Kindaichi's face, in the way Kunimi's gaze rests a little too long on the slope of Tobio's shoulder. There's the orange-haired middle blocker, who can hit Kageyama's toss, sure to only grow more irritating with practice. But there's also the silver-haired setter. Oikawa watches as he patiently explains concepts and the way Kageyama looks at him with complete respect. He's pliant to the other setter's wishes. Oikawa can't tear his eyes away.
The other setter is nothing special. His tosses are incredibly normal, as though straight from a textbook. He doesn't have natural athleticism, and he doesn't stand out the way that Oikawa knows he and Kageyama do. But he takes his replacement with a grace that Oikawa admires and wishes he has for himself. He looks at Kageyama with only affection and gentle smiles, and Oikawa thinks about the ease they share. He had never shared that with Tobio, never felt the need. Maybe it would've been better if-
This Kageyama is slowly learning to trust. This Kageyama catches onto Oikawa's tells in their official match. Oikawa recognizes this, and manages to win by the slightest look, the knowledge that if Kageyama could understand trust, then that meant he would trust in turn. Oikawa blocks Kageyama's freak quick, and he watches the way Kageyama seems to fall apart once again. He's looking up at him again, and Oikawa wonders if even Kageyama knows that when he looks at Oikawa, there is always, always a degree of awe. It feels better than it should.
Later, Kageyama asks him for help. Oikawa's first instinct is to decline once again, but Kageyama had always been good at throwing Oikawa off-kilter. He thinks some part of it has to do with the way Tobio's eyes are on him once again, and the reassurance that in a difficult time, Kageyama still thinks he's the best one to go to for advice. He knows this will hurt him later, but Oikawa tells Tobio what he needs to hear. He feels a little lighter for it. Iwaizumi's always told him he reveled in self-sabotage, and he's almost inclined to agree.
Expectedly, he does pay. Kageyama plays very well; incredibly well. Oikawa's whole body is buzzing even after the match. Tobio is always watching him, and throws all his plays back at him. A setter dump is matched with another setter dump. A jump serve with jump serve. A toss to their favourite spiker. But Oikawa knows he doesn't have the natural talent, the natural monstrous quality in Tobio-and so he accepts his defeat and promises himself he will do better next time.
Oikawa watches the Shiratorizawa match. He fights with himself, but decides he hates Ushijima more than he envies Kageyama. When he watches Tobio play, there is a warm feeling in his chest-he thinks this might be pride. Kageyama's win feels like it's their win. He leaves before he is spotted because if he sees the surprised widening in Tobio's eyes he might be compelled to stay.
Oikawa continues to watch him at nationals. He watches him at every subsequent national. He watches with growing excitement as Kageyama becomes better and better. Oikawa is changing too. He moves thousands of kilometres away, learns a new language and forces the words to fit smoothly on his tongue. He works harder than he ever has before, in the knowledge that one day his efforts will come to fruition; he will pry open his spot on the court with his own two hands, coarse with effort.
They both meet at the place they always come back to: the court. Kageyama is taller now, more filled out. It takes Oikawa's breath away. Kageyama's face has lost its harsh quality, but it's also lost its naive innocence from when he was younger. This is Kageyama at his best, a Kageyama with his friends and family backing him every step of the way. When he makes eye contact with Oikawa, Tooru feels time stop.
(Everytime Oikawa sees the blue of his new uniform, he is reminded of a different shade of cerulean.)
Oikawa wins the game. Kageyama takes the loss well, and Oikawa is about to ask if they could maybe talk afterwards, but then Miya Atsumu is dragging Kageyama by the shoulder and ruffling his hair. Kageyama is looking up at him and-
Oikawa remembers when that look was reserved for him.
Oikawa isn't stupid. He knows what his growing fascination had been all these years, why he has spent so much of his time replaying Kageyama's best play reels. Why he is so uncomfortable with the way that Mr. Refreshing would take all of the other boy's sullen attitude in stride. Why it bothers him when Kageyama tells a reporter that Sugawara was the best teacher he ever had. He also knows that the way Tobio looked at him in middle school wasn't entirely platonic. That if Oikawa had really pushed, things would have been different.
And now, when he sees Kageyama look at Miya Atsumu something devastatingly soft, Oikawa's voice gets stuck in his throat. His teammates are gathering around somewhere, but he can't shake his mind at the possibilities. Of the years he's missed, and the various ways this new setter probably taught Tobio all the things Oikawa was too scared to. He wonders if Miya Atsumu is patient with Tobio. If he gets angry. If he ever worries that Kageyama will take everything from him. He must not, Oikawa thinks, when the blonde's smile reaches his eyes. Maybe he wants Kageyama to take everything he has to offer. Red suits the both of them.
Oikawa wins the match. He has the adoring reverence of thousands of fans, all of them screaming for his attention. There are always eyes on him. But he no longer feels a gaze on his back, no longer spots the shine of admiration in gunmetal blue, and knows that the bitter taste in his mouth is loss.